jem carstairs will be the light at your side (mizpah) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-09-25 16:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, jem carstairs, tessa gray |
Who: Tessa Gray and Jem Carstairs
When: Backdated: Mid August. Afternoon
Where: Their place
What: Jem is still adjusting to being a Silent Brother
Rating/Warnings: Family Friendly
Status: Complete
It had been a little over a month now since Jem had transitioned into a Silent Brother and while he had begun to come to terms with it, it was still a strange thing to think. He felt different in many ways, one was that he could tell that he possessed the abilities of a Silent Brother, but he wasn’t entirely sure how to use those abilities. Silent Brothers could heal others, which would come in handy, but first he needed to learn how to do it. How to use the new abilities properly. The only person he thought of who might be able to help him was Magnus so he had spent a little time talking to the Warlock about it and was going to meet up with him soon to see if he could help him in any way.
Jem had also continued dreaming. Will and Tessa had gotten married, which wasn’t a big surprise and he was happy for them, because they were the people he loved the most in both worlds and wanted them to be happy. Not only had Will and Tessa gotten married, but Cecily and Gabriel and Sophie and Gideon as well. Of course with Cecily marrying Gabriel, it now made sense as to where the black hair and blue eyes combo of the current generation of Lightwoods had come from. He supposed being a Silent Brother was better than being dead, which he’d thought for so long would end up being the case, but the problem with being a Silent Brother was that while he could watch his friends and occasionally visit them, eventually he would have to watch them die. All except Tessa of course.
With his emotions mostly muted as a result of becoming a Silent Brother, Jem would play his violin in an attempt to get out what he would have been feeling and when he thought about everyone dying, he would play sadder more morose music, which was what he was currently playing as he stood by the window in his room, Church curled up on the bed.
Tessa was struggling with Jem’s change, more than she would let on, especially since she knew how much harder it must be for Will having lost his parabatai. Jem still played his music but it had morphed into more haunting melodies. Listening to his music filter through the apartment, Tessa found herself lost in thought while making tea for them both. Will was out at the moment and it was just the two of them.
The sound of the kettle boiling pulled her attention back to the task at hand and he busied herself with readying the cups and teapot. When she had sorted everything, she placed everything on a tray, including some of Jem’s favourite snacks and headed to his bedroom. Balancing the tray carefully, Tessa knocked gently on the door and waited to hear from Jem.
Jem had just finished the melody he’d been playing when he heard the knock at the door and turned towards it, “Come in.” He knew it was likely Tessa or Will so he set down his violin in its case and placed it on top of the dresser next to his Stele and the box of Yin Fen. It was strange, knowing that he no longer needed to take the drug, but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it.
Hearing Jem’s voice inviting her in, Tessa took a breath and placed her best smile on her face as she opened the door and entered. “Jem love, I made some tea for you,” she told him, placing it on the desk. “Are you feeling hungry? I could make you some lunch if you’d like?” she offered, turning to face him and folding her hands together in front of her.
“No, thank you, Tessa. Tea will be fine for now.” While Silent Brothers didn’t usually eat, Jem wasn’t a full Silent Brother. There were some things the Runes hadn’t been able to change as a result of the Yin Fen in his system so he still needed to eat, only not as often as he had before. He came around to stand by the desk with Tessa, wanting to reach out and take her hand, to reassure her, but he didn’t. In a way, he almost felt as he had before he, Tessa and Will had begun dating. Wanting to do things, but unsure if he should.
“Ok,” Tessa replied quietly, pressing her lips together awkwardly as Jem came to stand in front of her. It felt like some cruel twist of fate to have held off being intimate with him and Will for so long only to have it seemingly taken away from them so soon after giving in. She didn’t know what Jem expected of her, what he wanted from her. Did he even want to touch her? Kiss her? Hold her? Will had been pulling away too it felt like, trying to find a way of dealing with it himself and not worry her, but Tessa had to admit to feeling incredibly lonely lately. And with Myrcella leaving the book shop as well, she felt adrift in a sea of change. “Would you...uh...mind if I stayed? Listened to you play? Or perhaps...talk?” she asked cautiously.
Jem wished that things had been different; that the waking world didn’t follow the dreams so closely, but there was nothing they could do about that now, but adjust. He had also noticed Will pulling away and he couldn’t help but occasionally read bits and pieces of his and Tessa’s minds. He didn’t mean to, but he was still figuring out how to control his newfound telepathy and sometimes it happened without his meaning to. “I would like it if you stayed. I’d like to talk.”
Tessa smiled at him, nodding and turning to sit demurely on the end of the bed. “How are you feeling today?” she asked, starting with a fairly safe subject.
“I’m alright.” Jem said, approaching the tea tray. Picking up the teapot, he began preparing both of them a cup. He knew exactly how both Will and Tessa liked their tea and didn’t need to ask what she wanted in it. Once her cup was just the way he knew she liked it, he extended it towards her, “I should ask you how you’re feeling though.” Sure, he could simply read her mind to find out, but he wouldn’t do that to Tessa. He respected her and her privacy enough not to do that.
“Thanks,” Tessa smiled as she took the cup of tea from him. “Me? I’m fine. The shop is keeping me busy at the moment, I’m still working on getting a replacement for Myrcella so there’s a lot to do,” she shrugged.
Once Tessa took her cup, Jem picked up his own and took a small sip of his own tea before putting it back down. “I’m sure you’ll find someone fantastic to replace her.” Jem had thought that perhaps he could work at the bookstore, but now he was still adjusting to being a Silent Brother and until he could control his new abilities, he thought it was better to not be around a lot of people, “And even if it takes awhile, I’m sure Will would volunteer to help out.” They both had at different times.
“Oh I wouldn’t dream of distracting either you or him from your studies now the new term is starting, as much as I would appreciate your help it just wouldn’t be fair,” Tessa told him with a smile. She knew how much time and effort their studies took and she would never want them to shirk on that because she had a problem at the shop. “You will be going back I assume?” she asked.
Jem had barely thought about school since any of this happened, but he had given it a little thought when his gaze would fall upon his books from the previous semester, which were on a shelf with some of his other books, “Actually, I was thinking I’d take a semester off. Decide in the winter if I’ll go back at all.” Jem actually enjoyed school, so making a decision like that would take a lot of thought.
“Oh,” Tessa was surprised, she knew how much the music meant to him and with his skills developing as a Silent Brother she had assumed he would want to get back to it. “Are you positive? You’re not thinking of giving it all up are you?”
“I want to be sure that I’m ready before going back.” While he could control and mind reading around Will and Tessa, it got a little more difficult when he went out in public. There were so many people and all of them thinking in unison that when he let his guard down, all these voices would invade his head. It was a wonder Silent Brothers didn’t go crazy. Then again new Silent Brothers usually had other Silent Brothers to teach them and Jem only had what he learned from the dreams.
Tessa nodded, appreciating what he was saying. “Ok, I understand that,” she smiled at him. “What do you think will help you be ready? Is there anything I can do?”
Jem wished there was something that Tessa could do, but the way he saw it, there simply wasn’t anything either her or Will could do this time, “I wish there was something, but this has to be something I do on my own. I simply have to be sure I’m ready.” He took a sip of his tea and placed it on the dresser, “But I’ll let you know if I think of anything.”
Tessa nodded, feeling sad that she couldn’t help him. Smiling as best she could, she reached out a hand to him from her place on the bed. “You’ll let me know? If I can help?”
Jem nodded, “I will. I promise.” He didn’t want to keep things from Will and Tessa after everything that had happened with his illness so he meant it when he said that he would let her know if there was anything that could do to help.