I'm no Jedi (ahsoka_tano) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-09-16 05:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, ahsoka tano, li-ming |
Two extremes, two sides of the same coin. Give in to your emotions, or surgically remove them
Who: Ahsoka and Li
What: Li proves she can cook. Ahsoka talks about the Force, and the codes of the Jedi and Sith.
When: recent
Where: Li's place
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
Li had lovingly kicked Yang out for the evening. She was making dinner for Ahsoka, and wanted some privacy for the dinner. Li spent most of the afternoon cooking. Beef, pork and chicken were the main dishes. She made each one two different ways so there was choice. There may have also been more food than necessary, but she would let Yang eat some leftovers if there were any. She’d also made something for dessert. Or ‘dessert’ really. It was more sweetened meat than an actual dessert, but it seemed to work out.
And Li had timed things well. Everything was done cooking about the time she’d told Ahsoka to come over. She’d set the table for two, and was just placing the last dish on the table. There was some rice and some vegetables that had been stir fried. The vegetables were more for Li, but Ahsoka could eat whatever she wanted. It was all authentic Chinese recipes, and she hoped that Ahsoka would like it.
Lovingly. Yang had gone good naturedly, she’d deserved it for what she’d posted. Overall she was in a better mood than she’d been in a long time, and she made Li promise to tell her all the juicy details before she’d gone out to be depressed.
Ahsoka hoped she wasn’t early, or late. She wanted to be right on time. She also wanted to wear something that would knock Li’s socks out, but she didn’t have much in the way of fancy so settled on a pair of tight low-riding jeans, and a top that showed off her toned belly, with a convenient cleavage window.
It smelled good as she walked up to Li’s door and knocked nervously.
Li was worried about Yang, and was going to try and cheer her up. She just needed to plan something for that first. She had ideas, but hadn’t made up her mind just yet. Though for the time being, she was focused on putting the finishing touches on dinner. She wasn’t dressed all that fancily, really. She wore jeans and a tanktop, and her hair was in a ponytail. Which seemed to be the preferred hairstyle of her dreamself because it hardly ever changed in her dreams.
Hearing the knock, she went to answer the door and smiled at Ahsoka. “Hi, come in.”
“Hey.” Ahsoka unlatched her watch, returning to her alien self. She wanted to spend the whole night like herself with LI. Anything else she wanted to say was forgotten as she stared. Sure, it was just a tank top and a pony tail but Li might as well have been dressed to the nines she was beautiful. If Li ever did lingerie she’d have a heart attack. “....hey….”
When Ahsoka took her glamour off, Li’s smile widened. Her eyes slid over the outfit Ahsoka was wearing. That top was...definitely in the knocking her out of her socks zone. “You look amazing.” She stepped closer to Ahsoka, leaning up to give her a hello kiss. She was still completely thrilled she could do that, just kiss Ahsoka when she wanted to.
“You’re beautiful.” She kind of blurted the words out just before they kissed, in that awkward fashion of someone not used to giving compliments like that. She grinned after the kiss. Li could kiss her whenever or wherever she wanted and it would still stupify her. “Dinner smells so good. I’ve been thinking about you all day. It. It all day.”
Li grinned up as Ahsoka, chuckling softly. “Then it is a good thing you have both of us for as long as you want.” She winked before taking Ahsoka’s hand and guiding her to the table. “I think I made way too much food, but I wanted a little variety. Beef, pork and chicken are the dishes, each done two different ways. I did some stir fry vegetables for myself, and there is rice as well, though I am not certain if you would eat any rice or not. There is also dessert, something I decided to try out. I am not completely certain it turned out well, though.” She said with a shrug. After all, sweet meat could be difficult to do.
“Good.” Ahsoka got herself back under control and patted her stomach as she followed Li to the table. “I really am starving. I had a light lunch. I didn’t want to spoil dinner. Not that I don’t eat like a cow.” She’d have to pass on the rice, which was a shame because she’d loved it before. But the rest of it she was certain she could eat. She’d hate to get sick after Li did all this work for her. “It all looks so good, is there nothing you can’t do?”
“Dessert may be my weak spot?” She suggested with a smile. “Please sit down, the food is ready to eat. Would you like to use chopsticks or a fork?” Li had given Ahsoka a fork, not knowing if she’d prefer that to chopsticks or not. Li, of course, had chopsticks for herself.
“I already know what I want for dessert,” Ahsoka joked, blushing dark orange as she took a seat. That was bad. She was bad. That was terrible. “I think I can work chopsticks. If I mess up really badly I’ll resort to the fork.” She looked up at Li, smiling in admiration.
“Well then, hopefully it will be a good dessert.” Li smirked and winked before she went and grabbed a pair of chopsticks for Ahsoka, setting them down beside her plate before she sat down. There was water and some soft drinks on the table. Considering Li wasn’t old enough to drink alcohol in this country, and she didn’t really have a taste for it either, she’d gone for some other kinds of drinks.
That only made Ahsoka blush more deeply. She picked up the chopsticks so she could grab a piece of beef. Li was right, there was a lot of food here, but what Li didn’t know was that Ahsoka could probably eat an entire cow in one sitting. She only knew a few jedi who didn’t have big appetites. She stuck to the water though. Ahsoka tried to go light on soft drinks for the sake of her digestive system. “I’ll need to try a few samples to know.”
Li did so enjoy making Ahsoka blush, and she took every opportunity to make her blush. It would probably bite her in the ass one day, but for now, she was more than content to prod her girlfriend like that. She served herself some of the vegetables, rice and a selection of beef and chicken. “You may take as many samples as you wish to.”
There were good ways to bite someone in the ass, Ahsoka would be willing to experiment with that. But then she was choking, and trying to guzzle a drink to get the chunk of beef down her throat. She shot Li a look and pretended to act dignified, like she hadn’t just almost choked. “This is really good. You’re an amazing cook, Li!”
Li could only grin mischievously as Ahsoka gave her that look. She started to eat her own food, her grin turning to a pleased smile. “Thank you! I do like to cook when I have the chance. Even moreso when my mother is not hanging over my shoulder while I am doing it.”
“She probably insisted that you learn? Or did you decide to learn on your own? More importantly, do you enjoy it?” She knew Li’s mother was the kind of person to force things on Li and Ahsoka never wanted to be responsible for making Li do something she didn’t want to do.
“Both of my parents insisted I learn. Apparently it is a selling point to be a wife. They have been trying to arrange a marriage for me pretty much all of my life. To no avail, obviously.” Li rolled her eyes a bit. That was one of the reasons she was more than happy to be in America currently. She was out from under her parents’ thumb, and she could actually live her life the way she wanted to. “To answer your question, yes I do enjoy it when I am able to cook for myself or someone other than my parents.”
“Is that a proposal?” Ahsoka joked, then immediately regretted it. She tried to save herself by moving on and pretending she hadn’t just made that joke. “That’s good though, you should do things you enjoy because you enjoy them not just because it’s expected of you. It’s better to be...unexpected!”
Okay this was cringy. Ahsoka didn’t even have anyone that could save her.
“I suppose we shall see.” Li said with a playful wink. She was just joking, she was nowhere near ready to get married. She was only twenty years old, and this was a new relationship. Besides, she didn’t even know how to come out of the closet to her parents. That had been something she’d been dreading doing for the past few years. “I agree. I like doing things because I want to. It is immensely freeing to be here in America. I am able to do what I want when I want more freely than I could back home.”
Ahsoka already had a few plans for that. The whole gal pal thing would be easy enough to swing. They could be ‘roommates’ eventually too. So she’d done some reading up. Like a good old fashioned ‘boston marriage’ even. “When you’re like that, its great to see. Like I can feel how freeing it is.”
Navigating her parents would be interesting, especially if they continued with trying to arrange a marriage for her. Part of that whole creating a perfect legacy type thing. She was an only child, so of course their hopes and dreams rested solely on her. Which was not an easy burden to bear. “You can feel it?” It was asked out of curiosity. “Though perhaps I should give you advanced warning. I will be doing a recital or two this semester, and my parents will be visiting to attend it. I may look at trying to join an orchestra, partly because I love to play with groups and partly to make my parents stop poking about why I am not doing so many concerts and insinuating that I am slacking off.”
They could always pull a fake wedding trick, though that would probably explode her parents’ heads. Ahsoka smiled lightly, and waggled a chopstick at Li. “Kind of. Like every being has their own aura to them, right? Yours has a certain quality to it. And when you’re feeling that kind of freedom you kind of… light up.”
Li had to smile at that description, drinking some water. “I am happy that I light up like that. Do you see it like an aura, or is it just a feeling you get through your abilities?” She ate some more of her food, then served herself some more.
“It’s a feeling I get.” Ahsoka went for a piece of pork this time. “But when I close my eyes, I can almost see it. It’s easy to … reach out when it’s someone close to me. Harder when it’s not. It took me a long time in the dreams to master that part of the Force. I used to be so impatient.”
“When people are young, it can be difficult to have patience. I feel patience is something that is more easily learned as one grows.” Children were supposed to be impatient as they had little understanding of how the world really worked. That was something they learned as they grew older.
“It’s a good thing you have an old soul,” Ahsoka said. Teasingly, she continued. “Otherwise I’d be robbing the cradle, kind of.”
Li laughed at that. “I do like to think I am older than my age and appearance would suggest.” Though whether the old soul feel was solely from her life here, or things from her dream self bleeding over remained to be determined.
Ahsoka thought that Li’s soul have been old even before she’d dreamed. Something in the Force, or just from her behavior. It might also be that Ahsoka’s type tended to be ‘old soul’ too. “Don’t worry, grandma, you’re beautiful and stunningly sexy.”
Li also fell under the ‘you make me too gay to function’ category for Ahsoka.
She chuckled. “Thank you. My beauty regimen must certainly be working then.” Li had always had a grace and maturity to her that went beyond her age. There was certainly more of that due to her dream self. And now that she had her magic and was learning how to better control it and use it, there was an element of arcane power to her as well. And there was a lot of power within her.
“You roll out of bed looking perfect,” Ahsoka pointed out. “I should know, I’ve seen it.” A goofy grin crossed her face. Above and beyond seeing Li naked, she’d seen her in that post-sleep groggy period, the one where Ahsoka felt like a zombie. But Li had been there and had been beautiful and god but it was hard to contain her emotions.
“I do not. I look terrible in the morning.” Li countered. First thing in the morning was not Li’s best time of the day. When her hair wasn’t braided, it tended to be everywhere and stick out in random places. She wasn’t exactly a morning person either and it tended to be difficult for her to wake up. At least until she got some tea and breakfast.
“Tell that to the pictures I took.” Ahsoka was teasing. She hadn’t taken any pictures, but she’d wanted to. Part of her wanted to send Li some naughty ones of herself, but she wasn’t sure they were ready for that level of commitment.
“Did you really take pictures of me?” Li asked, a somewhat horrified look on her face. She didn’t think anyone should see her looking like that, let alone having photographic evidence of it. She wasn’t mad about it, she just knew she looked terrible first thing in the morning.
Ahsoka winced. “No no I’m joking! I didn’t take any pictures of you, either looking like you’d just woken up, or other ways.” That was bad, that was bad. Ahsoka flailed her hands. “I’m teasing, I’m sorry.”
Li blinked, thinking momentarily on whether or not to ask about the other ways, but she decided against it. She took a breath. “It is okay. I still need work on picking up those nuances.” It was bad enough that Li took a lot of things literally because of English not being her native language. But sometimes nuances got lost in translation as well.
“Sorry,” Ahsoka repeated. “I’ll try to be more obvious when I’m teasing. Or trying to flirt. That was a really bad attempt to flirt.” She covered her face for a moment, then dropped her hands to the table. “You do look fine in the morning.”
“It is not your fault. I tend to translate literally. Though the longer I am around you and Yang, the better I will become at interpreting such things. Just have some patience with me.” Li said with a sheepish smile. This was the first time she really was outside of China for something other than a performance or some music camp or whatever. And it was her first time in America.
“Yang’s probably more pop cultured than I am. Unless we’re talking video games. Then I can teach you some lessons.” Ahsoka winked at her, implying that those lessons might extend well beyond video games.
“I am certainly more than open to you teaching me whatever you wish to.” Li responded with a sly grin. She wasn’t all that good at video games, but she wasn’t averse to trying them out and trying to get better.
Ahsoka grinned. “I’ve got some plans…” She moved to another piece of the meal, wanting to sample everything. It was just all so good and she was completely blown away at how well Li could cook, and that she’d cooked all of this for her. She didn’t know how she could make it up for her.
“I look forward to seeing these plans.” Li said with a smile, taking some more food. She was careful to not over-eat, considering the dessert she had yet to serve. “What do you think of the food? And the chicken in particular, as I know it is not always a favorite of yours.”
“I think you might just convert me to chicken,” Ahsoka commented. “You’ve done something special here. Honestly if you weren’t already so talented with music you could make a career of this.” She wouldn’t give up listening to Li play for anything though. “But don’t stop playing. Have I ever told you how Togruta hear?”
“Then I shall certainly have to make it more often,” she said with a smile. Li would most definitely cook for Ahsoka again. She took a sip of her drink. “No, you have not. How do you hear?” She was curious, and she had theories about that, but she would wait and see what Ahsoka would say about it.
She tapped her ‘horns’, “Through these. I don’t actually have ears, but these pick up and translate sound just as well as my ears did. Better in some ways. I don’t actually have echolocation though, I wish I did. What they do give me, along with my lekku, is it makes me more sensitive to the Force.”
Li tilted her head a bit, looking at Ahsoka’s horns. “That is very cool, actually. Though echolocation would be quite cool to have as well. Do you mind my asking why they make you more sensitive to the Force?”
“I don’t actually know.” Ahsoka laughed. “I think there’s more...forceness to them.” She stroked her hand down one of the lekku. Her mondrals. “There’s a lot less science than you think? Like okay there are these things call midochlorians, but it’s really just a measurement of force power. No one actually knows what the fuck they are. Some people think they’re like little bacteria, other people think it’s part of your cells. It’s really just …” She waved her hands. “Like measuring the charge in a battery?”
“Ah, I understand. That metaphor could be applied to people who have magic and those who do not and why that is.” In Li’s dream world, it was actually probably tied more into genetics than anything else. After all, humans are the descendants of the Nephalem, children of angels and demons. Magic was in Li’s genetic make-up, it flowed through her very veins, which could probably be said about the Force flowing through Ahsoka.
“It could be. I think, a long time ago, people tried to figure out what it was and how to quantify it but it gets buried in mystical mumbo jumbo." Ahsoka shrugged. "And then people stopped asking about the how or the why, only that it could be used. Which is a problem with the Jedi in particular."
Li listened closely, taking in what Ahsoka was saying. “When the questions of how or why stop, that is when abuse of that power comes into play more often than not. Though how do the Jedi approach it?”
“Trust in the force they said,” Ahsoka made a face. “It’s good advice, until everything is clouded by the dark side and you’re too deep and too arrogant to see it. And then you teach each generation the same, and the people that might ask questions get ignored, or expelled and the darkness grows thicker. My friend was right, even if I’ll never agree with her methods.”
“It seems to me that they need to do a better job of teaching what encompasses the Force. Such as where the darker side of it comes in and how to avoid it. You cannot truly defend yourself against the darker side if you do not know what it really is.” It seemed a simple enough philosophy to Li. It wasn’t unlike magic. Sure she delved into the forbidden archives to learn forbidden magic when she’d still been at the Yshari Sanctum, but she had found what she believed to be the truth about magic, that it was far more than what the teachers there taught. Magic was far more than the different disciplines of the different tribes. Perhaps the Force was something similar, that it was a large, all-encompassing thing that could be used in multiple ways.
“They were so afraid of the dark side, they let it right in,” she complained. “It’s like sex ed, you have to teach everything. And the Dark Side looks for any opportunity to find you. Some Jedi walk close to it. Like at the edge of the cliff. It takes a strong will to not be consumed by the darkness. But if you don’t know what it is, how can you fight it? What’s more, if you’re not allowed to express yourself, if you’re told to repress all your emotions, doesn’t that make you more vulnerable? Fear and hatred and anger are all tied into each other and that’s a path right off the ledge. And they tell you the good emotions are bad too. No love, be careful with compassion. They feared becoming attached to a thing or a person, and if that thing or person were taken away it would somehow lead to the dark side.”
She made a zooming motion with her hand. “The Jedi were good, but they became lost, and when I realized that after they threw me to the wolves, I left.
“That seems really counter-productive, to preach about the Dark Side being evil and to not succumb to it, but never teaching how that can happen. Repressing emotions is also not a good thing either. Yes, too much of a good thing can be bad, but you have to know both the good and the bad so that you can balance it out.” Li frowned a bit. “I am sorry that happened to you. But perhaps the life of a Jedi was not suited for you because of their restrictions.”
Ahsoka thought about Anakin. The ultimate cautionary tale. But then she’d seen him brought back to the light, through love, through family. A part of her would always hurt that she wasn’t enough. But it seemed fitting that the man so like Padme could do it.
“There's a code.
There is no Emotion, there is Peace.
There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge.
There is no passion, there is Serenity.
There is no Chaos, there is Harmony.
There is no Death, there is the force.
It is something we recite, over and over again. The Sith have their own.
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me."
Ahsoka made a gesture with her hands. "Two extremes, two sides of the same coin. Give in to your emotions, or surgically remove them. Neither code is the original code, either. As a youngling, we recited the oldest one we know.
Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet the Force."
She smiled. "I like that one best. It’s the most accepting, the most ...balanced. The crystal code is nice, too."
Li smiled as well. “I like that last one best as well. It is accepting and balanced, as opposed to the other two. It also seems to be the most peaceful of them. The Sith code seems to have an inherent violence within it. The Jedi code is restrictive. Are there other paths of the Force? Ones that are more balanced and not polarized as those two?”
“The Sith are really violent. Some of their..ideals aren’t so bad. Freedom, that sort of thing, but their methods usually mean people die or end up enslaved. Or worse.” Once upon a time Ahsoka would never have been able to sympathize with a Sith. “There are those who practice the Force without adhering to either teaching. There are some who have their own. The Nightsisters are one, but they’re...creepy and a little scary.”
“There are some good ideals to both the Jedi and Sith, but neither of them do not have a complete picture either.” She did ponder for some moments as she sipped her drink. “No doubt that the Jedi and the Sith do not look favorably upon those who adhere to their own teachings. Though at least there are groups willing to find their own way to the Force, it means that they question what the Jedi and Sith teach. There is nothing wrong with questioning.”
“I’m no jedi,” Ahsoka murmured, and she wondered how much of that was actually true. The parts of the jedi, the good parts the parts that made them something to be loved and respected, those she still believed. It was the trappings and the stagnation that she’d abandoned. She would have abandoned it even if the Jedi weren’t being hunted. “Do you question?”
“I think you are better than the Jedi.” Li affirmed. At the question, she looked at Ahsoka and nodded. “Yes. During my time at the Yshari Sanctum as I was learning magic, I came to realize that my masters were fearful of the truth of magic. They taught what was safe, and there were a select number of paths to magic one could learn. I spurned them all, preferring to explore magic in its purest and rawest form. I am a Wizard, a name given to those of us who are rogues, in a way. I draw my magic from the Arcane, and it is a volatile and dangerous way to practice magic. But as a young teenager, I was stronger than all of my peers, and I was just as strong as my masters in magic. I needed more than what they could give me.”
“Thanks.” Ahsoka leaned her chin on her hands as Li answered her question. “That’s a dangerous path to walk. I’ve seen Jedi fall to the dark side trying to follow similar ones. But you’ve never struck me as dark and evil. Just determined.”
“I am determined, and I am the one prophecy spoke of that would stand against the forces of the Burning Hells at the End of Days. I fight the demons and the darkness to keep them from consuming and destroying my world.” Li took a breath. “I have been called Nephalem in my dreams, though there have been no Nephalem for at least a thousand years. I do not believe I am one, though it is more difficult to ignore the signs pointing to it being true.”
Ahsoka actually started to pale just a little. There was a lot to take in there, and some of it struck way too close to home. “Chosen ones don’t always turn out the way you’d hope.” She didn’t feel afraid, though there was some worry that hadn’t been there before. What that could mean, how it could potentially change things.
“I am hardly a chosen one. I am merely the one to stand between the destruction of the world, and the destruction of evil. Fate put me there, I am simply doing what I was born to do.” Li didn’t like being called a chosen one. She did what she did because no one else could. “I fight because many others are defenseless against the demons. I have seen the destruction the Lords of Hell have caused, and I will not stand for it.”
“A hero then.” Leaning back in her seat, Ahsoka smiled at Li. Because that was what a hero was. Someone who was willing to stand against the tides of darkness and try to hold them at bay.
Li smiled back. “I will take being called a hero.” She wasn’t quite a hero yet, though. She may have liberated New Tristram and reunited Tyreal with himself, but losses had happened. And their next destination was Caldeum, the city in which Li had once studied at the Yshari Sanctum. Caldeum had fallen under the spell of Belial, the Lord of Lies, and she was determined to see the place she once called home free of his corruption.
Losses happened in war, and oftentimes they were the real heroes. Ahsoka remembered the name of every Clone Trooper that had been lost under her command, and there were times the faces and names of the Jedi were paraded through her head. It was easy to forget she was a war veteran, with all that entailed. She hid it easily enough. “You’re my hero, does that count?”
Death was never easy to take, and when Li lost someone she cared about, she got angry. Really angry. She currently had it in for Maghda, the vile witch that had killed Cain when he wouldn’t surrender Tyreal’s sword to her. Li smiled at Ahsoka. “That definitely counts. I like being your hero.”
Ahsoka smiled. Something dark passed over her, but she shook it off. “All the best heroes don’t work alone. You’ve got me, but I’m not going to be a side kick.” She tapped her chin with a chopstick. “I can be your wise mentor, who’s also kick ass, and sexy.”
“Ahsoka, my sexy, kick ass, and wise mentor. I like the sound of that.” Li said with a smile. “Certainly a step up from the traveling companions that fight with me in my dreams. Kormac is a Templar, and Lyndon is a thief. Lyndon is amusing, at least, though he sort of can be annoying with his womanizing ways.”
“Templar, that sounds kind of boring.” She supposed some Jedi would be a templar. Would Luminara be a cleric? “Tell me you slap him down?” While she’d met womanizers and others like that in the dreams they rarely bothered her. Though Tarkin definitely gave her the heebies.
Li laughed a bit. “Kormac can be a bit dull, yes, but he is a very good fighter. Being a Wizard, it is necessary to have someone doing the front-line fighting while I work my magic.” She then grinned. “Lyndon does not aim them at me. So I suppose that makes me lucky.”
“A templar would make for a good tank. A good old fashioned meat shield.” Ahsoka nodded, as though that was some of that sage advice she’d been talking about. It did make her think of the clones. Boy did she miss Rex. “Good. I’d have to be jealous of someone not here.”
“You do not need to be jealous of anyone. Romance is nowhere on my radar. I am too focused on fighting evil to have time for personal relationships beyond friendship.” Which was possibly also fancy talk for no one had caught Li’s eye in the dreams. Kormac and Lyndon didn’t do it for her. Tyreal was an Archangel, or former Archangel. Leah was adorable and more like a little sister-figure to her. She doubted romance was in the cards for her considering the dire situation she was in.
“I wasn’t really serious.” It would spell disaster, getting jealous over dream loves. Or even just pining for them. They were people you couldn’t have. In Ahsoka’s case, she couldn’t have them even there.
“Ah. Either way, it does not matter. You and I are here and together, and that is what really matters.” Li said with a smile. While the dreams tended to feel so real, this was her real life. No one from her dreams was here, but that didn’t really matter much. She had Ahsoka and Yang and she was making friends along the way.
Was it too soon for I love you? Ahsoka thought so and had to comically shove something in her mouth before her tongue betrayed her. Ahsoka grinned through her mouthful. Elegant and aloof Jedi? Nah. Young, sometimes goofy woman, falling in love? Definitely. “You have such a way with words, Li.”
“Thank you, I do like having a way with words.” Li said with a smile. This whole relationship thing was very new to her, and kind of frightening, but she wasn’t going to back away from it. Li never backed away from anything, least of all something she was invested in.
Ahsoka wasn’t the kind to back away either. Maybe they’d butt heads as things got deeper, but maybe not. Ahsoka was keen to find out. But there were some words she wanted to say herself. “Thank you for dinner, Li. It was wonderful.”