Who: Killian and Kenzi, except not What: Killian figures out there's something a little weird about his sister - and comes to a conclusion When: Tonight Where: Casa de Disney Villains (Regina & Killian's) Rating/Warnings: Lowish, mainly Status: Complete!
UGHHHHHHH.
Definitely not how she planned for things to go.
Stupid baby planning. Stupid witchy woman with the creepy lair underground. Inari didn’t waltz in with a new face to be cast aside for the next new thing that came this way, because didn’t they know? Baby sister came first, always, and she might not know much about human babies (humans, in general, were weird) but she knew for a fact Killian didn’t need one.
Actually, the kitsune was completely convinced the baby ploy was to keep her brother tied to one woman whose tits honestly weren’t that great. It was really selfish, and Inari didn’t like it.
Being Kenzi wasn’t all that hard. Physically, everything was flawless - she looked the part, sounded the part, moved like the part. So, so many clothes and brushes for makeup and color palettes, and shoes for every day of the year! Inari claimed it all; her phone, her car, her friends and family and everything that came with the human who had stolen her power. There was no trace of that unsightly rash on her forearm anymore, having suddenly claimed that she was cuuuuuuuuured and crisis averted but now she wished she hadn’t?? Killian would be paying more attention to her if she’d milked it, but no turning back now.
Bitch Tits was out, off with the new assistant (some crap about introducing her to existing clients), and taking advantage of her absence she slipped into the bedroom shared with the pirate (her pirate brother, let’s not forget that, he was hers) and sifted through the jewelry box until something tasty came to view. It was a silver chain, probably pricy, and it hung from her mouth like a baby’s teething contraption.
Mmmm.
In the kitchen was where she went - Killian was probably doing something with that spare bedroom that was supposed to be a nursery, but his phone laid unsuspecting on a counter. It was easy to get into, messages scrolled through, and there was nothing all that good. He didn’t have nearly as many pictures of him and Kenzi as she thought he would, she was barely mentioned in anything and -
“Asshole,” she mumbled in between chews of jewelry. Inari opened up a text message window, chose the contact that was his girlfriend, and typed in ’ur ass looks fat in that dress’ and quickly deleted the sent message from his phone.
There. That made her feel better.
Well, Inari was wrong about one thing - Regina’s tits were that great. If they were the only pair of breasts he’d get to fondle and rest his face on for the rest of his life, Killian was a happy camper. The kitsune was also wrong about - well, many things, but mostly the tits.
Something was definitely strange though - and call it a keen sense of brotherly intuition, call it a side effect of sharing a heart with his sister, but ever since that rash had disappeared from Kenzi’s arm things felt off. The world was tipped on its axis just a bit, and you know that creepy-crawly feeling? Which signified a pair of intense eyes on you or a crack in reality? It was washing over him in warning waves.
He’d been busy prepping the walls in the cleared out work room, soon-to-be-nursery, for a fresh coat of paint. They hadn’t picked colours or anything yet, because that might be putting the cart before the horse a little, but still were brainstorming potential combinations and ‘themes’ while also simultaneously monitoring the situation in Kentucky. Upon going to the kitchen for a refreshing drink of water, however, he noticed that his adorably scrappy younger sibling was eating metal that it really smacked him over the head like a baseball bat.
“What are you doing?” he demanded, those impossibly cobalt eyes narrowing into a suspicious squint. “That’s Regina’s necklace.” And his phone - how utterly peculiar indeed.
“Is it?” It was Kenzi’s voice to perfection, and even if Killian had been a ghost ninja down those stairs she acted relatively cool - unfazed at being caught in a situation humans deemed odd. “My bad, I found it on the floor and didn’t think much of it? I think the cat was messing in your room, doing regular asshole cat things. I think she was doing the weird thing of giving people offerings.”
Acting like she wasn’t doing anything wrong was key, but she did pull the chain from between her glamoured teeth (remove the magic and her mouth was a pit of needles) and gave it a brief look over, setting his phone aside - she’d also pretend she was doing something innocent like, oh, checking the time? “Calm down, bro, geez. I’ll put it back. How’s that room going?”
It sounded like Kenzi. However, eating crunchy silver was a bit telling and so it was in turn a bit apparent that this wasn’t Kenzi. Deep down Killian knew - but acknowledging it meant also acknowledging the terrifying possibility that something had happened to her (under all their noses, no less) and he couldn’t even begin to fathom what that was. Something attributed to the rash, something about a gift she’d mentioned (the poor lass thought she’d get superpowers from what made her itch like she had mites, as if anything was ever that generous), but Killian was just all-around confused.
Well. He ought to suss out the situation more. Panicking wouldn’t solve anything. If he got her talking, perhaps more would reveal itself.
Tigra usually stuck to patrolling where Regina’s lair was glamoured, occasionally meowing on the back stoop to be let into the house, so he doubted the pussy was in their bedroom - but anyway, he wasn’t about to bring that up to anyone who certainly did not need to know about a magical crypt in the vicinity. If that was indeed what was happening. “Room’s going well,” he said casually, opening the fridge and finding the water bottle he was after. “I was thinking, if you’d like, you could make something for the wall too? Her name, in glittery letters. Or a quote, something like that.”
Inari was a little bummed that she had to put the shiny down - her teeth were just about to break through the silver too, so much for a good meal - but if it meant she got a little window of ‘bonding time’ with her new big brother, she’d sacrifice it.
Too bad it had to be about the little crotch droplet he was dead-set on having. Her eyes rolled before she turned to face him fully, and the kitsune-in-disguise did her best to put on a sympathetic face - ‘oh lookit me little sister is so worried and feels sorry for you’ bit. “You don’t think it’s a little early for that? You don’t even know if she’s actually yours yet. It’d suck if you went through all that just to tear it all down, Bubba,” she voiced, crossing her arms. “I’m just worried you’re gonna end up hurt in all this, you know, because…”
There was a pause, a sort of contemplative squint her eyes formed - what was the deal with them again? Inari had to stay up all night looking through Kenzi’s phone and computer, gleaning more details than from what she’d known from the times she’s lurked.
“You know, isn’t this like...Robin Hood’s baby?” That was it, wasn’t it? The fairytale thing was just super complicated.
Robin Hood’s baby. Admittedly, the words were like acid-dipped needles prickling into his skin - because, alright, yes. Killian was jealous of that dopey archer - he was jealous of his relationship with Regina there, even though he was quite obviously up Swan’s savior twat and considered the Evil Queen more of a fling from the past. Here, Robin and Regina didn’t even know each other, so why should he even give a shit?
Perhaps because he was afraid she’d seek the fellow out for some reason - to raise the baby that really was his, in a life where he hadn’t been coldly murdered. Perhaps it was also because Killian was so used to being left by those he loved - his was a life defined by loss, by loneliness. He didn’t like bracing himself for it, but here he was.
“She’s ours,” he said, referring to the wee sprog that they hadn’t named yet. Not officially but the Captain had been perusing books, at least. Trying to be nonchalant. “Or she will be. I want to have faith, just enough. Without putting all of the eggs in the basket.”
Usually Kenzi would be happy to pour glitter onto something though, so the fact that she wasn’t also worried him. “I’ll be alright,” he promised, setting his water down to put his hand on her shoulder and draw her into a brief hug, how sweet. “You’ve got to admit you’re looking forward to being an auntie, aren’t you?”
Kenzi was looking forward to being an auntie, but Inari wasn’t - and considering Kenzi wasn’t here and she was instead, she’d prepare to take the reigns of this human’s life to make it hers. Inari wanted all her friends, her family, her things; she wanted their love and attention without compromise. There were some things she wanted to work on, some people completely out, and it’d be a process she was prepared to pick through meticulously and unforgivingly.
In the end, they’d all be better for it - she just had to make them see it.
Casually, she picked up a red-as-blood apple from the fruit bowl and fished for a knife to cut it with. Inari could stomach human food if she had to. “I am,” she lied, and there was hesitance with the way she’d said it. Babies are so gross, why would you want one? “But I’d rather not see you get hurt, Bubba. What if that the dude comes? Isn’t adopting his kid like, jinxing the both of you? And what if he wants to butt in and take the daddy role from you? I personally don’t think your ladyfriend’s going to fight much for you, is the thing. It’s risky.”
Once the apple was sliced into pieces, she searched in the cabinets for a jar of peanut butter. Extra chunky peanut butter, nuts and all, which was mostly in the house for Henry but she heard good things about it and how it went well with apples?
“I’m only trying to look after you, you know. The only family that’s ever really forever is with blood.”
The words were like barbs, digging into him and burrowing beneath his skin - if Killian hadn’t been so utterly flabbergasted he might have been even more affected by them. Even so, he knew he wasn’t likely to forget them anytime soon - because they, perhaps, spoke to some of his deeply buried fears.
Quickly, he was jolted into focus when he saw Kenzi reach for the peanut butter. Peanut butter. To which she was deathly allergic, and the stuff had to be kept far away from her other snacks and any kitchen utensils used. There was no way she’d eat it, extra chunky or otherwise - because why would she want to be stabbed with an epi-pen?
His neutral expression quickly morphed into one of utter rage - for eyes that were so icy blue, they burned like the flames of hell at the moment. “Who the fuck are you?” he demanded. “What have you done with my sister?”
Killian wasn’t like Idiot Hood - he wasn’t about to be duped by someone posing as his loved one. He’d had those flickers of suspicion before, but now it was blatantly obvious.
Whoa, whoa now. Behind the illusion of a face that wasn’t hers, Inari looked taken aback, jumping and bumping against the counter behind her with the jar tightly in her hands, in front of her like a shield. “Dude, what? What’s your problem??” How did he - ? No, everything was perfect. Physically, vocally, she was even sure to mimic the speech patterns to the best of her ability. It wasn’t the jewelry that gave it away, was it? Was it that strange for humans to chew on jewelry?
Oh, whatever. She wasn’t breaking character. Inari wasn’t about to let it ruin this.
“Are you okay? I mean, whatever, I know what I said was stuff you didn’t want to even hear but I…” Those pitch-black eyebrows furrowed underneath her bangs, a good show of concern flooding her eyes - Killian and Kenzi had that same blue. “Sorry, bro. Didn’t mean to piss you off.”
Don’t test me, human, because I prefer you alive.
He stared at her for a moment, cold and envisioning a swift death - but then again, this was Kenzi’s face whatever this thing was happened to be wearing. That made it a bit more difficult - what if she’d hurt the real Kenzi in a permanent way? Killian swallowed thickly, a lump in his throat that felt like bricks hitting his stomach - perhaps it could be misconstrued as guilt. Because he’d play it safe for now, wouldn’t knee-jerk anything - he’d get to the bottom of this.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said, exhaling a deep breath. “It was...difficult for me to hear the words. But do you really think Regina would just take the baby and go raise her with Hood?”
Even just saying that made him want to angrily burn down a building. The Captain had what he might call a temper - he could be ruthless when he was angry.
Difficult to hear those words. Yeah, sure, because a conversation like that would logically yield to an outburst of ‘who the fuck are you’ and ‘what have you done to my sister.’ Gig was up, and Inari knew it - Killian did too, he wasn’t stupid, but giving in was too obvious and she was determined to plant the seed of doubt. What did he know, really?
It was a game she was ready to play, and Inari was in it to win it. The board was set, pieces in place, and at one point she made a wrong move but it wasn’t over just yet.
The peanutbutter jar was carefully set down, but she made sure her body language screamed wary - like she was a little afraid of what else Killian might say or possibly do. Slowly, she twisted the lid until the container opened. “Maybe,” came her answer after some pause. “Would you have really yelled like that if the possibility wasn’t there, though?”
Oh, it was a weakness. Inari knew it. Her words were dipped in venom, pricking him carefully, because fuck you, big brother. The fae’s act, however, was fairly decent - she knew how to work Kenzi’s pretty face, lower the tone of her voice to express what sounded like sisterly love even if the words were hollow. “I’d be a crap sister if I didn’t look out for you, Killy.” That knife was dipped into the jar, smeared with goodness, and she pulled it out for a slow, long lick. “It’s my job to make you think about these things. I take care of you, you take care of me. Right?”
The game was indeed on, little sister - because fuck you right back (except not literally, what they were playing wasn’t Game of Thrones). He’d snapped at her because she’d obviously done something foul to Kenzi - the real Kenzi supported her older brother; she was happy that he’d found someone to settle down with and believed he’d make a decent father. Or so Killian liked to think.
His insecurities, however, were lodged in deeply and he would have to work through them - Regina knew how he felt to some degree. But he’d get there. Perhaps when they finally became a family, officially, and had the little girl with them.
“Right,” he agreed coolly, and the elephant in the room had suddenly reproduced - whomever this was, she knew she blew her cover and Killian also knew that he was tapdancing around something quite dangerous here. “Of course, Sharkbait. I’ll always take care of you.”
Grabbing an apple for himself, he polished it on his shirt and appeared very nonchalant about seeing ‘Kenzi’ slathering what could very well kill her on her fruit snacks. “What are your plans for today, then? I’ve got to finish up in the room so I won’t be doing anything too exciting.”
Awe, how sweet. Kenzi would have loved to hear that if she were here - but nope, she was vacationing somewhere nice. Like a dank cave so she wouldn’t get like, sunburned or anything. California was pretty hot and Inari was extremely considerate and besides, who knows when she’d need the gothic princess for some info. And who else knew how to be Kenzi other than Kenzi herself?
That human was so right, though, peanut butter and apples really did go well together. A mental note was made to thank her for the tip.
“Oh, who knows!” Her shoulders shrugged, knife still in her hands - purposefully. Didn’t hurt to be armed, did it? “Maybe go see Birkhoff -” Ohhhh, boyfriend material. Hmmmm. “- Or Bo, but I don’t really feel like watching her wave her engagement ring in my face like it’s the best thing ever.” That was a whole ‘nother bag of worms, the succubus being engaged. To a human! Monogamy for someone who craved sex like crack? Bwuahahaha. “I’ll stay out of trouble, though,” the kitsune grinned. “You don’t have to wait up for me.”
Quite a funny thing for the Maid of Honor to say but then again, Killian had already established that he was dealing with a whole bag of batshit insanity here. The way she clung to that knife was testament to the fact. “It’s rather a large rock, isn’t it?” he spoke about the engagement ring - which Bo did tend to stare at dreamily; how utterly adorable. “Best bring your shades, if you do go see her.” The glint off the stone could probably be a weapon unto itself.
But of course, ‘Kenzi’ staying out of trouble - Killian didn’t believe that for a second, yet he nonchalantly gathered what he’d come in here for - water, a snack, and his phone, taking it from the table and pocketing it again; oh, had he left it here before? Silly him! Whatever she’d done to it was already done, but he wasn’t planning to leave it around for more damage potential.
“Enjoy yourself, then. No doubt I’ll pass out early.” He’d just go back to tending to the walls of the soon-to-be-nursery. And would wait until she was gone before he made any sudden moves, like sending SOS texts.
“Sweet dreams when you do, Bubba Jones,” the fake replied naturally, the sentiment of sleep with an eye open hidden beneath the performance. What a stinkin’ shame - she liked him too, really did, and he was hot. But, you know, she had to play the sister routine for now, even if he was begging for a hit in the face with a bag of bricks. “Love your face foreverrr!”
Inari’s - or more accurately, Kenzi’s - face darkened after his exit, mouthing a silent ‘enjoy yourself then’ in a mocking manner. No doubt she would, but she’d have to take some precautions before hand. Maybe eliminate a problem or two?
That necklace was picked back up from the surface of the counter and was pinched between her teeth, this time inhuman and pointy.