Josh Washington (joshes) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-08-29 01:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, felix dawkins, joshua washington |
Who: Josh and Felix
What: Waking up a monster
When: Over the weekend
Where: Josh's place
Warnings: R for body horror and some swearing
Status: Complete
Josh has no idea what time it is. All he knows is that his face fucking hurts. His teeth had grown sharper on the left side of his face. Longer, canines overlapping, which had been making talking hard.
And god bless Felix, who had been there for him all this time. Sweet, patient Felix who doesn’t deserve to go through this bullshit. Who doesn’t deserve a fucking flesh eating monster for a boyfriend.
He sits up in bed and feels at his face, not ready to see face a mirror just yet. No blood, thank god, just -- teeth. Torn, already healed flesh pulling his mouth back into an insane halfgrin. He doesn’t scream, doesn’t try to wake Felix, just buries his face against his knees, wraps his arms around himself, and cries.
When Felix had begun staying at Josh’s early on in their relationship when Josh had first been plagued by his dreams, Felix had gotten used to various movements that the younger man made and that included when he woke up upset. It hadn’t happened in awhile, but Josh’s movements had woken Felix and he turned towards his boyfriend, reaching out for him and realized that Josh wasn’t laying down, “Hey...what’s wrong?” He asked, groggily, sitting up and moving to wrap an arm around Josh.
The teeth had been weird enough, he’s not sure he wants Felix to find out about the rest of this, too. But Felix hasn’t left him so far, has stuck with him through all the bullshit. Even when Josh was tempted to tell him just to fuck off, it wasn’t worth it, Felix had been there.
So he takes a deep breath and lifts his head a little. Enough for Felix to see the ruined side of his face. “It got worse,” he says, words slurred from a combination of his teeth and the tear in his cheek.
Felix had known that Josh was going through changes as a result of his dreams for the last few weeks and while Josh had told him what to expect, he’d be lying if he said the site of it was much more shocking than he’d expected. “Shite!” As his initial shock began to ebb away he moved closer to Josh, not wanting him to think that he was afraid of him, “Does that hurt? Should I call someone?” It definitely looked like it hurt, considering the skin on one side of his was torn.
Josh winces, even though he was expecting that sort of reaction. He looks fucking terrifying, he’s sure. He feels around the edges of the tear, and shakes his head. “It’s healed already. Scarred over. Nice of my dreams to do that.” He laughs weakly, though he sounds on the edge of tears.
As shocked as Felix was to see Josh like this, he cared more about how Josh was handling this sudden change. He could hear the edge in his voice and moved closer without a second thought and pulled Josh against him. “It’s gonna be alright, J.” Of course there was no way to know that for sure, but Felix had to reassure Josh. Needed to assure him that no matter what, he wasn’t going anywhere. “We’ll think of a way to handle this.”
Hades had offered to try and fix it, when Josh had told him about his teeth. But Josh doesn’t know if he wants to ask. He doesn’t think he deserves it. This is what he brought on himself, all the shit he did in the dreams. He should have this.
He pushes his face against Felix’s chest with a whine and wraps his arms around Felix’s waist. “I don’t deserve you.”
Felix brought a hand up to run his fingers through Josh’s hair as he held him against him, “You do. You deserve good things, not this bloody shite that’s happening cause of these shite dreams.” Honestly, Josh didn’t deserve any of the things that were happening to him. He deserved to have a normal life and not have to deal with becoming some supernatural creature.
“Promise not to eat you,” he mumbles, giggling hysterically. The fingers in his hair feel good. Felix being here feels good. Maybe some day he’ll even believe he deserves this bit of happiness, this spark of light in his life.
Something occurs to him and he snorts, that manic kind of laugh bubbling up in his chest again. “Fuck. Fuck. I can’t blow you like this. I mean maybe I could have worked around the teeth but -- “
Blowjobs were the last thing on Felix’s mind at the moment and he couldn’t help but laugh at Josh’s concern, “Only you would think about blowjobs at a time like this.” His hand slid over to cup Josh’s untorn cheek and looked into his eyes, smirking, “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“Hey,” he laughs, voice cracking because he’s trying not to cry again but Felix is so fucking good to him. “Someone’s gotta show the humour of the situation right?”
“I guess so.” Leaning forward, Felix pressed a kiss to Josh’s lips, partly to reassure him and partly to show him that he wasn’t afraid of him, “Hey, maybe Magnus could help. At your party he’d mentioned something about doing glamours for people.” Felix didn’t know how glamours worked exactly, but it was worth a shot.
The kiss is what breaks him, and tears well up in his eyes again as he nods slowly. “Yeah. Yeah. Or I dunno, Hades mentioned maybe being able to help. I’ll do -- something. It’ll happen. We’ll make it work. Yeah.” Josh tries to smile but it feels weird with only half a face. “Or I’ll just rock the Harvey Dent look.”
“We’ll figure something out. You’re not alone.” Aside from him, Josh also had Sam and his sister; not to mention the Clone Club. Believe it or not, Felix actually thought this would be a good time to have Helena around. As crazy as she was, there was something about her that Felix thought would help Josh. “Do you wanna go back to sleep? Or we could have a drink instead.”