Remus Lupin (selenophobic) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-08-09 20:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, lily evans, remus lupin |
Who: Lily Evans and Remus Lupin.
What: Lunch and dream stories.
Where: A restaurant.
When: June 17, Afternoon.
Warnings: Mention of character death.
Status: Complete when posted.
Remus had been waiting for this to happen. Of course it would happen. He had no idea what it was like to dream of dying, and it made him sad thinking that Lily had to experience that. It made him sad that he couldn’t do anything about it - here or there. But he could tell her all about life after that. About Harry and about reconnecting with Sirius again and what it was like going back to Hogwarts. It had been hard not to talk about it all in the car after he’d picked her up, but, in the interest of not being interrupted, he waited.
With lunch ordered and on the way, he stirred the straw in his iced tea and cleared his throat. “So. Where do you even want me to start?”
Thank god she had Remus here to talk to. It had been tough talking to Sirius about it and she was scared to even go near James if he was around. Things had gone south in a big hurry in her dreams and she honestly had no idea if it was all truly over for her. Death was pretty final, but she was curious as if she would ever see anything else. It had been clouding her mind lately and her eyes had been on the clock as she waited for time to speed up and hit 1pm already.
At 12:59 she had rushed out of there, finding Remus waiting for her, and happily jumped into his car. It was nice not to speak about it until they were sitting down and now they could concentrate on just the two of them. His question gave Lily pause and she had to debate it for a moment, “Start from the beginning. Where were you when it happened?” She knew where everyone else was, but Remus was the mystery, “I mean, if you remember. You can start there and then tell me about everything between that and when you meet Harry.”
Remus took a sip from his drink, then shrugged. It was such a strange thing to talk about, wasn’t it? “I wasn’t there. When it happened. The news made it to me pretty fast, but there wasn’t anything I could do, you know? I just remember being stunned. To think that Sirius of all people would - to have certain proof he did.” He frowned, looking down as if he felt guilty for ever believing it. “I guess I should have known better. It was such a … Well. It was war, right. Everyone was thinking weird. But, uh, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and McGonagall took Harry to your sister’s. She and her husband raised him, though raised, I think, is a loose term.”
“I know...it was too late. It happened in an instant,” she was still shaken up about watching it happen and she hadn’t been able to sleep as well as she normally did because sometimes it repeated when she closed her eyes. She hated that it had happened and that the consequences hadn’t been good for a handful of people, “I’m glad that you eventually knew he didn’t do it. How did that all count about? And I shudder to know how they treated him. I know Petunia wouldn’t be happy that he was there, but that sisterly bond would at least make it so she didn’t throw him out on his behind. Poor Harry. God, I can’t believe he has to be by himself.” A part of her was starting to tear up for the future that she and James had planned for their child and she didn’t want to start crying in front of him.
Seeing that Lily was getting emotional - and he didn’t blame her - Remus decided to carry on. “Well. So that happened. And I sort of just … Faded into the background. Lived my life as it were. Then the summer Harry turned thirteen, news hit that Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban. I won’t tell you how, I think he’d be mad if I told his story. But, uh -” He paused when his sandwich came, and added more salt to the fries he got with it.
“Almost instantly it seemed everyone’s concern was for Harry. Dumbledore felt certain that he was going to try and finish what he’d started, so he came to me to get me to go to Hogwarts. So I could keep an eye on Harry, you know? Who alive knew Sirius Black better than I did? I didn’t want to go, actually, I think I was … Well. I know I was scared to see him. Harry, not Sirius. Survivor’s guilt. He had no idea who I was and I didn’t want him to know. Which is silly.”
Sirius manages to escape….those were the kind of spoilers that Lily enjoyed hearing. It would be brilliant once Sirius managed to dream about it and informed her of what happened. She didn’t fault Remus for just doing his own thing while he could and she wasn’t at all surprised that he ended up becoming a teacher and that Dumbledore had known to use Remus if Sirius was coming - he was always one step ahead of them.
A hand reached out to cover Remus’ and she gave it a slight squeeze, “I understand the survivor’s guilt, but I’m so glad that someone from our group gets to see Harry. You’re going to be important to him once he knows who you are. So, what do you end up teaching?”
Remus laughed a bit. He wasn’t sure if he ever wanted Harry to know him, at first. The fear that Harry would blame him was very real but … It turned out all right, didn’t it?
“Defense,” he replied. “There was an opening, and, really, it seemed a bit fitting all things considered.” A shrug and a smile. “Snape wasn’t all too impressed. He’s the potions master, but rumour has it that he wanted to Defense position. Of course, I suspect he still hadn’t quite forgiven me for things that happened in our youth. But he made the wolfsbane potion for me each month.” Remus rubbed a thumb between his eyebrows.
“Harry is … So much like James. And you. Just as good as finding trouble, terribly clever, and stupidly loyal. I can’t imagine what he’d have been like if you two had raised him, it’s really … You’d be so proud. You would. He asked me to teach him how to produce a patronus. I’m not surprised he learned before the year was up.”
It honestly surprised her that Severus was working there especially when he seemed to be more into his darker friends than her by the end of their time at school together. Remus would be a lovely Defense teacher and she would give anything to watch what his classes were like. It was also impressive that Severus actually helping Remus out - something must have changed over the years to bring that about.
“Wow….I’m speechless. I’m glad he’s helping you though. I would haunt him if he wasn’t. And Harry sounds wonderful,” she sounded a little wistful when she spoke. She really wanted to see her son all grown up, but having Remus there to take care of him was so incredibly important, “And he learned how to produce a patronus? How wonderfully impressive. He takes after me with that one.” A teasing smile was given with that comment. She would accept all of Harry’s wonderful traits and leave the more criminal ones to James.
“Well, to be fair, his father was a self taught animagus,” Remus teased, gently. He laughed, though. “It was, uh. An interesting year. Because Sirius was on the loose, they put Dementors all around the school and they were just so drawn to Harry. I wanted to help him. One night Sirius broke into the school and attacked Harry’s friend in their dorms, then shortly after Severus caught Harry wandering around at night. He brought him straight to me because he had the Marauder’s Map.”
Remus had to pause, looking amused. God, they were stupid kids. “I confiscated it and saw Peter on it. I couldn’t believe it. Peter was meant to be dead, right? And I was so mad at Harry for putting himself in danger but I realized that - maybe he’d been in danger all along. We met up with Sirius in the Shrieking Shack one night. Peter got away and I … Well. It was a full moon and I had been preoccupied. But. There you have it. I left the school at the end of the year.”
The animagus point was one that was a bit of an annoyance to Lily because she wanted to learn how to do that. Since she was currently dating Sirius she could probably work with him to learn that skill here especially since it would bleed over for him at some point and Lily had the books that could potentially hold some of the knowledge, but when Remus teased all she could do was chuckle, “Hush you. And that does sound like absolutely insanity. And Peter has been alive this whole entire time?”
How in the world did that happen? It made sense though - Peter was absolute dirt and of course he was alive while one of his best friends was dead and another was in Azkaban. Little shit that he was. “How did survive? And did you turn? Oh Remus….that is a really intense school year. Have you dreamt past leaving? I’m curious to know what you end up doing after leaving there.”
“I know, it’s all crazy.” Sometimes even Remus couldn’t believe it. “He was living as a rat the whole time. In his stupid animagus form. As Harry’s friend’s pet rat. That’s what Sirius was going after - he saw a photo of the family in the paper, and saw the rat, and knew it was Peter. The night everyone thought he broke in to kill Harry, he’d been looking for Peter the whole time. I should’ve known. Shouldn’t I have? I should’ve recognized him, and all that time there I was, and there he was, and. It makes me angry.” He munched angrily on a French fry to prove a point.
“I think I’ll always be keeping an eye on Harry in some way, now. And keeping an ear open for news of Sirius. If Voldemort is planning a comeback, I don’t plan on going far.”
“It’s okay, Remus. You can’t fault yourself for that. It had been ages since the last time you had seen Peter much less in his rat form. I wouldn’t have recognized him at all, so don’t get hung up too much on it. I understand being angry though because he is such a sneaky little thing,” Lily reached over to squeeze Remus’ hand affectionately. She really didn’t want Remus to blame himself for anything that had to do with how she and James ended up.
“Good. He needs to have you and Sirius looking over him. I want him to live and I want him to live in a world where Voldemort isn’t a factor anymore,” Lily was frowning. She hated everything to do with Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It was truly awful and hopefully Dumbledore would be able to figure something out to defeat him.
“Believe me when I say that, if something happens again, if there’s another war or Voldemort returns, or any of it, that I’ll make sure Harry is safe. It’s sort of my duty as unofficial uncle. Since I was never asked to be a godfather,” Remus added. But he cracked a smile to show he was teasing. It was an attempt to lighten the mood.
“You know, though, the funny thing is. I never thought I’d want to be a teacher, but now I’ve dreamt it, I think I might want to. Once my degree is done. I know we talked about it on the network but I think I’d be quite good at it.”
It did lighten the mood and Lily got out a soft chuckle, “Well, you probably would have been a godfather if we had another child. You would have done well with a god-daughter.” Remus seems like the type that have been quite patient with a girl and Sirius was more rough and tumble. Both were fantastic though and she wished things had turned out differently in their dreams. But maybe that meant things could be different here.
“Oh really? I’m so excited that you would possibly want to do that!” Lily lit up with that comment and she clapped her hands, “I think you would be really good at it. You’ll be the hit amongst all your students for being so young and adorable. But you are so patient and knowledgable, so I think it’ll go well. You going to start working on that now or after finishing undergrad?”
“We’ll see. I’ll maybe go have a chat with an academic advisor once school starts up, figure out the best way to start incorporating education into my classes. I’d probably die if I had to do more school than necessary.” But Remus smiled and shrugged. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like he really wanted to do it. “But that’s all the serious talk I’m about ready to have today, so now you can fill me in on everything Lily.”
An easy smile appeared on Lily’s face when Remus declared the discussion of serious business over with, “Oh sure, I can do that. I’ll tell you all about how Sirius is in the bedroom.” A gigglesnort was given as she a bite of her food and left him to stew in that for a moment. She was so thankful to have a friend like him though because she didn’t know what she would do without him. The dreams had brought all of them even closer together - thank god Peter wasn’t around.