InsaneJournal

Who: Wade Wilson (Deadpool) and Kate Bishop (Hawkeye)
When: July
Where: Loft @ Irvine Spectrum Center
What: Wade goes shopping in a women's store & randomly encounters Kate!
Rating/Warnings: Wade Wilson does not come with an 'off' switch; he also happens to be rated NSFW. Anyone reading this should go into it feeling very, very sorry for Kate.
Status: Complete/Partner Thread



Loft specialized in contemporary womenswear. There was no men's section and, as such, there were no other men in the store. Wade Wilson was the sole owner of a functional Y-chromosome in the whole place. He was cheerily going through options in the swimwear section while trying to picture Baby in everything at the same time. It didn't help to have his brain trying to unscramble itself all the time.

Actually.

That was why his brain was scrambled all the time.

He had decided he was in love with the idea of a reversible bikini top while trying to figure out how the sparse material would hold up on Baby's body. They'd been naked together more than they'd worn clothes so Wade knew her size by sight. It was actually more than by sight if he chose to take credit for the time he'd spent wearing her skin as his own rather than buying the story the local media was selling about "mass hallucinations" from something or another.

Wade didn't care women were staring at him -had been since he'd come into the store alone- which was why he sounded confident enough as he asked a random shopper her opinion on the top. He could look for a bottom in a bit. The top part was the most fun to put on because it was his favorite to watch Baby take off. They usually lost the bottom half of their wardrobe in a haze while together. Wade figured the only reason Baby meant more to him than whether she was wearing a skirt or shorts or a skort -what the fuck was a skort anyway?- was he loved her.

"What do you think? You think this is my color?"

He barely waited on a reply before adding, "I'll be topless. It's actually for my Baby. She's blonde and definitely has more fun. I think it brings out my eyes. Opinion from the peanut gallery?"

~*~

So, when the random dude in the clothing store turned to talk to Kate, she didn’t know that Baby was a name of a woman--lover? Wife? Girlfriend?--and not a child. Or like, a daughter, or something. The brunette simply stared over at the guy for a moment, trying to put together what he’d just said. Actually, if she’d had her normal amount of coffee for the day--gallons?--she might have figured things out a little more quickly. But Baby was a different name. Nickname? Babe might have been less confusing to Kate.

But she finally caught on.

“I think it’s a pretty kick-ass top, actually,” she mumbled, then stepped over to take a better look at his face. “Yeah. Totally. Goes with your eyes, dude.”

~*~

"Awesome. I thought so, but it never hurts to get a second opinion when it comes to clothes for those who are more estrogen-enhanced than myself."

Wade was more than confident in his masculinity. He didn't have any problem at all talking to this woman in the clothing section of a shop which catered exclusively to female clients. All he wanted was to get something which would rock the world for Baby Firefly who was the reason he liked waking up in the morning as much as going to sleep at night. She was one Hell of a reason to like waking up.

He thumbed through the rack before tsking at the other options available.

"I really wish I could find something in red. Baby looks best in red. Or maybe it's just my favorite color. I sometimes can't tell one from the other since Baby honestly looks great in anything -Or nothing, she's a stripper.- and I only like red since it's such a useful color. No one can see you bleed in it, you know? Sorry. PI humor. I'm Wade by the by. You got a name or am I supposed to call you Cute Brunette until you smack me?"

~*~

Kate glanced around. There were a couple other shoppers (even though they were giving this guy a very strange look) and a couple of employees that he could have asked for fashion advice. Kate must just have been the closest. She turned her eyes back to the guy (he was pretty good looking, wasn’t he?) and gave a little chuckle. “Buddy, out of all the chicks in this shop you could have asked, you probably picked the least likely to have estrogen-enriched opinions about all this stuff.”

She turned back to her own browsing, though now she was amused. This was a conversation with a stranger, wasn’t it? And Kate didn’t have all that many of those. At least, not lately.

At the sound of his name--Wade?--Kate gave him a smile. “Cute Brunette totally works for me.”

~*~

Women who were fine with being objectified made Wade's life simpler. His smile was genuine as he considered his new shopping friend. She was young enough to still have a fashion sense without being too young to trust about trends. It helped Wade didn't think she was nearly as hot as Baby since the last thing he wanted was to lose track of what he was doing by getting distracted by the lure of a PYT.

"Cute Brunette, I'm getting a house with Baby so we're doing the whole 'what do we want in a home?' thing and right now it seems the biggest request is a pool. That translates to: buy Baby swimwear. I like Loft. I like the way their stuff fits. I especially like the way their stuff comes off. Want to help me find some more things to wrap Baby in so I can enjoy unwrapping her more?"

'Wade Wilson' could be found in most thesaurus guides as a synonym for 'shameless' which was why his expression didn't change at all in spite of the absurdity of the request he'd made of a complete stranger.

~*~

Kate was totally experiencing an "is this real?" moment when Wade asked her to help him pick out swimwear for his girlfriend. She assumed girlfriend and not fiance or wife, though either of those could have worked, she supposed. They were getting a house together, which meant intimacy. But wouldn't he have said fiance or wife if the girl held either title?

Kate knew that if she and Clint were engaged and he didn't tell every warm body he came across about it, she'd be a bit put out.

Then a smile crossed her lips. She was gonna look at all the stuff, anyway, so why not do it with a set of male eyes? She could get a testosterone-infused opinion on things, just as well as he could use her estrogen-infused one. "Yeah, sure. What the hell." She turned to look at the next rack. "I don't see much in red, though there's some purple? You like purple?"

~*~

Wade pulled a face, "No. Baby looks good in glitter though and anything All-American. She's originally from Texas. More or less. Depends on how you view Dreams in the OC."

He liked Baby in red, white, and blue. She made one Hell of a cheerleader, too. Strippers had closets full of costumes if they wanted to make the most money and The Need/Want made great money for Baby. Wade wasn't even going to pretend he was anything other than the luckiest sonofabitch in Orange County having her as his personal partner. They were going to have a blast living together as Baby would say.

'A fucking blast.'

"She has a killer figure. Small waist. Round ass. Natural tits which are on the small side but with really great curves to make for fantastic side-boob action which is very important when it comes to shopping for swimwear. Gotta look for something to really show off the side-boob, you know?"

~*~

"Okay, so... no purple?" Kate said, raising an eyebrow. Purple was Kate's go to color both here and in the Dreams. But she understood that it wasn't for everyone. Red, white, and blue, huh? They could work with that. Kate put the purple thing away and continued going through the clothes on the rack. There wasn't a whole lot there, though something had glitter on it.

Kate pulled it out, too.

"Something that'll show off the side-boob, that's not purple," she said, holding the glittery thing out to him. This was absolutely surreal. If she'd been asked what she thought she would do with today, this would be the last thing she would have come up with.

~*~

Wade shook his head to the negative. 'Purple? Gross. Who was he dating? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince?' He took the glittery top as Cute Brunette offered it to him, holding it up to the light to see it shimmer better. The thing would look fantastic in the light. There was no way for him to tell if it had the exact proportions to make Baby look her best, but he thought it would do.

"I think this will do nicely. Thank you for sharing your opinion, Cute Brunette. You want me to help you pick out something fun in the sun for yourself? I recommend something with a full bottom. Sometimes the less a guy can see? Makes him more desperate than when he can see it all."

That was how strippers made their money, but Wade had understood the concept a long time before he'd fallen in love with Baby Firefly.

~*~

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Kate said. This guy could totally give her insight as to what Clint might like. Not that she shopped only for things that he would like. She was under the impression that she was more sexy when she was happy, healthy, and self-confident. If she shopped for things that made her feel beautiful, then he would like them, too.

“My swimsuit definitely needs an upgrade. I’m thinking… something that’ll show off my assets.” Hopefully they could find something that would work.

~*~

The appraising look Wade cast over Cute Brunette's body was almost as invasive as if he'd had her strip right there in the store. He could practically pull clothes off a body with his mind. Was that a superpower? Wade figured the answer was no. All he knew for a certain fact was Cute Brunette had a slamming ass and she could definitely rock a top which was of the sporty style. She wouldn't be able to pull off Baby's style, but sporty?

Absolutely.

"Sporty. You need something sporty to show off your muscles. You work out, right? I think maybe they've got a set over here which reminds me of volleyball beauties. I recommend you try something in that line. If you want to try anything on? Feel free to tell me to wait outside the door. I'll be glad to sit out there and give you a once over."

~*~

Suddenly, Kate felt incredibly gross about asking for Wade's help. The way he was looking at her was... ridiculous. She tucked her hair behind her ears, feeling a little awkward. But hey, she'd asked. Right? And now he was giving her... well, actually really good advice.

She nodded, then turned her attention back to the rack. "Something like... this one?" She asked, pulling a black, sporty, slinky thing off the rack. It wasn't really her style, but if he thought she might look good in this one?

"...you want... wait, what?" She asked, then raised an eyebrow. Well, that would... work. "Wait right there." It would only take a moment for her to go slip into the swimsuit and come back out for him to see.

~*~

Wade made himself comfortable outside the fitting room area, not close enough to get labeled a pervert but not too far away either. He didn't want her to have to flash herself to the whole store just so he could get an eyeful. They were shopping for some other dude. He knew it without knowing her name or anything about her. Wade figured the only reason she'd have allowed him to offer up advice would be because she had some guy waiting on her somewhere.

He hoped it helped.

Whistling as he got a glimpse of her in the mirror at the back of the fitting area, Wade gave two thumbs up, "Complete testosterone-enhanced approval. That's what you're getting. Do you feel good in it? That matters too. I mean, I think you look like a bombshell. If you don't feel like one though? That's going to be just some new outfit you wish you hadn't bought."

~*~

Kate came out of the dressing room wearing the swimsuit. She thought it made her look like some comic book character. But hey, if he thought it looked good? Then she'd take his word.

"Yeah, I think it's pretty good." She said, turning toward the three-way mirror so she could get a look at herself in the suit. It was a good suit. "I think this is a keeper. Thanks for your help. You can go now. Back to your Baby." She said, then gave him a wink, and headed back into the dressing room to change back into her street clothes.

~*~

Waving at her, Wade went to pay for his selections, "Thanks for your help, Cute Brunette. Do me a favor and think of me fondly when Mr. Cute Brunette trips over his tongue seeing you in that suit."

He flirted a little with the cashier while she rang up his purchases; Wade wished he had the option to tell everyone in the store how he was the luckiest guy there. It didn't matter he was the only guy there. To Hell with them, right? He had Baby to get home to and she was all his. She was going to love him if she loved the swimwear. Wade had the inflatable pool toys as a fallback.

Just in case.

He always liked to get home to a happy Baby. She was the best when he was making her happy. He hoped Cute Brunette was going home to someone who made her happy. She seemed the type to deserve happy.