jem carstairs will be the light at your side (mizpah) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-07-26 18:51:00
Who: Tessa Gray, Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs When: Backdated: Early July. Middle of the night Where: Their place What: The dreams change Jem once again Rating/Warnings: Low/None Status: Complete
It had been almost a week in the hospital for Jem before they had finally said there was nothing they could find or do for him and allowed Will and Tessa to take him home. For now they put him in the boys room on his own so he could rest properly and Will had moved into Tessa’s room for a while.
He’d been sleeping restlessly, knowing he wasn’t with Jem was hard on him and while he loved Tessa just as much his worry about their boyfriend was high. He slept fitfully as his mind was bombarded with dreams and he woke with a cry as his parabatai rune throbbed in agony.
Tessa had initially been relieved when the hospital had released Jem from the hospital, somewhat ignoring their advice that they couldn't help any further. Happy to have Will staying with her in her old room, she recognised that while they were worried about Jem’s prognosis, Will and Jem shared the very special parabatai relationship. She had a feeling that she wouldn't ever quite be able to imagine the feelings her two boys endured because of that bond and how deeply it ran.
Having managed to drift off to a light sleep eventually, with Will by her side, she was woken abruptly by his cry and sat up in surprise. She looked over at Will and placed a hand on his chest. “Will? Will?! What's wrong?” she asked, becoming more frantic as she did.
Will raised a hand to his parabatai rune and his hand came away bloody, “Jem” he gasped, “We need to check on Jem” He knew from the dream he’d just had that Jem had become a silent brother and that was what caused their bond to break but here there were no silent brothers which made him worry about what the bleeding rune meant. Pushing himself off the bed he stumbled from the room towards his parabatai and lover.
Since coming home from the hospital, Jem had pretty much been resigned to his bed, not that he had much strength to do anything else. Will had moved to Tessa’s room and while Jem understood, it was lonely sleeping alone again. Sleep though wasn’t something that Jem was getting much of, however, when he did fall asleep he dreamt and in his dreams he was alone and on his deathbed. Will had gone to try and rescue Tessa, leaving the other occupants of the Institute to care for him. In the end, Jem had decided that the only course of action was to attempt the transition into a Silent Brother. They had been under the impression that the magic that turned one into a Silent Brother wouldn’t work on Jem because of the Yin Fen, but as it turned out, it took, but once the transition happened, Jem was not like the other Silent Brothers.
As Jem dreamt of his transformation into a Silent Brother, body went through the same transformations in the waking world. The Runes that made one a Silent Brother appeared on his skin, which included the marks above his cheekbones and while his hair remained black, there was a shock of silvery white. Through all of this Jem slept and continued to dream.
Will wasn’t aware the transformation has taken place here too, all he knew was that his rune was bleeding which meant the connection was gone. And that, as far as he knew, could have only happened for one reason here. Bursting into the room he dropped down by Jem’s bedside and almost wept in relief when he saw Jem sleeping chest rising and falling steadily. He was so happy his boyfriend was alive he didn’t notice the physical changes at first.
Tessa hurried after Will as he ran from the bed and to Jem’s, pausing only briefly to pick up her light dressing gown as she went. “Will? Will! What’s going on?” she called after him, following him into the other bedroom.
Looking at Jem in the bed when she entered, she came to a stop and gasped, a hand covering her mouth. “Jem? Jem? She asked, coming around to the other side of the bed and brushing a hand over his forehead and taking hold of his hand. “Will, what’s wrong with him?” she asked, feeling Jem’s temperature with the back of her hand. He didn’t seem to be running a fever that she could tell and she dropped her hand to his cheek to caress the marks that had appeared there.
At Tessa’s change in tone he looked at Jem again and the realisation hit, the damn dreams were taking him from them. In a sense anyway. “He’s...becoming a silent brother” he whispered, laying a hand carefully on Jem’s cheek, “Jem, babe, wake up” he entreated him.
Jem remained asleep, almost as if he were in the same dormant state the Brothers had put him in during his transition, unaware that Will and Tessa were there. As he slept his dreams changed. The transformation complete and he insisted on going with the other Silent Brothers to rescue Will and Tessa. He wore the customary robes of the Silent Brothers, hood hiding his face as they found Mortmain’s Automatons.
“Will? Why won’t he wake up?” Tessa asked, voice rising as the worry and fear really started to come to the fore. “Jem? Jem, we need you to wake up now,” she called to him, shaking him gently. She stroked his cheek and pushed his hair back from his face.
“He must still be dreaming of everything. He’s turning into a silent brother” Will said softly, watching Jem with affection and worry.
There was no telling how much time passed for Jem between the time he’d fallen asleep that evening and when his dreams finally ended with the death of Mortmain by the Angel Ithuriel. Everything was black when for sometime before Will and Tessa’s voices broke through and he used all his strength to reach them.
Finally opening his eyes, he glanced from one to the other, his eyes having returned to their original dark brown. ”Will? Tessa? What’s wrong?” As he spoke, he didn’t realize that he hadn’t moved his lips and instead the words had been projected into their heads.
Tessa frowned at the sound of Jem’s voice in her head. Her hand briefly dropped away from his face as she realised that his lips hadn’t moved when he spoke and she gaped. “How did...how did you do that?” She looked across at Will. “Wha...? WIll, what’s happening?”
“Jem, the dreams what do you remember?” he asked, using his free hand to take Tessa’s and squeeze it. This was part of the silent brother transformation, though Will knew he could speak to them normally too. He tried to keep focused on Jem despite the pain pulsing through him from his now broken rune.
It took Jem a moment to realize that he hadn’t spoken out loud and he frowned slightly before the dreams came back to him, “I...I made the decision to become a Silent Brother.” The realization hit him in that moment and he sat up, now brown eyes going straight to the folded parchment colored robes at the end of the bed that had gone unnoticed till now. He stared at the robes for a moment before laying back down and turning his attention back to Will and Tessa, “We came to rescue you.”
“You...you chose this? Why? I don’t understand,” Tessa frowned and leaned forward so she could look Jem over a bit more closely. “How do you feel? Do you feel...better?” she asked, feeling Jem’s forehead and clutching Will’s hand with her other one.
“There was no other choice” Will said softly, keeping his hold on both Jem and Tessa like they were both his lifelines. It wasn’t quite so far from the truth, realising what had happened and why the pain was ripping through his body didn’t really bring him any relief. But he clung to consciousness for Jem.
Jem was focused on Tessa, because she seemed the one who needed the most reassurance, “I was dying. It was my last resort. I don’t know how I feel, to be honest.” He reached up for Tessa’s hand and laced their fingers together, “I’m less human to you now, aren’t I?” He didn’t sound worried or even sad, but almost emotionless.
“No, no,” Tessa told him, locking eyes with him as she sat on the bed beside him. “I just...it’s a shock. You look different to when we settled you into bed only a couple of hours ago,” she explained, trying to smile brightly at him even as she felt her eyes filling with tears. She lifted their joined hands and pressed her lips to the back of it as she watched his face. “What does this mean? For us?” she asked quietly, squeezing Will’s hand as she did.
Will didn't speak, he wasn't sure what they could do now. Jem was a silent brother now, technically he should be with them but they didn't exist here. Could they carry on as they had? He wasn't sure and it scared him.
Jem wasn’t surprised to hear that he looked different from when they had gone to bed. He had assumed that since the dreams had changed him before, they would have changed him this time as well. “I don’t know. My feelings haven’t changed.” He glanced from Tessa to Will, “And I don’t know if I’m one hundred percent a Silent Brother. It’s hard to explain.” There were no Silent Brothers in the waking world so it wasn’t as if the same rules applied. After all, he and Will had already broken the rule about Parabatai falling in love.
Tessa smiled at him as he explained and squeezed his hand before leaning forward and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “How about that? Does that feel any different?” she asked quietly.
Will breathed a little easier when Jem said his feeling hadn’t changed and once Tessa pressed a kiss to his lips Will lifted the hand he held and pressed his lips to it as he waited for Jem to answer.
For the last few days all Jem had wanted was to be able to take Tessa and Will into his arms and kiss them, but as Tessa kissed him, he couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t feel the same. He knew that he still loved them both, but the kiss didn’t feel the same as it had before. “It...it felt different.” He hated to hurt either of them, but he knew that they wouldn’t want him lying to them and in this state, he didn’t think he could effectively lie as he had about how badly his illness had been the last few months. “I’m sorry.”
Tessa pulled back from Jem, hopeful until she heard him speak. Dropping her eyes from him as she felt the hurt in her heart, she patted his hand and straightened. She flashed a quick smile before excusing herself. “That’s ok. I’ll uh...I’ll put some tea on for us all,” she told them and tried to stop herself from hurrying from the room. Reaching the kitchen sink, she gripped the edges, breathing fast to try and stop the tears from falling. What was to become of their life now?
Will felt his own heart sink and was torn between following Tessa and staying with Jem, in the end after looking at Jem’s concerned face he knew he needed to follow her. “It’ll be okay” he said with more confidence than he truly felt, squeezing Jem’s hand, “We’ll all be fine” he pressed a light kiss to Jem’s temple before following Tessa into the kitchen and taking her silently in his arms.
Jem hated to see either Tessa or Will upset, but he didn’t see any other way around it. It wasn’t a normal situation and they would have to figure out how to deal with it. All Jem knew was that he wasn’t a typical Silent Brother, so that could mean anything and only time would tell what would happen. He nodded in response to Will’s words and watched as he followed Tessa.