Who: Morrigan and Maia What: Dreams of Denerim and after. And Morrigan has an emotion. Where: Morrigan's place When: Late June Rating: PG-13 status: complete
The battle had been intense, unlike anything that Maia had ever seen. She hadn’t known if Morrigan’s plan would work, and just in case she’d had to make sure that she got the final blow on the Arch Demon. She’d fired every spell she had, and at the end had picked up a fallen sword and taken it out the old fashioned way.
Her post victory mood had soured when she’d realized that her friend was nowhere to be seen. Their relationship had been volatile, but that hadn’t stopped her from caring about the witch. Even loving her. And sometimes, she allowed herself to believe that Morrigan felt the same way. Little glanced, little moments. So it had hurt.
And she’d woken up, half elated, part relieved, and part grumpy.
To be honest, Morrigan hadn’t known if any of them would survive the battle. Denerim was overrun with darkspawn when they’d arrived. Not to mention the delicate condition she was in made her a bit more wary of her fighting than was typical. Yet she also held nothing back. It was an all or nothing situation, and she had pledged to help Maia and Alistair reach the Archdemon to defeat it. While she had confidence that if Maia struck the killing blow, she would not suffer the same fate as the four previous Wardens who killed Archdemons had suffered, she didn’t know if Maia would survive fighting her way to the Archdemon.
Though when the Archdemon had finally fallen, and the darkspawn horde broke and began to retreat, Morrigan had been relieved to see Maia was still alive. Though true to her word, she left once the dust began to settle. It was easy for her to slip away while the others were distracted with celebration and taking care of remaining darkspawn. It had hurt her to leave, but Morrigan needed to get out of Ferelden as quickly as possible. While Maia had fought and killed Flemeth, Morrigan was not so certain her mother was actually dead, and she needed to take precautions. And Maia would be busy rebuilding the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. Duty would have pulled them apart eventually if Morrigan hadn’t pushed Maia away earlier. Though she stilled cared for Maia deeply, but a Warden’s duty came before everything else, and Morrigan had her own work to do that came before her personal happiness.
When she woke, Morrigan had a sense of dread. Her heart was heavy, and she was uncertain what effect the direction of the dreams would have on her relationship with Maia. It was things like this that reminded Morrigan why she always distanced herself from people. Caring hurt, and she well knew she was the wrong kind of person to be cared about. She wasn’t nice, and she didn’t consider herself good either. Maia could do better than her, the Swamp Witch. She drew in a slow breath and rubbed her eyes a bit as she glanced at the clock. She then glanced over to see if Maia was awake or not.
Maia was sitting up already, feet on the floor next to the bed and her shoulders tense. Though her face was turned away, she was clearly affected by something and with how their dreams had so often coincided, it was probably obvious why. She forced her shoulders to relax, and said. “Quite a battle, wasn’t it?”
Morrigan took in the body language from Maia. It wasn’t that difficult for her to read Maia. Especially not after the time they’d spent together in this life and having seen her in their dreams. She noticed Maia seemed to be affected by something, and her suspicion was proved correct when she spoke. “Indeed it was. It was quite the gruelling battle.” She finally sat up and brushed some hair behind an ear. Morrigan didn’t know how to bring up the elephant in the room. She was certain that mentioning it would ignite an argument.
Knowing something was going to happen, and having it happen, were two different things. Maia had to fight her own natural clingyness to not bum rush Morrigan and hold her. So she got to her feet and hugged her arms. She sighed, then said, “You could have at least said good bye.”
If Morrigan had been anyone else, raised by anyone else, things might have been much different. But she was what she was, and in the dreams she was afraid of getting close to people because to be close to her typically meant unpleasant things. In this world, she was afraid of being close to people because she didn’t want to get hurt. “I am not good at goodbyes. Especially when there are emotions involved and duty pulls people in opposite directions.”
Well, there was an admission that she still felt for Maia in the dreams.
The admission didn’t actually help. If anything it only hurt more. Maia reminded herself that those were the dreams, and Morrigan wasn’t going to take off for some reason here. It resolved her to get a ring on Morrigan’s finger. “I love you. Loved you there, too. I’ve always just been too chicken to say it.”
And that admission also didn’t help. Morrigan had known that Maia loved her here, she’d heard those admissions during sex, but she’d not done anything with them because she wasn’t certain how to handle it. Morrigan knew she loved Maia in the dreams, but there was no way they would’ve been able to stay together in them in Morrigan’s opinion. Here? Here they could be together so long as Morrigan didn’t mess it up like she had in the dreams. Because she knew if either of them was going to ruin things, it would be herself and not Maia.
And more importantly, Morrigan knew that she loved Maia here, too. It was something that she’d been coming around to slowly, but the dreams had helped her see things a bit more clearly here. She looked up at Maia, watching her for some moments as several emotions roiled within her.
“I love you.” There was more she could say, to add after that sentence, but she didn’t. For once, she simply let that hang there without tainting it by talking too much at once.
Maia could very well tell the Wardens to fuck themselves and have run off with Morrigan, if she’d have half the chance. She was selfish, and while she’d taken her duty seriously when she’d needed to, she also hadn’t wanted it. She nearly said as much, but then Morrigan’s words brought her up short. “I...you...I…”
She reached for Morrigan’s hand and drew closer to her, words failing her.
Morrigan was a selfish person, but she’d chosen self-sacrifice in letting Maia go because she believed it was the best for Maia. Maia was a good person, and she could do a lot of good with the Wardens, or just in general. Morrigan felt her path in life would only hurt, or even kill, Maia and she could not bear the thought of that.
When Maia pulled her closer, Morrigan shifted to kneel on the bed, pulling Maia in with her other hand. Not knowing what else to say, she simply let actions speak for her and she kissed Maia. It was a heavily emotional and desperate kiss. Desperate to know that Maia wasn’t going to break up with her and send her away after that dream.
Maia leaned into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Morrigan and all but molding their bodies together. She didn’t want to break up with her, if anything she wanted more. More of Morrigan, more time with her, a life with her. It didn’t matter anything bad either of them might of done, after all Maia’s hands weren’t bloodless.
She slid her arms around Maia’s neck snugly. She kissed her for what seemed like an eternity. Morrigan didn’t want to break it, but eventually she needed to come up for air. She broke the kiss, but didn’t pull her lips from Maia’s more than a couple centimeters at most. She wanted the closeness, needed it. It was an emotionally charged moment, and Morrigan didn’t know which emotion to express. But her body needed the release and she couldn’t help it as she started to cry.
Yes. Morrigan was crying. This was not a drill or a fake out.
And despite crying, she tangled her hands into Maia’s hair and kissed her soundly again.
Not knowing how to react, Maia just let Morrigan cry. More than the words, Morrigan’s tears drove home just how much this moment met, and it was enough to make Maia’s chest clench and her own eyes water. She kissed back just as soundly and just as emotionally, her whole body trembling.
Crying was not something Morrigan did often. While she had very deep and strong emotions, she kept them all carefully hidden and to herself. But the strength of the emotions she felt from the dreams and the confessions of love where too much for her to keep inside. Her own body was trembling, and she kept kissing Maia until she needed air again. When she broke the kiss this time, she pressed her face into the crook of Maia’s neck.
Placing her hand on the back of Morrigan’s neck, Maia held her there. She didn’t call out the crying, or the warmth of the tears, or make any comment that might make Morrigan self-conscious. She simply let her have her emotions, while drowning in her own. How could one be happy and yet also want to bawl like a little child?
Morrigan slid her arms around Maia snugly. She didn’t like crying, but this wasn’t something she could stop. So she simply rode the wave of her tears. Tears that were a combination of happy, sad and relieved, for she felt all three things currently, and more. It took a while, but her tears finally subsided. However, she didn’t move away from Maia. She simply sat there and focused on the scent of Maia’s skin as she calmed down.
She rubbed her hand around in a big circle on Morrigan’s back, letting the silence linger on a little while longer before she found it in herself to talk. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to go. Even then I’ll argue about it until I’m blue in the face.”
The silence was needed as Morrigan attempted to pull herself together again. Such displays of emotion made her feel exposed in ways she didn’t like. Even with her girlfriend who had seen her in compromising positions, Morrigan still liked to keep some amount of dignity and mystery about her. “I have no wish for you to go nor do I wish to go.”
Using her thumb, Maia brushed some of the tears from Morrigan’s cheek, then kept on brushing there. Something about those sharp cheekbones that was always so attractive. “Then lets not worry about it. Its not like I don’t understand, love.” She kissed her cheek lightly, then hugged Morrigan again.
She really needed to work on the clingy thing.
She sniffed slightly, and drew in a couple deep breaths. Morrigan returned Maia’s hug. Right now she was okay with the clingy thing. Sometimes she wasn’t, but this wasn’t one of those. “It was not a decision I made lightly. Though at least such choices do not need to be made here.” Even if Morrigan was more than a little neurotic on wondering if that dream pregnancy would carry over here.
Maia kissed her face, then her lips again. She liked to think she could pick up when Morrigan needed her to not be clingy. “I know. But that’s okay. We’ll make it okay, you and I. We saved the world, after all! That’s something, isn't it?”
She returned the kiss, starting to relax a bit after that emotional outburst. “T’was more you who saved the world than I. You are the hero of the story, not I.” Morrigan well knew many people wouldn’t even know her name. She’d have a name that was lost amongst the likes of the Hero of Ferelden and King Alistair. But it was better that way. Let those who deserved the credit and glory have it.
“Perhaps, but no hero walks alone, nor should she.” She needed others to help her steer the ship, people to inspire and be inspired by. The faces of those she was trying to save. She stroked Morrigan’s face again, some part of her wanting to memorize it.
“No, they do not. Even so, you did most of the work. My part was small, and not one for the history books.” Would history even remember the names of those who had helped Maia and Alistair? Probably not. Not if the powers that be had anything to say about it. After all, one could not credit an apostate for saving the world. Maia was saved from the apostate title because she was a Grey Warden. Morrigan was simply an apostate.
“Small.” Maia snorted. “I’d argue against that, but something tells me you wouldn’t let me win that one.” She would remember Morrigan’s part. She’d remember all their parts, even if history might have forgotten them. And history had a way of remembering things, even if it might turn into a tall tale.
“Not in this matter, no.” Morrigan said with a bit of a smirk. There were other, more deserving people that should be remembered in the tale of the Fifth Blight as it was passed on to future generations. Morrigan was fine with being a footnote within it. “After all, I am the apostate. The Chantry would probably strike me from the record faster than one could blink.”
The less said about the Chantry the better. Maia stole another kiss, and shook her head. “You mattered to me, and I sat upon your very pretty head to do it. Not that I ever minded sitting on your face.”
“I would hope not. I certainly enjoyed the view when you were sitting on my face.” Morrigan responded, eyebrows raising a bit. She could give it right back to Maia without choking at least. Also, at least Morrigan wasn’t the blushing sort.
Imagine poor Alistair’s reaction to this conversation. It was a funny thought. “The reverse view is quite nice too. But I was thinking more like real food for breakfast, love.”
Morrigan would prefer to not speak of Alistair for a while. Not while she kept freaking out that she was pregnant with his child in her dreams, and she certainly didn’t want that carrying over into this world for various reasons. “Real food for breakfast may be arranged. We can cook something, unless you wish to go out for breakfast.”
“Lets stay in,” Maia breathed. She wanted to keep this moment between them. Private. Special. Meaningful. And she wanted it to last as long as possible before they let the real world intrude on them. “But lets order in. I’m feeling lazy.”
“Do you know what you would like and where you wish to order from or shall I find some menus?” Morrigan asked. She did actually mean getting up and going to grab menus from a drawer as opposed to looking them up on a phone or computer or something. Morrigan may use technology, but she was still old fashioned when it came to doing some things. She didn’t google things that she knew how to easily find in other methods.
“Surprise me, darling.” Maia trailed her hand down Morrigan’s arm. Once they’d eaten, well she had some plans. Of the life affirming and love affirming variety. Luckily, she was off, and Morrigan worked from home.