Callisto (rageinmyheart) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-06-19 18:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, callisto |
Who: Callisto
What: Visiting her family on Father's Day
When: Today
Where: A cemetery
Warnings: Cemetery, mentions of death during a fire
Status: Narrative, complete
This was one of the days that Callisto normally spent drunk off her rocker. However, given she was a god currently, alcohol had no effect on her. Spending the day stone-cold sober was a painful experience. Her father had died nearly eight years ago in a fire that had also claimed her mother and sister's lives. Even worse was that this time around, not only did she have the memories of what had happened to her family in this life, she had the memories of what had happened to them in another life in ancient Greece. It was almost too much for her to handle. She just sat in her room as she tried to ignore the world. But sitting there wasn't exactly accomplishing anything.
One of the perks to being a god was that she could teleport. And she was definitely needing to get out of that condo. She wanted to get away from Orange County for a little while as well. Despite the fact she was losing grip on her sanity, the place she wanted to go was to the cemetery where her family was buried. She hadn't visited them in a while, and perhaps it was time to do so. She got dressed, grabbed her wallet, and then she teleported away from the condo. She appeared in a secluded area of the city where her parents were buried. And, consequently, the city she'd grown up in.
She walked to a florist where she bought some flowers. An offering to her parents and sister. Perhaps also an apology for not visiting, but it wasn't easy for her. It also wasn't easy to be here. Even for how much her dreams may be killing her heart, or what was left of it, she had genuine emotion stirring as she made the walk from the florist shop to the cemetery. She managed to keep it together as she made her way to the place in the cemetery where her family was buried. But once she reached the graves, it was harder to keep her emotions locked inside. The woman who rarely cried had tears welling up in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she knelt down and set the flowers by her mother's gravestone.
"I'm sorry it's been so long since I visited. It's hard to come here, to be physically reminded that I'm here and that you three aren't." She brushed her fingers along her father's gravestone. "Happy Father's Day, dad. I wish you were still here so we could do this properly. But this is the way it has to be. My words don't really mean much anymore, but I do love you, all three of you, and I miss you. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you were here." At the very least, Callisto would probably be a much better person than she currently was. Maybe she'd even be Xena's type if she hadn't been twisted, bent and broken by her life and her dreams. Maybe she'd actually be happy.
"You wouldn't believe the things that have happened to me lately. But I have been wrestling with the question of if I had the chance to go back and save you, would I take it." Callisto could time travel. She could go back in time and change her past. She'd tried to do it in her dreams, but it had gone horribly wrong. In that version of history, she'd killed her parents, not the fire that Xena's army had caused. But that timeline had been undone, and Callisto had learned her lesson on time travel. "Until recently, I would have given anything to be able to go back in time and save all three of you. But after a recent event, I know I can't do that. I can't take the risk, even if I want to be with you all again." Though it was becoming more possible that Callisto would join them in death. She was evil in her dreams, and did nothing but hurt Xena, and she was fairly certain that she'd end up dead again. Callisto did have the hind's blood dagger, she could easily take her own life with it if she wanted to. But she hadn't come to that point yet. Keyword being yet.
Sniffing, Callisto shifted to sit on the ground. She spent some time there in silence, just taking some time with her family. She didn't know when, or if, she'd come back here, so she would make the visit count. Callisto didn't know if Xena would one day succeed in killing her for good or not, and if that death would happen here. She didn't hold regrets save for not visiting her family more often when she thought about them every single day. Now that she could teleport, perhaps she should make use of that ability more when she had the chance and the fortitude to do so. Because being there wasn't easy. Her heart was breaking as she sat there with her family, occasionally talking to them out loud.
A good couple hours and many tears later, Callisto decided it was time to go before Xena wondered if she was out causing mayhem somewhere. Standing up, she said her goodbyes, then glanced around to ensure no one else was around, and she teleported back to her room in the condo. She then went into the bathroom and took a long shower to freshen up and pull her emotions back inside where they belonged.