I don’t even know how the force works Who: Finn and Rey When: May 6th Where: Wherever they were hiding from the Empire? What: Finn has some bad dreams. Rey gives him spoilers. Rating/Warnings: none really Status: complete
Finn knew his First Order/Resistance dreams weren’t over yet. Poe and Rey had indicated as much without giving him too many spoilers that could have stressed him out or made him insatiably curious. When the Empire madness had shown up in the OC, he at first thought maybe he’d been dreaming, sleepwalking for the first time, or having a very trippy PTSD episode. As it turned out it wasn’t any of those things but a very real attack, which alternately thrust together and separated the three friends. In the end, Finn had ended up staying with Rey to protect her, and to fulfill the promise he’d made to himself after some of his other dreams, to never abandon her again.
At some point, when the firefight had died down into sporadic bouts, they’d managed to find enough peace to sleep. Finn had passed out, still in his white stormtrooper armor sans the helmet, blaster in his hands, ready to go if need be. As it turned out, the OC hadn’t been finished with him yet and a new bout of dreams seeped into his sleep cycle - and they weren’t good.
After Finn had done the stupid, selfish thing of abandoning Rey, Han Solo, Chewbacca and BB-8 to go with some aliens who’d take him to the Outer Rim, cries of despair filled the air and he’d looked up to see blood red streaks across the clear blue sky of Takodana. They were heading right for the seat of the Republic and where most of its fleet was based. Within moments it all was gone, nothing but tiny splotches of bright red, silent flashes in the sky as all the planets were obliterated thanks to the First Order’s Starkiller Base.
Finn had turned around in a panic and raced to find Solo and the others, only to find Rey was missing. Then the First Order had attacked and it was all chaos. Before he knew it, they were captured by the First Order, then not captured as the Resistance X-Wing squadron arrived just in time to pummel them.
But then. Then he saw Kylo Ren. He was carrying an unconscious Rey to his ship and Finn was too far away to stop it. They were lifting off and gone before he could do a damned thing.
Except scream. In rage, in anguish and guilt, his voice called her name into the sky as if it would turn the mammoth black ship around but it didn’t.
“REYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” he woke at his final cry, startling himself as he roared it from sleep to waking. He sat up, wild eyed and gasping.
At first it had been a little fun. Almost like a game but that had quickly changed. Rey had never killed before, not while awake, but she'd let her anger get the better of her more than once and had proven a passable shot with Han's pistol. Up close she was even more dangerous, first with her staff and then eventually with the lightsaber. Untrained in it, but passable enough thanks to her combat skills and the Force that she'd been effective.
She didn't know what the morning would bring, and she'd had trouble sleeping. She knew her dreams were unfinished, she knew she would have to leave the Resistance and find Luke Skywalker, but she wasn't ready yet. She didn't feel ready.
So she kept watch, more than once stroking a hand over Finn's shoulder as he slept. She'd just drifted off when he woke up screaming, and started she made a short distressed sound before realizing what was happening. She grabbed Finn's shoulders. "I'm here! Finn, I'm here!"
Disoriented, he jumped in his skin as he was grabbed and he stared at Rey a moment as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Then all at once he tossed the blaster aside and launched at her with a big bear hug, which was probably a bit uncomfortable for her since he was still in his armor. But the only thing going through Finn’s mind was pure relief.
“OHMYGODREY,” it came out all at once as he held her tightly. He was quiet a moment, fighting tears. “Oh my god. I lost you. He took you! I couldn’t get there fast enough. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Oof, you’re kind of stiff right now,” She said, hugging him back and patting his armor. She was a little blindsided by the intensity of his emotions. Had her being taken really affected him that much? Someone actually cared that much? Rey didn’t know how to handle it. “You wouldn’t have been able to do anything. He froze me to the spot, invaded my mind and then made me go to sleep.”
She didn’t have kind thoughts about Kylo Ren right now.
“Oh, sorry.” he said, pulling back. He looked at her face, watching every expression as she explained as if maybe from around the corner Kylo would show up and snatch her away again. “You wouldn’t have been in that position if I hadn’t been a selfish, cowardly ass by leaving you guys. I shoulda stayed. He wouldn’t have gotten you! We would have all been together!” Without thinking he reached out with a gloved hand and tenderly touched the side of her face. “I…” He didn’t know how to explain to Rey how he felt about her. Hell, he wasn’t even completely sure himself. Between the emotions of the dreams and what he felt here, it was a bit of a mess. Was it love? Was it friendship? Was it both? All he could do was look into her eyes wordlessly, still trying to catch his breath. Awkwardly, he pulled his hand away suddenly, looking down.
“I...there was so much going on. The First Order blew up the Republic...they used Starkiller base! Then TIE’s attacked the cantina. It collapsed on us, but we got out, and then Maz gave me this laser sword thing - the one you have! And I didn’t know what it was, but holy cow that thing! And...and…” His brain was overwhelmed a bit. It’d been a while since he’d gone from battle to battle like this, even if one was dreaming and one was a waking one.
“Finn...Finn…” Rey shook her head, a little bit of shame rising up and lodging itself into her throat. “I ran too. I saw something, I had a vision when I touched that lightsaber, and I couldn’t handle it, so I ran. The attack came when I was in the forest. I sent BB8 away and I tried to lead them away from him. I thought… maybe if I did that everything would be okay. And maybe if I died then I wouldn’t have to face what I’d seen.”
It was the first time she’d admitted that out loud. She took his hands, squeezing them. “It wasn’t your fault, Finn. It wasn’t. I was mad, yes, but I understand now.”
He was wordless for a long moment as she held his hands, telling him these things, his brown eyes locked onto hers. His racing brain came to a screeching halt at the idea that Rey had been ready to die because of a vision. How horrible could it have been that she’d have given up her life to prevent it?
Without thinking, Finn leaned forward and pressed a quick, soft kiss to her lips. “Rey, if I’d lost you - for good - I’d’ve lost everything.” And he realized in that moment how true it was. Sure, he and Poe were brothers in arms and best friends by chance, but he realized the heartbreaking loss of Poe he thought he’d endured on Jakku would have been nothing compared to if he’d lost Rey permanently. There was something there, a bond, a connection between them that he couldn’t quite explain. Maybe because they both had been so alone in their own ways for so long, that losing the other was too much to bear now that they were understanding what true friendship was.
In hindsight, she should have let the force in sooner. But she’d been terrified, and had been given far too much information at once. Admitting her family wasn’t returning for her had only made her mental state worse and even thinking about it now made her sick to her stomach.
She stared at him, blinking rapidly and trying to process both his actions and his words. He’d gone to great lengths to come for her. And sure, she probably would have stolen a fighter and escaped on her own, but that didn’t matter. It was the thought that counts and the thought that she meant that much to anyone brought water to her eyes. “ I’m… pardon?”
Oh god, Finn. Keep it together. Don’t you cry too, he thought to himself as he saw the tears welling up in her eyes. Didn’t matter if he was the tough guy from Special Forces or First Order, emotionally he was a live wire at the moment and he bit his lower lip a moment to keep it together. They hadn’t let go of each other’s hands, and he squeezed hers gently in reassurance. “You mean the world to me, Rey. In the dreams and here. I don’t know how else to explain it.” He really didn’t. Finn suddenly chuckled a little to himself and looked down at their hands a moment before looking up at her. “Remember that movie we went to go see? The super hero one? That was supposed to be a date.” He paused and smirked at himself. “Or I thought it was, anyway.”
She still hadn’t quite registered the kiss or what it had felt like, but then suddenly his actions were in stark relief and she opened her mouth. “I’m… Pardon?”
Okay, okay, okay. Clearly they’d have completely different ideas about what the dinner and movie had been about but that at least explained the paying thing. “Oh. Oh. I see. I hadn’t...well I’ve never been on one so I didn’t even know.” What was even happening? And really she should be mad but she… wasn’t. She was confused, conflicted, and didn’t know what she was feeling. She resumed hugging him. “You...haven’t dreamed it yet but you come for me.”
Well that explained a helluva lot. Finn had a slightly amused look on his face as Rey explained herself and then she was hugging him again and he suddenly wished he didn’t have all this bulky armor on so he could actually feel the hug besides at the neck. He hugged her back, this time not with an armored death grip, and closed his eyes. Oh thank god, they got a chance to go back for her. He didn’t care how they’d managed it, but all that mattered is that they had. “Thank you, Rey.” he murmured in relief. He could stop freaking out now. And just maybe, given a week or three, not hate on Kylo Ren/Ben Kylo. Maybe.
“Do you want to know more?” She pulled back, just enough to see his face and let him see hers. For someone who’d been alone so long she was really keen on this whole affection for her friends thing. She didn’t know what her feelings for Finn were, either, just that he meant a lot to her. As much as Han Solo had. Maybe more.
He gave her that little smirk of a smile of his and said, “Yeah, absolutely.” At close proximity, the color and expression of her eyes were mesmerizing, but he’d started to reign it in emotionally now and decided to focus on what she was going to tell him. Finn didn’t want to wait until he fell asleep again to know what came next, since there was no guarantee when he’d get more dreams. For once, he wanted spoilers.
“Okay.” Rey took a breath, then settled in against him as she thought about what to say. She’d never gotten to tell him what had happened after she was captured. “Ren tried to invade my mind again. He showed me his face, and tried to get the map out of my mind with the Force.”
Her voice shook as she said it, as much from a simmering rage as from fear and trauma. “I pushed him out, and then I was in his mind instead. He left, afraid.” She was proud of that. “I used to force to trick a stormtrooper into freeing me. I was orchestrating my own escape when you and Han came for me.” She looked at him, smiling finally. “No one ever came for me before.”
Finn didn’t like how the story started, with Ren trying to mind ravage Rey just like he had with Poe. What was with this Force stuff? Guess it was named aptly. But he was growing less comfortable with Ren around Poe now that he knew just how powerful this guy was. Who knows if he was dreaming this stuff now, or had these powers here? He did look impressed and surprised though when she described turning the tables on him.
“Well that’s their mistake,” he smiled down at her, and nudged her shoulder a little playfully. “You’re worth coming back for.” It was funny though, in a way, that Rey constantly didn’t need rescuing, even in situations one would think she would. Still, Finn knew that it was just a part of who he was to protect people he cared about, no matter what.
There was a bit of a pause, and he then looked over at her and said, “You can use the force to trick people? I don’t even know how the force works.”
“I’m just figuring it out,” Rey explained. “It’s..all around us, or something like that. Some people just...can access it and others can’t.” She’d heard of mind tricks, of course. There’d been storied about what a Jedi could do… She frowned. “Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber called to me, and I can use the force. Does that make me a Jedi?” She lifted her head at him. “You were pretty decent with the lightsaber yourself. You held your own against Ren long enough for me to regain consciousness.”
“They didn’t really teach us anything about that in training.” Finn explained. “We got basic history about the Jedi versus the Sith and the Empire but that’s it. Barely a mention about the force.” His brow furrowed when she mentioned Skywalker. “Wait...you had his lightsaber? How does a lightsaber call someone?” He paused at her question and had a thoughtful expression a moment, shifting a little as one butt cheek started to go numb with the way he was sitting in the armor. “Well, you out-forced Ren, got a force-call from a lightsaber from the most famous Jedi ever, so yeah, I’d say that probably makes you a Jedi.” He had no clue what made a Jedi, but it sounded about right. “I think someone on the network said something about training. Padawans or something. But that was back in the day, long before we were born so without any teachers…” he shrugged. “Automatic Jedi badass?”
Finn twisted a little to look at her at the mention of him fighting Ren. Clearly a lot had suddenly been skipped. “Back up. I do what now? And what happened to you??” He’d handled the weapon for all of five seconds when the First Order had attacked Takodana, he was surprised to hear this. Ren was not a dude to be trifled with, clearly, so how he wasn’t force choked and tossed aside immediately was a shock. He’d heard the rumors of the guy’s rage and tantrums.
“I can’t explain it. It’s probably something I’ve always felt, just never fully understood. It’s like magic, I guess. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve a little in you, too.” She pulled her leg up and wrapped one arm around it. “After...something bad happened on the Starkiller base, we were in the woods trying to escape. Ren found us. Knocked me into a tree. When I came to you were fighting him. I think you got him in the arm with the lightsaber, but then he sliced you up. He tried to pull the lightsaber to him with the force and I just….” She reached out with her hand, and a piece of rubble several feet away wobbled. “I called it to me, and it went right past him. I was so...angry. I was scared I’d lost you.”
This was a lot to process. Something bad happened on Starkiller that Rey clearly didn't want to divulge yet and now he was picturing how the hell he’d held his own in a fight against a Knight of Ren. Finn was also gaping at the piece of rubble Rey had just nudged like it was no big deal. “I got...sliced up?” he said it absently, still staring at the rock a moment longer before looking over at Rey. “How bad was it? How’d you do against Kylo? Did you kill him?” Please say yes, please.
“In the back. But the doctors said you’d be fine.” Rey looked down at the ground. “I fought him after you went down. At first he was winning. But then I let the Force in, and I beat him. The only reason he lived, really, was because the ground cracked between us and separated us.” She wasn’t sure she would have entirely recoiled from the darkside without that happening.
Finn winced hard at the idea of a lightsaber slice to the back. That sounded real nasty. As Rey relayed what he knew he’d never dream considering he’d been out for the count, he was both frustrated and awed: the former because he wasn't able to help her, the latter as now he understood she really seemed to be strong with this Force stuff.
“Damn,” he muttered in frustration. His brow furrowed. “Wait...did he use the force to break the ground or did something else happen?”
“Poe took out the target, the planet was starting to break apart. I don’t know what happened to Ren, but Chewie came for us in the Falcon. I had to…” She choked up, thinking of Han. How could she tell Finn that Han died? How could she tell Han. Or Leia. But Leia had already known.
Finn’s brow furrowed as she stopped short. “You had to what, Rey? What happened?” So they’d managed to disable Starkiller Base. It was an impressive feat, and he’d have to congratulate Poe later. He was fairly certain in the middle of the forest on a planet breaking up Kylo Ren wouldn’t have had time to escape, and Finn hoped that was the scenario. A tiny pang of guilt pricked him about such thoughts though; it meant that the Ren here, the one Poe was so crazy about, would get a death dream in the end. He’d read on the Net posts about how traumatic those could be.
“I had to keep an eye on you,” Rey finished. She chewed on her lip, then leaned her head into his shoulder. “On the flight back, and then after they took you away to get looked at. It was a little touch and go but you were...they said you’d be okay.”
How could she tell him she left him?
Finn was silent for a long moment, processing the fact he’d nearly died at Kylo Ren’s hands. A scowl started to form on his face at the thought of the man, but the feeling of pressure as Rey leaned her head against his armored shoulder stopped the expression from forming and he looked down at her in compassion. She’d been really upset about nearly losing him. A former First Order Storm Trooper she’d known for barely a week who’d lied to her face about who he was. A coward who nearly left her on Takodana just to get away from his former brethren in arms. He didn’t deserve this, her compassion, her friendship, any of it. Deep down inside though, he knew his dream self needed all of it, because he’d felt so alone for so long and chastised by his superiors as if a freak just for caring about others. In this world, Finn had never slowed down to really attach himself to anyone except his SEAL team buddies, and after Afghanistan…
He blinked back tears and tried to steady his voice. “Well...I’m glad I had you there with me to make sure I was okay.” He paused a moment and silently cursed the armor because he couldn’t really lean his cheek against the top of her head, which he wanted to do. Stupid armor. “And I’m glad you’re here with me now, too.”
She frowned again, her grip tightening. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay. We found the last part of the map. I had to find Luke Skywalker.”
Rey lifted her head, trying to meet Finn’s eyes. Her voice cracked. “I haven’t dreamed of leaving yet. But, I’m going to be a Jedi.”
“You guys found the map? Where?” They’d known BB-8 had a section of map, but that was all Finn knew dream wise. He was quiet a moment when Rey confessed she had to leave. After everything, why her? Why not Han or Chewie who clearly knew the guy better? Or Poe? But the questions died on his lips when she looked up at him with those expressive eyes of hers. They looked sad and it killed him inside.
“Hey,” he lifted a gloved hand and held her face a moment, smiling softly. “At that point I wasn’t going anywhere, so I get it. You have the Force. He’s got the Force. He used to teach people. Makes sense.” But he was sad himself, thinking about the fact she’d left. Would she come back? Was that it, were they going to see each other again? Would Skywalker come back to help the Resistance?
The very distant sound of a blaster shot sounded off and Finn stiffened. Probably about six blocks away from them. The firefight had died down for a long while as the Empire had swept through, but it looked like a second wave was picking its way through the neighborhood.
“I think that may be our cue to get the hell outta here.” he said, peeking over their shelter.
“R2-D2 had it the whole time. Luke must have hidden it in him somehow. Or he picked it up somewhere like the old temple on Coruscant.” That the Emperor had once turned into his palace. Rey shivered at the thought. “I promised you I’d come back, and I keep my promises.”
She shifted, kneeling up and putting a foot between then. It was time to be all business, she could worry about what this meant later. “I like that idea.”
Finn smiled over at her as she scanned the area. It was a good feeling knowing someone cared enough to want to come back for him. “I dunno who R2-D2 is but I’m glad someone had it.” he popped his helmet back on and switched on navigation. “There’s a small squad six blocks over, going street by street. I found a path away from them and back towards Poe’s last known location. Ready? On three. One...two...three!” And of course, he took her hand as they left cover.