Can you sing?
Who: Ahsoka and Li-ming What: Ahsoka has a terrible night mare and finds herself visiting a friend. And then they plan to start a band. Where: Li and Yang's place When: Late May Status: complete Rating: PG-13
Ahsoka had woken in fits and starts, her heart breaking as the realization settled in that Anakin was lost to her forever. That’ he’d become the very thing they’d fought so hard against. The monster, the Sith whose presence was so cold that it could give her the shivers just thinking about it was her friend, and her mentor. Anakin had fallen so low that she hadn’t been able to see him in Darth Vader’s eye.
It was a fight she was destined to lose. The sheer power and ferocity that Darth Vader brought to bear was difficult to overcome and while she’d advanced in ways Anakin never could have foreseen, it still wasn’t enough. He intended to kill her, and she wasn’t sure she had it in her to kill him instead.
And then the temple had closed and she was alone with him.
She was so filled with despair when she finally crawled out of bed that she didn’t know what to do. Raven was her closest friend but she was so sensitive to mood shifts that Ahsoka feared her mood could push her too close to the darkness that Raven so carefully kept balanced. So her text was never sent.
Ahsoka crawled into the shower to try to wash her sadness away. It helped a little, but she still found herself wandering aimlessly. A real Jedi would accept her death. But then, she wasn’t a real Jedi, was she? Even then, faced with the most powerful Sith she’d ever seen, she couldn’t bring herself to call herself a Jedi.
But with time and thought and meditation as she walked she slowly calmed herself. It could have been easy. To fall into the dark side and embrace it.
Somehow, she found herself at Li’s, and after a moment’s hesitation, she knocked.
Li was sitting on the couch, notebook and pencil beside her, laptop in her lap. She’d risen early, had breakfast, and now she was attempting to work on her latest composition. She had her headphones hooked into her laptop, mostly so as not to disturbed Yang if she was around, and currently they hung around neck as she scribbled in the notebook, then made some edits on the program she had open on her laptop.
Hearing the knock, she glanced up, set the notebook and pencil aside, then slipped the headphones off and set them and her computer on the coffee table before getting up and answering the door.
“Hello, Ahsoka,” she greeted, a little surprised to see her there but no less pleased. “Please, come in,” she invited.
Ahsoka smiled, the expression just a little tense. She certainly felt calmer, but there was still this underlying pain behind her expression. “Thanks. Sorry to be a bother, I was kind of in the neighborhood and wanted to see how you were doing.”
It was only a half-lie, and it prevented her having to Talk About Things,so that was an upshot.
“You are not a bother at all, it is good to see you.” Li said with a smile. “May I get you something? Water? Tea?” There was something a little off about Ahsoka’s expression, but she wasn’t entirely certain what that was. So she wouldn’t mention it just yet.
“Tea would be great. Green, if you have it.” Li seemed like a green tea type of person, and she knew it would steady what part of her nerves needed steadying. Ahsoka wondered if destiny was a thing. If Fate was ordained and couldn’t be changed. And she asked herself what she should have done differently.
“I do have green tea,” she said, then headed to the kitchen. She began making the tea, grabbing her favorite green tea out of a cupboard. She also had some black tea, but she mostly had green teas. “Please, make yourself comfortable,” she said as she gestured towards the living room where she’d been sitting.
“Thank you. I really appreciate this. I’m sorry if I intruded.” She settled onto the couch, crossing her legs and leaning her head back over the back of it. Closing her eyes, she tried to find that peace she’d felt just a few minutes ago. But Li kind of disturbed her calm. “Were you working on something?”
“You are not intruding at all, I assure you,” Li said with a smile, grabbing two cups. “Yes and no. I am having difficulty with a composition I am working on. You saved me from a couple hours’ worth of frustration.” She chuckled softly.
“What’s bothering you about it?” While she didn’t know much about composition, she also knew that sometimes someone asking questions could make a person think of things they hadn’t before. A brain exercise Obi-wan had used on her more than once. And one she’d used on Ezra and Kanan once or twice.
“It is difficult to say,” she began as she finished making the tea, then brought it over and handed Ahsoka her cup before she sat down with her own. “I thought it was the melody that was not working, but changing that did not help. I have been attempting to change the orchestration around, but that is not working so well either.”
The cup was warm, and comforting in its heat and scent. She took a taste and made an approving sound deep in her throat. “Do you know what’s not working about it? Or is it one of those nebulous feel things that are hard to put into words? What if you added something to both instead of changing both?”
Li sipped her tea. “It is possible that the orchestration is not the correct one for the song I am crafting. Though my knowledge of the electric guitar is more limited than I would wish it to be. I suppose that is the problem. Or one of them. I am one for composing complex pieces of music, and perhaps I am over-complicating matters.”
“A lot of guitar playing sound simple but is kind of complex in the finger movements, I think. Though that depends on the artist. I’m not really more than a casual listener. Have you watched someone play? Maybe that’ll help?” Sometimes the best way to learn a new technique was to watch a master at work. That was the way it was for lightsabers, maybe it was similar with music.
“I have, but it is still a mystery to me. I suppose it would be easier were I more familiar with the various sounds it could make. It is a very intricate and complex instrument.” Li pondered things for a moment. “Perhaps I should not do any compositions with the instrument until I am more familiar with it.”
“That’s up to you. Maybe you should hit up some concerts.” There might be stuff online,too, but Ahsoka wasn’t familiar with all the different tools a guitarist could use on their computer to make various sounds. Who needed an amp when you had a laptop?
“Perhaps I should. Or I could learn how to play it myself. Which I certainly could do.” Though she well knew it would take time away from practicing with her violin and such. Yet Li was certain her parents would flip out if they knew she was learning to play a guitar. Which was more incentive to learn, really.
It was an interesting mental picture and Ahsoka found herself blushing just a little at the thought. Her lips quirked. “If you learn guitar, I’ll try to learn an instrument. You know, for solidarity.” She laughed. “Maybe we could start a band.”
“We certainly could.” Li said with a chuckle. “What instrument would you want to learn?” She was curious what Ahsoka would choose.
“What do you think I’d look good playing?” It sounded like that was the more important consideration. They needed to look good! And probably sound good. “Drums. I could probably do drums.”
“I was thinking drums, actually. Or even percussion in general.” She could also easily picture Ahsoka banging away on a set of timpanis. “Though I am intrigued how my electric violin would sound paired with a drum set.”
“That would be really interesting! It might even be a kind of complimentary sound. Or something.” Ahsoka’s grin spread across the whole of her face. “I don’t know of any bands with an electric violin, either.” It sounded like a unique hook, the kind of thing that could get buzz and word of mouth going.
“I have watched some videos on that website, Youtube, and have seen several people playing an electric violin, but they have done so solo. For the most part, at any rate.” Li would keep looking, though. She’d found a lot of new music she hadn’t heard before. “But I think it would be complimentary sound. Something that certainly could be played around with.”
“Okay. So I could learn drums, how hard could that be?” Ahsoka scoffed a little. She set her cup down and pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them. She looked momentarily solemn, before asking. “Okay, percussion and violin, what’s missing?”
“It is more difficult than it looks, but I believe you shall make it look easy.” Li sipped her tea. She saw the look on Ahsoka’s face momentarily, wondering what was on her mind. “We need a bass, and possibly something for counter-melody.”
“Can you sing? You don’t want me singing,” Ahsoka said, trying to force a smile on her face. This seemed all so ...stupid, when looking at her dreams and comparing them to the mundane parts of her life. Her hands shook a little so she squeezed her shins.
“I can carry a tune, but I would not say I could sing.” She’d never been in a choir or had vocal training, to say the least. Eyeing Ahsoka, Li decided to press the subject. She’d waited to see if Ahsoka would talk on her own, but that didn’t seem to be the case. “Are you alright, Ahsoka?”
“So we need a singer and someone on bass and a guitar probably,” Ahsoka mused. She squeezed her shins again, and shrugged a shoulder. “Not really. I had some..bad dreams. I thought I centered myself but I guess I haven’t.”
“It should be relatively easy to find a singer and bass player, and a guitar player.” Or at least she thought it would be. This area seemed to attract musicians considering some of the largest record companies and recording studios were in, and around, Los Angeles. Though she frowned softly. “I am sorry. Is there anything that I may do to help?”
“We can advertise on the net.” Ahsoka frowned, and looked up towards Li. “I think...I think I died, in my dreams, but that’s not even the worse part.”
Li’s frown deepened. “How is there something worse than your own death in the dreams?” No wonder Ahsoka seemed to be upset.
“I told you about the force, how it flows through all things. How there must always be a balance. But the dark side won, my order fell. I thought I lost my master, all of my friends.” She smiled mirthlessly. “And I was wrong, but I was right. Because I found my master, fifteen years later. He wasn’t the same man, he was consumed by the dark side, pure evil. But he was as strong as always. Stronger. I didn’t stand a chance. But at least I fought him to a standstill.”
“I am sorry that he took that path. Though at least you were able to fight him to a standstill. That is admirable. Though I imagine it was very difficult for you to see him in that state.” Li could only imagine what that would feel like. What if Isendra, her teacher at the Yshari Sanctum, one day was corrupted by the evil in her dream world and she had to stand against her in battle? That was a frightening notion, and not one she wanted to entertain.
Ahsoka didn’t know how to explain Anakin. How strong he was. Even as a Jedi he’d been impossibly powerful. She should have seen it. If she was honest with herself, she had, but like so many others she’d ignored it. How had Obi-wan felt? “He would have killed me eventually. I just wanted to make sure my friends escaped, and if I could keep that Dark Lord stuck with me in that tomb forever, the rebellion would have a better chance.”
“It was a noble thing for you to do, to stay and distract him while your friends escaped. Though I doubt it makes the experience any easier to bear.” Li looked at Ahsoka, wondering if she was the hugging type or not. A hug seemed to be appropriate then, but Li didn’t want to cross any lines she shouldn’t if Ahsoka didn’t like hugs. So to test the waters, she reached out and set a comforting hand on Ahsoka’s arm, squeezing it gently.
Ahsoka leaned into the touch almost immediately. She sighed, heavily, and nodded. “If they end there, that will have to be enough. I know the empire falls, people who dream the future of my galaxy. That… has to be enough.” It had to be.
“I believe it is enough. You made a noble sacrifice, and even if you did not die there, you still made a choice that not many people would. Many people would not be so selfless as to choose to stay and fight to let others escape. Self-preservation is not easy to overcome, but there are those who will do whatever it takes to protect those they care about, even if it means their own life is the cost.” Li said. “And I believe you were very brave to stand up and fight your master like that.”
And considering the response to the touch to her arm, Li shifted closer and gave Ahsoka a proper hug.
Even with her glamour up, Ahsoka was careful not to stab Li with the horns on the top of her head as she leaned in to the hug. “You’re very wise. It must be the wizard thing. You’d fit in among certain Jedi.” Maybe not the ultra conservative ones though. Certainly not Obi-wan.
She wondered if she’d have fallen to the dark side eventually. Like her master. There was certainly anger inside of her. Darkness. “I just don’t want to become him.”
“Thank you, though I believe it is more knowing people and how they can be more than anything else.” In that respect, Li didn’t mind not taking the credit. While she did have an ego on her, there were times where she didn’t boast about her strengths.
“I do not think you will become him. In the time that elapsed in your dreams since you last saw him you had not become evil, I do not think you ever would.”
“The dark side is the kind of thing that works when you’re not looking. And that temple was …. Drowning in it. It was everywhere. It certainly made him more powerful than he already was. Which is … terrifying, honestly.” She rested her head on Li’s shoulder. “Fear leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to the dark side. But fear is healthy, it keeps you alive, it’s something that every sentient being feels. You just have to not let it control you. The Jedi failed to realize that emotions are a part of us.”
Li gently rubbed Ahsoka’s shoulder as she listened. “Emotions are part of being a living, sentient being. To deny that is to deny being an entire person. Though you are correct, it is how we manage those emotions that makes the difference. Though I have faith that you would not be like him so long as you kept a grip on your emotions and not let them control you, and keep good friends around you that will not let you walk that path.”
Lifting her head, Ahsoka smiled. Li was just… so pretty and so wise and she felt herself relaxing in her arms. “Denying it is bad, letting it control you is bad. In all things, balance.” Maybe the Force had led her here, to someone who could tell her what she needed to hear. It wasn’t even entirely what she wanted to hear, but that didn’t really bother her.
“Exactly, there needs to be a balance in everything. Though in order to find the balance, you must acknowledge both extremes exist and that both can affect you.” Li smiled back at Ahsoka. She wasn’t always the best at taking her own advice, but she well knew that balance was the key to everything.
“Uh, am I interrupting something?” Yang stood in the door way, a duffel bag over her shoulder and her hair tied back. She looked like she’d just come back from the gym, and she looked between them knowingly. “Do I need to ask intentions? I could totally ask intentions.”
She’d do it for Ruby, or Blake or Weiss, after all.
While surprised at Yang’s sudden return, Li wasn’t startled or anything of the like. In her opinion, she was comforting a friend. “We were just talking about dream things. It got a bit emotional.” She wasn’t about to say that Ahsoka had had a horrible dream and was having trouble processing it, so she opted for the neutral response. Enough to give Yang a proper response, but not enough to reveal many details.
Ahsoka tried to not look guilty, or like she’d been caught at something illicit. She nodded her head, though she wasn’t sure what to say. “It’s a thing.”
“Right.” Yang shrugged. She eyed them dubiously, then jerked her thumb to the bathroom. “Either of you gotta go? I’m gonna shower and junk.”
Ahsoka straightened. “I’m good.”
“No, go right ahead,” Li said with a smile. She was rather oblivious to how the situation may look to others. After all, she was just trying to comfort Ahsoka, nothing more than that. She then turned her attention back to her friend. “Are you feeling any better?”
Giving Ahsoka the ‘i’ve got my eye on you’ gesture, Yang disappeared into the bathroom. Ahsoka frowned, then turned her attention back to her friend. “A little, thank you. You have a way of cheering people up.”
“I like to do what I can for my friends.” Li responded with a warm smile. Which was true, she did like helping her friends feel better where she could. “Would you like to hear me play something on my violin?” She made the offer, knowing violin music could be soothing to listen to, and perhaps it would help calm Ahsoka more.
“I would love that,” Ahsoka replied. She felt a little buzz, and suddenly a lot better. Music could soothe almost any sadness. And she wanted to see what Li looked like when playing.
Li smiled. “I shall be right back,” she said as she stood up and went to her room to get her violin. She came back a minute or so later, tuning it as she walked, violin resting between her chin and shoulder as she did. After some tuning, she began to play Mozart’s Violin Sonata No. 18 in G Major. It was a piece that had both lively and languid parts, so perhaps it would help. And, well, it also showed off some of Li’s skill. It was clearly a piece she played often, and she had memorized it.
Ahsoka watched, and listened, enraptured. The music was nice, but what she liked the best was how into it Li seemed. Ahsoka was suddenly a violin aficionado, and that could be laid entirely at Li’s feet. And she didn’t know what to do about it.
As she played, it was obvious that Li didn’t just play using her hands. She put her heart and soul into the music, and it seemed to flow out of her like one may expect a spell to do. However there was no magic at work here, just the power of the song itself and how Li played it with enthusiasm.
When she finished, she let the final note hang in the air for a few seconds before she lowered the instrument and looked at Ahsoka. “What do you think of that?”
It was still a kind of magic. Some would call it the old kind, that music permeates the world. Ahsoka wasn’t that sort of person, but she could feel the Force move with the music, responding to the sound and the emotion, even if Li could not control it. She took a deep breath, and blurted, “You’re beautiful. I mean it was beautiful. You’re so….” she waved her hands. “Connected to the music. Like your instrument is an extension of your body.”
A smile crossed Li’s face. “Thank you. And in truth, an instrument should be an extension of the musician’s body. It is as much a part of us as music is part of the instrument. We are interconnected.” Li explained a bit, going into more philosophical detail than necessary.
“Believe me when I say I understand.” Her lightsaber was an extension of her body. It was just a different sort of art. The art of war. A ballet of violence. “I could probably watch you play for a long time, and I’m not normally the sit here do nothing person.”
“Perhaps I could play for you more often. What are some of your favorite songs?” Li would try and learn a few on the violin. It was something challenging for her, and probably more interesting for Ahsoka to listen to rather than typical classical pieces.
Ahsoka perked up a little, smiling. “Well…. There is one I like.”