Tasslehoff Burrfoot is not a thief (tas_wanderlust) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-05-10 23:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, kenzi malikov, tasslehoff burrfoot |
Who: Tasslehoff and Kenzi
When: Before Killian's return.
Where: Regina's house/crypt
What: Kenzi takes Tas to see Killian
Ratings/Warnings: Low/talk of character death
Status: Complete
It had taken Tas a long time to think of what to bring to Killian. He’d considered bringing the white chicken feather from his dream - it had come to represent hope to him - but he found, even though Tas had never been one to grow attached to his possessions - that he didn’t want to part with it right now even if Killian could probably use the sign of hope more than Tas could.
Instead, he placed his favourite map lovingly into his map case, and headed over to Regina’s house, much more subdued than he normally was. He even waited outside once he knocked on the door instead of trying to let himself in like he normally did, a bouquet of handpicked flowers he’d gathered on the way clutched into one of his hands, and the map case slung across his shoulders.
No sassy queen that looked like she was ready to fire someone (or set someone on fire, both worked) in the house at the moment - she was off, probably with her son, and Kenzi was often enough anyway. Either between the houseboat or the home that held her brother’s corpse underground, and both places made the heartache for various reasons.
It was her who greeted the newcomer at the door, and she was dressed in simple jeans and a stylishly tattered Metallica shirt. Casual wear. “Uh, hiiiiiiiii,” she awkwardly piped up. “If you’re looking for Gigi she’s out. Anything I can help you with?”
Tas looked at the girl, a little confused. “Oh no, I don’t think I know any Gigi,” Tas said, thoughtfully. “I thought this was someone named Regina’s house. I hope I’m not at the wrong place. That would just be awful.” If this wasn’t where Killian was, well then, Tas had no idea where to go. He supposed he could always just let himself into other people’s houses and see if any of them had Killian’s body hidden away. “Not that I’m here to see Regina, either, though if you knew which one was her place then that would be great! I’m actually looking for my dear friend Killian.”
What the - Was this dude for real reals? Kenzi blinked those pale, glacial eyes, lashes thick and plumped with a very expensive volumizing mascara (would she settle for any less?), and cocked her head to the side. “Gigi’s a nickname I gave her, so, yeah, actually, you’re in the right place?”
But who the hell was this guy? Really, she knew practically all of her brother’s friends, even just by name and description if she’d never actually meant them face to face. This dude didn’t seem like someone he’d chill with. “Killian’s my brother,” she explained, another confused blink. “You’re here to visit his…?”
Body. It was hard to say, the entire reality of it hard to swallow, but the truth was that not far beneath their feet was a room that held Captain Hook’s corpse. Even with their plans in motion to bring him back, the entire situation was still tough to deal with.
“Oh, you must be Kenzi,” Tas said, ever a friendly tone of voice even if he was sad. He and Killian hadn’t talked about Kenzi in depth, though Tas did know of her. He thrust out his hand for a handshake. “I’m Tasslehoff Burrfoot, but you can call me Tas. I’m-” he cut himself off, biting his lower lip. “I was Killian’s very best friend. I am here to visit his… him. I brought him presents,” he said, and he held up the flowers as they were easier to display than his map case. “I’m not sure if he’ll like him, but he did like his garden - before it was all ruined by that really interesting blood rain - so I think he’ll appreciate these too. What do you think?”
Ohhhhh. Okay, the name tickled her memory - also caused her to grin crookedly because the owner of this massive home also made her dislike for him a little vocal on occasion. Good thing she was out. “Best friend, huh?” That hand was shaken, then she stepped aside to invite him in. “Nice to meet ya. And I think he’ll like it. I’m actually tending to them for him.”
The hell did she ever have a green thumb, but she’d done her research and remembered how he went through his routine of tending on the greens that grew on the houseboat and Kenzi would be damned if she’d let them die. Seeing his ghost renewed her with assurance that this wasn’t over, that’d she see her brother again and very soon - but he wanted to come home to how things were, not to all the dead baby carrots or tomatoes.
The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was spacious with high ceilings and an impressive staircase. Very white, too, tastefully decorated and clean. “He’s...down below, actually. In her vault of magical weird things. I’ll take you there, just don’t touch anything.”
“The very best,” Tas confirmed as he stepped inside the house and glanced around.
“An entire vault of magical things?” Tas asked, subdued though the wonder was obvious in his voice. If he heard Kenzi telling him not to touch anything, he promptly forgot she said anything. He followed Kenzi, though it was as though his head was on a swivel as he looked around the house, trying to peer into rooms that they passed hoping to see something especially novel. Regina had issued some very specific, not to mention interesting, threats to him on the Network, and he was a little disappointed that he passed neither torture chambers nor dungeons filled with manacles and skeletons. “This is a really normal house for an evil witch, isn’t it?” Tas asked, though there was no rancour in his voice when he called Regina an evil witch. It was much the same way he would have called someone a ‘doctor’ or a ‘plumber’ or a ‘circus clown.’
“Interior design is what she does, but I think the place could use a little more sparkle and a couple skulls,” Kenzi admitted with a snort-giggle, leering in Tas’ direction in amusement. Man, this dude was a character. Maybe a couple screws loose in his head too, and probably had no idea how to process social cues, but consider her officially entertained as shit. “Stay long enough, you might catch her.”
Ever since the previous crypt was demolished due to Dark Curse #2 and Emma’s obliterating magic of twu wuv, Regina had did some altering - like adding an indoor entrance from the house to the crypt so it wasn’t always accessible from the outside. It was through a bookcase, and Kenzi removed a couple books to the side to reveal a keyhole in the wall. A skeleton key procured from her pocket, she stuck it in, turned, and clicked.
It opened on its own, and she led Tas down the fire-lit staircase. Down here, protected by the confines of the earth, was where magic ooze - it was the home of a vault of hearts, and if you were quiet enough, you could almost hear the soft, rhythmic thumps in the distance. There were rings and goblets, crowns and wands, all on the shelves of the walls, enchanted in some way or form. Bottles of some of this and that, ingredients for potions and the likes.
There was another room with another door, another keyhole and another skeleton key to use. This one didn’t open by itself. Rather, she pushed the massive chamber-door, and in the center was a whimsical glass contraption. A coffin with a pirate in it, looking peacefully asleep.
“Here he is.”
“Oh yes, lots of skulls!” Tas said. “Just think what an interior designer could do with skull doorways!” He was already envisioning it in his head, and he had to admit that it would make the house seem much more magical if only Regina could get her hands on a few dozen human skulls.
Tas couldn’t help but loudly gasp when Kenzi revealed the hidden doorway in the bookcase. “That’s amazing!” he said, stepping through it and looking around in awe. “Very befitting for a hidden dungeon-slash-crypt.” he went on in this matter, definitely not quiet enough to hear the beat of the telltale hearts, talking about all the secret passageways he’d discovered in his travels, some of them slightly embellished true stories, though most of them were very heavily embellished tales that had probably started with him finding some not-so-secret doors left ajar. As he was speaking, his hands occasionally jumped out, quite on their own accord, to take hold of some magical ring or goblet to stuff into his pouches.
Though, his jabbering died on his lips when he caught sight of Killian, and he actually fell completely silent when he looked at him. Tas sniffled. “Is that him?” Tas asked, his voice oddly subdued. “He just looks like he’s sleeping,” he said quietly, though then his voice took on a more urgent tone. “Maybe he’s just sleeping!” Tas said, talking over toward Killian’s body. “Have you guys tried waking him up yet? Hey! Killian! It’s time to wake up!”
Oh, please. Took a thief to know a thief - she saw the shots of his arms snatching things from her peripheral vision. Wasn’t he warned to not touch anything? Part of her was tempted to let him keep it, in case one of them had a hex on it (asswarts, anyone?) but probably not. Kenzi would let him believe he got away with it for now.
Geraldine - her sword, no one living - was leaning against the wall. Sometimes she practiced in here. His presence helped her remember the tips he’d given her, but she missed the good-humored teasing at her flailing and poor stance.
“Uh, dude, I saw him get impaled with a sword,” she deadpanned, one slender brow quirked with a bit of judgment. Definitely more than just loose screws his head. “He’s...it’s a corpse.” There was blood, she remembered, pooling around him. She couldn’t forget it even if she wanted to. “It’s not a ‘true love’s kiss’ thing.”
“True love’s kiss? Does that really work? I mean, not for this since you just said it wouldn’t work, but for other things? Killian and I kissed once. I don’t think it was true love though. How do you know if a kiss you had was true love or not?” After all, he truly did love Killian, like he truly loved Raistlin and his family and all his other friends.
But Tas’ question was subdued, and he didn’t take his eyes off Killian to look at Kenzi when he spoke to her. There had been a part of Tas that had refused to believe that Killian was really gone. That it was just a joke that he was playing on everyone, or that he was almost dead but not really dead, and someone would be able to heal him just like Elistan had healed Tas in his dreams when a house fell on him. And while part of Tas knew that trying to wake him up wouldn’t work - surely someone else would have tried that by now if it would have - seeing him not so much as stir when Tas called to him and hearing his sister confirm that she’d seen him run through really drove home the fact. His tears fell unbridled down his face, and for once, other that the occasional sniffle, Tas was silent.
Uhhhhh. That was too much information. Kenzi did not want or need to know that this weirdo and her brother smooched, though she questioned the credibility of that claim. Maybe it was...a peck on the cheek as a greeting? No? Killian didn’t really do that, but she wasn’t about to delve into the sordid list of people who’ve swapped spit with her piratey sibling. Um. Ew.
“That’s a question I’m not prepared to answer, but if I had to guess…” she sighed, a hand over the glass. “It’s probably different from all your other kisses, and then you just know. But - hey, it’s okay. This -”
Regina didn’t want to ignite false hope, but they had a lot of hope in general, and a damn good shot at succeeding in bringing the deceased back from the Underworld. “We’re trying to bring him back. From the dead. And we think we have a pretty good shot, so, don’t cry just yet.”
The kiss had been a surprise for both of them. They’d been having drinks around Christmas when a bush floated above them and Tas was compelled to kiss Killian. It was really quite the interesting story, and it was completely true, which was more than could be said for most of Tas’ other stories. But right now he wasn’t in the mood to recite his tales.
Tas sniffled, looking at Kenzi in a moment of shocked disbelief. It sounded too good to be true. Which was silly, because nothing could really be too good to be true. After all, good things came true all the time. So, Tas burst into a large smile, the sorrow wiped from his face. “Really? He might really come back? That would be wonderful! Just imagine all the stories he’ll have about being dead! I bet it’s really exciting. I’ve always wondered what it was like to die - not enough to actually try it, not yet anyway, though I’m sure that some day eventually I’ll get to find out - but it’s even better because Killian’s already been there. Do you think he’ll be able to draw a map of Heaven when he comes home, or do you think he’ll forget all about it?”
Tas was weird. Like, really fucking weird. He had the mentality of a child - Kenzi wouldn’t call him stupid, no, but his perspective on things and how he interpreted them was in such an almost innocent way. Was he naive? In denial? A shrink would probably have a field day with the dude, but the point was that the waterworks stopped.
Though now he wouldn’t shut up.
“I couldn’t tell ya,” she slowly replied, letting this oddness process. “Just...don’t shout it to the world, or something. It’s something we’re working on. Involves a bunch of weird magic, but we’re pretty sure we can do it.” Believing otherwise would send her back spiraling into a pit of alcohol and complete heartbreak. Seeing his ghost, talking to him on the other side, it was the kick in the ass she needed to keep it together. For her brother. “Feel better?”
Tas nodded cheerfully, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and blew his nose noisily. “You bet I do,” Tas said happily. “And don’t worry. I’m really good at keeping secrets! You can count on me!” Which was true, most of the time. Tas only told his secrets when he forgot they were secrets, or when he was really excited and the topic came around. But Tas could personally not remember ever letting a secret slip. “Thank you for telling me, Kenzi. I’m glad we’ve become friends!”
Wow, that was really a handkerchief. That he yanked from his pocket. Kenzi wasn’t convinced he wasn’t some kind of personification of a cheesy cartoon character. “Cool story, bro,” she snickered, then circled her finger at him. “But before you go, how about you empty your pockets and drop all the junk you stole from Killy’s girlfriend? Before she does unspeakable horrors to you. Witch style.”
Last thing she wanted was to have Gigi McTits blow a gasket because some of her crap was stolen, and Kenzi did not want to be at the end of a look that could flay someone.
“I didn’t steal anything,” Tas said, offended that Kenzi would even suggest that Tas was capable of such a horrible crime. Still, people often tended to ask him to empty his pockets, so he did that without complaint. From his pockets he pulled out some colourful feathers he’d found, an interesting looking rock, a couple of knicknacks that he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d managed to aquire, though they were interesting and he took a moment to admire them, and a couple of rings and one goblet that looked suspiciously like some of the ones he had passed on his way down to the crypt.
Holy hell. How - how the hell did he manage to swipe that much stuff?! Kenzi was both appalled and impressed. “Riiiiight, they either fell into your pants or you just...you know, borrowed them,” she slowly responded. Biting back a sigh, she put a hand against his back and moved him along. “Alright, Tassletits, let’s go and put all this back before she comes back and the organ threat becomes a reality.”
It’d be better for everyone involved.
“You’re right!” Tas said cheerfully, surprised and impressed that Kenzi had figured it out so early. “They must’ve just fallen into my pouches. That happens a lot, you know. People always get so angry, but I’m glad you understand!” Apparently, Killian’s entire family was filled with wonderful, understanding people. “I think you’re right though. That Regina doesn’t seem nearly as understanding. I’m glad it was you here instead of her!”
Tas took one last look at Killian, hoping that when he came back from the dead he’d enjoy the map that Tas completely forgot to remove from his map case. “Good-bye Killian! I’ll see you when you’re alive again! I hope you have lots of fun in Heaven in the meantime!”