Callisto (rageinmyheart) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-05-04 00:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, callisto, xena |
Who: Xena and Callisto
What: Callisto dreams of attaining immortality. And she wakes up with a nice new scar on her face.
When: Wee hours of May 4th
Where: Their condo
Warnings: Callisto was scarred by fire, so pretty PG-13ish
After Callisto and Xena had been returned to their own bodies, Callisto returned to her eternal torment of living in her hate in the Underworld. At least until Hera saw fit to give Callisto the chance to live again, to even become immortal, and allow her the chance to finish what she’d started with Xena. The catch? Kill Hercules.
Far easier said than done. But Callisto had poisoned his family with a special type of poison that played tricks on the mind before the person died. Only a bite from the golden apple would cure it. Eating a whole apple would make one immortal.
Everything had gone mostly according to plan. Lovely heart-to-heart conversation with Hercules that left her wondering who was worse, him or Xena, about the goodie-two-shoes thing. Maybe Hercules was worse considering Xena still had quite the dark side to her when pushed the right way.
But Callisto had gotten what she wanted, the apple and she ate the whole thing while Hercules was busy trying not to die. She also set the tree with the apples on fire in hopes of destroying the rest of them so Hercules couldn’t get one. Now an immortal, Callisto and Hercules fought. The fight ended when Callisto went face first into a burning branch of the tree, and Hercules sealed her within the cave.
Callisto woke up and let out an ear-piercing scream. It was the trademark scream of her dream self, though there was a very notable tone of fear to the scream. She toppled out of bed, her face feeling as though it were on fire.
“No! No no no no!!” She screamed as she pressed her hands over her face and she scooted into the nearest corner, blonde mane wild and covering her face as she curled up. She had been scarred by fire, and she was in full panic mode.
There was so much that Xena didn’t know where to begin. Only she was certain that her feelings for Gabrielle went well beyond friendship - the mess with Hope and their growing rift hurt in ways she hadn’t expected. And now she was off to Chin to fulfill a promise to another woman she’d loved. And Gabrielle might just hate her for it.
The screaming woke her, and she wondered why, again, this was happening. Couldn’t either of them have some peace?
She deftly avoided tripping in her own bed sheets as she rushed out of the room and into Callisto’s. What she saw brought her up short. “Oh god…”
Callisto was writhing a bit. Her face still felt like it was burning where the branch of the tree had come into contact with it in the dream. She was afraid to open her eyes, and she probably looked like a fish out of water there on the floor.
“Help me…” She hadn’t exactly heard Xena, but she was still pleading. It was the plea that a child was prone to making when they were injured or scared. She screamed again. All she could see was flames.
“I’m here,” Xena said, calmly. She knelt next to Callisto, gently taking her hands. She spoke to Callisto in a way that was calming and yet commanding. Trying to coax a wounded animal into cooperating. “I’m here. It will be all right. Let me see.”
Despite the pain and fear she was in, Callisto wasn’t crying. But she was every bit a wounded animal. She struggled when Xena took her hands. Her head snapped up, the disheveled mane shifting enough to expose the diagonal scar that stretched from over her right eye, over the bridge of her nose and down across her left cheekbone. Her eyes were still pinched shut, and the burn was very fresh-looking. There may even be a slight scent of burnt flesh mixed in.
It was a scent Xena was far too familiar with. And the wound was pretty bad. Bad enough that the hospital was a serious consideration. It looked like someone had whipped Callisto across the face with a flaming rope. “You’ve been through worse. But I think this is gonna need a professional.”
Callisto’s comprehension was next to none given the panic. Though the word professional made it through and she suddenly and violently pulled backwards, trying to pull away completely from Xena. “No!”
Xena’s grip tightened and she refused to let Callisto go. ”You want this to scar, huh? It’s a serious burn.” She frowned, fingers tightening. She expected Callist to bolt again. “Fine, I’ll break out the good kit.”
She tried to tug free of Xena’s hold, but she didn’t quite have the same strength Xena did currently. “Let go of me!” She was in a blind panic, but this one couldn’t exactly be hugged away like her others. This one left her scarred by fire, and it was doing a number on her already fragile mind.
“Callisto!” Xena’s voice was sharp, and though she didn’t slap her friend her voice sounded like one. “You’re safe! You’re not there, you’re in California! It was a dream!” She squeezed her shoulders again, digging her nails in. “Look at me!”
The verbal slap did get through the panic, and it was enough for Callisto to finally open her eyes and look up at Xena. There was both pain and panic in her eyes. But Xena, for the moment, had her attention.
“You’re safe. You’re not there, there is no fire. You’re safe.” Maybe repeating it would help Callisto believe it. Xena cupped her hand on the good side of Callisto’s face. “You’re safe.”
She looked at Xena and heard her words. She did, finally, nod a little. “Okay,” she finally spoke, her voice a bit raspy sounding from the screaming she’d been doing. While her body remained tensed from the physical pain she felt, she wasn’t fighting or struggling any longer.
“No doctor. But I need to do something about that. Can you come to the bathroom with me?” She stood, slowly, and held her hand out for Callisto to take it.
No doctor. That was good. Callisto probably wouldn’t behave herself for a doctor. There would most likely be fighting involved. She nodded a little at Xena’s question. She looked at Xena’s hand for a moment before she reached out and took it, slowly getting to her feet.
Xena guided Callisto into the bathroom, and made her sit. She positioned herself so Callisto wouldn’t get a chance to see herself in the mirror just yet. She wanted to treat the burn and get it bandaged first. “This’ll probably sting, but the burn cream should soothe it once it’s done stinging.”
She figured if Callisto saw the damage she’d freak out and break the mirror and then Xena would have to bandage her hand too.
That was good thinking on Xena’s part, Callisto would freak out if she saw her reflection right now. Though she’d freak at seeing her reflection no matter how far removed from this incident she was when she saw it. Callisto closed her eyes and braced herself for the burn cream, which of course did sting and she flinched, but she didn’t scream.
Xena mostly hoped that the freak out would be less if Callisto was a little farther removed from the immediate pain and event. She was quick with the cream, and with wrapping a bandage around. She had to go diagonally and cover up Callisto’s left eye. “Your eye is fine, but this is the only way to really get the whole thing covered.”
At least she wasn’t trying to pretend it wasn’t as bad as it was. “No sexy eyepatch for you.”
It was an awkward place to get a scar, so she really had nothing against her eye getting covered up. She had issue with the scar itself for multiple reasons. “And here I was wishing I could be a pirate,” she responded. She still wasn’t in the best place mentally, but she at least responded to Xena that time.
A little smile passed over Xena’s face, before she knelt down a bit to inspect her handy-work. Honestly, between her work with the bike club and her dreams, she had a really good handle on medical things. There’d been at least one dream where she’d done primitive surgery. “Looking good.” She pulled Callisto to her feet. “Do you want something for the pain?”
It was good that one of them was good at first aid and some medical stuff. Callisto could do minor stuff, like tending cuts and things that didn’t need stitches, but the placement of this new wound would’ve been difficult for her to treat herself. “No,” she responded simply. She wouldn’t really need it. If she woke up in the immortal state that her dream self had, the pain would fade rather quickly. Though with her one eye being under the bandage, Callisto’s depth perception was crap. Clearly she wouldn’t be riding her bike until after the bandage came off.
Xena had no idea that Callisto was immortal. That would be...troublesome, at least to the Xena of her dreams. Callisto was like a perpetual thorn, always irritating and never going away.
“Just checking. If you need something we can get it.” She stepped back, giving Callisto some breathing room.
Callisto hadn’t asked for the opportunity, Hera had come to her. But it wasn’t something she was going to pass up. It was either take that chance at some sort of life and fighting Xena again, or remaining in Tartarus and being trapped in her hate forever. So of course she chose what would give her the least amount of pain.
With a bonus side of Xena couldn’t kill her again added to it.
She nodded a bit before she started to move out of the bathroom. She moved carefully so she didn’t bump into anything on her way out to the living room. She’d wait a bit before testing the immortal status. No need to freak Xena by grabbing a knife and cutting her arm to see if she bled or not.
Just because Callisto couldn't die didn't mean Xena couldn't figure out a way to trap her. But that was neither here, nor there. Xena moved to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a brown bottle. "How about a little self-medication to get started today. You don't have to tell me about it if you don't wanna."
She didn't wait for an answer and took a swig for herself. Hope and Dahek and Gabrielle...
“I’ll definitely take some self-medication.” It was one of those mornings. And for once Callisto had dreamed something that Xena hadn’t. She wasn’t certain how she felt about that. “Hera came to me, and offered me another chance at life if I did something for her.” And considering how close Xena and Hercules were, it wouldn’t be difficult for Xena to figure out what Hera wanted.
“Hercules,” Xena said, drawing the name out. He was a complicated person in her life. That final push from warlord to hero had come from him, though she’d argue it had been a slow and steady nudge ever since Lao Ma. And even after him, she’d needed Gabrielle to keep her on the straight and narrow. “Because of course Hera would.”
“Yeah. It was pretty pathetic the way he spoke about justice and the like. Such a goodie-goodie.” Callisto sighed a bit, tilting her head to the side. “Though what was unexpected was Hera actually holding up her end of the deal. Never put much stock in the gods for holding to their word.” She looked at Xena. “I didn’t kill Hercules, if that’s what you’re thinking. No, someone like him doesn’t die easily.”
“That’s Hercules for you,” Xena said, referring both to not dying and also being a goodie-goodie. Her words were accompanied by an eyeroll. Hercules was a goodie two shoes and he’d had a point but honestly he could be so annoying about it. Even as a ‘hero’ Xena still had to kill on occasion. Especially Romans.
She enjoyed killing Romans.
“He’s insufferable,” she commented. More and more, Callisto was thinking that Hercules was the worse one between him and Xena. Xena at least still had the darkness within her that sometimes won out, even with the annoying blonde at her side. “But of course Hercules escaped and now I’m trapped in a cave with no way out.” And the tree was currently on fire where her dream left off. That thought sent a shudder through her.
Xena put a hand on her back. “Knowing you, you’ll find a way out and come be a thorn in my side again.” She almost sounded like she looked forward to the idea. Or maybe it was just kind of funny looking at it as an outside observer. “Feels like we’re intrinsically linked.”
“I suppose we shall see,” she said. Callisto hadn’t been able to ascertain the cave and any potential exit from it yet. But perhaps she’d get that answer as time progressed. “It seems we are. We’re just enemies in the dreams.” Not for the first time, Callisto wondered if they might have been friends if Callisto hadn’t gone insane and went on a murdering spree. But she kept that quiet because she never would be sane in either life. She was too damaged.
“That’s that life. This is this one. I think we oughta focus more on this one an’ less on that one.” She squeezed an arm around Callisto. Just wait until your son dies Xena “Think you can get back to sleep?”
She smirked a little. “Or need to crawl into bed with me to chase away the bad dreams.”
She didn’t expect Callisto to take her up on that, it was more or less trying to focus her on something real.
Callisto preferred this life, but it was getting harder and harder to keep the line between them solid. Callisto’s insanity was getting worse with each dream she had. But when Xena made the comment about crawling into bed with her, Callisto did perk up a little.
“I’m not going to be sleeping after that, but I wouldn’t mind crawling into your bed. We both know what happens when that particular button is pushed.” Which typically meant Callisto would wake up screaming if she slept.
“We can put something on…” Xena shrugged. She was still in what she’d worn to bed, boxers and a barely there tank top, and she had no intention of changing. “Don’t think I’m gonna be sleeping any time soon either.”
“That’s fine,” she said. The look in Callisto’s visible eye was beginning to turn hollow. The dreams were taking a toll on her. Perhaps one of these days she would wake up and fully be the Callisto from her dreams.
Nothing cartoony or with fires, but maybe something nice and fun and as far from ancient Greece as possible. She hit something random(something about the Pacific rim?)and tugged Callisto into bed with her.
She made herself comfortable, watching what Xena had turned on. Slowly, Callisto gravitated towards Xena and snuggled up to her. She typically wasn’t the snuggling type, but right now she wanted that sense of closeness, that sense of comfort that came from it.
Xena put an arm around Callisto, glancing at her once before returning her attention to a movie that was apparently about giant monsters and robots. She was probably drift compatible with Gabrielle, but was she compatible with Callisto? Would anyone be? Maybe sharing the load of one’s mental state would actually help. Or just drive them both insane.
The movie was vaguely interesting. It held Callisto’s attention, but it got her thinking about drift compatibility. It didn’t take much for her to know that she wasn’t drift compatible with anyone. Xena would be the closest possibility, but even then Xena was changing, and so was Callisto. And they were changing in opposite directions. It hurt to think about, but that was something that Callisto was used to by now. She wasn’t a good person, and she never would be.
She slid an arm around Xena. They probably wouldn’t have many more instances like this with the way their dreams were going.
Squeezing her shoulder, Xena leaned her head on the top of Callisto’s. There was this vague sense of dread and unease, like a storm was building and she didn’t know if their friendship would survive it. Her voice sounded thick. “If there was one thing you could have that I could give you. Besides your parents or revenge. What would it be?”
At the question, Callisto had two immediate answers. One was peace, but that was more her dream self talking. The other was love, but she already knew Xena couldn’t give it to her. So it became a question of what answer could she give that Xena would believe wasn’t a lie? “Take away my fire phobia.” Which may have been an odd choice, but when faced with being given something she knew she couldn’t have, she’d rather have something taken away from her. Might as well have the taking away make her a little less panicky.
“You’d have to be willing to see a shrink,” Xena pointed out. “I mean I can probably find ways to distract you from it…” But most of those ways usually involved a great deal of nudity and sweat. She squeezed Callisto again. She had love to give her. But maybe it wasn’t the kind of love Callisto wanted or needed.
It was a depressing thought, not just because of what Callisto needed, but also because the person that shared Xena’s soul wasn’t around. She could function just fine without Gabrielle but it was emotionally draining to think about. Xena turned her head, and kissed Callisto’s forehead.
The kind of love Callisto wanted, and the kind she needed, wasn’t the kind Xena could give her. She had already accepted that no one could give it to her, so she wasn’t even going to ask for it when it was impossible to be given.
“Distractions aren’t so bad. They’re better than flying into anxiety attacks.” Which she was having far more frequently of late thanks to the dreams. New phobias were being tacked onto her list of problems, and it complicated things even further.
“I’ll look a few things up.” Maybe the internet had some ideas on how to deal with panic attacks. Even just thinking of positive things might help. Xena didn’t know. She only knew that Callisto was constantly on the razor’s edge and it wouldn’t take much to send her careening off into looneyville.
As it was, Callisto was one step from the edge. Anything could set her off. She was starting to internalize how she felt about her dreams, and she was internalizing what she really wanted from Xena. Little by little, her heart was being killed, purposefully, by her own hand. She thought it would be the only way for her to stop feeling and stop hurting. She’d thought her dream self had gotten that part right, to kill her heart so she didn’t feel anything anymore.
“Thank you,” she said. Xena wouldn’t notice, but that thank you had been said in the same tone of voice she’d used in her dreams to the guard that had beaten her, and later killed him when she escaped her cell.
“Any time.” Xena smiled, though the expression didn’t quite reach her eyes.
There was a lot going through Callisto’s mind. She reached up to brush some hair away from her face, and she was reminded of the bandage and what was beneath it. An image of her smoke and fire-filled home flashed through her mind and she shuddered. Thanks to Hercules she was going to have this lovely scar that she had to learn to live with.
Arms tightened around Callisto, and Xena started to pet her hair. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Somehow, she didn’t believe it.
Callisto didn’t believe it either, honestly. Things could only get worse from here. Yet she couldn’t help but to snuggle closer to Xena. Being in Xena’s arms was comforting, even if she knew things wouldn’t be okay.