Who: Dutch Velders and Kanan Jarrus What: Kanan visits Dutch’s apartment after she has a particularly terrible dream Where: Dutch’s apartment When: Tuesday April 19th Warnings: None Status: Complete when posted
Before tonight Dutch had always appreciated the vividness of her dreams, but hearing Eichorst roar right in her face had changed that opinion in a heartbeat. She was still shaking, a feeling she only usually got from drinking two too many cups of dark roast coffee. Pacing her bedroom, she nibbled at her usually perfectly manicured fingernails. It felt so silly to be so upset over something like a dream, but over the past few months her dreams had become such a part of her life that it felt like she’d practically just lived her nightmare.
Eichorst was a strange character. At first when she’d been chained up in the White Room he’d sat close to her and asked her with a smile to tell him something that no one else knew about her almost as if he had a very normal interest in her, but Dutch knew that his interest was anything but normal. He’d tried to kill her in the dreams before. No one normal does that, but then again no one normal joins the Nazi party, either. No, there was nothing normal about Eichorst. He was sick, but that didn’t make the torment in Dutch’s recent dreams any easier. She was just lucky that she had people to lean on in the waking hours of her life. Kanan was one of those people.
Dutch finally gave up on pacing after texting Kanan and curled up on a chair near her apartment door, tucking her feet up on the chair with her and stretching her nightshirt up over her knees. She let out a heavy sigh. All this time she’d felt like crying but couldn’t get out a single tear. Too anxious, she told herself. Anyway, it was less a sad feeling and more a sense of dread. With where the dream cut off she was left wondering what was to come. Hopefully she’d get her mind off of it or successfully convince herself that death wasn’t in the cards for her. She wasn’t sure she could handle very many more awful dreams.
Kanan actually had been asleep when Dutch had texted him. He’d been dreaming of being systematically shut out of a conversation between an incredibly attractive Twi’lek woman named Hera and an older Sullustan woman named Zaluna with eyes literally as large as saucers and darker than Gorse’s night. Hera was obviously annoyed by Kanan’s presence, which was something of a first for him. But as the two women talked, it became more and more apparent that Hera was on some kind of clandestine mission. It was also apparent that through circumstances beyond her control, law abiding Zaluna had taken the place of Hera’s original contact within Gorse’s intelligence gathering agency, known benignly as Transcept Media Solutions.
Zaluna had just managed to convince Hera that Kanan could be trusted - why she knew this Kanan had no idea - when his phone dinged and dragged him out of a galaxy far, far away and back to Orange County.
As a smuggler, Kanan was used to being summoned at odd hours of the night: a client needed something now, or a shipment had arrived early due to unforeseen law enforcement changes, etc, etc. Sleepily, Kanan had untangled himself from Carolina and fumbled to grab his phone and squint at the screen to see who needed him at this ungodly hour.
He was surprised to see that it was Dutch. Her message was short, but the tone of it snapped Kanan awake instantly. Once he learned that her dreams had taken a turn from awful to down right terrifying, Kanan was out of bed and throwing on whatever clothes he could find. By the time he had received her third text, he was already on his way to her apartment and breaking every traffic law imaginable as he went.
He stopped once, at an all night convenience store. He knew that the dreams had nasty and fucked up ways of manifesting themselves in reality. People took on the physical characteristics of their dream counterparts (Ahsoka, for example, looked more alien than human), and he had heard that injuries sustained in the dreams could carry over as a nice parting gift. Dutch hadn’t said she was injured, but Kanan stocked up on first aid supplies anyway, just in case. He also bought a 24-pack of the best beer the store had to offer and a bottle of bourbon, because Jesus Christ, if Dutch didn’t need a drink after what she’d just been through.
He arrived at Dutch’s apartment a few minutes later, case of beer in one hand and two bags worth of gauze, bandages, disinfectants, painkillers and one small bottle of bourbon in the other. He used his elbow to knock on her door. “Dutch!” he called out - no he didn’t care who else he woke up, this was an emergency, dammit! “Dutch, it’s Kanan.”
The knock at the door startled Dutch even though she’d known that it would be coming. Slowly she got to her feet. “Coming,” Her voice came out hoarse, but loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. She opened it as quickly as she could. Dutch’s mouth twitched into a smile, genuine only because she was relieved to see his face.
“Oh, I’m glad to see you.” She threw her arms around him in an enthusiastic hug. When she pulled back she rubbed her hand over the bruises on her neck, a gift still left over from the dreams. After a moment she stepped aside so that he could step into her apartment. “Come in. I’d offer to make tea, but I see you brought plenty of beverages.” She let out an amused huff of breath, then took pause, suddenly serious. “Unless you wanted tea.”
Dutch crossed the room, picking up a robe she’d tossed over the back of a sofa and slipping into it. Kanan had seen her in much less, but it felt weird sharing conversation in just a sleep shirt and panties. Besides, after disrobing for Eichorst in her dream she felt uncomfortable with bare legs even on her own. She only hoped that this dream madness would pass.
Kanan heard Dutch through the door and she sounded as though she had been through the wringer. A cold shudder ran down his back. If this sick undead fuck Eichorst ever appeared in Orange County, Kanan didn’t care if he was a Dreamer or not, he would kill him. Just like that, no questions asked. He wished the dreams had given him his light saber. A light saber, Kanan figured, would make short work of a vampire, right? He had expected to receive the cherished weapon by now. He had in the dream, treated it more of a sentimental relic than the signature weapon it was supposed to be. Instead the Dreams had given him a blaster, which was appreciated, don’t misunderstand, but may have been considered a little...much...to be carrying around at the moment. He didn’t want to scare Dutch anymore than she already was.
Kanan waited patiently until the door was opened. He was relieve to see her smile at him. Smiling was good. He’d take that anyday, no matter the hour.
He returned her hug as best he could with one arm (the other weighted down by the case of beer). “I’m glad to see you too,” he said gently, “I got here as fast as I could.” He smirked easily at her when she stepped back hoping to ease her a little more. “It’s a good thing the streets are crazy fucking deserted at this hour, otherwise I may have had to use the Force to get a few little old ladies out of the way.”
He stepped into her apartment and moved to set the case of beer down in the living room. He set the bags of medical supplies down next to it. “No tea,” he declared as he rummaged through one of the bags. He came up with the bottle of bourbon. “I thought we could start with this. Then move on to this.” He patted the case. “Because you, my dear, look as though you need a drink.”
Then it was Kanan’s turn to grow serious. “How are you?” he asked. He had seen her put a hand to a set of bruises on her neck. “Are you hurt? I wasn’t sure from your messages, so I, uh, kind of emptied out a Qwik Trip of all their first aid stuff on the way over.”
The comment about using the Force got a small laugh out of Dutch, something she needed desperately. She tucked her hair behind her ears, looking messy as she’d literally only rolled out of bed before texting him and answering the door. It was a contrast to how she usually looked, at least when he was around, but she was wrapped up in her current state of mind. Her appearance wasn’t the highest or even second highest thing on her list of priorities presently.
“I could definitely use a drink.” Dutch nodded in agreement. She held up a hand like an idea had just dawned on her. “Glasses! Oh. Do you drink it neat or do you want me to get ice?” Moving slowly, Dutch rose to her feet. She didn’t move to the kitchen just yet. It was almost like she was reluctant to leave him. Ordinarily she was such a fiercely independent person. It was so bizarre to suddenly take such comfort in the presence of another person, but as of late the dreams had been shaking her up so terribly that other people were like security blankets to her. Someone as pleasant as Kanan was soothing to be around.
Upon being asked if she was hurt she shook her head, smiling faintly. “Just the bruises.” She sighed heavily, pausing a moment. “Which actually hurt like a bitch, but there’s not much you can do for a bruise. Eichorst has me collared in the dreams. He isn’t very gentle, either.” Her smile faded and her gaze fell. If she ever met the man in her waking life she knew she’d be caught between attacking him in a frenzy and running away in terror.
To be perfectly honest, Kanan wasn’t exactly looking his best either. His hair was matted on one side, wild on the other. His beard could stand a trimming (something he had intended to do that morning). He had on a pair of loose fitting pajama pants and an old well-worn concert t-shirt under his leather jacket. A pair of flip flops on his feet completed the thrown together look. It really was good there was no one out at that hour. A cop pulling him over may have tried to give him a field sobriety test and Kanan wouldn’t have stood for it.
He twisted the top off of the bourbon bottle. He had intended to drink straight from the bottle itself, but he didn’t try to stop Dutch from getting them glasses. Whatever she needed to do to feel right - to feel normal - was important. He shook his head. He’d take his drink “neat” as she said, he’d always liked her turn of phrases.
Hearing her laugh had been good, but he didn’t like the way she seemed to be hesitant to leave the room. It was so unlike her to be so afraid. Even when they had been caught in the blood rain. She had been upset, hell they both had, but even then she had soldiered through without so much as a whimper. The Dreams had really shaken her to the core and it tore at Kanan seeing Dutch like this.
He tried not to let let it show how much his blood boiled at the thought of Dutch being collared like some kind of animal and chained up in a room with an undead psychopath. A psychopath who leered at her, asked her disturbing questions, roared in her face and made her get undressed! Kanan had experienced horrors in his youth: screaming foster parents, being shut in a dark closet for hours on end, being smacked in the mouth if so much as a peep was uttered and getting whipped across the back when arbitrarily changing rules were broken. All that paled in comparison to what Dutch had told him Eichorist had done to her.
Kanan set the bourbon bottle down and picked up the case of beer. “While you get us a couple of glasses, I’ll put a few of these into the fridge for us,” he offered. He put a gentle arm around her shoulders, mindful not to get too close to her neck and cause her any more pain and guided her towards the kitchen. He looked at her with that classic easy smile of his. “I’m here now,” he said, “and wild dogs from hell aren’t going to be able to drag me away.”
The arm was welcome. Affection at this point felt like it was almost healing in a way. Dutch rested her head against his arm for only a moment, quickly straightening back up again when she found that the position hurt her bruises. She took in a sharp inhale of breath when she felt the pain, silently cursing the vampire who’d caused it in her mind.
She walked to the kitchen, looking over her shoulder as she made her way to the cabinet where she kept her glasses and mugs. “If the Empire ever does anything this shitty to you, just know that I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” She smiled just the faintest bit, but it was a sad sort of smile in spite of her better efforts to make it seem otherwise. “I’m hoping I never get the chance to pay you back, of course, but if I ever do I will.”
Being as tall as she was, Dutch barely had to reach for the two glasses on the highest shelf. She pulled them down and set them on the counter. “Two of my finest glasses.” A tiny chuckle escaped her lips. One of them was a perfectly nice glass, etched in a way that made it look almost fancy. The other was from Disneyland and had characters from The Little Mermaid painted on it. Everything in Dutch’s apartment was eclectic and mismatched. All things she’d picked up at thrift stores to save a dime before she’d snagged her cushy job at Bass Industries. All of her money prior to that had gone towards her technology. A nice television and a nice computer, she’d told herself, were all she needed. “I swear I really am an adult.”
“The Empire doesn’t have shit on me,” Kanan smirked at her. It was a boast, but Kanan wasn’t so sure anymore. In his Dreams he’d been running from the Empire since he’d been a kid - the last surviving Padawan. He had given up everything he’d ever had and had ever been to survive. He’d left behind the teachings of his master, Depa Billaba and had abandoned the Force. The Force, however, didn’t seem to want to be done with him. He had used it to save himself and another minor during the cave in in Cynda’s mines, and with an imperial cruiser in the area no less. In fact he’d just gotten packed up and was ready to leave Gorse and it’s crystal moon when he’d run into Hera Syndulla. For some reason, Hera made him want to stay, despite the Empire breathing down his neck.
He didn’t mention any of this to Dutch. He also didn’t mention that if the Empire should get a hold of him discover just who and what he was, there would be no torture, no period in captivity. He’d be dead, and that would be that.
Kanan put six of the twenty-four beers in the fridge and set the rest of the case aside. He joined her by the counter and smirked at the two glasses. “I’m honored,” he chuckled. “I think I’ll take...this one,” he picked up the Little Mermaid glass. He winked at Dutch. “I swear I’m an adult too.”
“Well,” She smiled, pushing herself up onto the counter to sit. “That’s good. Maybe stay away if you can? You get less of a chance to kick their asses, but it’s safer and obviously safer is the preferred state of being.” Dutch had found out the hard way. She could remember how excited she was to finally be doing some good, taking out a key member of the vampires’ offensive. That was only a couple weeks ago and it had ended so horribly. After she and Ephraim had taken their shot they’d been brought in by dirty cops. She didn’t even know what had happened to Eph, but those asshole cops had handed her over to Eichorst. At least they’d gotten what was coming to them, but there was only small comfort in that given what was happening to her in the dreams. At this point she definitely would have preferred safety over adventure.
Dutch kicked her long legs a little bit as they dangled from her perch on the counter. She grinned, eyeing his choice in glassware. “Nice. You a fan of Disney princesses, Jarrus?” It was a gentle jab, a joke, something she needed to do. If the topic was slowly eased away from her own frayed nerves then all the better. Her mind was still partially focused on the horrible events from her dreams, but at least it was partially focused on the cartoon figures painted on the glass Kanan held in his hand, as well. This was progress.
“I’ve never actually been to Disneyworld. That one came from a thrift store. I liked the colors and I have a soft spot for Ariel. Out of all of the Disney princesses she seems to be the eccentric, what with all of her junk and gadgets in that little hideaway of hers.” A ghost of a smile formed on her face as she remembered seeing the movie as a little girl.
Kanan had seen a number of Disney movies as a young kid, back when he was still living with The Chaplain and his Wife, before everything had gone straight to hell. “Am I fan? The foster parents I had when I was little had the entire classic Disney library. We’d watch Peter Pan, Sword in the Stone, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, pretty much everything Disney made between 1940 and 1970. One of my foster sisters had this hang up on Disney Princesses. Her favorite was Sleeping Beauty.” He laughed. “She watched the movie probably every day. Once she had us actually reenact the entire thing in the back yard. I got to be Prince Philip.”
Wow. It had been a long time since he had thought about those days, much less talked about them. Dutch was probably the first person in about fifteen years he’d ever spoken to about his childhood. It should have felt weird, but instead it felt kind of nice. Kind of normal.
And speaking of normal. How had Dutch been living in Orange County and not been to Disney World yet? Kanan stared at her, half joking and half in disbelief. “Dutch, Disney is practically in your backyard and you haven’t gone?” He grinned sheepishly. “Ok, truth time. I haven’t been either. This obviously needs to be fixed. What do you think?”
“Sleeping Beauty!” A big grin spread across Dutch’s face. “I liked that one. With the fairies arguing over whether the dress should be pink or blue? Excellent choice. I suppose I wasn’t the only child who wished they were raised by fairies. I was pretty open about it, too. I hope my parents weren’t too offended by it.” She winced playfully. They weren’t, she was sure. Her mother and father were far too laid back to be offended by the workings of a child’s mind.
Dutch paused in mock thought. “I think that you and I, as obvious lifelong fans of Walt Disney and his works, need to remedy this awful mistake. I think one of these days when we’re both free we need to venture to the park, ride some rides, take pictures with characters, and have a fantastic time like we’re both proper children.” She wiggled her eyebrows, a bright smile playing on her face. “What do you think?”
“I think all kids go through that kind of phase,” Kanan said with a shrug. He leaned against the counter next to Dutch. “It’s pretty fantastic to imagine yourself being a part of something more epic than your everyday mundane life.” Kanan could remember the other orphans who lived with the Chaplain and his Wife pretending and thinking of where they could have possibly come from. Some of them had wild imaginations, like the girl who wanted so badly to be a Disney Princess. Others had far less fantasy inspired ideas, such as their parents were really spies out saving the world. Kanan had always liked that one especially.
It was good to see Dutch smiling again so brightly. A trip to the happiest place on Earth may have been just what she needed to get her mind off her nightmarish Dreams. Kanan smiled back and nodded his head. “Damn straight we need to fix this travesty,” he agreed. “I can arrange for a free Saturday and we can make a day of it. Rides, park food, pictures with characters. It’ll be a great little mini vacation!”
Dutch raised her eyebrows. “My life was beautifully mundane. I never thought I’d describe it like that, but y’know, sometimes I’d like to go back to that. No fairies.” She smiled, but then the expression dimmed slightly and she sighed. “No vampires, no swords, not even the hacking shit I do in my real life. Just tea parties with my teddy bears. It’s not weird to want to revert to four-years-old right about now, is it?” Her eyebrows knotted together and she looked to Kanan, looking dangerously close to tipping over the edge towards crying but not quite doing it just yet.
“A whole day of Disney.” She nodded with a big smile, rubbing her eye with her robe’s sleeve. There was still some sleep in her eye, she supposed. “And I almost forgot the park food! How did I miss that? I haven’t had fairy floss in a bloody eternity!” Dutch chuckled a little bit. “Wow, you’ll get to experience what I’m like on a true sugar high. It’ll be an amazing experience. For science, of course!”
Kanan’s brow creased a little when Dutch slipped out of her happy mood slipped back towards one of sadness and despair. He silently kicked himself for bringing up the idea of a “normal life”. No one on the network could lead a normal life anymore. He put his arm around her again and guided her off the counter. There was a bottle of bourbon waiting for them in the living room and Dutch still needed a drink.
“Nahh, I don’t think so,” he said. In a time of crises, it was perfectly normal to want to go back to a time when you felt safe and secure. Everyone felt that way at some point in their lives. Even those who didn’t Dream. Kanan himself had at times longed for the days he had lived with The Chaplain and his Wife. He smiled at Dutch, and gently brushed a few strands of her blond hair out of her face, “I bet you were a real cute kid too.”
He was bolstered a little when she smiled again. Talk of Disney seemed to be doing the trick of keeping her mind off her dreams. He reached around her to pick up the glasses she’d gotten down for them. “I have an idea,” he said. “Why don’t we go and camp out on the couch? We can have a couple of drinks and find some of those old Disney movies. We can talk about which rides we want to go on. What do you think?”
Dutch laughed a little. “I had a bit of an overbite. Not quite chipmunk territory, but close. Curly mop of blonde hair, taller than anyone in my class - including the boys until junior high…” She shook her head, smile fading only a little bit. “Not exactly beauty pageant material, but happy as a clam.” Quite a bit had changed since then. Dutch was still tall, of course, but braces had fixed her teeth and her confidence had improved exponentially.
His idea brought an even bigger smile to her face. She nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Her arm snaked around his waist, hugging him closer to her. It was comforting having a someone who cared nearby. “I’ve actually got a few on DVD, but if you don’t find the right one in my Disney library I’m sure we’ll be able to find it online.” Dutch tilted her head up to his, smiling a little. She was fine as long as she wasn’t thinking about what was really bothering her. She didn’t want to think about it. Dutch already spent every second of her dream-life focusing on this other life. Why spend any more of her waking life focusing on it?
“Just… Not The Fox and The Hound. Not tonight. It really is one of my favorites, but it’s too sad for tonight.” She took a seat on the couch and leaned forward, pulling a box out from under the coffee table in front of it. There were boxes of DVD’s inside - titles like Hackers and The Pelican Brief mixed in with, of course, The Fox and The Hound and The Little Mermaid. Like everything else in the apartment, Dutch’s DVD collection was eclectic. The Disney titles, though, outnumbered the others.
“Sounds adorable,” Kanan grinned at her, “overbite and all. When you go and visit your mom, maybe you could bring back a few pictures of you as a kid, I’d like to see them.” He winked at her.
Arm tight around Dutch, he walked with her to the couch. He had to agree The Fox and the Hound was not appropriate for tonight. Even big tough guy and pseudo Jedi Knight Kanan couldn’t avoid getting all misty eyed over that movie. Anyone who claimed it didn’t get to them somehow was a damn liar as far as he was concerned.
He looked through her DVD collection. It was quite impressive. Kanan’s own collection was anemic at best, but when one traveled for a living it wasn’t easy to amass much of anything, especially DVD’s. “Little Mermaid’s your favorite, right?” He said. “Why don’t we start with that one?”
A big grin spread across her face. “I’m sure they’ll be able to spare a few pictures just so long as you swear you won’t poke too much fun at me. A little I can handle. Too much… Well, an ego is a fragile thing.” She shrugged a shoulder and sighed, only joking about her ego. If anything, Dutch’s years as a somewhat ugly duckling had given her a thick skin. She could take a lot of good natured teasing. Maybe even some mean spirited teasing. Lord knew she was able to handle her nasty co-worker.
“I think The Little Mermaid is an excellent way to start. Just… Don’t mind me if I start to hum a bit.” A tiny laugh bubbled up out of Dutch and her cheeks flushed just slightly. Sometimes when she watched the movies on her own it turned into an all-out sing along, but she didn’t quite want to own up to that, so all she admitted to was humming. She leaned forward, picking up the right box, and heading over to her DVD player to pop the disc inside. Once the device started whirring and the Disney logo popped up on the screen, Dutch scrambled back to her seat on the couch, snuggling up next to Kanan.
“Cozy?” She smiled up at him. “I’ve got…” Dutch said nothing more, but gestured to the blanket folded on the back of the couch behind them. “If you need it, I mean. Not that my apartment is antarctica or anything.”
Kanan grinned at Dutch teasingly. “Me make fun of you? Perish the thought,” he joked. He may poke her a little bit about being tall with a curly head of hair, but only playfully. She really did sound like she’d been a cute kid. Kanan didn’t have any pictures of himself as a little boy. He was sure some had existed at some point. The Chaplain’s Wife had had a camera. Kanan had remembered seeing her with it during birthdays and holidays, the first and last days of school and constantly during the summer and winter breaks. Where all those pictures had gone after The Chaplain and his Wife had passed, Kanan had no idea. So he would have liked to have seen Dutch’s, seen the kind of childhood she had had. It would be nice.
He settled onto the couch with his arms around her, letting her lean on his chest. “If you start to hum, I may start to sing,” he warned her. He didn’t mind singing and Disney songs were so catchy. If it meant keeping that grin on Dutch’s face and her mind off her nightmares, he’d sing the entire score of the movie.
He glanced at the blanket behind them, shrugged and reached back to get it. He was comfortable enough temperature wise, but a blanket would make things extra cozy and secure. He wrapped it around them and settled in just as Ariel appeared on screen looking to raid a pirate ship. He knew there was a reason he liked this movie.