Who: Tasslehoff and Yuffie What: Tas picks a pickpocket. Things do not end well. When: Recently Where: The mall. Warnings/Ratings: Squeaky clean. Status: Complete
Yuffie didn’t go shopping a lot. And when she did it was usually for things like groceries and stuff. She didn’t really get to go and buy a bunch of stuff for herself. But spring was coming and she desperately needed new stuff. Which mean she’d needed to call her dad who thankfully was impressed enough with her grades that he forwarded her an extra allowance for clothes.
Even more luckily he had no idea how cheap Yuffie got her stuff, unlike his numerous girlfriends, and sent her more money that she needed! Which meant shopping spree!
She rather like the busier malls too, she felt more at ease there. Maybe because she used to blend in well enough to snag up some free stuff and escape, maybe just because Yuffie was a people person. But either way, when she was ready to refill her wardrobe, she hit the mall!
Tas always liked crowds. For one, it was far more likely that something interesting was going to happen when a large group of people gathered together, but mostly, Tas just liked talking to people. And a lot of the time, whenever he managed to make it home, he found that his pockets had managed to become filled with all sorts of neat things.
He admired a pretty pink ribbon with a charm tied to the wrist of a girl walking in front of him. It looked really nice there, and suited her nicely he noticed. He barely brushed against the girl when he passed her, and he certainly didn’t notice when he lightly plucked the ribbon from her wrist and absent-mindedly went to place it in his pocket.
Bumps and jolts were a normal thing, Yuffie knew that. She bumped people by accident all the time, and she wasn’t too bothered when people bumped up against her while she was out -she knew that these places got all busy and hectic.
But bumps and brushes didn’t make her stop and frown. The brush up along her wrist did and it took her about three seconds to realise-- “Oh, no you don’t!” Yuffie had survived a few months away from home (or whatever carnival site was home for those months) by taking what she needed, and then that expanded into taking what she wanted, and then it was just a sticky finger syndrome. She was shown by some of the best pickpockets how to snag wallets and watches.
She knew exactly what just happened, and if it had just been a watch maybe she wouldn’t have cared, but not that. “Hey, hey, hey!” Finding the guy that just brushed past her, impressively nimble fingers or not, Yuffie made a grab for his shoulder, trying not to make too big a scene, “Give it back.”
Tas blinked when a girl grabbed his shoulder and wheeled him around. “Hey,” he said, pulling out of her grasp. “You know, it’s not really nice to grab people. You could have just tapped me, or said ‘hey, you’ and I would have looked.”
“Nice?!” Seriously, were people that stupid? “You just stole from me and you’re calling me rude?” He was lucky she didn’t punch him! Ninja training had really rubbed off from her dreams. “Give it back before I break your teeth, you little poop.”
Not her best insult, but still.
There wasn’t a lot that annoyed Tas, but nothing got under his skin quite like someone accusing him of stealing. “I did not steal from you,” Tas huffed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ribbon that he’d just placed in there. “Is this yours? You must have dropped it. If anything, you were lucky I picked it up before it was lost forever!”
“Bullshit!” It was a hissed whisper as she snatched it back, glaring at him, “You think I don’t know when someone’s stealing from me.” She was probably a little rough in wrapping it around her wrist, likely she’d tie it too tight now too, but there was no way she was risking someone else doing the same thing. “You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass for touching it! It doesn’t fall off.” She made sure of that, it was too special to let that happen.
“I think you wouldn’t even know a gully dwarf if one gave you a lizard and spit on you, even if you are probably half gully dwarf yourself,” Tas said in an insultingly sing-song voice. The insult had come to him without thinking, and it was only after he said it that he realized that, unless she also dreamed of Krynn, she wouldn’t know what a great insult that was. That made him a little disappointed. “I did not steal it. You’d be sorry if I hadn’t picked it up, losing such a pretty ribbon and all.”
“I didn’t drop it you buffoon faced poophead! You took it off my wrist! I felt you.” Her cheeks were turning a little red and at this rate Yuffie was absolutely going to break out the ninja and just kick him. She almost didn’t care about possibly getting arrested for it either. “You can stop lying because I know when someone’s stealing, and you’re a rotten thief ‘cause I felt you!” Rookie! She just wanted to poke his face and tell him he was a stupid, dumb rookie.
Tas gave an offended gasp. “I am not a liar and I am not a thief,” Tas said. “At least I don’t look like someone set my face on fire and then put it out with a fork! I wish I had never picked up your stupid ugly ribbon in the first place.” Some people just didn’t have any gratitude.
“Stop saying that! You didn’t pick it up, you flat nosed, cross eyed, frog toed gnat! You stole it, cause you’re a lying, thieving poopface!” She was getting so agitated at this idiot and she was so going to punch him in the kisser in like two minutes. “You don’t take other people’s stuff, ‘cause it’s not yours, if you’re gonna take stuff take it elsewhere!” Like a store, like anything respectable thief would, good god!
Tas was actually kind of impressed by the string of insults that came out of the girl’s mouth. He mentally made note of them for future use. “I don’t know what made you so stupid, but it really works! Was it the same walrus whose mustache you styled your bangs after?” Tas asked, innocence dripping from every word he said.
Stupid? Her? Stupid!! She was so not stupid, he was stupid! He was the stupidest! “My bangs suit my face, but you wouldn’t know that, because you’ve got an otter face!” Damn, otters were cute… She couldn’t take it back now. “If you ever try to take my stuff again, I’ll knock your block off, you little weasel!” Damn! They were cute too. “And I’m deadly serious!”
“Is that because you have a walrus face?” Tas asked, shifting his face into wide-eyed innocence. “I can definitely see it, now that you mention it. Big and ugly with oversized teeth.” Actually, he thought the girl’s teeth were fine, but the truth was something that Tas very rarely let get in the way of his insults. “I wouldn’t want any of your gross ugly stuff anyway.”
It was one thing to call her names, it really was. She was kind of used to it anyway. She got laughed at a lot growing up. Yuffie had thicker skin than that. But. Her pink ribbon was not gross or ugly, her pink ribbon was sweet and perfect and beautiful, just like who it represented and Yuffie wouldn’t hear a word against it. “You take that back, you big eared snot rabbit.” What was with the cute animal references? “You tried to take it, you’re just a big butt face and can’t handle that I caught you. So, take it back!” She went as far as to prod the middle of his chest, shoulders back and eyes narrowed as well as they good -Yuffie didn’t look intimidating when she glared, she just looked squinty eyed, “This,” holding up the wrist she’d tied the ribbon too tightly to, “is not ugly like you.”
Her insults didn’t seem to be getting any meaner, but Tas realized that he’d apparently stepped over some kind of line. Not that Tas was too concerned about that, because this girl was obviously just a big jerk who accused people of doing things that they obviously didn’t without even considering the idea that there might be some sort of misunderstanding, which was obviously the case. But still, he didn’t really think the ribbon was ugly. He had been admiring it not that long ago. “Well, now that you hold it up to the light like that, I guess I could see how you might think it’s nice looking,” Tas said, willing to let at least that much go. He even refrained from saying that it must have been the girl’s ugliness reflecting on the ribbon that made it appear so.
“Anyway, you’ve got your ribbon back so I don’t know why you’re still yelling at me for finding it,” he said, continuing on in a reasonable and very Adult voice. “If I stay much longer, your breath is going to make me pass out, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to leave now.”
“Yeah, you better run away, you stupid runner-awayer.” That made literally no sense, and Yuffie wasn’t really expecting it to actually make sense, but now she needed to go and have something to drink and a brownie to cheer her up because he was a buttface that made her miss Aerith again. “And don’t ever try that again!” Yuffie made the ‘I’m watching you’ signal, fingers pointing from her eyes to him, glaring in her squinty glare the whole time while she started to back away. “Jerkface.”