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Tasslehoff Burrfoot is not a thief (tas_wanderlust) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-02-26 14:44:00

Who: Tas, Raistlin, and Isabela
What: Raistlin and Isabela take Tas to Disneyland to cheer him up.
When: A little while after the Silent Hill plot.
Where: Disneyland
Warnings/Status: Fairly low. Some talk of character death and mild discussions about what to think about during bad sex.
Status: Complete


The last time Raistlin had been to an amusement park had been for a birthday party for a friend of Caramon’s. The twins had been twelve at the time, and even though Caramon had already started to outsize Raistlin in height, weight and over all personality, they were still looked at as one entity. Whenever Caramon was invited to parties, Raistlin inevitably found he had to go as well, whether he wanted to or not. Raistlin didn’t like roller coasters and yet somehow was dragged on every one of them until he puked. It had not been a particularly good day and he swore he’d never go to another one again.

Fast forward twelve years and where did he find himself? Standing right in the middle of Main Street USA deep in the heart of Disneyland, with all its sugary sterile joy and pure wholesome family friendly fun. This had better cheer Tas up.

Tas had never actually been to Disneyland. He’d known it was nearby where they lived, and he’d known that he’d eventually make it there, but he certainly hadn’t expected to be there with Raistlin. What was even more surprising was that Tas hadn’t even had to forcefully drag Raistlin along. Raistlin had invited him, which was more or less the greatest thing ever.

He’d been a little more subdued than usual the last couple of days, especially every time Alyssa happened to cross his mind, but for the most part he’d tried not to dwell on it. Alyssa wouldn’t want him to be sad, and he really was convinced she had the be watching over him somehow. He wouldn’t even have been surprised to find out if Alyssa had somehow arranged this from where she was watching in Heaven.

He’d snuck away from Isabella and Raistlin for a couple of moments to grab some churros, but he returned quickly - indeed, far quicker than it would have taken him to stand in line and pay for the churros - with three of the cinnamon and sugar coated sticks of dough in his hands. “Churros?” he asked, offering the extra two to his companions, smiling rather cheerfully.

Raistlin was such a good sport, wasn’t he? About as prickly as a cactus sometimes, and as friendly as a rabid pitbull, but his heart was in the right place - Isabela firmly believed as much. She believed it about him, even if she didn’t always believe it about herself when Hawke told her the same thing, but that was her own little sect of issues. Point was, she was glad that the grumpy mage had agreed to the suggestion to take Tas to Disneyland to cheer him up a bit. It was the type of things true friends did for each other, grinning and bearing torture with a smile and a churro.

Well. Raistlin wasn’t smiling, but you had to pick your battles.

“Ooh, grand!” she beamed, taking the likely stolen sweet treat. Main Street was clever in the way they literally pumped out the scent of confectionery delights from the shoppes to entice the noses of customers strolling by. This place made a bloody fortune, the ol’ House of Mouse. “Don’t worry, I sneaked in a knife in case I need to get nasty with a crazy mum wielding a pram.” And she’d sneaked in a flask too, which she discreetly passed over to Raistlin. “Well, where to next, darlings?”

The churros were most definitely stolen, but Raistlin didn’t much care. He’d already forked over a small fortune just to get the three of them inside the park - a small fortune he’d been saving to have Bela obtain another spellbook if possible, but Tas didn’t need to know that - and Raistlin wasn’t exactly keen on letting Mickey Mouse have anymore of his hard earned cash. He took the offered churro to nom on as a discreet middle finger to charging over $3 for a bottle of water.

At least Tas was smiling, that was a marked improvement over the way he’d been crying his eyes out the day Raistlin had found him sitting alone in the dark watching Charlotte’s Web. Sad Tas made Raistlin uncomfortable for how unnatural it was. He would never ever admit it to anyone but Tas did mean something to him. Otherwise why would he be there? Just so long as Tas didn’t make them go on It’s a Small World.

“Please don’t shank anyone while we’re here, Bela” he said, although he’d already had his fill of screaming children. “I don’t want to be featured on the six o’clock news.” He did accept the offered flask and waited for Tas’s attention to be elsewhere before taking a hit. Then he palmed it back to her. All things in moderation.

“Alright, Tas, you heard her,” he said. “Where do you want to go?”

Tas pulled out the map of Disneyland he’d grabbed at the entrance - a rather colourful addition to his already large map collection that he was excited to add - and looked at it, tongue sticking out.

“Critter County sounds fun,” Tas said, looking at it. “Oh, and Tomorrowland! Do you think it'd be all futurey and stuff? I bet it is! Maybe they'll have flying cars. I once drove a flying car, you know. It was lots of fun! I got to drive right through some clouds!” He took a bite out of his churro, trying to decide where they should go first. It was really hard to decide, but, Tas was determined that they'd see the entire park. They did have all day after all.

“Oh! Let's try Fantasyland! Because of our dreams,” he said, looking at Raistlin, not yet aware that Isabella also dreamt of magic and dragons. He folded up the map and began to walk toward where the map had indicated Fantasyland was. Now that he was looking, he was sure that they'd be able to find it easily, since it seemed to be in the direction of the large castle.

Fantasyland, alright. Fair enough. Bela had the flask in her hand once more, and she took a quick drink to wash down the cinnamon-sugar remnants of a churro bite, tongue darting out to swipe the spare granules. Mmm. Disney food, theme park food. This was the stuff that dreams were made of - and she was all for giving the bird to the $3 bottled water prices, because really? Couldn’t you just go to the bloody fountain and fill a bottle up for free? Fuck off, Walt Disney.

Speaking of dreams, sure, she was pretty familiar with the idea of all that magic and glitter and strange creatures. “The Mad Tea Party,” she said, after giving the map a look-over as well. “That one seems like it’ll turn our stomachs pretty good, yeah?” However, if any small child puked on her or near her, she was definitely going to shank someone.

“Though I don’t think there are anything from my dreams there. We can go on Pirates of the Caribbean later,” she grinned.

It seemed like a fair trade off, a ride on some fantasy inspired ride and then a ride on something more pirate oriented. Raistlin himself still did not particularly like rides, especially ones that threatened to induce shrill screaming and/or vomiting. However both Tas and Bela seemed excited to go, so in the interest of keeping them happy, Raistin decided to go along for now. Perhaps he could simply keep his eyes closed so he wouldn’t try to focus on anything as it whirled past them at break neck speeds and turn his stomach.

“Pirates of the Caribbean is probably as close as you’re going to get,” he told Bela as they followed Tas towards Fantasyland. “Actually, I’d be surprised if Fantasyland is anything like what we dream about,” he motioned between himself and Tas in front of them. He smirked faintly, “we can at least be sure that there won’t be any Draconians around, or any dragons for that matter.” As awesome as the beasts were, all the ones Raistlin of Krynn and his party had met so far in the Dreams had been far less than pleasant to deal with. Not actually meeting one in Orange County would probably disappoint Tas, but hopefully being in the Happiest Place on Earth would make up for it. And speaking of Tas…

“Hey,” Raistlin called out to his roommate, “don’t get too far ahead.”

“I’d love to go on a pirate ride!” Tas said cheerfully. “We can swashbuckle and drink rum with all those scallywags,” Tas said, donning a rather overdone pirate accent. He had no idea what the Pirates of the Caribbean ride would entail, but he really hoped it involved swordfights. “But, of course, we’re going on all the rides. Right?” What was the point if they didn’t go on everything? Not bothering to wait for an answer, Tas bounded ahead. If they were going to go on everything, they really had to keep moving.

He hadn’t noticed how far ahead he made it until Raistlin called him back, and he pouted at both of them. “I wouldn’t get to far ahead if you two slowpokes would keep up,” he scolded, but he waited for them nonetheless. “So, I’m thinking It’s A Small World first. The line’s really short,” he said, pointing over to the ride. “And then we can go on the tea party one. Do you think that we’ll throw up? I hope we do. I love those kinds of rides. And then Pirates of the Caribbean. And then maybe the Matterhorn? It looks really high up. Do you think we’d fall out? How exciting would that be!”

Oh, god, someone was on a sugar high. Or just high in general if Tas thought that going on It’s a Small World was a good idea - that seemed rather nightmarish, but Isabela supposed she would suck it up all in the name of friendship or some rubbish like that. “Alright, we can go in that order, I’ve no objections - but I think you gave Raistlin a stroke with the mention of that ride with the animatronic dolls around the world,” she chuckled, gently nudging the man in question. “Just close your eyes and think of England, love, it’ll be over before you know it.”

The line was blissfully short, probably because no one wanted to actually go on this nonsense. Before they stepped onto their pastel-coloured boat, Bela at least made sure to take a swig from her ‘water bottle,’ meaning the contents of the flask. This was going to be rough. “I think that song is secretly some kind of satanic chant,” she shuddered. “If you play it backwards it probably talks about how you should kill your parents and not eat your vegetables.”

Tas hadn’t quite come into the Majeres’ lives yet the last time Raistlin had been to an amusement park and therefore was unaware of Raistlin’s dislike for stomach churning rides. The tea-cups he could probably handle as long as he keep his focus within the cup itself, and Pirates of the Caribbean wasn’t exactly known for its break neck speeds, but Tas wanted to go on everything. Of course he did. Why wouldn’t he? It was going to be Riverside Amusement Park all over again!

Raistlin had to remind himself to breathe. It was alright. It was fine. He was a grown-ass adult now. There was no peer pressure and no Caramon dragging him to and fro. He didn’t have to go on everything. Bela could go on a few and Raistlin could go on a few. Pacing. That was how he was going to get through this without losing his lunch.

And then...and then Tas declared he wanted to go on It’s a Small World.

“No,” Raistlin said as Tas veered in that direction. “No. No.” but his protests fell on deaf ears. The next thing he knew he was in a pastel colored boat. Sickeningly sweet music could be heard coming from the tunnel in front of them. They hadn’t even started and it was already burrowing its way into Raistlin’s brain to nestle the rest of the day. Raistlin would have rather ridden the Matterhorn a dozen times than have to listen to that for fifteen minutes.

He threw an accusing look at Isabela next to him. “Think of England,” he grunted. “The hell does that even mean?” He took the ‘water bottle’ from her and helped himself to a liberal pull. Fortified he took a breath. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“England?” Tas asked, a little confused. “Raist has never been to England before.” At least, Tas didn’t think he had. There had been times when Tasslehoff had taken off after meeting the Majeres, travelling around on his own, and he supposed it was possible that during that time Raistlin had gone across seas. “Alyssa was from England though! She had an accent and everything. She went to boarding school there! She used to pull pranks on everyone, and she even earned the name the Prankster Queen of England! Queen Alyssa, they called her.” He had no proof that any of that wasn’t true.

Tas hummed happily along with the song, and then pointed at the dolls along the ride. “Oh look! I think those dolls are probably from England! I’ll go get a closer look.” He was just about to jump off the boat, a foot resting on the gunwale, when a voice came over the speakers, informing everyone on the ride to please keep their hands and feet inside the ride. Tas wondered if they were watching him on a camera or if it was just something that they played periodically, and froze where he was.

“Yes, you - sit your bum down,” Isabela laughed, tugging on Tas’s shirt to get him to park it back in the boat. “Otherwise we’ll be stuck here for hours because the ride’s stopped. Then we’d really get that song stuck in our heads and it’d ruin the Disney experience.”

She settled in this hunk of plastic, which was uncomfortable - and not that she was a giant or anything, but she was an adult, of an adult height, which meant that her knees hit the back of the row in front of them. Raistlin was a lot taller than she was, he must be suffering, she thought. “I’m from England too, you know...lie back and think of England just means you do it when you’re having some bad sex - “ Were they even allowed to talk about sex at the mouse mecca? Or risk being smited? “...you know, just sort of let the other person do their thing until it’s all finished. Not sure why the origin has England in there and my taste is too well-refined to have bad sex anyway, so - “

Oh good, they were done. There, see, not so bad at all!

“Tas!” Raistlin reached out to also grab Tas by his shirt and pulled him back into the boat. “If you get us stuck in here, I swear to the gods, I will dunk you in the water. Just sit down, enjoy the ride and leave the dolls alone.”

With Tas back in the boat - this time securely between Raistlin and Isabela to keep him from trying to leap out again - Raistlin readjusted himself in his seat. The ride wasn’t exactly made for adults. He was just on the other side of average height for a grown man, and he practically had to stuff his legs into the space in front of him, his knees pressed against the back of the seat in front of him. He kept having to shift to alleviate the way his bony ass wanted to dig into the plastic seat under him.

All in all, though, the ride didn’t make him want to murder anyone. Actually, the maddening song notwithstanding, Raistlin was a little fascinated by the dolls himself. They were fantastically creepy with their vacant stares and expressions painted to look happy and cheerful. Their beady eyes seemed to follow the boat as it made its way along the dank river.

Isabela made the ride somewhat more bearable. Her talk about thinking of England during bad sex was wonderful when juxtaposed to what was supposed to be a ride full of innocence and childlike wonderment. Perfect really, and Raistlin couldn’t help but to laugh.

Once the ride was over, however, Raistlin couldn’t get out of the boat fast enough. He stretched his back and twisted around to pop his spine back into place. “No more kiddy rides, alright Tas? I don’t think my back can take it.”

“You’d think you’d want to think of something exciting during bad sex, instead of boring old England. Like demons that would suck your soul out, or maybe being attacked by ghosts or something. That would make it a lot more fun, I think!” Tas said cheerfully, slightly put out that he wasn’t allowed to get off the boat and take a closer look at the dolls, but ultimately not caring too much. He’d never actually had sex before, so he didn’t know for sure if demons or ghosts would make it better, but he figured demons and ghosts made everything better.

For his own part, the song had been the best part of the ride. Going down a calm little river in a little boat without anything exciting like white water rapids was a little boring for his tastes, but over the next few weeks he’d be breaking into courses of “It’s a Small World After All” whenever the song would pop into his head. Which would be often. Poor Raistlin.

“Alright, no more kiddie rides,” Tas agreed. “We definitely need things more exciting than that. Like the tea cups! Let’s go,” he said, grabbing each of them by the hand and dragging them along so they’d stop holding him back.

“Why on earth would you want to think of demons that suck your soul out at any time, especially during a bump and grind?” Isabela laughed, but as usual, she found Tas’ offhanded and zany comments to be rather amusing. He was a likeable fellow, and he cooked a delicious omelet - so he wasn’t all bad, not at all, in fact there probably wasn’t a mean bone anywhere in his body.

But she kept up, clasping his hand as she and Raistlin were dragged to the Mad Tea Party ride. “It looks a bit intense,” she noted, as they got in line, observing the way those other plastic hunks were whirling and twirling rather fast while stoned animal robots popped up occasionally from the teapot in the centre. Alice in Wonderland was so bloody odd. “Though I think if we’re in for a drug trip anywhere at Disney, it’d be with this ride.”

Just no one throw up on her, Maker forbid.

That song had already burrowed itself a deep nest inside Raistlin’s head and Tas probably wouldn’t be the only one humming it around the apartment at random intervals the next several days.

“I think what Bela means,” Raistlin explained as he was dragged along, stumbling after Tas, “is that the expression ‘lie back and think of England’ is supposed to mean think of better things than the sex itself. Which in your case may actually be demons sucking on your soulwhoa!” His foot caught on a slight imperfection in the walkway and he staggered a moment before catching himself. “Gods - Tas, the ride isn’t going anywhere!” But he somehow managed to keep pace until the three of them were in line for their next ride.

Speaking of trying to think of better things, Raistlin eyed the tea cups wearily as they spun around on their axis as well as around the platform they were on. It wasn’t a ride for little kids, that was for absolute certain. He could feel his stomach tightening just watching them. He glanced at Tas, all happy, eager and excited and then back at the tea cups. It’s a Small World, vomit inducing tea cups...all in the name of a grin on Tas’s face.

“Lie back and think of England,” he reminded himself under his breath as the line moved forward.

“I just think it would be interesting,” Tas said. “A demon sucking out your soul, and you trying to find a way to stop it. You’d have to think of a way to stop it of course, because while getting your soul completely sucked out sounds like it would be a bit of an adventure, I guess it wouldn’t be if it just became a meal. That might be a little boring, just waiting for your soul to digest. Do demons digest souls, I wonder?” He frowned to himself, and totally lost his train of thought.

“I wonder if we shouldn’t eat a bunch of candy and corn dogs before going on this ride,” Tas mused, looking at it. “I think that would really be the best way to appreciate it.” He frowned, a finger to his cheek as he thought, and eyed up the line in front of them. “I bet I could come back with a bunch of snacks and if we’re quick we can wolf them down before we get to the front of the line?” He gave a hopeful look at Bela and Raistlin.

What even was that train of thought? Isabela looked more than a bit flabbergasted, but that’s it, she wasn’t going to even let Tas near a whirly-twirly ride after he consumed a whole metric shit tonne of junk food. Those churros were still settling with her, even, so forget it. “You may be right,” she said as if he came up with something brilliant, giving the excited man-child a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll go get us some snacks, you two keep our spots warm. Remember, love, lie back and think of England.”

That was a reminder to Raistlin, and a silent promise that she’d put him in possession of the flask when they were done, before Bela darted off to find the nearest overpriced food cart - Mickey employees sold all sorts of goodies around here, she’d just find the best one and if the boys happened to board the ride without her, well, no matter!

But at least now it would keep anyone from puking. And she could send Hawke a few dirty sexts really quick. Maybe pick up some sparkly Mickey ears for him.

“Why would you want to eat anything before going on that?” Raistlin demanded staring at Tas. The thought process really shouldn’t have surprised him. That was just kind of how Tas was. Everything was an adventure, and if it wasn’t, he was going to turn it into one. Before Raistlin could protest the idea any further, Bela had jumped out of line to go fetch a few of those snacks.

How had he gotten into this? Raistlin remembered finding a sniveling Tas watching Charlotte's Web in the dark. The uncomfortable feeling of seeing Tas alone and crying was not something Raistlin particularly wanted to feel again. He wasn’t any good making someone feel better after such a tragedy. But he could sympathize. More or less. He had never known anyone who had died and he was only just starting to form the kinds of relationships that Tas seemed to able to make in his sleep. He had no idea how he’d react if what had happened to Alyssa had happened to Bela or Regina, or even Tas himself. Taking Tas to the Happiest Place on Earth to cheer him up was the best thing he could think of, and the idea had really come from Isabela.

They shuffled further up in line, closer and closer to the whirling cups.

Tas frowned and watched Isabela take off, straining his neck to peer around the crowd. But Tas was rather on the short side, and the park was crowded, and he soon lost her in the swarm of people. “She’s probably going to wait in line and everything,” Tas complained to Raistlin. As they moved forward in line, he tried to get a good look at how close to the front they were, and his frown deepened. “She’s probably never going to make it back in time, and then we won’t have time to eat all the snacks. You guys should have let me go. I’d be there and back like that,” he snapped his fingers. “You wouldn’t have even known I was gone.”

He turned from staring out after Isabela to turning to Raistlin instead. The other man didn’t look as though he was standing in the middle of the Happiest Place on Earth. In fact, he looked almost like he didn’t want to be there at all, but of course that was impossible because who wouldn’t want to come to Disneyland. But Raistlin always kind of looked like that - like he’d rather be anywhere than where he was, and now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Raistlin at an amusement park. “Thanks for coming with me!” Tas said. “The park’s way more fun when I’m with two of my very best friends. And it’s nice to see you finally getting out and having some real fun! Wait until I tell Caramon about today!”

Don’t worry, snacks procured! Isabela was a woman on a mission, and she may have just stolen three ice cream sandwiches (birthday cake something-or-another between chocolate chip cookies, now wasn’t that a sugar-filled bit of deliciousness? Five-finger discount, just thank her lightning quick hands for that one. She was probably going to hell, but no matter - most pirates were sort of destined to sail there on a raft of bones anyway.

Carrying that booty, she sauntered back (timing it exactly right so she didn’t actually have to get on the fucking teacups) to wait for the fellows to get off the whirly-twirly ride when she’d give them their treats. Luckily the ride looked like it was short, because there was only so much spinning little kids could take, probably. Their itty-bitty stomachs couldn’t handle a whole bunch otherwise.

“Well, you two must have had a blast! Here, got you something to nosh on while we head toward our next adventure.” Ice cream sandwiches, even. They were passed around; hers already had a big bite taken out of it. “Alright, if we don’t get to ride Pirates of the Caribbean now, I might pout.” They’d promised - onward, ho!

And she’d do her best to rein in the upchucking too - but with Tas on a sugar high who could say what the rest of the day held. Would be interesting, at least? Now about those pirates>

“Hm?” Raistlin shook himself out of thoughts of death and fog and crying Tasslehoffs to look at his remaining companion. He hadn’t expected to get a thank-you, really. He really hadn’t done anything that had necessitated it. Tas had been sad and without Caramon around the task had fallen to Raistlin to cheer him up. He may not have been the best person for the job, but he was doing what he could - or at least what he thought he should be doing.

Still, he figured that’s what friends did, right? Thanked each other for doing things of this nature? Raistlin was still learning the ins and outs of this whole friendship thing. He wasn’t really sure how he should answer, so he shrugged thin shoulders. “Don’t mention it,” he said. He thought about telling Tas not to mention it to Caramon either, else he’d never hear the end of his twin whining at him for not going to the amusement parks back home with him, but he bit his tongue. Part of the enjoyment would be for Tas to excitedly talk about his trip, so Raistlin figured he may as well let him. He smiled a bit, “so long as you’re having fun. That’s what we’re here for.”

When Raistlin looked up he found he and Tas were next to get on the ride and Isabela was nowhere in sight. Somehow the cunning pirate had managed to weasel her way out of getting on the ride. Well, the bright side was that she wasn’t going to have to worry about anyone vomiting on her.

He let Tas choose their tea cup. There was very little in the way of safety features inside the hollowed out hunk of plastic and Raistlin had to hang on for dear life, else he was afraid of being flung out of the damn thing and across the park. It was definitely more exciting than the It's a Small World ride, that much was for sure.

The ride lasted just long enough for Raistlin’s brain and innards to be appropriately spun about. He tried not to stagger off of the ride in an attempt to save a little bit of face among the hoards of little kids (and Tas) who all got off the ride with them no worse for wear. One look at Isabela’s offering of ice cream sandwiches, however, and his stomach really did threaten an all out mutiny. That churro was sitting rather hard now, after all, just itching to get out again. He waved Bela off and silently indicated that she give his treat to Tas. It was his day after all.

Once he felt as though he could speak without completely embarrassing himself he sighed and agreed. “Pirates. Yes. We can’t let Bela pout, can we?” Onward to the next adventure.

Tas thought the tea cup ride was wonderful. When he got off the ride, he was fantastically dizzy, and his stomach lurched in a weird and wonderful way. He wasn’t quite able to walk in a straight line when he got off, but he was smiling from ear to ear.

“I’m so sad you missed that, Isabela!” Tas said, once she came into view. “It was fantastic! Everything was going so fast that you couldn’t see anything other than blurs, and it almost made me feel sick!” He cheerfully took his snack, and was even more excited when he was offered Raistlin’s too.

“Of course the pirates ride is next! Did I ever tell you about the time I met the last Saskatchewan pirate? His name was Tractor Jack! He used to be a farmer, but then he gave it all up so he could sail on the North Saskatchewan River, stealing wheat and barley!” Tas continued to regale them with his (super true, really guys) story all the way to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.