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the_hawks_eye (the_hawks_eye) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2016-02-10 19:49:00

Who: Ed and Riza
When: Before Edward is hospitalized
Where: Their home
What: Worrying
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete



Ed hadn’t bothered to leave his room after the recent string of dreams. He remained curled up on his bed, not even really bothering with his books or anything-just attempting not to feel ill. The Philosphers stone was made of human life, he always knew that but what he didn’t know is how it would feel when he finally had it in his grasp. It felt dirty and in turn made him feel vile. Al hadn’t wanted his body back if it meant the sacrifice of human life, but Ed was willing to go that far. He was willing to do what it took to get Al’s body back even if it meant using a stone that had caused so much human suffering, and that much more at the cost of tangible human life.

The homunculus had led him to the very thing he’d been in search of for their own purposes and so had the military as far as he knew. They’d all led him to Lab 5 for their own use. None of it had been Ed’s design. It made him feel ill. Everything he’d sought after was someone elses design. It was damn depressing really. He didn’t feel like getting up to eat or moving at all, he just remained burrowed in a pile of blankets, barely visible to the waking world.

Riza was, as usual, worried about Edward. She hated that their dreams took such a toll on him but knew that his age didn’t help things. She’d done things in her dream past that weighed on her but being that much older was able to shoulder it and view it more logically. Something which was harder for a teenager.

Knocking on his door she entered with a tray of sandwiches and a drink which she placed on his bedside table before sitting on his bed. “Edward? Are you alright?” she asked laying a hand on what she assumed was his shoulder.

Ed had at some point turned around in bed. What Riza had taken was actually a knee. From the side of the blankets he peered up at her and shrugged. “I guess. “ He felt like hell and probably looked it too.

“I don’t wanna go to school today. “ He frowned, normally he liked college just fine but he didn't think focusing on it was a thing he could do.

Surprised when his head emerged from the opposite end of the bed she moved her hand to lay it against his forehead. He was warm but that could be from hiding under the covers.

“Okay sweetheart” she didn’t argue, he wasn’t in a state to be at school it seemed. “Do you want me to let them know?” she asked, not sure if he’d have told his friends already or not.

He nodded to that and rested his head on his arms tiredly. “ I haven’t called yet. I should go, but the door is all the way over there.” He scoffed as though it was to blame for everything. “I already did the work anyway, Raven’s bringing it.”

“I think you can miss a day or two without too much worry” Riza assured him, “Now come on sit up a little and have something to eat”


“I don’t know, how many can you miss before they notice?” He didn’t know if it was like school or not where they’d notice these things and he’d end up with some kind of weird college detention or something. He however shook his head to that and frowned. “Not hungry.” The idea of food made him feel a little queasy. With his automail he was prone to illness a bit more than the average kid, but he didn’t feel fluish this time. He just felt gross.

“I think it depends on a number of things, whether you’re letting them know, have a good reason and are keeping up with the work” Riza said. “You need to eat something Edward, you’ve already missed breakfast”

He nodded to that and repositioned himself a little better since it seemed he wasn't going to be left alone to sulk. “Not hungry.” He insisted with a small frown. He really wasn't interested in eating after seeing what he had in the dreams. “Would you want to if everything you thought you were working towards on your own accord was someone elses design all along?”

“Edward, the things that have happened in the dreams are awful and I know they feel very real and vivid but you cannot starve yourself in the real world because of them” Riza pointed out. Her own dreams had revealed awful things but she had just needed to rationalize them.

“Some people get dreams about magic and elves...I get dreams about blood water.” He mused bitterly as he sat up and rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m tired of it. I want it to stop but I don’t think it’s done yet..” How after all that none of it could be finished he didn’t know, but he wasn’t left with a sense of finality or anything, just the fun nervous period where he was supposed to wait for the next set. It made it hard to eat or study or function really but finally he reached for the food seeming to respond to logic. Logic and science Ed understood, abstract direction was where he struggled.

“I know love and it isn’t fair but it is what it is. We can’t stop them” Riza said, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, “If you ever want to talk or anything you know I’m here right?” Logic and science only got you so far when it came to the dreams, a lot of it was feeling.

“I miss when alchemy was fun.” Now it was just becoming a chore. A thing he had to do to stay alive or keep others alive and well. He missed when he was starting out with Al, when they could just create for the sake of it.

“You can still make it fun here. Create what you like and try to make good memories of it here separate from the dreams” Riza suggested, perhaps if he could swap the bad for the good it would help him.

He shrugged at that and decided to use one of her legs as a pillow. Ed wasn’t typically overly affectionate but there were special occasions of course. She was close by and he was feeling just a little bit sulky. Allowances had been made. “I don’t know...It doesn’t seem like I get any choice in that.” He shrugged, he was always busy using it to help people. It felt good in the end, but made it really hard at times as well. There were times Ed just wanted to try stuff, but if he didn’t plan it often times he got into trouble for it.

Riza let her hand card through Ed’s hair when he rested on her legs, “You know if you ever need anything Ed you can tell me, even if it’s just to get away for a while or some time at the guild” Riza didn’t ever want Ed to feel he had no choice about anything in his life.

“I don’t want to let anyone down.” He was worried about that sort of thing too if he went off on his own. What good would he be? He let his eyes close. Human contact wasn’t so bad. Even if he was going to need to fix his hair later, right then he didn’t care.

“You won’t” Riza told him, “You are amazing Edward but you need to look after you, not just everybody else” She worried about him a lot but felt comforted when he let her look after him like at times like this. Usually he wasn’t keen on letting her fuss so when he didn’t mind she took advantage of it.

Her touch was soothing, and seemed to actually help ease a lot of his worry by the simple motion. He felt almost a little pathetic. Here he was trying to act like an adult, but he couldn’t help but succumb to moments like these. Curling up with Riza and just wanting hair pets. “Okay…” He agreed, cross feelings seeming to ebb away for just a little while. Thoughts drifting off into a foggy contentment.