Caroline Forbes is full of light (miss_mystic) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-12-22 08:08:00 |
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As soon as Caroline got back from her trip with Elena she wanted to check on Hanna. Of course they had gotten back pretty late at night. Caroline wasn’t about to disturb Hanna that late but she did text her friend to let her know she’d be stopping by with breakfast in the morning. She had been texting Hanna a lot towards the end of the trip, making sure her friend was okay after everything that happened with Caleb and that she didn’t need Caroline to come home early. All seemed to be well, Caleb was healed and Hanna had assured Caroline she was okay multiple times, but still Caroline had to check on her. Watching your boyfriend suffer a dream injury like that had to be rough.
After stopping at Baxter Bakery to pick up some pastries and coffee Caroline made her way over to Hanna’s house. Bag full of treats and coffees in hand she rang the bell anxiously waiting for her friend to answer.
Hanna had been a mess. Even though she had gotten reassurance from Mister Fitz that Caleb would be fine in the dreams, and someone had healed him, Hanna had still panicked and been convinced that (even though she knew how the dreams worked with injuries), it was her fault for admitting to herself that she loved Caleb and that it was just a new way to destroy her relationships. On top of how horrible the holiday party at her dad’s work had been…. Hanna was stressed.
But she also hadn’t wanted to have Caroline cut her trip short since it wasn’t actually needed.
With classes out for the time, Hanna had been on the couch reading, almost afraid of dreaming what with Wilden focusing his attentions on her for Ali’s murder and Mona maybe being sent to a different hospital. And why did she care after what Mona had put them through? But she had remembered Caroline saying she’d be stopping by so when she heard the door, the blonde marked her page and went to answer the door.
“Hey, come in.” Not nearly as much pep and bounce as usual, but she did at least manage a smile.
Of course Caroline immediately noticed that Hanna wasn’t exactly her usual self. Not that Caroline could really blame her with what she had been through. The vampire felt pretty damn guilty that she hadn’t been there for Hanna when it had all happened. She really should have been. Why couldn’t she leave Orange County for a few days without something bad happening? She had tried her best to be there for Hanna through phone calls and texts and she was here as soon as she could be. That’s what mattered. At least she hoped so.
She followed Hanna inside offering the coffee and pastries. “I got croissants and scones and muffins. Not sure what you are in the mood for.” Hopefully it was at least one of those things. “So how’s Caleb? How are you?”
Of course that was all that mattered. Hanna wouldn’t have wanted Caroline to just drop things for her. She’d been fine, Aria had been around and again, Caleb had been healed the day it happened so while it had been terrifying to wake up that way, it worked out. It was fine. Though she hadn’t really been hungry since everything had happened. Even before the dream shooting.
But, she could at least pick at a scone.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Then the question on how Caleb was, as well as herself. “Caleb’s fine. He was released, injury completely healed.” She didn’t know specifics, she’d been sent home to shower with the promise he’d be fine if she left for an hour or so to get some food and change. The question on how she was though? That was a bit more complicated because Hanna didn’t know. Not really. So instead she just shrugged. “I’m fine. What about your trip? Did you have fun?”
She was tired of thinking about the weekend. Even if her plans of deflection would probably fail. She could at least try.
Caroline was so not buying that Hanna was fine. Yes she believed that Caleb was fine physically. But still. That was a lot to live through. For the both of them. Caroline couldn’t imagine waking up to see someone she cared about hurt and bleeding like that. Or the panic and terror Hanna must have felt. Even if things were okay now she was sure it took awhile to recover from all that emotionally.
“That’s good news about Caleb,” Caroline said cheerfully trying to cheer Hanna up some. “You guys have had like such bad luck with dream injuries.” Seriously though. With Hanna’s broken leg and now Caleb getting shot? So not fair. Caroline was fortunate that none of her injuries really bled over. A lot of that was thanks to the whole vampire thing.
Caroline grabbed a muffin for herself and bit into it. “It was good. Nice to get away for a bit.” Orange County was just so complicated. Not only with all the weird things that happened but for personal reasons as well. More so for Elena than Caroline but still. “But don’t think you can distract me so easily,” she continued. “I know you aren’t fine. And you shouldn’t be expected to be either. You had a hell of a weekend.” And Caroline was here to hear all about it and provide some comfort and maybe some understanding. It’s what friends did.
“No kidding. A’s back, too. Well. A different A.” Which well, wasn’t shocking. She didn’t talk about it but given the whole Caleb being shot thing.. not that A had been behind that. Just some creep who had a thing for Maya and then Emily and got all obsessive and violent. Because it couldn’t just be one issue in the dreams. Oh no. There was always something on top of A.
As Caroline talked about the trip briefly, the blonde nodded and took a sip of her coffee. “Getting away for a bit sounds great. God, there’s way too much drama here.” Hanna didn’t know the half of it. Just what was going on with her and Caleb. Still…. Or Caroline could switch back to the weekend and she just let out a bitter scoff.
“Yeah, that’s an understatement.” Because really. Much like Rosewood, it wasn’t just one thing. Oh no. It was a whole slew of things.
So her dreams had continued. Well that made sense considering Caleb was from the same dreamworld as her and Hanna had never mentioned him being shot before. So new dreams with a new A made sense. “How many different As are there? Why A? Why not like B or Z?” It was weird. But then all dreams were weird in their own way. She was sure Hanna probably thought the same about hers. Hell she was beginning to wonder what the hell was even going on in her own dreams anymore.
“We could always take a trip!” Caroline offered just as cheerfully. She didn’t mind going on all the road trips. They were fun. Or any trip in general. Getting away from Orange County was definitely nice and needed sometimes.
But yes, back to discussing the weekend. The way Hanna said it Caroline had a feeling there was more to the story. “Did something else happen?”
“So far just this second one. Mona played with dolls, I play with body parts.” Yes she was quoting one of the A messages, but it was also really unnerving. Because it showed just how much more deranged this one was. “They ran Caleb’s mom off the road just to keep him from helping.” And then he had broken up with her. But based on his dreams, he had figured it out and so had kidnapped her to get the truth and things were better on that front. Just not the A front since… yeah.
“I definitely wouldn’t turn one of those down.” Trips with friends were always good, especially to decompress. But then Caroline was asking about if something else had happened and the younger blonde shrugged.
“My dad’s holiday party. Which went about as well as I should have expected it.” And yet she had still had that naive hope that she would make him proud. And that when she needed him, he’d believe her but that hadn’t happened.
Playing with body parts? Yeah that wasn’t creepy at all. “What is with the As and cars? First you got hit and now Caleb’s mom? Not cool,” she frowned. Cars seemed to be a theme in Hanna’s dreams. At least from what Caroline knew. But the whole A business just sounded scary as hell. At least with all the people that threatened her in the dreams she knew who they were. There were no unknown entities. “Any idea on who this new A is?”
She would definitely have to go on a trip with Hanna at some point. Maybe over spring break. Or even a weekend away since Hanna hadn’t been able to make Vegas. But they could talk about that later. Because this holiday party sounded interesting already.
“I’m going to need a few more details than that,” Caroline got it already though. Dads could be such assholes. She had more experience with her own in the dreams than real life. Still she didn’t have that great of relationship in either place and now he was dead in both.
“Or digging up graves, threats. You know. The usual.” Because it wasn’t just cars. There was a reason Hanna had a tendency to sometimes ignore the network or not feel like posting. Because she was social but when you threw in unknown stalkers who used technology against you? Sometimes it became a bit much to use a social networking site. Stupid, but there it was. “I wish. But so far? Nothing.”
Which was frustrating because if they could just get the answers then maybe the nightmare would end. Though they had thought that about A when Mona had been locked up and yet they were going through it all over again.
“He has a creep of an intern who got way too friendly with me. And unsurprisingly when I told my dad, he blamed me for what happened. Like. I get it. I’m not perfect like his stupid stepdaughter and am nothing more than a disappointment. But you know, I was stupid enough to think he’d at least believe me on that.”
And again with skimming a lot of details. But there was a lot to unravel when talking about Tom Marin.
“Digging up graves?” Why in the world would anyone want to do that? But she couldn’t blame Hanna for being quiet on social media. If she was being cyber stalked in her dreams she would probably be wary as well. “Is that who shot Caleb?” she mentioned that they ran his mom’s car off the road but not who shot him. But really who else would? Caleb was a nice guy who would want to hurt him other than the person after Hanna and her friends?
“Wait, wait, wait,” Caroline said throwing up her hands because she had to get this straight. “Your dad’s creep of an intern made a move on you and your dad blamed you for it? What is that bull shit? How would that even be your fault?” It sounded very sexist to her and it was just appalling in general.
“I don’t know…” It was all beyond messed up as far as Hanna was concerned. Which pretty much was an understatement. And then the question about who shot Caleb, “Surprisingly, no. I don’t really get what happened. But he said that it had something to do with this guy who was stalking Emily and tried to kill her. He went to help and placed a gun down that he had for something dealing with A and it went off because they were in a light house?” Yeah. It sounded weird and Hanna’d had a hard time following it but that was her basic understanding and all that really mattered in the end was that Caleb was better.
“Yeah. He’d been making passes at me before but I brushed them off. At the party he kissed me because of mistletoe… got too friendly. I guess he told my dad that he was concerned about my behaviour and since I’m always the problem, my dad believed him…” Sighing Hanna took a drink of coffee, “Anyway, he claims I sent him a note saying I was interested after Caleb punched him. I mean if my dad was willing to pay a full ride for Kate to go to USC but can’t bother to help me and thinks nothing of my accomplishments… of course he won’t believe me.”
Well okay then. That didn’t exactly make any sense but it sounded like Hanna hadn’t dreamt it yet so it probably didn’t make all that much sense to her either. “She had another stalker?” How many stalkers did they have? Like what the hell was going on over in Hanna’s dreams? And where the fuck did a lighthouse come in? It all sounded insane.
“Points for Caleb,” she probably shouldn’t be supporting violence but it sounded like the intern guy needed to be punched. “Kate’s the stepdaughter?” Not like Caroline had ever met her so she didn’t know for sure but it was a fair assumption based on everything else Hanna had said. “And I thought my dad was bad for taking off when I was twelve. Having him pay for another person to go to college over me though? I can’t even imagine how sucky that is.” Or how much it would hurt but no need to point it out. “Your dad kind of sounds like an ass.”
“Apparently.” Yeah, trying to keep up with everything in the dreams was hard. Hanna actually had started a list to try and piece together clues. So far though, nothing. It was frustrating but that was how it had been when Mona was A as well. Then there was the fact Lucas was telling her that Mona was only faking. God it was a mess.
“He’s the first guy who ever defended me like that…” Then again, he was probably the first decent guy Hanna had ever been with because he didn’t see her as a way to increase his status or popularity. It was strange. “I was going to tell him I loved him, because I mean… he didn’t believe the note or the guy and wouldn’t leave and then…” He got shot. But it had taken a lot even for Hanna to realise why she’d been afraid to admit it to herself, it was that moment that it had clicked.
“But yeah. Kate’s the stepdaughter. Perfect grades, perfect everything. He promised her and it all came down to dollars and cents. Went to her graduation instead… Mom says he didn’t break up with the both of us when he left but he clearly did. And yet? I still wanted him to be proud of me or to believe me...” And he hadn’t. Never had. “So yeah, that about sums it up.”
“Oh my god! I knew it.” Yes, Caroline was focussing on the fact that Hanna admitted she loved Caleb over everything else. That was at least somewhat happy news in her friend’s mess of a weekend. “So did you tell him? Don’t leave me hanging!” She needed to hear everything.
Back on the subject of Hanna’s dad though Caroline’s excitement went away. Because yeah major asshole. “I don’t think you have anything to prove to him,” she did understand though. There were a lot of times where Caroline wondered herself if she could have done something differently to make her dad come back. But having him in her life only to put her down like it seemed Hanna’s father was sounded like a much worse option.
“In a panicked I’m supposed to tell you I love you not have this happen type way.” Yeah. Not her classiest moment but Hanna had been panicking and so it had come out even though she’d wanted it to be perfect or at least...not that desperate. But that was the way it had come out and then there had been doctors and ambulances and surgery.
“I wish I believed that.” Sighing, Hanna looked to Caroline. “I’m sorry that your dad sucks as well.” Because it was just not a good feeling and if Caroline knew how that went, then she definitely felt for her friend. Because it majorly blew.
“You said it after he was shot?” That was the only way Caroline could think of that it would come out panicked. Wow. Their timing sucked. Didn’t sound like the most romantic thing either but then Caroline had only ever told one guy she loved him and that was in the middle of a break up. So she definitely wasn’t an expert on that subject.
“It’s true. The only person you need to prove things to is yourself,” and she wasn’t sure prove was even the right word. But being happy with herself was better than striving to make her dad happy. Especially when that was something every parent should be with their child in the first place. “Eh it’s fine. Haven’t seen him since I was like twelve and he’s dead now so whatever.” Again it beat having to deal with all the bull shit Hanna had to deal with.
“After I called 911, yeah.” And then Caleb had teased her about it some and she had huffed about how that wasn’t how she’d wanted to but that was about it. Because it wasn’t like there was much that could be said. She’d been wanting to do so that day anyway circumstances just… happened and he’d woken up shot and she had panicked. Really in line with the things she’d done in the dreams when panicked, it wasn’t the worst reaction by far.
Hanna nodded some about the only person she had to prove herself to was herself, but it would take more than that to really believe it. Hanna told herself that plenty of times. She stopped faking dumb to get by and actually did well in her classes without phrasing things when called upon to explain away how she knew the information. But getting to that spot? Hanna wasn’t there yet. “I guess. But that also means there might be lingering unresolved issues, wouldn’t it?”
“Well at least you said it?” Again Caroline was not an expert on the ‘I love you’ thing so it wasn’t like she could give out much advice. Though she did know that Caleb had told Hanna he loved her awhile ago. Like around the time Caroline started dating Peeta officially. At least that was when Hanna had told her about it. So he was probably super happy that Hanna finally said it, even if circumstances weren’t the best.
She shrugged when Hanna mentioned the things that were unresolved. “I guess. I mean I still wonder why he left and never talked to me again. And with seeing him in the dreams it brought up questions too. It’s part of why I decided to look for him. But it is what it is I guess. I have my mom and she’s way more than enough.” Of course deep down she knew it left some lingering issues. Like her insecurity that every guy would leave her. So far it had reigned true although she only let herself care about two guys ever. And so far Peeta wasn’t letting her down. But all the rest of the guys? The other one she had cared about and the rest she had been with, they all left. Just like her dad.
“Yeah.” There was at least that. Though between the dreams and Orange County in general, Hanna was pretty convinced that trying to do things or plan them in any sort of way was bound to end in disaster so it really shouldn’t be so surprising that saying she loved Caleb happened the way that it did.
“I get that. I have my mom and it’s enough. But it doesn’t stop the hurt and questioning.” The lasting effects of expecting men to just up and leave when they found someone better. “The seeing their actions in everything someone else does.” It was hard not to even when you claimed it didn’t matter or didn’t hurt. Why else would it have taken Hanna so long to admit to herself her feelings? That it took seeing Caleb actually stand up for her to make her realise that the same pattern didn’t have to be followed and that it was okay to let herself accept her feelings and say them?
It seemed like she and Hanna felt the same way. As much as she tried to deny it or ignore it she did see her father’s actions in others. “I know what you mean,” Caroline agreed with a sad smile. “But I still try to focus on all the good in my life. It’s the best way to get through things you know? And despite the weekend from hell you had there’s still good. Caleb is going to be okay and maybe now that you’ve seen just how much of a dick your dad can be you can let go of trying to make him proud?”
“Trying to focus on the good is definitely the best way to handle things, yeah.” The trick was when it got to be too much. Already Hanna could feel herself slipping into old habits for how she dealt with stress and everything with her dad. Even knowing that his opinion really shouldn’t matter because he obviously didn’t care about her. “But yeah. That’s the plan. Letting go of trying to make him proud.”
It was just easier said than done.
Caroline was all about focussing on the good. About seeing the bright side of situations. “Well you know if you ever need a reminder just come to me. I’ll always be proud of you,” she teased although there was truth to it. But for now she just wanted to lighten the mood. To cheer Hanna up. “But enough of that. Let’s just enjoy our breakfast and then do something fun? Shopping maybe?”
“I know. The same for you.” Because there was just something that brought people together in terms of dealing with disappointing fathers and how they messed you up years after the fact. Or continued to do so in the case of Tom Marin. So no matter. And well, there were going to be distractions which Hanna was all about. “Sounds like a plan.”