Hanna Marin knows what Hanna Marin means (numbtothedanger) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-12-01 08:31:00 |
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Work had gone by slower than ever. All Caleb had wanted to do was see Hanna. After his night of dreams he was worried about her. Mona was A. That was a lot for him to wrap his head around. Not to mention there was the whole kissing her thing. Gross. He had no clue how far Hanna was in the dreams, but he didn’t want to talk about the dreams or A. He just wanted to spend time with Hanna in the real world and not think about all that nonsense.
After picking her up from her classes they headed back to his place, (he had taken off work early). Now Hanna was situated on his couch, Caleb was in the kitchen area getting some food for them. Now that he lived there awhile he actually had food. “Want anything particular?” he called to her.
Food was always an important thing to have in the house. Then again, it had been nearly a month by that point. Hanna would have been worried if Caleb didn’t have food. “Not really.” She was going to be so happy to be out of the cast. Just a few more days! Even then, she knew that technically it was a shorter time to be in one but that didn’t make it any less frustrating.
Her dreams were still pretty typical. The fact that Kate had set her up to be seen as a bully was unsurprising. Just like the fact her dad had believed Kate over her. Some things never changed. But that didn’t really matter because the truth was revealed. Though the whole lock in of truth thing had been awkward. It was done though and there really wasn’t much to talk about in terms of the dreams so it wasn’t like Hanna would be bringing them up.
“Are you sure it’s okay for you to have taken the day off?” Not that she was complaining. But it wasn’t something that had been planned so part of her was worried that something had happened.
Caleb grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and some chips. It wasn’t quite dinner time yet, they could order take out later. He brought everything over to Hanna setting it on the coffee table before sitting down next to her on the couch.
“I’m sure,” he said wrapping his arm around her. “I just want to spend the afternoon with my girlfriend.” Stark was a pretty chill place to work. Even though he had been distracted earlier while Hanna was in class he had gotten a lot of work done. Besides he had a computer at home if anything drastic happened.
“Who am I to argue with that logic?” Grinning up at Caleb, Hanna kissed his cheek before settling against him in a more comfortable position as his arm was around her already. There was part of her that wondered if there was something more to it all, but they had promised full honesty so she wasn’t too worried as she figured it would come up eventually.
Whatever it was. After all, she’d just finished with classes for the day and wanted to relax some. And if Caleb had taken the rest of the day off? All the better, really.
“It’d be insulting if you tried,” Caleb teased then turned on a movie for the two of them to watch. The whole time though there was something he wanted to say. He just didn’t know how. This was all so new to him and honestly a little overwhelming.
The movie ended and he got up. Placing a kiss on top of Hanna’s head before he walked up the stairs to his bedroom area retrieving the dream letter from a drawer in his night stand. “Hanna,” he started once he was back down standing in front of her. “You remember when I told you I felt alone until I met you?” he had said that in the dreams too. Weird. But he dreamt that after already saying it to her here.
The movie was good, but really Hanna was just content to sit there with Caleb because he made her feel safe. Like even with all the stress of school, the A messages from the dreams and the dreams themselves, like she had somewhere she was grounded. It was sort of scary and she didn’t put much thought into it. For her it was just the way things were. And less dramatic than the dreams where there were constant threats and worrying about his safety. Which was why she had forbade the girls from going to him for help with the stupid cell phone.
But then he was going upstairs and the blonde blinked as she follow him go up only to come back down. And was still standing. Okaaaaay. This was slightly awkward. But she nodded some.
“Yeah.. I remember that.” She also remembered it from the dreams as well. Strange how things were paralleling in them on more than one level. “What about it?”
“I meant it.” Way to state the obvious, Caleb. He really wasn’t great at this whole thing. Granted Hanna was his first actual girlfriend and definitely the first and only girl he had ever been in love with.
“You make it so easy to just be myself. You have never once judged my past,” and he knew he didn’t have the best one. “You’ve shown me what it’s like to have a real family,” even though he was just Hanna’s boyfriend he did feel like part of her family in a way. Ashley always made sure to include him in things and he got along with her grandma too. There were more reasons too, like that she showed him what he had missed out on in his own childhood. But all this listing things was making him feel a little too sappy.
“What I’m trying to say is that, I love you.” There. It was out there now. No taking it back.
A slight quirk of the brow was given as Caleb stated that he meant what he had said. Right then. Hanna was still confused. Especially as he started talking about how she made it easy for him to be himself and how she gave him a family. Really, she probably should have seen where this was going. However, given her past when it came to relationships, she was expecting to hear a but and how things would be over. Or that he realised that he just wanted to be friends.
As if the movie and hanging out was a way to soften the blow.
What Hanna was not expecting was Caleb to tell her that he loved her even though he had been the first to admit it in the dreams. Because that never happened. She was always the first to say it. To admit it, and then they left. It was why she never deeply considered her feelings on the matter. That she let herself enjoy her time with Caleb even when she was thrilled he got along with her family and friends. That she looked forward to him picking her up, even if it was just for a ride home.
Those were things she didn’t let herself think about because the alternative was too painful. Because she knew the second she admitted to herself that she was in love with Caleb, something would happen and she would lose him.
“I….” Yes. Hanna was officially speechless.
She didn’t say it back. He wasn’t sure if he was expecting her to or not. In the dreams she didn’t, but he had screwed up there. And he knew it. Here he hadn’t done anything like that. But maybe his past was just too much. Or she just didn’t feel the same way. He wasn’t sure. But he wasn’t going to push her to say her feelings either way.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Caleb replied his face falling even though he was trying to stay optimistic. He took a step closer to her and held out the letter. “I got the letter from the dreams. The one Mona threw away. I thought you should have it.” Granted he had gotten it awhile ago and hadn’t been sure when to give it to her, back then. But he always knew when he was ready to tell her he loved her he would give it to her, and even if this wasn’t going how he planned it in his head he still wanted her to have it.
It was hard to react when she was completely thrown off guard. She didn’t care about his past, what she cared about was him. And she could tell that she had hurt him by not saying it back and that hurt, but she just… honestly, she was afraid because of how it always worked out. Then the fact her dad had left and years after the fact, she was still scarred by that even if she never really put much thought into it.
So Hanna just took the letter. She remembered hearing about it, but again, Mona had gotten rid of it and at the time, she’d been too hurt to really be upset by that fact. Instead, she just tugged on Caleb’s hand once she had said letter to pull him down so she could kiss him. She might not be able to say the words because she had yet to really explore her feelings from fear, but that didn’t mean she was backing off or away from the relationship or anything.
Caleb returned the kiss falling onto the couch with her. That was enough for him. He didn’t know exactly how Hanna felt but he knew she didn’t want to break up. That she wanted to continue their relationship. And there was no way in hell he wanted out. All he wanted was to be with Hanna, to keep her safe, protect her. The last thing he ever wanted was to see her hurt.
And that seemed to settle that. Hanna was relieved that Caleb didn’t push her to give an answer one way or the other. As if there were an answer to someone saying they loved you. But there were no plans on Hanna’s end to end the relationship. She was happy. Really happy. And so she just curled up beside Caleb again.
“So, what’s next?” They’d already watched a movie. Had a love declaration and a vague moment of caught in the headlights. Now what?
“Now we order dinner?” he suggested. Or Hanna could go home if she wanted. But it didn’t seem like she wanted to and he certainly wasn’t about to suggest that. “I’m thinking Chinese?” because pizza was getting old. Even for Caleb. “Or I can cook,” he did know how to make a few things and he actually had ingredients in his apartment now.
No, Hanna definitely didn’t want to go home yet. There was time yet and she didn’t have too much school work to do that night. So spending time with Caleb and having dinner there? Definitely a good idea to her. “Chinese sounds good.” Because yes. Pizza did get old after awhile.