InsaneJournal

Who: Mai, Narrative.
What: Feels. Or... well, lack of feels.
When: During the Gymnastics Finals, a bit afterwards too.
Where: North Greenwich Stadium, also The Crown, a bar in London.
Ratings/Warnings: PG, except for the very glossy mention of cutting. Which, Trigger Warning for that. And for generally depressive numbness.
Status: Complete.

OOC Note: This is a potentially very dark plot, so you may want to consider any posts with Mai in them to have such Trigger Warnings in them for the near future, even if I forget to label it for some reason.



This was Ty Lee's day, her moment, and as one of her best friends, Mai knew how much it mattered to her that she was present. And she knew it wasn't just about duty, though duty had been the thing that pulled her off the flight, through the airport, and to the stadium. They'd barely had time to drop their bags off before the event was supposed to start.

Duty put a smile on her face while she freshened up in the bathroom with the other girls before taking their seats. Kitty was chatting animatedly with her lover about how exciting it was to be back in London again. Hopes were high for their friend Jubilee. Azula was being her usual quietly calculating self, but there was a hope and excitement for Ty Lee in her eyes that was hard to hide. Mai was nothing if not a good actress. The smile on her face was genuine enough that only the most perceptive of people would have found fault in it. She kept it on her face for the duration.

Pressure in the stadium grew as it looked like Russia might be closing in on the United States, despite how far ahead they'd been on the vault. People were on the edge of their seats; Mai copied them without a second thought. There was much holding of breath when their team got to the Beam, especially for Azula. This was Ty Lee's event, after all. She was grace in motion, she made it look so effortless. Admiration and pride could have been read in Azula's eyes, but Mai’s eyes were practically hollow as she followed along with the audience's general reactions. Clapping and cheering for her friend's nearly perfect routine.

Realising that they were probably going to win, and the floor was only going to be icing on the cake, there was a growing air of excitement around her. Her smile broadened and her cheers were more enthusiastic, but they never reached her eyes. Even the standing ovation she'd given her friends when it was over was all a part of making herself act normal in a group of people whose only job was to be there and support their friends. There may not have been many dry eyes in the audience at that point, but one pair of them belonged to her.

The national anthem played and Mai put her hand over her heart, just like any proud American would. It struck her then that Ty Lee had finally accomplished her life's ambition. Her story might not have been as inspirational a tale as her friend Jubilee's was, but this had been about more than just a medal for her, too. All of the things her friend had gone through to get here were justified now, but it only registered in her head. Some part of her was unable to feel it, and she didn't understand why. Her team was standing on a podium with gold medals in an Olympic Arena, while their anthem played in the background. If there was ever going to be a time to feel anything - happiness and excitement for your friend, pride for your team, perhaps even a small bit of national pride that the USA's anthem was the one that was playing - it would have been now.

But nothing sunk in. There was talk of celebrations and partying and certainly Mai knew she'd have to include herself in those, too. She'd smile and drink and dance and cheer and do whatever she had to do, to make her friend feel happy and victorious. But she knew she couldn't go on like this, not feeling as numb inside as she was feeling right that moment.

When she finally joined the party that night at The Crown, her arms were stinging with familiar pain and she was grateful that she'd chosen to wear long sleeved shirts for the duration of their excursion. The pain brought a tiny bit of relief with it, and a rush that helped her feel alive enough to celebrate with a bit more credibility than before.

Ty Lee came over to give her a big hug, and she squeezed the other woman in response. She smiled, and Ty Lee responded with a gigantic grin that would have turned night into daylight. There wasn't any disappointment there in the gymnast's eyes - no suspicion things were amiss, just genuine happiness that Mai had shown up. She twitched her sleeve down to her wrist and grinned at her friend.

No one had to know. She could get past this, and everyone would be happy. No one had to know.