Annie Cresta is one with the waves (lifeisastorm) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-10-08 18:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, annie cresta, haymitch abernathy |
Who: Annie and Haymitch
What: Checking in
Where: Annie’s place
When: 7 October 2015
Rating: Low, references to death
Status: Complete
Haymitch had left Katniss is the safe hands of Portia before heading over to check on Annie. Portia had offered to go but Haymitch needed to get out of the house for a bit and he wanted to see for himself that the girl was okay. He wasn’t as close to her as some of the others but in a way he felt responsible for her, for them all really as the oldest and, at least in the dreams, the most experienced with the games. And while Peeta may have expressed his lack of interest in Haymitch the others seemed open and so he would offer his help. He would do what he could anyway.
Knocking on her door he waited for her to answer.
Annie wasn’t really sure how she was coping. She made sure to go to work (she needed the outlet and distraction) even though she sometimes would stare off, lost in her own mind. She would go swimming if she needed. She made herself available to Johanna and Peeta. She talked to Finnick. But she wasn’t really sure. She also couldn’t shake the feeling of how normal it was and how it felt so wrong. How it felt not real. Yet when she fell into Real/Not Real, everything was real and Gale had still died.
It was confusing and complicated and Annie just wanted to get lost in her work and not feel like she was half in and half out of her mind, of reality. Everyone grieved and responded differently. She knew that. But would it be too much to ask for to feel a bit more on solid ground? She wasn’t even as close to Gale as the others, but it still had struck her and hard.
Or there could be a knock at the door. Blinking, the skittish young woman moved to her door, blinking as she noticed Haymitch outside. That was.. unexpected. She got along with him (she got along with anyone who really tried, honestly) so she just opened the door and tilted her head to the side.
“Hi?” She didn’t think there was something she was missing. Absently she tugged on her hair, back to wearing rubber bands around her wrists on top of the ribbons and bracelets she usually wore to hide her scars.
“Hi” he said with a small almost wry smile, now he was stood here he wondered if this had been a really bad idea. After all they weren’t close, maybe he should have let Portia come but then sometimes it was easier to talk to someone who you weren’t as close to. Pushing all of those thoughts aside he spoke, “I thought I’d come see how you were doing. Katniss is taking it hard so I just wanted to come and let you know that you aren’t alone. I mean I know you have the others and everything but, well, I don’t know I just thought I’d stop by really” It was a crappy explanation but he hoped she’d be okay with it.
“Oh.” That made sense. Annie knew that Katniss hadn’t replied to the post, at least not when she had checked and that Peeta had been asked to reach out to her. If he or Johanna had, Annie could only hazard a guess, but she wasn’t shocked that the young woman would be struggling with the news. She didn’t really know Katniss, just what she had seen at the lake, but they had seemed close and then the dreams before Prim had… well. It was hard.
Stepping aside to let Haymitch in, Annie shifted some. It was her own way of saying she accepted his explanation. She might not be the best with words, but Annie would always remain honest and it was in her actions sometimes that made the most sense. “Thank you.” was her response once he was in and the door closed. “Um. Did you want something to drink?”
Right. Proper actions when someone came over. Focus on normal. It wasn’t that she thought she was alone, but it was still nice of Haymitch to check on her as they weren’t as close. She appreciated it.
Haymitch had been keeping an eye on Katniss’ phone and other than Portia and a couple of friends outside of their dreams nobody else had tried to contact her. But then he figured they were all dealing with things too.
Stepping inside he nodded in response to her thanks, “Uh sure water would be great” he accepted, figuring it would at least help stop his mouth going dry.
“Portia is staying with Katniss for me, she offered to come and see you too. But I figure you see her at work” he told her with a small smile following her through to the kitchen.
There was a lot of dealing going on around, everyone reacted in the ways they knew how. That was the way of it. It was a mess and there really was no right or wrong way. Which could be said about a lot of things and things Annie often had to remind herself about on bad days.
“Okay.” And to the kitchen, a small nod at the comment. “That makes sense. It’s good she has people she will let be there with her for this.” Because feeling alone and locking yourself away when dealing with something like this wasn’t good.
Haymitch was a little protective of Katniss, she’d been through a lot not only in the dreams but here too. But she had been doing well, moving on and thinking about plans for her adventure park. This had knocked her back a little but he’d help her through it.
“Well she doesn’t get much of a choice with me sweetheart, I’m not about to let her shut herself away completely”
Annie nodded some as she handed Haymitch his water. “Sometimes people need that.” Which was true. Annie knew that being left to her own devices with everything in New York probably had been worse for her than what she wanted to admit. Even in coming to Orange County to escape those particular ghosts.
“But even if she doesn’t have a choice with you, she still is willing to let Portia help at least. So.” Point still stood.
“Thank you” he said taking the water, “Indeed they do. And she actually met Portia first, though it took a while for the trust to build. But I don’t know anybody who could dislike her, she’s a kind woman as I am sure you know from working with her”
Absently Annie rubbed the ribbons over her wrists and nodded. “That makes sense then.” She could understand the inability to trust and it taking time to build it. She tended to be pretty good at reading people but she was only recently getting better about letting people close again, even if some things stayed locked away unless she couldn’t avoid talking about it. “I don’t know anyone who could dislike her either.”
“Sorry” he said, “Listen to me going on when I’m here to listen to you if you want to talk or whatever” Haymitch wasn’t sure she would talk to him but it was why he was there to offer an ear should she want one.
“It’s fine.” And it was. Annie wasn’t really the type to talk about what was going on. Not usually. Sometimes it felt off, but that was probably the dreams seeping through. Being told Finnick was dead while she was held by the Capitol in a way to be broken. It usually took being prodded by those who had gone through it as well before she really said anything. Or when she was completely overwhelmed. “I don’t know what there is to say… I always say I don’t know but..” Shrugging, Annie looked to the side, snapping the bands unaware. “Sometimes Orange County feels like a trick. Like we aren’t real.”
Haymitch wasn’t stupid, he’d been in rehab years ago and recognised signs so when he saw her toying with the bracelets covering her wrist he said nothing and listened instead, “We’re real. I promise” he told her softly, “Awful things may happen but this is real”
“I know. I checked everything for being real this morning.” And when she’d gotten the message from Gale’s girlfriend. And when she’d spoken to Finnick. And that was all just dealing with this, let alone everything else. Annie was just happy her dreams were over, even if they repeated. Even if they still haunted her. “I know it’s real. But it’s like the tricks they would play in the Capitol for information.” Information Annie had known but hadn’t of the rebellion. Nothing was given, mind tricks, physical torture. “I know it’s real.” Admittedly that was more to herself than anything, a reminder of sorts.
“I know what you mean. Doesn’t help when the dreams feel so real even after you wake” Haymitch nodded in understanding, “But I’m glad you have a system, it’s a good plan” Maybe one Katniss could use too or any of them really when things felt a little too much.
“No. It doesn’t.” And that had been a major hurdle for Annie to deal with when some days she still struggled with the concept of reality. It was why she had finally put herself back into therapy. “I don’t have a choice in it if I want to live my life and not let memories and dreams control me.” Which really was all there was to it in Annie’s opinion. She was deemed insane both in the dreams and in the real world, but she refused to let her traumas keep her down. She just had to accept that some days would be bad ones. “Not when I’m worried about others and how they’re handling things.”
“Sounds like you’re a fighter and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that” he told her with a smile and a nod, “More people need to take control of their lives like that” Some days would be hard but you just kept going, Haymitch knew that from his rehab days. “Just be careful not to take their worries on yourself too much”
“They do…maybe it’s just fear of the bad days and feeling like a failure that keeps people from trying.” She didn’t know. Bad days were horrible, especially when you felt like progress was lost. It could seem easier to just stay hidden and not deal with the self inflicted guilt for that. “I won’t. But especially right now…” She knew the dynamics at play, the relationships and she didn’t want to let people feel alone because she was having issues. “Group support.”
“Maybe it is” It was definitely easier to hide away from the world, he’d tried to do that but the world always caught up eventually. “Group support” he echoed, “That’s what we all need and I think we all know if we need support we’re there for each other. You need only call or in some cases not even that” he grinned, referring to himself just stopping by.
“I think so, sometimes it’s just...finding the words to do that.” Annie was pretty bad at seeking help and that was with people she got along with. “It’s just finding it underneath everything.” Heartbreak, loss, guilt, misconceptions and feelings from first meetings. A small smile that wasn’t all that real given the nature of everything but still there was Haymitch’s response for the referencing of not even needing to call if necessary. “Exactly.”