Edward Elric is the Fullmetal Alchemist (fullmetal_chibi) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-09-23 22:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | edward elric, winry rockbell |
Who:Ed and Winry
What:A thing I forgot to post from after Lina's death. *flails*
When:When that happened..>.>;
Where:Winry's
Warnings:none/tame
STATUS:complete..like..a while ago. so sorry!
Some time during the middle of the night, Ed had turned up. He was dirty and exhausted and looked like actual hell. To say he didn’t know how to cope with death would be an understatement. It was clear by the darkness of his eyes that he hadn’t been lying when he said he wasn’t able to sleep.
The blond haired kid didn’t know what to do with himself. Most places just reminded him of Lina. He didn’t feel like he could go to the guild, and everyone else was telling him time, time would heal things. Time as far as he was concerned could go right off to hell. Time was doing nothing for him. But he also couldn’t bring himself to try to revive Lina either. He could practically hear her yelling at him already for the thought even entering his mind.
Ed hadn’t gone in yet, but instead he sat on the steps that lead up to Winry and her grandma’s house, the porch light silhouetting his small form in the darkness probably making him look a bit like a criminal skulking about that late, or at least a drunk that’d lost his way. There were a few scratches on his face that were open and bleeding, but Ed hadn’t bothered tending to them.
Given the hour, Winry had taken to staying in her room fiddling with random mechanical parts as she attempted to learn how assemble them and disassemble them. She had no idea that Ed was outside and even though she had told him that he was always welcome to stop by, she assumed that he would send her a text or call her prior to his visit.
As she continued working, she found herself getting thirsty and decided to wander downstairs for a glass of water. She turned on the stairway light and quietly descended to the first floor, in her bedtime clothes (an oversized t-shirt over a pair of boy shorts). She had taken notice that the porch light was on and contemplated turning it off, but having it on at night added a sense of security. As if the light would keep away anyone thinking about breaking in. Just for good measure, she approached the door to make sure it was locked, as he peered out the small window that overlooked the porch.
She gave a small jump as she noticed someone out there. The door had been but she quickly realized that the person was familiar to her. “Ed…?” she whispered to herself. With little to no thought, she unlocked the door and opened it. “Ed...is that you?” she called out to him.
Ed turned to look at her through tired eyes, he really didn’t want to talk. “Yeah..yeah it’s me.” He responded after a moment, but didn’t bother to get up. He thought the red jacket he wore would be a give away, but then he vaguely remembered he didn’t wear it back home. Only in the dreams. And it was dark…
He really didn’t have much by way of energy left, the hot and sticky weather made doubly sure of that and yet he’d turned up in a trench coat and long sleeved tattered black clothing. He closed an eye as a bit of blood got into one of them and moved a gloved hand to wipe it away. “I couldn’t think of where else to go. I can leave though..” If it was too late, he really wasn’t in the best state of mind.
Winry slowly opened the door, and took a couple steps, which left her part way between the entrance and her friend. She noted his tone and held herself, as she studied him. At the mention of leaving, Winry stepped closer and shook her head. “No, don’t go…” she said, maybe a bit too sudden but she had meant what she told him before. He was welcome at their house, at anytime. “Come in...grandma’s sleeping but we can just hang out in my room,” she informed him.
“Please…” she added, realizing that she really had missed this boy. “You don’t have to talk, either.” She still hadn’t noticed that he was bleeding, if she had, she would have already pulled him inside and started tending to his wounds.
Ed really wasn’t thinking, the only thing on his mind was grief. It had fogged over most intelligent thought where anything else was concerned, and honestly he was tired of it. He’d suffered a lot in the last year between his mothers death and now Lina’s. If anyone else he knew died he wasn’t sure what he’d do, he already felt like he was mentally unraveling.
“Okay…” He finally agreed and let her guide him wherever she wanted. He didn’t have many words yet, his mind was running but words didn’t connect.
It was when Ed began to get up and let himself be led inside that she noticed his current state. “Ed! What happened?” she asked as she closed the door behind them. Without awaiting a response, the girl pushed Ed upstairs. “Go to my room and wait for me…” she instructed before she ran off to get the first aid kit as well as a few towels that she was planning to use to clean up her childhood friend.
Ed began to respond, but pushy as always Winry didn’t give him any time to. Honestly he was glad for it, he didn’t know how to explain alchemy to her just yet. There was a lot he hadn’t said, including about his automail..that was going to be interesting. Or it should have been in any case, but Ed was just worn out. He’d chosen solace in Winry, through all their bickering back and forth she was still one of the people who made him feel the most normal in his crappy circumstance. Ed sank down on the edge of her bed, looking around her room for a moment with a faint smile. She hadn’t changed in all the time he knew her. Things were still basically the same as they had been in her room back then. Being in her room quieted some of the hyperactivity of his mind, and he was glad for any peace he could get.
A couple minutes later, Winry appeared in her room, hands full before closing the door with her foot and setting everything on her already cluttered desk. It was filled with things she was building but it didn’t matter, right now. She glanced over at Ed as she put some rubbing alcohol on a rag. “What did you get yourself into this time?” she questioned. “And you already know this is gonna sting, so don’t whine.” She may have been concerned for her friend but she was also a bit harsh about it. She hated that this boy had put himself in danger to begin with and she wasn’t going to baby him.
“Does it matter?” Ed grimaced at the burning sensation against his cheek. “Jeeze that stings.” He couldn’t help it and flinched away, well at least pain was still a thing he could feel. That was a little reassuring really. It didn’t take too long to get used to though, his eyes lowered down to the bed sheets. He hadn’t been in Winry’s room for some time now, he wondered if he should feel awkward about it.
“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Winry said, a bit of a snap in her voice. “But you still shouldn’t be putting yourself in those kinds of situations, Ed.” Despite his comment, the girl kept working to clean up the boy. She, too, didn’t really consider what them being in the same room at night, could mean but she was focused on cleaning him up. “Are there any other wounds that I need to know about?” she asked, wiping off the excess alcohol that was starting to roll down Ed’s face.
Ed winced at that tone. Maybe he really did need to be nicer to Winry..here she was in the middle of the night cleaning him up when she didn’t owe him a thing. He chewed his lower lip awkwardly and looked away. “Sorry..” He said in response to her curtness. “I wasn’t trying to.” He retorted quietly, not wanting to wake her grandma. “Not that I know of.” He opened the eye nearest the rag and looked up at her tiredly. “I’m glad you’re here.” Once in a while he could say nice things. It probably wouldn’t kill him.
Ed certainly knew how to make Winry calm down. She relaxed and finished cleaning his face before she looked him over. “You know, we worry about you and Al…” she commented, setting the rag down. “It wouldn’t hurt to call, text, or even visit every now and then.” She found herself looking into Ed’s eyes and giving him a small smile. She turned away and began to put all the things back into the First Aid kit. “Will you be staying the night?” she asked.
It was a good thing he had that effect on someone at least. Most people said the opposite 90% of the time. Ed looked up with a faint apologetic smile and nodded. “Be glad you weren’t in town before Lina..” He shook his head, he really couldn’t explain any of that. He wasn’t sure if Winry had any of the dreams. He didn’t want to scare her off. “I guess I can’t help it. Even avoiding things seems to bring them to my lap.” He looked down at his hand and the automail on it. Quiet for a moment more before moisture he wasn’t able to stop filled his eyes. “I..” Words were suddenly hard to come by. He lowered his head in attempt to hide his face with his bangs, though it didn’t provide much coverage.
Winry still hadn’t noticed the automail. It’s not like she had any reason to look at his hands. Her eyes were settled on her friend but mainly on his face. “Ed…” she murmured softly. She wanted to reach out and touch him, offer the boy some kind of comfort. Yet, she didn’t want to do or say the wrong thing and have him leave, not when he was like this. “You don’t have to say anything…” she told him before she took a seat next to him, a couple inches between them.
He didn’t know what he was more irritated with, himself for crying or someone else for being there watching it. And yet he just nodded in quiet defeat. He didn’t cry, he hadn’t cried at his mothers funeral, or his dumbass father leaving, he always kept up his facade of big brother for Al since it all happened, the last thing he wanted was to worry anyone but everything had been difficult lately. He couldn’t catch a break and it felt like the world was crashing down on him finally with Lina’s death. He wasn’t even cautious about leaning on her just then when she got near enough, he just needed someone else to be a rock for a minute.
Winry didn’t shy away when she felt her friend lean on her. Slowly, she reached her hand for the one closest to Ed. It was his normal one and she interlocked their fingers. Sure, they had been out of contact for a short bit but to her, that didn’t alter their friendship in the slightest. Rather than try to pry into what Ed was thinking about, Winry stayed silent and just held his hand.
Being out of contact hadn’t changed the way Ed acted around her at all. He still retained a lot of that personality she knew back at their mothers home when in private, but he’d built up a wall of jaded cynicism to protect himself from being hurt again. He had been though. Deeply by the loss of Lina. After a while Ed finally seemed to settle down some, but he still didn’t say much. “Sorry. This is..I’m not usually..” Words were still annoying, and he was exhausted. Too much so to even fight to find any.
“I know, Ed.” Growing up with him wasn’t something that she was able to forget and she didn’t hold it against him. “But it’s okay to feel like this.” She squeezed his hand and leaned her head against his. In the past, they would play and normally end up arguing over something. This was a nice change but Winry hoped that this wouldn’t be a regular thing.
He kept his gaze away for the time being, okay or not it was still embarrassing to have broken down like that. His eyes closed at the brief contact, and he didn’t fight it. “I couldn’t do anything to save her or mom.” What was the point of alchemy if it couldn’t save the ones he cared about? Ed released a defeated sigh. Everything had happened so fast, his mom within the last year and then his teacher who turned out to be more of a sister than he realized. “I had just started to think that maybe everything could be better.”
Winry could relate to losing people, her own parents had died when she was still young but she remembered saying ‘goodbye’ to them, and then the next time she had heard about their deaths. “Maybe there are just some people we can’t save, no matter how much we would like…” she said softly. “Or maybe, there are people that don’t need saving.” Growing up, Winry had taken time to contemplate death. “I know what you mean…”
His free hand slid up to hide his face the best he could. He felt like an idiot crying gross tears like that. He didn’t want to burden anyone, least of all Winry. “They keep saying it’ll get better..” Out of his pocket after a few moments there was a small talisman, Lina had left it to him. She’d left her stuff to people like she really wasn’t coming back and Ed was starting to think everyone else was right. She really wasn’t this time. “I don’t know anymore.” Ed hadn’t thought about death even after their moms passing, he just kept pushing forward.
“I did something terrible recently.” He hadn’t told anyone but Lina, but Winry he thought maybe he could confide in a little.
“It takes time, Ed...trust me…” Winry said, quietly. Sure, eventually, it did get better but it was something that took everyone time, and even then how long was dependent on the person and their situation. She took a breath and remained quiet. If he wanted to say more, he could, but she didn’t know what to say without seeming to sound judgemental.
Ed wasn’t able to tell her about what he’d done to his mothers home just yet, but maybe in time. Instead he sighed and let himself gently flop back beside her, looking up tiredly. “Can I stay here?” He had little to no rights to ask her that, but just maybe she’d still let the invite stand He didn’t think he’d be able to face Riza and Al yet.
Winry wasn’t the kind of person to take back such an offer, especially not to Ed. They were friends and even her grandmother would take in the boys if they ever needed it. “Of course, you can.” Slowly, she moved to get up. “I think that I have a bed roll in the closet,” she mentioned, before moving to it and began to search. A couple moments later, she pulled out what she had been looking for. While her grandmother would have allowed Ed to stay, the girl was certain that her grandmother wouldn’t be happy with them sharing a bed. “Will this be okay?”
After their mother had passed he and Al nearly ended up living there with Winry and her grandmother, but they had found their Aunt Riza still alive and able to take them both in. He nodded, not having expected anything different. She may have been a little sister in his eyes but sharing beds didn't usually happen then either. "Heh I remember running away once to your room when we were kids and doing this. " He had temporarily run away after getting upset at his mother for one thing or another, Winry’s grandma had let him pretend to hide out at their house after having told his mom where he really was, but Ed hadn’t been aware of that part.
Winry remembered that time, too. The thought made her smile. “It’s a good room,” she commented, lightly. She had shared nice, fun times with the Elric brothers. Growing up, she had thought of them as siblings; they bickered like them from time to time, that was for sure. She sat back on her bed and took one of her pillows. “Here,” she told him as she tossed it towards him. She knew that she would have to explain things in the morning to her grandmother but for now, it was nice to have Ed’s company.