Edward Elric is the Fullmetal Alchemist (fullmetal_chibi) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-09-11 20:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | edward elric, sarah manning |
Who: Ed and Sarah
When: Recent
Where: The ranch
What: Meeting after the stabbing, ranch visits.
Rating/Warnings: none, low
Status: Complete
Sarah was grateful to Riza for setting up the meeting between herself and Ed, while she wasn’t going to push for him to restart therapy she thought it would be best for both of them to see each other rather than drag things out. She didn’t want it to be too awkward if they waited too long.
Arriving at the ranch she took a deep breath and started towards Ed, she could see him standing by a fence while the people who were working and staying on the ranch milled around. While she didn’t think anything would happen she was reassured by the fact there were a number of people around. Her arm still being in a sling made her more vulnerable than usual.
“Hey” she called out.
It was warm out again and so Ed leaned against a fence outside. He'd been told earlier in the day to expect a visit but he still had spaced out. He had a pair of earbuds in his ears, he didn't hear the woman trying to get his attention. He did however see something out of the corner of his eye moving toward him. He wasn’t nearly as jumpy as he has been his first few days at the ranch, he almost looked normal again. He was showered, dressed in his usual black clothes and even his blonde hair had grown out a little, it was up in a short braid.
He tugged a earbud out of his ear and offered up a slight wave. There were a few drastic differences physically, he wasn’t hiding behind a coat and gloves in this place, he wore a black tank top and let his automail show. If it scared people away then so be it.
"Uh, hey. " He said in return not quite sure what else to say.
He looked more relaxed than the last time she had seen him, before the incident. This place was good for him, his aunt had been right when she'd told Sarah that.
"You're looking good Edward. How are you feeling?" She asked him, "And that question comes as a friend not a therapist okay" she smiled at him.
He was still overly thin due to his stint as a mad scientist for a week but he was improving physically, mentally was following slowly. Neal was one of the first people Ed had trusted, and it showed in his behavior now.
"I should be asking you that. " He retorted with an arched eyebrow. He didn't really know how to respond to that except to look away uncomfortably. "Friends don't stab each other. " He was still pretty convinced he shouldn't be around people much.
He looked better in himself thin or not, a relaxed comfortable environment was doing him well in her opinion.
"I'm fine. I'm pretty sturdy you know. Not that easy to knock down for long" she assured him, "This comes off soon" she added indicating the sling. "No, you're right but since you weren't yourself at that time I don't think it counts"
He hopped up to sit on the fence though it creaked with some protest under his surprising weight, he let it settle before dangling his feet once he was more sure it wasn't going to give out underneath him. "Yeah? I'm glad..." Until it was off he was likely to be awkward.
Ed shook his head in exasperation at that statement. They were all so damn forgiving. "Heh wish I could be as sure as you all are." He dragged a foot against a fence board idly.
She knew it would be a bit of a reminder but she’d wanted to see him sooner rather than later and they’d get past it eventually.
“We have faith in you kiddo and you’re either doing a really good job at faking it or you aren’t having urges to stab me again which I think can only be a good thing” she smiled, trying to tease a little something from him.
Ed just sighed at that and shook his head. He still had nightmares of it all. "Well no but still. " He tried awkwardly before looking off at a few of the kids he knew running away from an angered goat in the distance behind her.
"It's kind of hard to feel anything here." Part of him wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that he wasn’t on the network at all these days. "Oh, Linas back. She showed up here." Ed wanted to be happy about it but he was afraid to again.
"It wasn't you, not really. And I know that. I'm not going to take out my anger at the situation out on you, that wouldn't be fair" she told him.
"It's okay not to feel for a while. You can ease yourself back into it" Sarah advised, starting with family and friends as she'd advised his aunt. "Seriously?" Man this place was screwed up sometimes. "Wow. Bit of a shock I imagine"
Ed was tired of feelings. He didn’t know how many more he could handle really before he just stopped entirely. “..I barely remember the first few days here before then.” He admitted with a small frown, he’d let everything come to a middle without actually coping with any of it. “But I definitely remember that. heh I’ve been afraid to sleep lately..” He admitted hesitantly.
Sarah knew how he felt but ignoring feelings didn’t help either, eventually they all caught up with you. “That’s okay, you’d been through a lot” she told him, “The dreams are awful and can be scary but you can’t stop sleeping Edward. Eventually your body will need it and it will make the dreams even more vivid than they normally are” But Sarah did hope that the kid would catch a break and be dream free for a while.
"I can try. " He folded his arms grumpily to make a point, but he was also exhausted. It really wasn’t a very intimidating move on his part. Ed looked up at the vast blue of the sky and sighed. "I just don’t know what to do anymore. " He tried to be a rock for his small family but years down the road he couldn't anymore. He sat against the fence for a moment. "Lina isn't even phased by stuff. I wanna be like that. "
“You can but I hope you won’t” Sarah told him, able to see the exhaustion written all over him. “How about you try not being so tough all the time? Your aunt and your brother are stronger than you think, you don’t have to be brave for them. Different people react different Ed, but I imagine Lina has people she can turn to as well. People she leans on when she needs to”
“..Al said something similar. But I have no idea what I’m doing otherwise. Heh.” Al had been out to the ranch as well, honestly Ed couldn’t help but feel a little touched. It meant a lot that people didn’t just let him drown in self loathing as he planned to initially. “I don’t know what I’m doing either way really.” Bravery or otherwise he was sort of lost anymore how to behave.
“See you need to listen to me and Al a little more” she told him with a smile, Ed had far more people who cared about him than he realised but maybe being at the ranch would show him that. “Talk to those closest to you, don’t bottle things up, I think that might be a good start and you might find it all becomes a little easier from there”
He wasn't good at letting people in. It terrified him. He'd loved his mother completely and she died, he imagined at one point he loved his father-but he was gone. Love and trust were hard earned from Ed. He locked them away with little thought of the effect on others, and he frowned. "Yeah well...maybe." He folded his arms uncomfortably. "Um..in the meantime wanna see the place?" It had an old western vibe to it, there were even ranch hands milling about.
It wouldn’t be easy but luckily for Ed he had a lot of people around who cared a lot about him. So eventually he’d trust them and realise they wanted to be there for him, to help him bear the burdens he seemed to think he needed to bear alone. “Absolutely” she said nudging him, “Come on, give me the tour”