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ℓιηα ιηνєяѕє (dragonspooker) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-09-11 16:34:00

Who: Lina & Wash
What: A perilous journey to ice cream, featuring bozos, a couple guns, magic, and hotdogs
When: Last night
Where: Outdoors, by a little convenience store
Rating/Warnings: A little bit of violence, a little bit cussing
Status: Complete!


There was something about Lina that seemed to somehow scream ‘muggable.’ Probably because she was female, probably because she didn’t look like someone who’d make grown men piss themselves in fright, and probably because she had little fear of walking all by her lonesome self in the middle of the night. Vertically challenged, slender, doe eyed, decent-sized purse slung over her shoulder and distracted with punching her fingers against her phone screen. Texting, stalking stupid network posts, whatever, she wasn’t paying much attention to where she was headed and looked like someone who’d have money - a spoiled brat with a credit card, probably.

These guys totally had it in a bag.

It was a mistake many people made in both worlds. Simply, they had no idea who the fuck they were bugging, but not many people would automatically pinpoint her as ‘crazy temperamental sorceress who will blow you up and take all your shit.’ Not unless they personally knew her, and not like these two men dressed in everything black with cheaply cut beanies over their face to hide their identities did. So when they emerged from an alley before she even got to it, gun pointed directly between her eyes as they screamed give us all your fucking money, bitch, Lina’s reaction was to blink up from her phone and cock her head to the side.

“Why?”

They weren’t expecting that question. Both of them exchanged looks before cutting their eyes back to her. “Because we have a gun, you little cunt, that’s why.”

Oh, well. If they have a gun. Lina refrained from an exasperated eyeroll and tucked her phone back into her purse. This was kinda fucking stupid, but she wasn’t about to provoke someone with a firearm either - all they needed was to press a trigger and it was lights out, she wasn’t naive. But give her distance and a couple seconds, she’d have these two on their ass unconscious so she could dig into their pockets because, heeeeey, pay day. Might as well join the game.

Wash needed to find something else to do with his free evenings. He wasn’t allowed back to his bar since starting a brawl there. That probably was a good thing. He’d sunk a lot of money already in the place and he knew he was starting to walk a razor’s edge of social drinking and becoming a drunk. Gravitate towards what you know. Wash had no desire to become that.

There were other things to do besides sink his money into a bottle. He was about to text Kyu to see when she finished at the tattoo shop and ask if she wanted to join him for a bite to eat when he heard something of a commotion.

He looked up from his phone and zeroed in on a pair of men dressed in black, complete with homemade balaclavas covering their faces, thrusting the business end of a gun muzzle into the face of a petite red-headed woman. They were yelling at her to give them her money. Oh, great, a mugging, just how Wash wanted to spend his evening.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he muttered and slid his phone into his back pocket. Well now that he’d seen this he couldn’t exactly turn around and walk away. The whole thing just pissed him off. They weren’t even good muggers.

Wash continued up the streets, coming up behind the thugs. He hadn’t carried his gun out in public since the week of spiraled insanity, but he doubt he’d need it to handle this. “Hey,” he called out loudly. “There a problem here?”

Oh my fuuuuuck, seriously? Red eyes snapped to the fourth player of this impromptu party on the verge of turning into one hot mess, and she deja vu bitchslap her in the face like a bag of bricks. This almost reminded her of how she met Gourry, in the dreams; she was a tiny thing surrounded by men with no good intentions, he was a knight in shining dragon scale armor (literally) with a sword ready to play hero when she was absolutely capable of saving her own ass.

Alas, this new guy didn’t have the luxurious long blonde hair or the cheesy pick up lines so, no, this wasn’t those situations where she’d be tearfully reunited with one of her dream friends. Just someone who had the decency to help out, she guessed.

Lina scratched her nose with a sigh. “Well--”

“You really wanna play hero, asshole??” Now the gun was pointed at Wash, the second one reaching for what seemed to be like another concealed firearm. “You can either leave and hope I don’t shoot you, or empty your goddamn--”

There it was, the brightness of lightning, that buuuzzzzzzzzzzzz of electricity searing through the first gunman’s (the one that did all the yapping) body until he convulsed from the overwhelming currents and then collapsed on the ground, all because Lina had touched him with a spell prepped and ready to go. In the darkness, maybe, it could be construed that she had some sort of taser on her to fend for herself - that’s the excuse she’d throw if this new dude asked questions.

Assuming neither of them got shot, since the second guy grabbed his gun and started shooting. Blindly. A rookie, obviously, who was easily startled and jittery with nerves. Lina put her hands over her ears and crouched behind a metal trashcan - the fuck was she gonna get in the way of bullets flying.

No, Wash didn’t really want to play hero, but that was the role he happened to be cast in this evening, apparently. He raised a brow when the gun whirled from the petite red-head and towards him. He was far enough back so the muzzle wasn’t in his face. Wash had seen live combat, having a gun aimed at his midsection wasn’t anything new. And this guy was no trained professional. Wash’s steel grey eyes moved from the gun muzzle towards its wielder. He was less than a yard away, a distance easily covered. A kick to the hand would disarm him quickly and-

-and now the would be mugger was down on the ground twitching, convulsing and smelling like burnt hair. Wash’s other brow raised and he looked up to the girl. A self-rescuing princess. Niiice. He was just about to say as much when the second would be mugger had the first’s gun and was firing it off at random.

“Sonovabitch!” Wash hit the sidewalk hard, but he didn’t stay down. This guy had to be dealt with before he actually shot someone. Wash pushed himself off the ground and tackled the shooter around the middle and knocked him to the ground. Without pausing for a moment Wash slammed the asshole’s gun hand against where the sidewalk met the street with enough force to make him drop it. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He shouted, but didn’t wait for an answer. There was a third mugger to contend with. Gun in hand, Wash got to his feet and aimed it at the third, who had pressed himself against the wall. “Its just a night of bad decisions for you guys isn’t it?”

It was merely another oh my fuuuuuuuck moments, really. Lina’s plan was to initially let Rookie waste all his ammo - his aim was sloppy, everything about him screamed fear, it’d happen - but there goes The Dude, doing something. She peeked around and everything she witnessed caused her to visibly wince. All she wanted was to stop by a corner store, grab a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, and go the hell home without the excitement on the way, but nah. First world problems. Pete would get a kick out of this.

“Calm down, boys,” she called out, rising from behind her waste bucket of a cover, casual as could be about it all. The second gunman was about to rise from his lovely spot in the ground, but Lina had silenced him with fingers that met his forehead, sleeping whispered under her breath, and it was a humane lights out for him. Counting sheep and snoring. No need to cause a bloodbath when a heroic stranger decided to step in; wasn’t worth it, and with the sound of mayhem, someone would have called the police by now.

Blowing bangs from her eyes, and she looked up at Wash and the last one standing. “Just knock him out if you can - I think he already pissed himself.”

Was that…? How did she…?

Oh, right, the third guy.

Wash turned his attention back to the man cowering against the wall staring at them with wide eyes, looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming freight liner. Wash almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

Gun still in hand, Wash stepped up to the poor slob. “Sorry, buddy,” he said, looking down at him. “it’s just not your night. Think twice next time, yeah?” And with that Wash used the butt of the gun to knock the dude out.

That done he turned back to the girl he had kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really rescued. “Soo…” he said. “That just happened. Are you alright?” She looked alright. She looked extremely calm too for a civilian who had a gun in her face not five minutes ago. Wash raised a brow again and looked down at the man calmly snoozing at his feet as though he were in bed. “What...exactly did you do to him?”

There! See? Situation, totally controlled. No one was dead, just unconscious. Or in this one’s case, snoozing away without a care in the world. It was then that Lina began searching his pockets and pulled out the contents of his wallet - the idiot had his ID on him and everything (Johnny B. Willickers, are you fucking kidding?) and some cash, which she so graciously slipped out and kept for herself.

Payment for emotional trauma or whatever, she’d find a way to justify it somehow. “Do you really want to know?” A chuckle escaped the sorceress, and she stood to dust off the shirt-like dress she’d been wearing tonight. “If I tell you the truth, you’d think I’m nuts. But you had some good moves there, so…” Lina clicked her tongue, contemplating. “You didn’t flash a badge, so you’re not a cop. Military training, maybe? You knew how to handle a gun like someone who’s done it before, and you definitely don’t give me the vibe of a thug.”

Oh, she had no problem carrying on a conversation either, as she traveled over to the next one and looted their wallets. Better do this quick and carry on her merry way before the po-po showed up. Last thing she needed was another arrest.

Wash stood there, his arms folded across his chest and watched the girl rifle through the men’s pockets. He probably should have stopped her from looting the guys’ wallets. Instead he just watched, a brow raised. Nope, nothing weird about what was going on now. Just another evening in the good ol’ OC. Yeesh, when had this become normal. Oh well. At least they weren’t dead.

“Marine,” he told her blandly, “weapons specialist. And yeah, I really do want to know what you did to make this asshat fall asleep like he OD’d on Nyquill.”

The sounds of sirens in the distance made Wash look up from the girl’s looting. “Ok, enough of that,” he reached down and took the girl by her arm. “The cops are going to show up any second now and it’s probably a good idea they don’t find you standing over a bunch of passed out dudes going through their shit. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Ohhhh, fine. Lina sifted through their pockets and wallets enough anyway (and hauled a good bit of cash!) and she want to stick around for police interrogations. Knowing her luck she’d get recognized after the whole ‘Satan blew up the park’ debacle. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she grumbled, stuffing the moolah into her purse to walk off with Mr. Hero. Away from the scene, casually so they wouldn’t around suspicion. This was the thug life, okay.

Once they turned the corner, they were essentially in the clear - and onward, towards the little convenience store she’d been headed to in the first place. “Anyway, does it matter? Maybe I’m a wizard, ooOooOoo!” Cue those spirit fingers and cheesy smile. “You didn’t have to come in for the rescue, but thanks for being a decent human being none the less. What’s your name, anyway?”

Wash walked with the red-head casually and calmly. Yup, everything alright here. Pay no attention to the three passed out thugs in the gutter. Perfectly normal.

Once they’d rounded the corner, Wash let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Yeah, for all he knew this girl was a wizard. He was dating a love fairy, finding a wizard who looted the pockets of her wouldbe attackers certainly wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, now was it?

He glanced down at the woman. “Well, I couldn’t exactly do nothing,” he said with another sigh and a shrug, “so, you’re welcome, I guess.” He lowered his hand from his face. “It’s Wash,” he told her. “And you are?”

Wash. Wash? Really? The dude with the fairy girlfriend? “Fairy lover boy,” was Lina’s realization, the epiphany widening her eyes, and she excitedly hopped a couple steps ahead to stop in front of him. “Damn! Small world, I guess. I’m Lina - she who got sucked up into oblivion, spat back out, aaaaand...then became internet famous.” A sheepish wince. “Or...something.”

Anyway, media sensation bullshit asiiiiiiide, she held her hand out for a proper greeting. “And with that taken into consideration, I didn’t use a taser or nyquil to mess ‘em up a bit. Magic. Prefer the title of sorceress, if want specifics. Glad it was you who showed up. Otherwise I thought I was gonna be stuck entertaining a random civilian until suspicions were eased.”

Wash raised a brow at the term “fairy lover boy” because in the incorrect, non-PC context that sounded a bit like...well, not nice. Before Wash could make a snide comment in return, however, the girl had introduced herself and stuck her hand out in proper greeting.

“Lina?!” Wash gaped at her. Well, now it all made sense. Kind of. Not really. “Holy. Shit. You aren’t kidding small world.” More like OC fuckery drawing those of Valarnet together, but who cared about that? Meeting Lina in person was like meeting an old friend. He took her offered hand in happy greeting. “Wow, its great to finally meet you in person. Great and…” he glanced over his shoulder the way they had just come, “entertaining.”

He looked back at Lina, a smirk on his face. “Sorceress, huh?” Well now it made sense. The electrocution, putting people to sleep, the sheer lack of caring that a gun had been shoved in her face. Lina probably could have taken care of the three muggers herself without even breaking a sweat. After all, she had survived the void. Wash sort of felt bad that he hadn’t recognized her from the shaky-cam video he’d seen on Youtube earlier.

“The internet has a short attention span,” he told her with a vague gesture of his hand. “Give it a couple of weeks and a new video will have gone viral.” Given Orange County, it probably wouldn’t even take that long. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Haven’t found your shoes yet,” he said a little teasingly and maybe a little apologetically. “Still looking.”

“Entertaining’s a hell of a way to put it,” she laughed, pushing that wildfire hair behind her ears. Sirens were behind them, loud and close, but they were a good distance to just be considered as regular people, walking through. To a corner store, with a worthy goal: icecream. It was in sight now. “I’m a magnet for medieval thugs in the dreams, always thinking I can’t take ‘em. Sometimes I think I get stuck with that lovely perk, too.”

And the relentless boob jokes - couldn’t forget those. Like her breast size was an on-going comedic gag on the other side, and the past circles she’d run with have so graciously bestowed nicknames such as ‘Little Tits’ on her. Siiiiiiigh.

A little bell rung when she opened the door and they were greeted with a miserable looking cashier, rows of fluorescent lights and aisles of all sorts of ‘conveniences.’ Mostly junk food, and an entire cooler aligning the walls of the refrigerated junk. All sorts of sugary processed drinks, frozen microwavable dinners, and then buckets and buckets of what her stomach had been craving. “Thanks for watching out for my shoes, by the way - doubt I’ll ever see those again. Went to the void with ‘em and back, y’know?”

Shoes were shoes, she didn’t miss them that much, but the fact that the idiot got away with them was just…uuuuuuuuugh. Yes, exactly that. UGH. What a creep.

“Yeah, kinda seems like it,” Wash agreed with Lina’s assessment of her ability to attract the wrong type of men.

Wash risked a look over his shoulder. Red and blue flashing lights could be seen lightening up the windows of the building on the other side of the intersection. The sirens had stopped signaling the arrival of the police. Phew. They’d gotten out of there right in time. Wash wasn’t sure how they were going to explain the state of the thugs without coming off looking as though they hadn’t been the ones looking for trouble.

Actually, had it not been for her recent catapult into internet infamy, Lina probably could have easily talked her way out of the situation. With the right tone of voice, posture and batting of the eyes, who would believe that she was even capable of laying three guys out? Her attackers surely had underestimated her. Hell, even Wash had when he’d first spotted her.

Now, Wash on the other hand may have found it more difficult to weasel his way out of a stay with Orange County’s finest, what with standing over the bodies holding the idiots’ gun and all.

Thank god he’d left the gun behind. No need to make it any easier for fate to find him locked up. God damn it was trying hard enough.

Oh, look a convenience store. That must have been their destination. Wash followed Lina inside. All he had to do was look at the rows and rows of processed junk food and smell the hotdogs spinning on the cooker near the back of the store for his stomach to forcefully remind him that he hadn’t eaten yet that evening. Hell, he hadn’t had much in the way of food all fucking afternoon. Maybe you want to take care of that, huh? Stupid Freelancer.

Wash shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose again. Gonna have to get used to that too eventually.

He looked up as Lina made her way towards the refrigerated section. He followed her a couple of steps before the smell of cooking hot dogs became too much for him to ignore and his course altered for that instead.

“You’re probably right,” Wash called over the tops of the shelves of food and other items of convenience. “A pair of nice shoes like that probably didn’t stay on the dude’s feet for very long. Still….who steals a pair of shoes from someone like that” no need to broadcast to the very uncomfortable looking clerk that this was the girl from the internet. If he didn’t recognize her when she’d stepped in, then there was no reason to remind him “I mean seriously?”

Ah, what was it that Neal called her once? Bambi with Blowtorch Eyes? Sounded about right, because she could typically ‘cute’ her way out of most situations - except her recent stunt and the damn internet had put a damper in all that right now, and it’s not like her grumpy boyfriend needed another reason to bail her out. Having Lina Inverse as a love interest was a very expensive affair, you know. If it wasn’t her needy appetite then it was her impressive ability of getting into stupid shit.

“Yeah, he actually woke me up by stealing my shoes,” she grumbled, the memory making her all kinds of sour. Sometimes she even dared to theorize there was a troll behind the scenes messing with her on purpose. That’d also be her marvelous luck, but whaaaatever - the petite sorceresses honed in on the ice cream bucket of choice and tucked it under her arm. Most adventurous journey to junk food ever, basically. “Anyway, you hungry? ‘Least I can do is get you something, especially if coming to my rescue like a big damn hero ruined whatever plans you had tonight.”

Besides, this was practically equivalent to gas station food. Not like he’d be costing her a pretty penny. Or, technically, a pretty stolen penny, as she managed to skillfully reverse the ‘let’s mug this bitch’ situation to a ‘let me mess you up and mug YOU instead’ scenario.

“All the more reason for me to punch the guy in the face if I find him,” Wash answered.

Pff. Was he hungry? If she could only see what he was putting on this hotdog right now. Convenience stores weren’t known for gourmet food, but Wash had never been picky. As a kid he learned that if he expected to eat, he had to get his meals whenever or however he could. Besides this place had all the fixin’s one needed for a hotdog. Ketchup, mustard, some sad looking relish, a little bit of mayo (if one could get the goddamn packet open!!). Oh, hey, is that cheese for the nachos? May as well add a little bit of that. Cheese is dairy. There, all major food groups in one handy little package. Maybe he should get two. He was pretty fucking hungry and if Lina was buying why the hell not?

His two hot dog masterpieces tucked securely in a plastic to-go container Wash found Lina with her ice cream. “Big damn hero my foot,” he grunted. “I’m sure you could have handled the situation just fine without me. As for my plans,” he shrugged. “I was looking for an excuse not to get hammered. Kinda been doing that a little too often lately. I was just about to text Kyu when I noticed you and your admirers.”

Christ, all that looked good. It was sorta tempting to get herself a couple but dinner had been recent and technically, the gallon of ice cream she was lugging around was for dessert purposes. The perks of a naturally high metabolism plus wielding magic - made her constantly eat but also constantly burn it all off. “Oh, shush,” she huffed, jabbing him with an elbow. “It’s the thought that counts, anyway.” If her magic hadn’t been accessible (which happens a couple days out of the month for feminine reasons), things could have ended up drastically different. Lina had some combat and firearm experience to not leave her a stranded duck, but magic was forevermore her ace in the hole.

Up to the counter they went, and the cashier gave them both a strangely suspicious look before ringing up their edibles. “I think we all go through that phase,” she sympathized, nose crinkled with a smile. “This place makes sure you come out with a steely liver, I’ll give it that. It’s one thing to drink socially but something else entirely when you’re by yourself looking to get smashed - that usually means you’ve got some demons to tango with.”

Wash caught Lina eyeing his hotdogs. Ah, someone else who didn’t think relish and cheese was an odd combination. A rare find. He gave her a grin, “Want one?” He asked.

He took the jab like a good sport and laughed. “Yeah, yeah,” he said with an eye roll, “isn’t that what people say when they get shity Christmas presents? You’re welcome though. It was a good distraction. Good practice too. I haven’t seen action like that since Afghanistan. Though, I can’t say that the baddies there were looking to mug us.” Wash set the container with the hot dogs down on the counter for the clerk to ring up along with Lina’s ice cream.

As the clerk rang up their food purchases, Wash glanced at Lina. Demons. Yeah, he had his share of those. “I’ve done a lot of drinking alone.” He grunted. “This damn place needs to come with a warning label.” However, if Wash was honest, he had done more drinking alone before he’d joined the site. The network itself - or rather the shit the network brought - just gave him a better reason to drink.

“I’m good, I’m good,” she laughed, waving a hand at his offer. Seriously, she’d shred that shit but she’d been eating enough junk as it was, and this tub of dairy wasn’t going to be doing her any favors. It’s just a staple that needed to be in her and Pete’s freezer forever. A quick adjustment of her purse after dishing out the cash, she snatched her plastic bag to be off their merry way.

Lina could relate, though - her first couple months were rocky and there was solace in a shitty bar, with nasty drinks and a pile of fries slathered in cheese and sprinkled with bacon, for that extra nudge towards a heart attack. It’s happened to a good bit of ‘em, but now she was too happily jaded to let it all get to her. Shit would always roll down hill, but it’d work itself out eventually. “If it makes you feel better, as someone who’s been here for way too damn long and sometimes questions her sanity for continuing to stay here, the bad things don’t last forever. It comes and goes, like everything. But when you do get that brief interlude of happy normalcy? Milk it as much as you fucking can, and fuck everything else until the next wave hits.”

When they walked out of the store, Wash dug out one of the hot dogs and took a bite. He glanced sidelong at Lina as he did. He was quiet a moment, chewing on his bite of hotdog. His brows furrowed a moment and the corners of his mouth twitched a little towards a frown without actually becoming one. Lina had gone into the void and come back. Wash really didn’t know what the “void” even was, at least when it came to whatever world or time Lina’s Dreams came from. But nothing called “The Void” could ever be pleasant. If she said the bad things didn’t last forever, then it was a safe bet that she knew what the fuck she was talking about.

Wash had to believe what she said was true. He was still scared to death that the shattered sight spell had shown him an aspect of himself that was violent and terrifying and downright crazy. He was still scared that the ever present nagging self-doubt he carried around with him would turn out to be right. So scared that he had to believe that Lina was right. That Leliana was right. That Gale was right. That Kyu was right. Otherwise he may actually wake up one day completely out of his mind.

The hotdog didn’t taste quite as good now and Wash found his appetite was gone. He didn’t take another bite.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said with a shrug. “And I’m trying to. For as much shit as I’ve gone through since joining the site, I’ve got some good things going for me. Things I didn’t have before...so...there’s that.”

“Just stick with the good stuff you got going for you,” Lina encouraged, clapping a hand against his back. Generally, she regarded herself as a severe realist who tried to look on the side of optimism. Thinking that things would always turn to shit was a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy - she’d rather assess everything, come to her own conclusion, then hope for the best. It typically worked, and many times she was surprised how craptastic situations actually turned out pretty okay at the end. Just a matter of enduring through all the shit that came with it. The sun comes up again, eventually.

Anyway, she alternated fingers when it came to holding the weighted bag of decadent noms. “I should probably head back home, though. Before my boyfriend assumes the void swallowed me back up.” It normally didn’t take this long to go around and pick something up, but the near-assault of amateurs had been an unexpected detour. The sorceress grinned cheekily. “Maybe next time we can actually arrange a hang out, but the spontaneity is pretty fun. Keeps us on our toes, I think. It was nice meeting you face to face!”

Wash’s back tensed when Lina gave her reassuring pat, but then immediately relaxed again, or as relaxed as Wash ever was. “Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I intend to stick with them. Pretty much all I got going right now.”

He glanced at his watch. Their little adventure hadn’t quite taken as long as he thought. It was just barely getting late. He still had time to text or call Kyu and see what she was doing that evening. Cling to those good things and all.

Wash grinned back at the red-haired spitfire. “It was nice to finally meet you face to face too. And I’d like to hang out next time,” he told her with a laugh. “Less mugging and less gunplay would be a plus.”