Cosima Niehaus doesn't talk about Clone Club (geekmonkey) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-08-01 03:27:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, cosima niehaus, jemma simmons |
Who: Jemma and Cosima
What: Cosima has a dream of getting terminally ill...and then she wakes up with said illness.
When: 1 August 2015, early in the morning
Where: Cosima’s flat
Warnings: Coughing up blood, language
Status: Complete upon posting!
So much always seemed to happen in the course of one dream for Cosima. This one was no different. Sarah was right, Delphine had betrayed them, betrayed her by feeding information to Leekie. Cosima knew she should’ve listened to Sarah regarding Delphine, but she’d thought it could work out. But that was Cosima, always believing in the best of people when she really, really shouldn’t. And it had broken her heart.
Telling Delphine off and throwing her out had been cathartic, to a point, but it only drove home just how blind she could be sometimes. It was then that she packed and left to go stay with Sarah and Felix, to try and figure out what to do next with DYAD being in the picture. But after getting off the bus, she had a coughing fit which resulted in her coughing up blood. Which scared her because she remembered Katja had been sick.
Cosima woke up with a slight start. She rolled over, careful to not disturb Jemma too much as she squinted at her clock. Which she couldn’t see well because she didn’t have her glasses on. Reaching out, she picked her glasses up and slid them on, catching a glimpse of the time. It was early, but not early enough to warrant trying to go back to sleep. Sitting up, she felt like there was something caught in her chest, sort of the feeling one had when they had a chest cold. She slipped out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, trying to clear her throat a little in the hopes of getting whatever it was in her chest to come out. She grabbed the glass she had sitting by the sink and started to run some water when she coughed once. Then twice.
Then she started coughing harder and in succession. Setting the glass down, she covered her mouth with her hand while she had a coughing fit. The coughing subsided after several moments, but she was left wheezing a little, finding it a little difficult to breathe. And when she pulled her hand back, it was covered in blood.
“Shit,” she said breathlessly. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror and there was blood on her lower lip. “Oh, fuck,” she said, a little louder as she tried to take a few slow breaths.
Every single dream as of late was a roller coaster. Skye kidnapped, trying to flood the underground temple to keep the Obelisk from creating a pandemic, nearly falling down yet another long drop (really, what was it with her and falling?), and then… Trip was dead. Raina was who knew where and Skye was seemingly fine but she needed to be in quarantine because they didn’t know what had happened down there. This on top of Fitz saying he couldn’t work with her anymore and not letting her say anything about her feelings because there was never time and she just missed her best friend. So weeks of being in the tunnel, cleaning up, checking for signs. Trip in fragments… Raina killing her team members and completely changed, fear of a pandemic, a virus that needed to be eradicated. Flooding the temple. Worrying about Skye. Not caring if they had to kill Raina if it was a last resort. Relief that Skye’s blood was the same and not the terrifying changes that she’d seen in Raina’s blood.
There was constant stress in the dreams, stress that weighed down on Jemma but she hid behind a mask and smile. Sometimes it scared her how well she hid it. Now, while Cosima might have tried to keep from waking her, Jemma wasn’t a heavy sleeper. Yes. She did seem to sleep better when with Cosima, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t wake up from movement or coughing.
It was the coughing that got to her. Tears were in her eyes but Cosima wasn’t there. A look to the clock showed the time and she sighed. No more sleep for her, not that she was awake. Not after what she’d seen in her dreams, the ache in her heart. Wiping at her eyes, Jemma went to check on her girlfriend, only to stare horrified at the blood.
“Ohmigod, Cosima.” And with that, she stepped into the bathroom to hopefully steady her girlfriend. She would get answers once Cosima caught her breath. Either way, the cobwebs of her dreams were pushed down by the very real situation at hand. “Hey hey hey, it’s okay.” Quickly scanning the bathroom, she found a washrag and wet it, wiping away the blood from Cosima’s lower lip before taking the hand that had blood on it to wipe off. She was in doctor mode, but it at least was something to focus on.
Ever since her first dream in learning about Katja being sick, Cosima had been secretly paranoid about getting sick. At first the paranoia was confined only to her dreams because who knew what was going to happen. Her sister-clones were dying left and right, it seemed. Beth from suicide, several others killed by Helena. The longer she’d been in Orange County and watched people talk about dreams, the more paranoid she’d become because people seemed to wake up with injuries suffered in the dreams.
Cosima had feared dreaming that she got sick, feared waking up with said illness. And here she was, staring at her reflection, notably the blood on her lip, and she couldn’t think or act. Jemma coming in to steady her and wiping the blood from her lip and hand served to slowly pull her out of the shock. It took until Jemma had cleaned her hand off for Cosima’s breathing to regulate again. There was a dull ache in her chest, and the taste of blood was heavy on her tongue.
For a moment she just looked at Jemma. And being the type to wear her heart on her sleeve, there was a look of utter fear in her eyes, her lower lip quivered a bit as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Her mind was starting to register that she was sick. She was sick with what Katja had. Her fears had become reality. And all she could think about was that she couldn’t die on Jemma, Sarah or Felix. She couldn’t leave them.
Not quite yet having the words to speak, Cosima opted for something else instead. She reached out and hugged Jemma tightly, closing her eyes and trying not to lose it just yet. She didn’t need to devolve into hysterical sobbing, it could trigger another coughing fit and more blood, which she didn’t want. So instead, it was going for comfort and hopefully after a minute or two she could actually talk about what was wrong. Because the coughing up blood was obviously a very serious matter. And Cosima knew exactly what it is. It couldn’t simply be coincidence that she’d dream of getting sick and then woke up and coughed up blood.
Given she herself had nearly died from an alien virus thanks to the dreams, Jemma had always known it was a possibility. There were always risks with cloning and defects that could lead to illness. From what she knew, it was something Cosima had been studying in the dreams herself. Perhaps she should have prepared for this more. But how could she when she wasn’t sure it would manifest? After all, up until this moment, she didn’t think Cosima had been sick in the dreams.
But that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was helping her girlfriend.
“There we go…” Was murmured softly as she finished up the last of cleaning off the blood from Cosima’s hand. Which seemed to be when the latter seemed to finally snap out of her daze, looking terrified. It broke Jemma’s heart because she didn’t know what to do for her. She could run tests, but without the original DNA for comparison, she doubted it would do any good.
Or Cosima could hug her. Which Jemma had been about to do, though it made sense. Cosima tended to be more physically affectionate, and definitely more often to initiate. So all Jemma did was wrap her arms around her girlfriend and rub her back soothingly.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”
Of course, Cosima should’ve been planning for the possibility of getting sick in the dreams. And, well, she had been researching the subject, first approaching it from having Scott do a DNA analysis of both Katja’s blood and her own, looking specifically for the respiratory illness flag marker. There’d been none, but that was how she’d discovered the synthetic sequence in her DNA and how she figured out how the scientists could differentiate which clone was which when looking at blood samples and so forth.
Cosima knew the risks that came with cloning, knew that it wasn’t perfect and the process left glitches of a sort in the DNA, allowing for various illnesses and genetic defects to come into being. But even so, given that Katja had been killed, researching the illness specifically had been going slow. Partly because of the intrigue happening with DYAD and the monitors, and partly because Cosima herself wasn’t a geneticist, she needed to go through someone else without telling them anything in order to get the research she wanted.
In this life, Cosima doubted she could’ve done anything to prepare for potentially getting sick. Largely because she wasn’t a geneticist. Jemma may have been able to help, but how could they have prepared for an illness when all they had was Cosima and Sarah’s blood samples in this world? Though now, Cosima would have Jemma take all the samples she needed and run tests, potentially starting with the one Scott had done because she wanted to know if her DNA had the same synthetic sequence or not. It may or may not be helpful, but it was somewhere to start?
Cosima just held onto Jemma for a good couple minutes, her brain catching up with what had happened. As well as just simply coming out of shock. But finally, she felt she’d found her voice again, and felt she could talk. She pulled back from the hug and drew in a breath.
“Sorry for that rude awakening,” she said, half-heartedly trying to interject some humor to curb some of the fear she felt. It didn’t quite have the effect she wished it did. “I think I told you about one of my sister clones in the dreams, Katja? About how she was sick? Yeah, my dream self is sick now. And, obviously, so am I.”
Facing one’s mortality like this was an exceedingly terrifying prospect. Cosima was trying not to freak out, not lament about being doomed to die now. She didn’t want to die, but what could they possibly do? They didn’t have the Original samples to help them. Maybe there was more than one path to the cure, but the question was could they develop a cure before she died?
Even if she only had the samples from this world, Jemma would at least be able to compare against Cosima’s genetic markers from now to see if they changed at all. Yes, it might seem cold, but this was the only way Jemma knew how to help. To find an answer through science. Especially since, in the dreams, Cosima and Sarah were science experiments. So she would need to see if the changes she knew others had gone through would become reality for the two. Somehow, especially now that Cosima was exhibit symptoms? She was pretty sure they were.
“No need to apologise.” Because really, it wasn’t like Cosima could control when she woke up coughing. And it wasn’t like Jemma slept easily anyway. Not that she would worry her girlfriend with that. “But yes, you did mention that…. I suppose it’s not surprising, though I do wish that some things wouldn’t crossover such as illnesses.”
It was an obvious statement. Of all the things that could happen and crossover, illness and death? Those were pretty up there on things that should remain in the dreams only. And as she had faced her own mortality because she had to make her own cure with modifications because of what was available? She could understand that fear. Which was why she just hugged Cosima again.
Able to control it or not, Cosima still felt like apologizing. She’d still woken Jemma up, though whatever feeling of guilt she may have felt over that was grossly overshadowed by the being sick part. And the fear. Cosima didn’t know what would happen now, in her dreams. Would she have to watch her dream self start to waste away while she did the same here, forcing Jemma, Sarah and Felix to watch her do so? As much as she didn’t want to be sick, she really really didn’t want to be pitied for being sick. She didn’t want the three of them to look at her that way, of not knowing what to do other than to feel sorry for her.
Those kinds of looks would probably kill her more than her illness would. Cosima was more than her illness, more than her sexuality, and she didn’t want to be seen for just one of those aspects.
Returning the hug, Cosima revelled in it, just trying to calm down enough to try and approach this in a calm manner. She could freak out later. Right now she needed to talk with Jemma and see what could potentially be done about the illness. She’d feel better having a plan of attack in place.
“Man, I wish I had some physical information about this from my dreams.” Like the work Scott had done. Or her complete sequenced genome with the synthetic sequence included. “But okay, trying to remember more detail about it, from what I know of my genetics in my dreams and what I remember about Katja.” Which would probably be more help if Katja hadn’t been killed and had been around longer, but it was better than nothing.
Jemma had already spent the nine longest days of her life in the span of a night because of the dreams, and then struggled to help Fitz only to realise she had only made him worse. It had been hard to accept, but it was why she’d gone undercover. Or part of it, anyway. Just to be of some use. And so help her, she would help Cosima with this. She had to.
“Yes, that would be helpful. I’ll also want to take samples to compare against previous ones to see if I can pinpoint the mutation.”
As clinical as it might sound, it was a start at hopefully figuring this out and not having to just wait it out as the dreams progressed. Because that was far too unnerving. Terrifying. If she could get samples and see if there wasn’t anything that way? She would do it. The equipment she already had at her disposal at the Agency would help with this as well given it wasn’t just modern day technology. No, they had things from the dreams… and if Jemma recalled, something to deal with genetics specifically.
No matter what Sarah had to say, Cosima wanted Jemma to help her. Not just because she was her girlfriend, but because Cosima knew she needed the help. If she had any chance to live through this? She needed a scientist who knew more about how to find the mutation and come up with a way to cure it. And Jemma fit the bill perfectly.
“Yeah of course, whatever you need. I can get the records from my last physical for you to compare against.” It wouldn’t do that much good, just having the results of a generalized blood test, but it was better than nothing. And right now, Cosima needed something more than nothing.
“As far as my dreams have gone, I do have some information that may help. You remember my dream self had the samples of herself and Katja compared? Well I got those results with this dream. The illness didn’t seem to be carried genetically, so we didn’t inherit it from whoever the Original was. Which means it’s a fault somewhere in the replicated DNA most likely. But that wasn’t the only thing.”
And now Cosima seemed to be excited and, well, she kind of was because it was fascinating. And it was also something than directly focusing on her mortality. So it was looking at it scientifically. “Clones are supposed to have the exact same DNA since all we are are copies of each other. Well, Scott found there was a synthetic sequence both in my DNA and in Katja’s that was different. Which totally makes sense because if you have an experiment with clones, you have to have a way to properly tell the DNA apart. But maybe that synthetic sequence is part of the problem with the illness given it doesn’t come from the Original source material.” Whether it was or not, only future dreams would be able to tell her. Right now, it was a lead, and was about the only thing they had. “So considering I’m sick now, maybe that synthetic sequence has appeared in my DNA.”
“Yes, those will help as well.” Maybe not a lot. But even samples for comparison could wield results. And as they were basically dealing with the unknown, any sort of information for a baseline would be important.
As Cosima mentioned that she had the comparison between her and Katja’s DNA, and that it seemed the illness didn’t cross genetically, Jemma just nodded. Very important information to have. Especially as she mentioned that there was a synthetic sequence that helped to tell the clones apart. In the back of her mind, Jemma noted the brilliance of such a move given the whole purpose of the experiment from what she understood of it.
“That would be my guess, that the sequence has appeared. I won’t know until we get a sample and I can compare it to something, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all.”
“I’ll call my parents and see if they can send me the last report I had from my doctor. Thankfully, my dad keeps all that kind of stuff.” Cosima was definitely glad her dad kept their medical information. It was certainly a help when they got sick, or if they became badly ill.
And suddenly Cosima wasn’t certain how to tell her parents she was sick. How could she? It would sound utterly preposterous that she got sick because she dreamt of it. Though she supposed she could spin some non-tuberculosis respiratory illness. But she wouldn’t tell them just yet.
And then Sarah popped into her head.
“I’ll tell Sarah and Felix too. Especially Sarah because while she’s not sick in my dreams, given two of us have gotten this now? There’s no guarantee that she won’t get it. Better that she knows for herself.” Because of course Cosima was taking the angle that Sarah would be more worried about her own health than Cosima’s. Because Cosima was trying not to freak out completely right now. She would later, but right now she had a plan of action.
And with that plan of action in place, it was time to start doing it.