Who: Max Rockatansky madman & Splendid Angharad splendid What: Mandatory Check-In When: [Backdated] Mid June Where: Orange County Social Services Office Rating: Low. Warnings: Could contain some triggery content due to the characters themselves being damaged courtesy of PTSD issues, loss of family members, and rape. Status: Closed/Completed GDoc
~*~
Everyone wanted something from Max. It was either a piss test or blood sample or fill out some forms or could he come in to talk or some such rot. His list of 'requests' from the social workers was long enough to fill a notebook by now. There wasn't anything asking about it either.
They veiled their requests as asks, but they were mandatory. He knew what happened if he said no. No meant no driving, no license, no more freedom. Max couldn't afford 'no.'
Yes was all he had for them.
Didn't mean he had to be pleasant about it.
Collapsing into the chair across from the woman's desk, Max grunted his version of hello. She was younger than the last one he'd had which said plenty given they were always too young when they were assigned to him. The place seemed to like to test the mettle of their staff by tossing Max at them. He'd rid them of more than one weak link. He figured he was doing them a favor with it or they'd have said something. No one seemed to care how he ran them off at least. That was something.
This one was new to him yet not incredibly new at the same time. He'd seen her for a few months. She was sticking to it. There was a strength to her which was belied by her fragile appearance. In ways he didn't like to think about too closely, she reminded him of his Jesse. They were lucky to have her.
Max figured he could at least try with her.
"Thought you were fat for a while. Having a baby though,eh? Boy or girl?"
Children weren't his favorite topic of conversation, but really Max wasn't certain he had a favorite topic of conversation any longer. He tended to prefer listening to talking. She could put in her notes he'd made an overture of socializing or something even if she chose not to answer him. Max wouldn't take it back. He had too hard a time talking at all to take back the few words he did manage.
~*~
Lifting her head, Splendid raised a neat brow as she looked over at Max. Well, that was rude, but did she really expect anything else? No, not really. She’d learned to expect comments such as his in regards to her personal appearance from most of the patients she encountered.
Not that she thought he meant any harm by it, especially with his follow up question. “Yes, I am. It’s a boy.” She remarked, leaning forward to pick his file up from the stack on her desk.
Making sure the others were in no danger of falling off, Splendid opened up Max’s file, looking over it for a few silent moments with her pen in between her fingers. She did make a note that he was attempting to be social with her, and she’d seen him trying to be over the network that she’d just joined.
It was an interesting place, and part of her wondered if more people that were a part of it should be in her office.
Splendid knew that the questions she asked needed to have short answers considering, it seemed to put Max more at ease if she talked more out of the two of them and he would possibly be more willing to actually answer her questions if she posed them in a yes or no way. Still, that did not mean she left all of them that way.
“So,” she crossed her legs at the ankles underneath her desk, “I saw you’ve been trying to socialize more on the network I suggested that you join. Do you like it?” She glanced over at him, head tilted slightly to the side.
~*~
A boy was nice. That was the first thought Max had when she spoke to him; his second was how his boy would have made a fine man. His future was gone with Jesse's so all Max had were memories. It wouldn't do either of them any good if he dwelled too long on them. They'd only come back as ghosts -fractured fragments of his broken mind- which would not assist him in keeping his license or in being a good patient for the social worker.
She looked as if she could use a good patient for a day.
"Yes."
It'd been a hard decision to join the network. Socializing wasn't something Max had ever been grand at even before he'd lost his mind. He wasn't much of a talker in any form. There were expectations online which he knew nothing of as well as forms of speech which were even more foreign to him than many foreign tongues. No one had been unkind to him as yet which helped.
"Seems easier to talk without looking at them. Others. Having them stare. People do. Stare. Don't blame them. Doesn't mean I like it."
~*~
Splendid smiled warmly, and nodded, jotting down a quick note in his file. “Good, I’m glad that you are enjoying it.” She paused for a few moments, listening to Max as he spoke about how it was easier, better for him to talk to people without them looking at him.
To be quite honest, Splendid could understand that. It did not matter that they were in the 21st century, in a liberal state, people still stared at her and looked at her finger to see if she was married. Splendid had seen the disapproving and pitying looks that people shot her way.
She tried not to let it get next to her, but sometimes it happened.
She blamed it on the pregnancy hormones, but she drowned her sorrows in ice cream if she felt too bad.
“People can be rude, unfortunately. They tend to think they know everything, everyone’s story when they don’t and it’s likely they never will. You don’t have to like it, and I cannot blame you for not liking it.” She gave Max a sympathetic smile, and then looked back down at her notes.
“How are things going on the road?” She asked, glancing back up at him. “Are you getting along with your dispatcher?”
~*~
The Road was Max's life. Everything there was a constant. It was a neverending dream of all the things he needed with nothing he couldn't handle. He loved it. Every crack in the pavement was a welcome reminder he wasn't the only broken thing in the world. Every reflector at night was a beacon of hope representing how life could be peaceful no matter how much war he'd seen. Every road sign was proof civilization still existed and people were thriving in spite of how he himself was doing.
Max couldn't imagine a world without The Road.
Looking down at his shoes, he shrugged his shoulders, his hands loose where his arms lay on his knees. Max gave the posture of a man defeated. There was no fight left in him for this place or these people. This woman had done nothing to him. She had a job to do. He was presently her job. It helped no one to be angry with her for asking questions she had to ask to keep her job.
She'd a child coming to care for, think of, consider.
Max knew a child was more important than his privacy.
Swallowing back all his feelings, he managed, "Don't talk often. Check it at weigh stations as operations standard. Check in at drop site and again when leaving with the load. Chatter isn't something---not looking for it on The Road. All's myself is needing? Only that. The Road."
~*~
Splendid's hand rubbed over her belly while Max spoke. It was hard for him, with everything that he'd been through, to speak and she could understand that.
She wondered some days how he even managed, but he seemed to be doing alright for the most part, and that was all anyone could ask for.
She jotted down a few more notes, glancing through things as she went. While Splendid wanted to make this as quick, and painless for him as possible, she didn't want him to feel as if she didn't care or want him to feel rushed. Splendid did care, she wanted to help people as much as she possibly could, but in the end she felt as if she could only do so much.
Mostly she just wanted her patients to feel as if they could come to her about anything, and that she would take everything that they said seriously regardless of how ludicrous it sounded. "At least there aren't any problems, so that's a good thing." She replied with a soft smile in his direction and a nod of her head, "Do you ever feel that you might want more than just the road?"
~*~
Problems had been earlier in Max's life. They'd been when he was struggling to wake up every morning alone. He'd had a hard time sleeping without the medications the doctors pumped him full of and, in turn, he'd had nightmares the likes of which no man should ever be forced to bear. It had taken four appeals to get him off the sleeping pills. No one had wanted to run the risk of letting him out of the sight of authorized personnel without something to get him some rest. Everyone knew how volatile a sleepless soldier could be in times of crisis.
More than one had started shooting at innocents in the past; Max was one who could have easily fallen down that rabbit hole.
He had been violent before his wife and child had been assassinated in front of him.
Shaking his head to the negative, Max muttered, "Wants aren't for me. Deserve nothing more than what have. Living, right? Others are dead. Better men. Better people. Can't ask for more than living."
Max had always been a man who had wanted to be more than a hired gun. He'd fought for his adopted country because he'd believed in freedom. There had been a real purpose behind his joining up with the Army. It had felt right to him as he'd signed the papers; his wife had been so pleased watching him pledge his allegiance to defend freedom, their country, their people. Jesse had smiled as bright as the sun at him for being her warrior. Max hadn't doubted his decision to sign up until later.
When he'd been burying her.
When they'd told him he couldn't bury his son separate on account they couldn't really separate the bodies enough.
When he'd lived and they'd died.
"Wish death had come for me. Not them. Would've been a lot easier. My Jesse would've liked you."
~*~
Sitting her pen down, Splendid smiled softly over at Max. "I'm sure I would've liked her too. I am truly sorry for what happened to you." Taking in a deep breath, Splendid thought for a handful of moments on how to proceed.
The past was not a place to live, even if she lived there a lot herself. Moving forward, taking steps, those were the keys to a happy life, or at least, that was the lie everyone told themselves.
"I think that way about my parents." She offered, and lifted her shoulders. "They were killed in a car accident when I was 21. I can't help but to think that they shouldn't have been taken, and I was, and still am very bitter about it." Splendid wouldn't have ended up in the mess she was in if that had been the case.
The baby kicked, causing her to grimace as her hand went down to her stomach. "The past, however, is not a place where the living should dwell that often. There are reasons why we are here, even if we haven't discovered those reasons and who knows? We might never discover them, but I believe that we have to just make do with what we have and keep moving forward. Otherwise we find ourselves in a vicious cycle of regret, sadness, and it's just not good for anyone."
The words weren't practiced, although Splendid had been taught to tell them. She just wished that she could make things better for Max, to help ease his very troubled mind.
"So what is a small goal you'd like to accomplish before our next visit? I will warn you that I will be going on maternity leave soon, I have five weeks so you'll see someone else while I'm gone, but I'm always just a text message or e-mail away."
~*~
New social workers were nothing to get upset about in Max's life. He didn't form attachments to others the way he should as a result of his disease. Paranoia could descend on him at any moment to take him out of the realm of trust, thrusting him firmly into the realm of disillusionment where nothing could be believed except how he would be at risk if he dared to form any kind of bond with them. Even friendship was an impossibility for Max under those circumstances---Splendid had managed to get farther with him than any social worker before.
Max attributed it to the fact she was kinder than the others.
Smart enough to know better than to push him for more than he was willing or able to give in one session.
Shrugging a shoulder, he mumbled, "Won't matter much. All they ever ask is if driving is going well. Sometimes questions about road signs. Sometimes about voices. Visions. Hallucinations. Only one to ever ask after me is you. Makes me worry for you. If you're asking after me, who've you got otherwise?"
Her parents being dead surprised him. She seemed very adjusted. There was no reason why Max would believe she was an orphan. Adults could be orphans, too. Parents lived seemingly forever in this day and age; few people the age of the woman across from him had to deal with burying their parents before the birth of their first son. Splendid had to have a very well-adjusted sense of self in order to cope with the stress of bringing up a child alone without even grandparents to help dote on the sprog.
"Sorry. For your parents. Doesn't get easier. Know that myself. Mine? Gone, too. Everyone's gone for me. Familiar faces on The Road and here are all I've got. Soon? You'll have someone to see you every day. Wait on you. Want you. Only you. Nothing feels so good. No worries for me, hhm?"
~*~
A line appeared between her brows and her lips went into a thin line. She understood all too well that it wasn't wise to form attachments to those in her care, but they were people to her and not just a case number. Letting out a sigh, Splendid gave a small shake of her head. "There's no reason to worry about me." She looked back over at Max, a small smile on her face.
Splendid didn't need anyone worrying after her. She was doing fine, or at least, as best as she could considering the circumstances. She could take care of herself, she'd proven that well enough with the move out to California and getting away from the man that'd hurt her.
"Oh it's fine." She responded with a small wave of her hand, "It doesn't, but I do the best that I can day by day." If they hadn't died, Splendid wouldn't be in the position she was in right now, most likely. She could've spent a lot of time becoming bitter, and resentful towards them for their deaths, but it hadn't been their fault.
She held her tongue in regards to her child. All anyone wanted to talk about was her baby, and Splendid didn't want to spend too much time talking about it to be honest because she wasn't sure she'd have anyone waiting on her when she got home after his birth.
Letting out a long breath, Splendid let out a soft laugh. "It's part of my job to worry about you. So there's that. I think, though, we're done for today if you don't have any specific goals you'd like to meet before our next meeting." She wasn't going to push Max too hard, it would do neither of them any good. "But try to think of something by the next time, hm? Just try." She offered with a small nod. Trying was all anyone could do, really, and the way she saw it? Max was trying hard.
~*~ Trying was hard for Max. He could manage if he set his mind to it, but he couldn't push his mind overmuch. It tended to result in bad things, breaks in reality. That was what the doctors called it when he saw things, people, the dead. No one ever wanted him to talk about the ones he saw. It upset them. He wondered sometimes how they imagined he felt about it. Didn't they know it was upsetting for him, too? Did they think he didn't care? Couldn't care? Was too mad to understand how to feel other than angry?
"Think on it. Sure. Can do that for you. Think a goal will be to worry less on why your face seems older than your years. Shame. You're a lovely one. Worry's no good for someone kind as you."
Max stood slowly. His leg had grown stiff. He worked hard to stay still in the office while with the social workers. Many of them were made uncomfortable with his size. There was talk on whether he was dangerous. Not once had Max attacked a single one of them or their doctors yet still they worried. It would have insulted him if he'd been able to feel insult or injury in the way normal people could. Mostly he only felt sad they could think of him as a monster when really? All he was? A madman out of place, living outside his time limit.
He should have died.
No one could change he hadn't.
All was left for him was to survive.
Max could do that. Survive. He couldn't do much else, but he could do that.
Waving his farewell to Splendid, Max hoped she could find a way to do the same without looking so distraught about it all.