Who: Zee & Leliana What: A heartfelt discussion on the latest events over wine, berries, and a nug. When: Tonight Where: Leli's Zoo of a House Rating/Warnings: Low Status: Complete!
Sleep was a difficult sort of thing lately. An elusive concept. It was like watching something behind glass - you could see it, but could you touch it? No. Out of reach, much like everything else. Bad dreams that had nothing to do with Gotham, with its literal evil seeping into the earth, and everything to do with re-living a voiceless trauma usually forced Zatanna awake and panting. That void. That space beyond, where Lina went, called her too. It all stretched out like a painted canvas beyond that gilded rift, when the skies opened and worlds shattered.
Balance had returned. Somewhat. Only not in her own mind. She could turn the cards as much as she wanted, study the remnants of tea leaves in cups, the dregs of red-stained wine glasses, coffee beans nearly ground to dust, but nothing and no one would tell her when she would begin to feel normal again.
She’d pushed away from Dick. It was better this way, Zee tried to convince herself. More time to focus on Raven, to focus on herself. Maybe the teenager didn’t give two shits either way, but she was family and Zatanna realized now more than ever how important that was.
Needing to talk to someone, she made sure Leliana was alright with her coming over. And she wore a black cotton sundress that made her look like she was ready for half-past the witching hour, heading to the other woman’s house. Driving, the normal way, since she was just still very tired, and didn’t want to engulf herself in magic right now. One day it would feel as easy as breathing again.
Carefully, she knocked on the door.
“You still knock,” mused the nightingale softly, door held wide open at her friend’s presence. “How mundane of you. I half-expected you to sparkle yourself into my living room.” The house was a quaint little thing, decorated uniquely and dimly lit with small colored lamps and candles. In the corner rested a pile of three hairless pig-bunnies, all over each other and falling in and out of their slumbers. From the patio the ravens squawked a bit, eyes of darkness peering through the sliding glass doors. “Come in - I have a couple things for you.” A kiss to Zee’s cheek for a greeting, before stepping aside.
And by a ‘couple things’ she meant wine, clearly. A bottle of sweet Moscato, a bowl of berries and lavender incense burning. Now that things had significantly calmed they could indulge in a bit of relaxation, but she knew Zee couldn’t. Something happened during those days of darkness; a sheet of black the sun itself couldn’t penetrate. Things disappeared but then they came back, the skies back to their clear blue, but…
Something happened.
“Shoes off, sit on my couch - get comfy. There’s a stuffed animal for you too hug, too.”
The sight of the nugs made Zee smile a little, at least, a quick upward turn of her mouth before she slipped free from her shoes - the cool, hardwood floors in Leliana’s cozy house actually felt good on her arches before she arranged herself on the couch. Legs tucked up beneath her, tugging on the skirt of her dress, she took a deep, cleansing breath of the scent of soothing lavender - her own house tended to give off the aroma of frankincense and myrrh, something exotic that blended with the scent of lush, fresh plants, the ones she tended to everyday.
“Not only did I fail at stopping what plagued us all here, for far too many days, but I also lost a friend.” Her eyes were downcast, a dim glow to the usually vibrant cobalt, and she reached over to gratefully pour a glass of wine which she so sorely needed. “If only I could have prevented it from coming to that.”
Now Lina was gone, and her absence affected quite a bit of people. Everything felt hollow - the unknowns were terrifying, but no one actually wanted to accept that she wouldn’t be back, even if the proper thing to do was hold a service to honor her and celebrate her life.
Leliana joined her shortly after, a filled wine glass in her hands. Already barefoot, she wore a set of patterned tights and long buttoned blouse, frills going down the middle. Less ‘dame of death’ and more like ‘eccentric redhead with a lot of animals.’ “I heard some chatter about it,” she expressed, then there was a pause between words - so she could examine every morose line and curve that oozed depression. “And I heard this had been from her world, yes?”
A sip of wine taken, she set it on a coaster atop the coffee table so her hands were freed to grab one of Zee’s. “Sometimes these things cross realities for a reason. And some battles are not yours to fight. You did everything you could, Zee. A solution was found, and maybe not in the conventional way, but the dawn came after the darkness. The world still stands.”
“What happened was from her world, yes,” Zatanna nodded. She set her own glass down on a coaster, the Moscato giving off the aroma of creamy peaches, lychee, even a bit of rose petals. It was delicious, one of her favorites when she was in the mood for something rich and comforting - which, at the moment, she very much was. Her hand gently squeezed Leliana’s - and Zee still felt cold and clammy, at least in her own mind, remembering what it had been like to have that connection with her magic severed. Too worn down and damaged to summon up her strength.
The type of solution was one that she knew had been inevitable, right at the very end. But it was also the type of solution that had sent her to therapy, in her dreams, traumatized and haunted by memories of the people she could not save. “I have lost teammates and friends before,” she uttered quietly. “It always...feels like pure dread. It spreads like poison, I can’t escape it.”
It was a kind of venom Leliana knew all too well, and sometimes she thought she was becoming immune to it. People had been lost throughout the years, some very close and very dear - but that was the price to pay for her career. Lies written in blood, death as a way of justice or a way to send a message. It ruined her in Thedas. And it was going to ruin her here, too.
“I know,” Leliana whispered. “You lost a friend, and grief is the price we all pay when we care for someone we have lost. You’ve the right to mourn, but don’t you for once think this is your fault, Zee. You are amazing at what you do, and you have done so much to help others - and there will be people you will still help, that you will still save. You are one person. The weight of the world should not belong on your shoulders alone.”
Boulette, the smallest of the three nugs (and the one with the outrageously frilly bow), had stirred from her on-and-off again sleep, and with a squeaky snuffsnuff in the air, patted those bizarre little hand-paws against the floors to the couch, where she stood on her back legs in curiosity at the two women.
Well, mostly at Zee. Zee smelled nice. Boulette wanted Zee to pick her up, because Boulette was a dainty diva. Snuffsnuff.
Unable to resist the ugly-cute of this particular nug (she had a bow on her, how sweet), Zatanna eased the hairless creature up and into her lap, giving her pets on her head and scritch-scratches behind her ears. There was something soothing about having animal companionship, probably because they loved unconditionally and could sense when you needed a little comfort. They just knew these things.
She continued her gentle strokes all along Boulette’s back, sighing. “I am one person who should have been able to do this,” she said, her tone dejected. And the fact that she couldn’t, well, it had wedged his way into her waking and sleeping hours, the self-doubt and shattered confidence firmly in place. Broken pieces, stuck there. “But...I will try not to dwell on my own shortcomings. I think what is most upsetting is that I don’t know where she is.” Most deaths, there was a body to bury, but what even was this supposed to be?
Boulette settled quite nicely in the magician’s lap, tiny high-pitched sounds of contentment squeaked from that strange maw. She’d sleep here instead. Clearly this human was much more comfortable. Such a ham, though Leliana had to spare a glance of adoring exasperation at her bunny-eared pet. So spoiled.
Now, Zee had brought up a rather interesting point. “That is true. No body, no proof of an actual…” Well, there was only one word to say this, so she said it. “Death?” It felt odd, the word rolling off her tongue - even if she was very familiar with the concept, the term didn’t seem to really fit with the circumstance. Call it a gut feeling. Leliana retrieved the bowl of fruit from the table to set it between them, and she brought a blackberry to her lips. “If there is one thing I’ve observed about this place, a death that carries over is never permanent.”
The Mistress of Magic was well-accustomed to death as well, having seen her fair share. Necromancy was not a talent of hers, she didn’t hear whispers from beyond, but finality invoked a certain feeling. Perhaps Leliana was right. “Never?” She lifted an eyebrow curiously. “I admit I hadn’t looked into how many near-death experiences have occurred, however, I’ve healed a good number of people. I keep consulting the cards, and other forms of divination. Not too long ago we had a person in the Guild who could communicate with spirits, but he is no longer here. I might inquire with others, if there’s a way...”
And if she couldn’t contact Lina, well, that would mean she wasn’t dead, right? But somewhere else entirely. Zee was willing to do most anything to attempt this.
Her spell-casting fingers traced shapes on the nug, around her contentedly twitching ears. She really was a sweet thing, Miss Boulette. Then with her opposite hand she too stole a berry or two, to pop into her mouth. “It might ease our minds, but then again, I don’t want to give anyone false hope.”
“Well, I suppose the lack of people actually dying could be in regards to divine intervention,” she added, nose and lips scrunched some. ‘Divine intervention’ of course, in the form of magic. Neal could have died, but he’d been surrounded by an interesting array of magic-wielders. So the story went. “I do know of someone who had been physically declared dead for a month. His own resurrection bled over from the dreams, I believe - and he returned on his own.”
Maybe it was time they needed. Time for things to settle, and perhaps with the way this all worked, it would resolve on its own. It had happened before, no? But that also crossed the line of ‘false hope.’
Leliana sighed deeply. “Magic is something out of my expertise, but if there is a way to contact the dead, what would you lose from trying? If you get a response, then you know. And if you do not…” Her hand outstretched to grab the stem of her glass, wine washing down the tart berry taste. “Then that is another answer.”
“Answers are what I am mostly looking for,” she admitted, a few more berries taken. Then more sips of wine. Talking this out meant that Zatanna didn’t want to sit and wallow, she wanted to make plans that would lead to action. “Right now we don’t have any. We just have a whole lot of grief to swim through. But knowing for certain would be better than not.”
She made a mental note to check around the Guild and see if anyone had tricks up their sleeves related to necromancy. Or even just on the network in general - there may be untapped talent out there, and she’d be happy to recruit new people to the sects where it was all bare bones and decidedly lacking. Necromancy was one of those section, in fact.
“Such trying times we live in.”
“Trying times indeed.” Considering the past couple months hadn’t been met with peace, exactly. One thing after another, literally. Leliana didn’t possess a type of magical prowess but it was in her power to help the general public, and she and Gale had been more than willing to do that. Sometimes people were so wrapped up in the source of the cause that civilians were often forgotten. Panicked people without any means of defending themselves - they needed protection, too.
Boulette stirred some, twisting and turning on Zee’s lap for a bit of shameless belly exposure. Yes, that was an invitation. Scratch it.
“And if you do come across a definite answer or…something.” Whether she was alive. Whether she wasn’t. “Let me know. I have worked in the past with her other half. I would not want to give him a false hope, but if there is something, maybe it would do him some good to know.”
A mental note was made to check up on Pete, too. Leliana could only imagine his state of mind. Even she tried to slip into his shoes, to see how she’d handle something like that happening to Gale and -
Mmmm. More wine, please.
Oh, you precious little pig-bunny. Zatanna laughed softly, water over rocks, and obliged the lovely Boulette. Her nails provided a nice sort of belly rub anyway, or so she assumed - part actual rub, part scratch, and the otherworldly creature at least seemed content to be getting the attention that she was currently getting. Plus, Zee was just flattered that she was trusted enough for an animal to expose its belly to her.
“I will of course let you know,” she agreed immediately. “I would not even know what to begin to say. Or how to say it. I just feel terrible about the whole thing.” She knew no one blamed her, but to have to face the man - it would be painful from all angles. And even though they both worked at the Agency, it was setting up to be very tense.
Zee couldn’t even begin to imagine either. She’d lost her parents at a very young age, in that circus fire. Lost her sister, Katerina, but they’d been so out of touch for far too long - and now they’d never get that time back. But to lose the person she loved, to watch them make a sacrifice? Unless your heart was made of coal, it would be difficult for anyone.
“I am sorry to have to come over and unload all this on you,” she added, smiling apologetically. “But the wine is a nice touch.” Zatanna felt almost normal again.
“Don’t be silly,” she huffed a chuckle, a bare foot reaching over to tickle Zee with a wiggle of her toes. “I’m glad you came. I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me all this. And even though this conversation will not fix everything you feel - it is good to let it out.”
Tonight didn’t have to be all doom and gloom, and they could make baby steps into a lighter conversation. Even if she knew the outcome of this entire thing weighed heavily on Zee’s heart, Leliana wouldn’t let this crisp-cold Moscato go to waste on just sad talk. She probably had enough of that, festering in her own thoughts and guilt. So time to top off their glasses with more wine, a generous pour. No shame. They’d finish this bottle and she had a second to pop open.
“Is everything well, then? With your moody teenager and detective boyfriend?”
Refreshing, sweet, and very nearly sparkling, Moscato was often fine by itself. Didn’t need to be paired with food, and Zee wasn’t really that hungry. The berries were a perfect accompaniment and about all she could get down now anyway. “Of course I trust you,” she tossed Leliana a look of teasing exasperation. It was all about quality over quantity when it came to her friendships - and Zatanna knew that she’d changed a lot, ever since moving to Orange County. Much of it had to do with settling and becoming a person who was fit to care for a teenager, but a lot of the change could be attributed to her dreams - morphing into that person there. A person who was world-weary, wise, and who looked at the cards as a tool to shape and guide her future, not as an absolute.
“Raven’s well enough,” she said, eating another blackberry. Zatanna had been surprised how worried the girl was, after she’d been injured. But as an empath, it was a natural reaction. It was simply that Zee didn’t think Raven was so attuned to her silly aunt. “These things tend to shake her up, but...as for the detective...” Zee fidgeted a little, though was careful not to disturb Boulette. “I told him I would rather be alone for now. I just...needed some space, I suppose.”
Oh. Well. Here Leliana thought touching upon the more personal subjects (the teenager, the boyfriend), it’d be a tad more uplifting than their previous discussion - but now she was seeing how much deeper this was running. So while she understood Zee’s need for some time apart, it was also rewarded with both skepticism and concern.
“If that is what you think is best for you, by all means.” White-tipped fingernails outlined the rim of the half-full glass. “As long as you don’t alienate yourself from everyone.” That was her main concern. Zee’s depression snowballing into something worse and perhaps she was being a bit silly, but she still worried. Very much. Like her friends were her baby birds and she had to be the one making sure the nest was well taken care of and they were being fed many worms.
A terrible comparison, but she couldn’t come up with something better.
“I won’t. There are no plans to alienate myself from everyone,” Zatanna assured. “It’s mostly that I’m not really in a good place for a relationship right now, I don’t think. What happened rattled me quite a bit too, and I’d rather focus on figuring things out with Lina’s disappearance and working through everything related to that. It’s not fair to him otherwise, and he has his own...dream issues as well.” Things to work through on his own end, everything from how he felt about Bruce to his transition from Robin to Nightwing. She cared for Dick quite a bit, perhaps even loved him, but their lives were messy and she just couldn’t right now. Relationships took work, and the stars had to align - sometimes you just weren’t in an ideal life spot to be working on one, too.
She sighed again, a soft sound, sipping on her wine. “But yours is going well? Or...whatever you’re calling it,” she smirked.
Then Leliana would be supportive. It was the best she could do. Keep an eye on her friend, be there for her whenever needed. Some things she couldn’t fix for her, unfortunately - but she was determined to be there for those few steps back, and for those numerous steps forward. So would her army of animals, as Boulette proved. Happily belly-up on the Zee’s lap. “Good. You will have to get back to the stride of normalcy for things to improve. Tea on the weekends in dainty little cups.”
If she wasn’t going to let this go, then Leliana would make sure she had a break between it all. It’d been awhile since they even sat down and had moments like this with each other, and she wasn’t going to let next time be so far apart.
And as for her ‘whatever’...
“Um,” she breathed, then chuckled. “It is definitely something.” More than just stress relief, more than just an employee. “And he is definitely mine. I suppose we courted each other in our own way.” After assassinating a politician, but her and Gale didn’t exactly have a simple relationship.
“In your own way works well enough,” Zatanna smiled a little. It was inspiring, and heartwarming, to hear that things were working out for Leliana in that regard. She’d known how cautious about getting involved her friend had been, for something beyond just a casual, more physical type of situation. But the deeper sorts of things were fulfilling too. A risk, certainly, but fulfilling.
She tipped her wine glass in Leli’s direction in acknowledgment. “I am happy for you. Things have a way of turning out. Often, it just takes time.” And it would for her too, that she knew. Zee, at least, was willing to be patient.
“I ricochet those same exact words to you, then.” Leliana’s smile was tender. If Zee needed a rock to lean on, she’d happily be the boulder. Times were turbulent. Considering everything that’d been coming at them back to back, who knew what else the near future held? What other travesties would occur? “And I have utmost faith in you. Things will be well again. It becomes the darkest right before the dawn.”