Who:Princess Midna & Princess Zelda What: Abducting Midna during the END OF TIMES, and trying to be heroes When: Last night~ Where: Midna's, then to infinity and beyond Rating/Warnings: Relatively low, unless phallic toys make you squirm Status: Complete!
The worst part about having the gift of premonition, with visions and dreams, it was knowing that there was something coming. An upcoming disaster in the horizon, but no solution, no explanation as to what was going on and why had been given. Sure, people had theories. The end of the world. Some kind of rapture. Jesus coming to weed out the sinners and leave only the saints. Some hyped media nonsense, some of it valid theories from the ‘veterans’ of this melting pot of realities bleeding together.
Zelda hadn’t been able to sleep. It was too much chaos in the air, seeping into her skin, making her unruly. Impa had the house boarded up to protect against the winds, emergency equipment readied to endure through this and instead of staying in the safety confines of her home, she found herself at the apartment of one exotic dancer whose well-being had been top priority.
Perhaps not the best ‘weather’ to drive through, but it didn’t stop her. Wouldn’t stop her.
Phone towers were down, getting in contact had been difficult, someone was using a bat to break into someone’s house to loot their things (survival things, electronics because that’s worth something in the end of times), and she found herself knocking on the door. Bang. Bang. “It’s me! Are you okay--please tell me you’re in there!”
Um, seriously? Midna wasn’t completely oblivious to the world around her - no, far from it. Actually, she sort of liked the way the black of the sky, how neverending it was, stretched out like carpet. On and on and on. Lightning, hissing smoke, something that was ominous and seemed to have a life of its own growling like a panther in the distance; she fit in best with the darkness, with shadows.
Which is why she was standing outside on her small balcony, breathing in the chaos and drinking wine, barefoot, a plant she sometimes remembered to water her only company until the knock came. The patio door was open, the sound filtered in - Zelda’s voice, frantic with worry. It made Midna chuckle, turning back to go see what Blondie wanted.
“Yeah?” Midna opened the door, hip propped up there. Her hand was still around the neck of the wine bottle, choking it (because she’d been drinking straight from it, clearly) wearing skinny jeans and a tank top specked with leopard print. “I’m good, Z. Want some?” She held out the bottle.
What the-- “You’re drinking,” Zelda plainly stated with disbelief. Another crash, glass breaking on the lower levels, though this time she’d been too distracted to be startled. “I’ve been trying to call you but everything’s down and -” Okay, she was a bit out of breath, a bit rattled, and she stepped into the apartment and locked the door securely behind her. Then made sure her windows were properly locked too, but that wouldn’t defend her home from a bat, would it?
She spun around, hands on her hips, visibly upset. “You shouldn’t be drinking, Midna. You’re not blind. Don’t you think you need to be a little more clear headed in case something even worse happens?” Which might - the vision Zelda had wasn’t anything pleasant. Chaos rampant, things - even people - disappearing. An invading sense of dread. Something cold.
It was only the beginning if this progressed.
“Eh.”
That was the response of someone who had no fucks to give about much of anything. And why should she? Midna was the very definition of neutral - maybe even cynical, jaded, a realist who was pretty aware that the world sucked and, hey, wasn’t going to do her any favors. So it went to hell in a handbasket? Whoopity-doo. The end was coming eventually, humans would destroy themselves - didn’t people like that sort of thing? Destruction? They did it all the time, to themselves, to each other.
She took a swig of the wine before giving in and setting the bottle down on the kitchen counter, back of her hand wiping across her berry-stained mouth. “No one’s gonna come up here.” Except Zelda, apparently, but she didn’t mind. “What the hell could I even do, if something worse happens anyway?” she snorted.
Apathy was always a lovely response, wasn’t it? Zelda’s concern clashed into her annoyance, and those stormy blue eyes expressed both feelings. “You say that until someone kicks your door down or breaks your window with a bat,” she sighed heavily. “And I’ve been out there, I’ve driven through this and it’s -” A deep breath. “It is getting worse. People panicking to the point where they’re stealing from each other, Midna. We can’t save everyone, but we can help somebody.”
And not to mention Midna wasn’t safe here. Not in this neighborhood, not by herself. “And I was also hoping you’d come with me?” Zelda winced. “To stay with Impa and I? Safety in numbers? Look, if I have to kidnap you, don’t think I won’t do it, either.”
Arms crossed, a huff, and maybe a glare - she meant serious business. Sort of. If she didn’t look like a pouty rabbit.
Aw. Zelda was just far too precious for words. Midna studied her, a careful assessment of the tense and serious business-meaning form, with the deep, dark cinnamon-bark of her eyes, speckled with literal shades of red. Like autumn come early, in the right (or wrong) light, it was almost odd to see it - but then it was gone. “Fiiiiine,” she agreed, the word drawn out, soft, and echoing the same tone she used to share all those breathy secrets Zelda knew. “Let me pack my things.”
That really just included shoving some clothes into a bag, her toothbrush, some makeup palettes (god forbid she go without those), and then she made it a point to toss her favorite strapless strap-on into the bag right in front of Zelda....what? Impa had to leave sometime. And then they could have some fun, to celebrate the end of the world. May as well go out with a bang.
“I’m ready, let’s go. You’re parked right outside?” She’d just completely disregard that whole ‘helping somebody’ thing for now. What were they supposed to do, put on a cape and fly their way into stopping a robbery?
Zelda’s triumphant feel was a bit thwarted by the toss of one specific item. At first it was a blur of what it was, and then her head tilted to blink down and properly assess what that long, phallic thing w--oh. Oh. Perhaps cheeks pink as candy wasn’t appropriate with everything going on but it was a little hard to help. God, she hoped Impa didn’t see that. Not that she’d be against anything they did but she did not need to know certain details and--
“Outside.” Ahem. Back on topic. Zelda fished for the pepper spray in her purse and let them out, then down the multiple flights of stairs (a work out on its own, jesus). Glass crunched beneath her feet, there’d been some broken windows left and right but fortunately, the truck was intact and had all its glass still in place. It was filled with some of Impa’s work things - a hard hat, belts, a couple tools (that she even contemplated to grab for a weapon) - and it smelled like nicotine mixed with cotton candy.
Mostly because of the cotton candy air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror, per one blonde Hylian princess.
“I hope I don’t accidentally run anyone over,” seemed to be one of Zelda’s legitimate concerns. She squeezed the steering wheel inhaled deeply. “Okay.”
Of course the inside of the truck smelled like a bubblegum pink explosion. That was just purely Zelda, and she wouldn’t attempt to girlify a big ol’ gas guzzling indestructible monster. It was a good attempt, but now Midna just wanted a cigarette and a beer - and she didn’t even smoke, not usually. “Relax,” she said after she was buckled in and her bag was in the backseat, reaching over to give Blondie’s shoulder a squeeze. “You won’t run anyone over. Just get on the road and go, straight shot, we’ll be there in no time.”
She hoped it was somewhat soothing, at least, even if Midna just didn’t think she was a soothing person by nature. No way. The Twilight Realm ex-princess, the cursed princess, the shunned princess, was far too prickly for such things. And she was also great at desensitizing herself in situations where mortal peril was concerned, hence why she had been holed up in her apartment and why the crunch of glass beneath black boots hadn’t really fazed her. Nor the sounds of chaos and people going insane.
The roads weren’t exactly empty. Not like when the spider-monster came about; people opted to stay out of its way, but there wasn’t any visible foe to be faced. Just a supernatural storm of something, and Zelda knew well it wasn’t exactly evil. It was raw power, uncontrolled, rampant. Like some neutral void wanting to swallow this place up whole. A presence they couldn’t necessarily see but could certainly feel. And like in any weather-like disaster that caused panic, there was also a sense of mayhem.
People’s priorities were a little skewed if they thought thievery would help them.
“Do you think I’ll be pulled over if I ran a red light? Or a stop sign?” A nervous chew of her thumbnail, as she drove - slightly over the speed limit - although the question was silly! The police force probably had other things to monitor aside from traffic laws, right? Now that the words were spewed from her mouth, she wanted to take them back. “Nevermind, I should just--”
Screeeeeeeeeeech! Those rubber wheels came to an abrupt stop when she slammed onto the brakes, almost committing vehicular manslaughter when people came out of no where in front of the truck - a man struggling with a woman, trying to take her purse, and they were so engrossed in their fight that they hadn’t even noticed they’d almost been smeared blood on asphalt.
“Oh my god, are people not even--?? What is he--is she being mugged?!”
Midna raised an eyebrow at Zelda word vomiting in her state of distress, because really, the last thing the cops had to be concerned with was five or ten miles over the speed limit. “Not with the end times upon us, Z, you’re fine,” she laughed, dry amusement, bones picked free of meat in the desert sun. This was all some messed up shit.
The slamming on the brakes, the sudden appearance of people with a death wish, yeah, that all could be filed under ‘really messed up’ too.
Out of instinct, Midna went white-knuckled the door handle, the frame, something to hold onto - and she didn’t know why, but she found herself twisting around to grab for whatever was in the back of the truck. One of those tools, a wrench, because that was a woman, a woman in trouble - and maybe it reminded her of why girls at the club needed armed escorts to their cars. There had been numerous incidents, some talked about and some not, and she’d been in fights too, but couldn’t just sit back and watch a fellow female get pummeled for what was likely useless credit cards and cash if the world really did end.
“Hey!” she shouted once she and her long legs and foreboding presence tumbled out of the truck. “Fuck off, asshole!”
With absolutely terrible fucking aim and a lack of precision, she threw the wrench at the man. It...completely missed. But at least he dropped the woman’s purse, and came after Midna instead. Now cue up her shrieking, and flailing with nails, arms, elbows, and even trying to find a place to sink her teeth into.
Bad idea, she thought, when she was knocked down to the ground and her arms painfully wrenched behind her, joints bent back too far. This was why she wasn’t cut out to be saving damsels.
Truck gears had been switched to park the moment a fire was lit under Midna’s ass - and when Zelda heard the slam of the car door, that’s when she registered the redhead’s oh-so graceful exit and from the windshield, witnessed the very impulsive attempt at tossing the stainless steel tool (and also failing), and then the man’s immediate switch of victims.
Adrenaline pumped with blood, the sound of her heart thrashing in her ears while Zelda seemed to have forgotten how to properly open the inside of a truck but after some fumbling (and a kick of her feet), it flew wide open and her feet hit the cement. Finding a weapon hadn’t been top priority at the moment - because what was top priority was leaping onto the man’s, arm added pressure to his throat, while her fingers not-so-nicely dug deep into his eye sockets.
“Get the fuck OFF her!”
Let it be known that she rarely, if ever, dropped the f-bomb. Let it be known that when she did it was all silly internal dialogue because profanity simply didn’t exist in her vocabulary, it was very unnecessary and mostly uncalled for.
Except this situation absolutely, positively called for it, when it came to her girl-with-complicated-strings. This man was rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.
The names this douchecanoe was calling Zelda just made Midna even angrier, and maybe she sucked at wrenchmanship, but she knew how to take advantage of vulnerable areas when she had room to flip over. Blondie went for the eyes, and Midna went for the balls - yep, right for the mommy-daddy button, a knee slamming right up into the attacker’s groin, and he howled in pain, from the combined efforts of both maneuvers.
It gave Midna enough space to roll away, while the guy who had been rendered temporarily blind and incapable of having children staggered back.
“Z, let’s get out of here,” she groaned, because she was scraped up and bleeding and didn’t wanna play hero anymore. The other woman had enough sense to run away with herself and her purse intact, and there was really no reason to stick around, right? Maybe?
There may have been an uncouth exclamation of bitches be cray from the man who was unable to properly see and who was also, perhaps, permanently incapacitated from ever procreating (Midna did the world a favor), and once Zelda let go of him she shoved him away. With her fists. Pounding on him relentlessly until he got the message and went the other way - but it didn’t provide her with any comfort. He’d try it again to someone else. A predator looking for a scared prey through all this.
The air was so cold, breathing in to catch her breath felt like daggers in her lungs, but she knelt down to cradle Midna’s face to kiss her something fierce, while mayhem around them became undone. “That was so stupid,” she choked, because that man was large and could have done so much worse. “But you did--you did the right thing. You did something.”
At first Midna thought it was the freezing cold night air cradling her face, and it was sort of like rejuvenation for her senses - but actually, it was Zelda, and she clung to the girl and kissed her back as if, well, the apocalypse was being dropped right on them. Because that’s what their lives were right now.
“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, managing to stand on wobbly feet - one of her boot heels was broken, but whatever. Those weren’t her best pair of shoes, they were cheap. “That was my good deed for the year, can we go now?” Next time remind her to just sit on her ass and let the hapless victim be mugged - except she really couldn’t do that either, come to think of it. There was a squishy heart there somewhere - hidden in the shadows, with the rest of her.
“We’ll play heroes again once we get you cleaned up and we find you new shoes,” smirked the blonde, briefly. It wasn’t in her nature to make casual remarks about all this but sometimes she learned a thing or two from this one - typically the biting sarcasm, one of Midna’s many talents. First thing was to help load her up in the car though, with urgency, before some nutjob decided to get ballsy and go after this particular pair of ladies. Neither of them were properly trained in, well, anything, but they were feisty. Teeth that bit, nails that clawed.
And after assuring she was properly buckled (Zelda continued to advocate that safety was important), she most eagerly climbed back into the truck and slam went the door, breathing in deep to ease those leftover traces of adrenaline and general oh shit feeling.
It pained her to change the gears of the car to drive, because nothing was fixed. Nothing was solved. It was still utter insanity; glass breaking, people at some kind of war with each other. “You’d think helping each other is more productive than this,” Zelda mumbled, stepping on the gas and (politely) honking so people would stay clear. “I just--I just don’t get it.”
Oh good, playing heroes again. Midna could hardly wait. She rolled those crimson-tinted eyes to the ceiling of the truck and back again. “As good of a feeling as it is to kick ass, take names, and save lives...I don’t know, Z. You can’t save everyone. Especially when all this - “ A gesture to the window, a flip of her hand. “Is completely beyond our control. I mean, it’s obviously just here and things will go back to normal and the batshit insanity will stop. But people are just impatient by nature.” They freaked out easily when things couldn’t be explained, and none of the recent crap really could be. Except for global warming. Get those conspiracy theories ready.
“Fine though.” Her head leaned back against the seat, and she tossed Zelda a sideways grin. “We’ll play heroes. If you promise we can play with what I brought with me, after that.”
Maybe the notion of wanting to save everyone was naive. Midna wasn’t wrong. The concept was realistically impossible, especially when they didn’t know what this was. Why it was here. All of them literally and figuratively kept in the dark, with the only option to ride this out until some solution was reached. But not doing anything felt like apathy. Zelda didn’t have much to offer, couldn’t even do much in regards to brute force - but something was always better than nothing, even if it seemed like a losing battle.
“As much as I’d love to -” A hand reached over to squeeze her knee, the smile on her lips morose. “I don’t think I can just...sit around and do nothing. There’s different ways to help that don’t always involve fists. And making them connect with someone’s genitals. And I want to help.”
Maybe it had to do with the fact that in her dreams, she did have a kingdom. A kingdom to care for and it was ripped away from her when all she wanted was to help - take down the big bad, keep the Triforce safe. Except Ganon had played her like a violin and knew what she’d been up to, piggybacked on her plan to collect all three spiritual stones, use Link to open the Doors of Time - and he got to the Sacred Realm, he got a piece of the Triforce, then took over. Cursed the land, drained the lake, froze Zora’s domain, and Link was in a slumber for seven years.
It was a silly way to cope. But it was something.
Blah, blah, blah. Midna just sighed, turning her head to look out the window. This was stupid, and she wasn’t going to drink the hero Kool-Aid that Zelda had obviously ingested - for one thing, she saw no reason to do so. She just wasn’t there yet, with her own dreams. All she saw was a princess who had been stripped of her crown, her claim to the throne, even her true form. So she ran away, with no other options and cloaked in shame, and who knew what she would do next - take her kingdom back from Zant, but how?
“So I guess we’re in need of a plan then,” she stated. “You know what...” Midna pursed her lips, and exhaled a sigh, unbuckling her seatbelt. She twisted around to go into the back, folding it down, moving tools and supplies out of the way. “Just drive, I’m sure there are strays running amuck and scared on the streets that we can pick up. We’ll cram them into the truck and bring them someplace safe, okay?” Plus they had the bed of the truck - lots of people could fit in here, whoo hoo.
A smile broke across her face like daylight, something to cut through the dreariness of this mess. “That’s not a bad plan,” she quipped, and while Midna’s bodaciously bodacious rear was sticking up a bit in the air while she shuffled things in the back seat around, Zelda gave that bum a pinch and an affection smack. Because whether she liked it or not, she was doing this - Midna could stay within the safety confines of her home for shelter, and that was fine.
But it was nice to have a partner in crime.
...or, well, a partner in doing something helpful. Was there a proper term for that?
“Thank you,” Zelda quietly expressed, taking her eyes off the shadowy road for only a second. “I promise we won’t take on more than we can handle. I would just...regret it if I didn’t do something, is all.” Those shoulders lifted sheepishly into a shrug. “And can we...not tell Impa about this, either? Until it’s over?”
“I keep plenty of what you do a secret from Impa, what’s one more thing,” Midna smirked, the drawl of it evident in her tone even as she faced away from Zelda, getting everything situated in the back - though her rear end wiggled teasingly in response to those gestures of affection. Granted, most of those secret things involved Midna herself, the happenings behind closed doors, and Impa probably suspected anyway - but the woman didn’t need to know the details.
Then she was all set, using a towel to clean herself up a little, her makeup smeared - but ugh, guess she wouldn’t be continuing to look fabulous when the world collapsed in on itself. “As long as no one goes in my bag to steal my fun time supplies, whatever,” she shrugged. “Let’s do this thing.”
Hero for a day. She wouldn’t tell Impa, no, and Midna would just keep this a secret in general. After all, no one needed to know what a softie she was.