the_hawks_eye (the_hawks_eye) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-06-04 18:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, edward elric, riza hawkeye |
Who: Riza and Ed
When: Early May
Where: Their home
What: Talking
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete
Everything had finally come to a breaking point with Edward. Things had piled up so quickly and so heavily he could no longer bear the weight of the world on his own. He couldn’t even fake it. The house had been quiet since his disappearing act, he didn’t quite know what to say or how to say it. Most of the time he was awake was spent reading in a corner bookshelf they had in the small place. The rest of his time was spent trying to sleep and failing. He often ended up sleeping quite frequently during the day now. School wasn’t a thing he was motivated to go to, but he knew he had to at least make an attempt to get up and go. He was hoping maybe Riza wouldn’t make him. He’d rather sleep.
Dragging himself down to their living room to make a weak attempt at readying for it, he ended up sitting in one of the table chairs instead. He couldn’t even find the energy to fake it anymore. He was just mentally exhausted.
Riza hadn’t pushed for anything from Ed. She’d given him time and space even though she had wanted to shout and hug him in equal parts. But she was still new to all this and wasn’t sure what she should do. She’d been trying her best but she couldn’t help feeling like she’d failed him. More than ever she had wished her sister was here, she’d know what to do she’d always known. She had been the caring, patient one who never seemed flustered by anything.
Entering the living room she noticed Ed sitting at the table looking utterly exhausted and lost, moving over she let her hand slide over his hair before rubbing his back soothingly. “Hey” she said softly, “How are you feeling?” she asked him sitting on the chair next to him, her eyes soft with concern.
Ed didn't fight the affectionate touch like he one might have. His automatic response was always to say "I'm fine" which he did, but then thought twice. "I actually don't know.." He gave her a forced smile. He was trying to be honest even if he didn't know the words to say. "I don't want to go back to school. " was all he could come up with instead. He didn't want to face the teachers who would call back that shrink in a second.
Riza noticed he didn’t fight the touch, he didn’t even tense. “It’s okay not to know sweetheart” she told him kindly, “And if you don’t want to go back then I won’t make you. We can home school for a while” she told him, “But, I would like you to speak to someone Edward. I think you need to”
How the hell was she always so patient? Ed felt like his brain was going to split apart and the total opposite of anything resembling patience. “Is it though?” He frowned as he folded his arms uncomfortably. Ed nodded to that idea, he hadn’t cared for it much before but now home schooling seemed like the best idea ever. The thought of having to deal with more people his age just now was overwhelming. “Neal said I could use the ranch for things too..” He hadn’t mentioned staying there just yet, he hadn’t agreed to that. But the ranch had a sort of calming effect on him that was hard to find with all the stress of everything else.
Riza had learnt to be patient in the army and that had carried over into her personal life, helpful lately.
"Of course it is" Riza said, laying a hand on Ed's arm, "The ranch is a good place to spend time" she liked Neal and wanted Ed to build a good relationship with him, she felt it would be good for them.
“I hated the idea of the whole thing the first time he brought it up, heh.” Ed admitted with a shrug, he’d been so hesitant to go there and be around that type of place that he refused to see the value in it until recently. “I’m such a screw up.” He sighed, not knowing what else to say. It was the only thing that kept repeating in his head.
"That was understandable but you went and now you like it there don't you?" Riza asked, she was pleased he had another place to go to when he needed it. She understood that Neal could provide an ear that she couldn't. "You are not a screw up Edward" she assured him, "I promise"
Ed wasn’t sure if it was getting rid of Neal’s demon, or the fact that Neal was nearly like a father type figure should be that grabbed his attention. “I guess. The horses still freak me out.” He didn’t like them, and was pretty sure they felt the same way about him and all his automail. “At least one of us thinks so I guess.” He frowned, things had been building up ontop of him for a while now, but he wasn’t the sort to get depressed much. It was a heavy feeling he really could live without.
"I'm not great around horses either" Riza admitted, she'd never really been around them enough to get used to them. "Hey, a lot of people know you for the wonderful smart young man you are. You aren't perfect sure, but nobody is. Everybody makes mistakes or reacts badly to things sometimes"
"Why are you still so nice to me?" After all the crap he'd done, he really couldn't understand how she still put out the same kindness. He hadn't tried to do those things on purpose of course, but trouble seemed to follow him like a magnet.
“You’re my nephew and I love you Ed. I know I wasn’t there for you like I should have been in the past but I’m here now and I promise you I’m not going anywhere” Riza told him with a small encouraging smile. She knew he hadn’t done anything on purpose and all he needed was support and understanding. Something she wanted to give him.
He frowned at that, but didn’t know how else to respond. He’d been terrible and he knew it, but he didn’t really know how to fix it beyond this shrink thing people seemed to want him to do. Ed sighed as he rubbed at his face with his flesh hand and looked over at her. “ It’s all I’ve done.” React badly to things, screw up, worry people etc. “All I seem to be able to do.” He admitted with a bit of a wince and looked down at his automail arm. “I don’t do much better in the dreams either.”
Riza thought Ed was being a little too hard on himself, yes he’d been foolish but he was dealing with a lot and when you bottle things up they tend to come out in an explosion. “Hey, we don’t have to be the people we are in the dreams. I think you’d be able to handle things better if you didn’t keep everything to yourself. Just give it a try?” she asked him softly.
“I guess.” He nodded some, not sure what else to say about it except that. And he really didn’t feel like confessing to what he’d just done yet. “Can we do something not school today? Maybe go to the ranch instead? ” He really didn’t feel like sitting around in some classroom bored out of his skull with just time to think. It sounded like the opposite of a fun time to him.
“Think about it for me at least” she said before smiling, “I think something not school would be great” she said, “A fun day yeah? We can do whatever you want and the ranch is always more interesting than school or work” It wasn’t in Riza’s nature to ‘bunk off’ but for her nephew she would do a lot and if this would help him then she was there.
“Fine.” He agreed, he didn’t want to but he knew he’d basically put her through hell the last few weeks. Not even he was that big of an asshole not to feel bad about it. He didn’t know how to stop behaving that way, but maybe this would be a decent fix or something. He made a face though, he didn’t like the idea of the word ‘fix’, that sounded like he’d been broken. But maybe he was. He didn’t know. All he knew now was that those sort of thoughts were only serving to make him cranky. Ed nodded. “I think Neal’s there now. Said something about lunch.” He shrugged, that place was always having lunch things. Ed still liked being around Neal. Riza was good too of course, but Neal was a guy. He just did things different sometimes. “I’m hungry anyway.” He hadn’t been lately, but maybe that was half the problem. He got too stuck in his own head when he didn’t have anything to eat.
“Thank you” she said, leaning over and pressing a brief kiss in Ed’s hair, “I do love you, you know that right?” she said softly before pulling back and just smiling. “I think lunch at the ranch with Neal is definitely a fun day. Much better than school or work” she told him, standing to grab her purse, “And if you’re hungry that’s even better. Our fridge is missing you I think, it’s sad”
Ed squirmed a little awkwardly. “Yeah I know..and..” He had problems with that word most of the time, saying it was a little foreign to him. Even his mother had been rather reserved about using it. “Same.” He flushed a faint red color at the attempt to say so. “Really?” His expression was a little exasperated and equal parts amused. “Heh, thought it’d be happy it still had food in it.”
Riza smiled as he squirmed but responded, it didn’t come naturally to her either but she wanted him to know. She felt it was important. She did love him and she’d always be there for him. “Really” she nodded, “I was surprised too but apparently it likes it when you sneak things out of it when you wake up with the munchies” she teased lightly.
“Hn..” Ed wasn’t so sure he believed inanimate objects could feel things, but the idea was a little entertaining. “Neal isn’t exactly aware I’m showing up, but that’ll just make it more entertaining.” Ed grabbed at his red coat and pulled it on over his automail. It wasn’t exactly cold out, but he didn’t really want to show it off to the world just yet and headed for the door.