original_clone (original_clone) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-06-04 14:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, edward elric, sarah manning |
Who: Sarah and Edward
When: Early May
Where: Ed’s school
What: Sarah is asked to come in
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete
Sarah had received a call from [high school name] regarding a student they felt may need her guidance or at least a listening ear. So she had made an appointment to come and talk to him about any issues he may be dealing with. She had called his aunt for permission of course since she was his legal guardian and she had agreed as long as Ed didn’t get too upset.
Entering the nurses office she took a seat in front of the desk and waited for Ed to appear. She felt having a desk between them would wrong foot them from the start, Sarah while there are the request of the school wasn’t an employee and she was more on level with Ed than a teacher.
Ed had been spiraling ever since Nina had entered his dreams, and it seemed several of the teachers had noticed. Even several of his orange county friends had tried to convince him therapy was okay. Ed still wasn’t sure, but it seemed today he didn’t have a choice. He was refusing to do any of the work given to him when he was told to go to the counselors office.
He just didn’t see the point in it today. He knew the material, why’d he have to prove it? He should be in a college course now but instead he was wasting away in a nearly remedial class based on his own intelligence level. Ed had been refusing the nurses office visits from the start of his automail, but he was informed he had no choice this time around. It was that or be expelled. He really didn’t feel like looking like a dunce on top of everything, so he dragged his feet to the nurses office unsure what to expect.
His automail was covered by long sleeves as it always was at school, as was his leg. There was really no indication that he was in fact any different than the others aside from the strange eye color. He looked around impatiently and muttered a swear or two under his breath.
Hearing murmurs outside the door Sarah got up and stuck her head out, noticing a blond kid muttering to himself. “Hey, are you Ed?” she asked with a smile, “Come on in. No sense in standing out there” she added moving back into the office and waiting for him to follow. “Take a seat, get comfy. Do you want a drink?” she offered casually. Sarah wasn’t about to interrogate the poor kid.
Ed tensed almost immediately. This was not his favorite thing ever, he didn’t put much stock in psychology. “No, I’m fine.” He insisted as he shuffled his way in awkwardly and looked her over calculatingly. “You’re the shrink then?”
“Nope” she told him, “I’m a children’s and young people’s counsellor. Not a psychiatrist. I didn’t go to medical school” she told him, “I’m here to listen and advise if I can but mostly to listen to you. I’m like a sounding board basically. You aren’t here as a punishment Edward, people are worried about you because they care”
“That makes it all better.” Ed muttered barely audible as he leaned back against a counter and watched her skeptically. “ Tell my last period teacher that. Certainly feels like punishment.” He admitted a bit bitterly, ultimatums were never fun. “What if I don’t want to say anything?” He watched her carefully, judging her reactions. Ed hated being backed into a corner, but he suspected most people did. Even if he had agreed to one Riza might have found, this was a little different.
“Maybe the teacher feels the same about having disruptive kids in his class” Sarah suggested with a shrug. Blame was hardly ever one person’s fault, there was usually a shared responsibility. “Then we sit here in silence for an hour” she replied, sitting back in the chair and crossing her legs. “Boring for us both but hey if that’s what you want then that’s what we do”
Ed made a face at that remark as he sat. Things had been weighing on him more and more since Mother’s Day, but he spoke less and less of them until things boiled over. Ed folded his arms awkwardly and gave her a calculating once over. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say.”
“Whatever you like. You could tell me why you ran away, if your Aunt isn’t being kind to you, if you have a problem with a specific teacher or even what hobbies you have, your political leanings, anything you want to talk to me about you can. Nothing goes beyond this room, I’m here for you. Nobody else” Sarah promised.
“It has nothing to do with her.” He frowned at the idea that someone thought he was running away from Riza. That hadn’t been it at all, in reality he had mostly just been on autopilot. “I don’t really remember running away until it was already done.” He admitted with a shrug, he’d been so tired by that point he just did whatever he’d done without thinking it through, but he wasn’t ready to discuss the thing he’d done. “I don’t like politics.” Roy Mustang came to mind. He made an even worse face but didn’t say why.
“Well I’m glad to hear that” Sarah said, she’d hoped it hadn’t been the aunt but you could never tell. “So you’re happy living with her? It sounds to me like things just got on top of you. It happens to a lot of people. We just need to work on making sure it doesn’t reach that point again” she smiled, “Okay, we’ll steer clear of politics. Which is good as I don’t know much about US politics” she told him with a wry smile at herself.
The fact that Ed had to think about the question of was he happy probably should have been clue that something was very wrong. Ed couldn’t actually remember the last time he was happy. Maybe around Al. He had been content then at least. “I guess.” He answered with a shrug and fiddled with one of his gloves that was bothering him. “I know some, but yeah..it reminds me of something unpleasant. “Roy Mustang’s damn smirk. That was not going to help him crawl out of this funk. “My mom died recently.”
Sarah definitely noticed the hesitation and lack of conviction in the answer, this kid had a hell of a lot going on in his head. That much was obvious. “Then we won’t talk about that” she promised. “I’m sorry, the loss of a loved one is never easy. Had she been ill?” she asked softly.
Touchy subject, Ed had half a mind to shut her out. But truth be told he was tired of it all. "Good. " He couldn't help but wonder if Roy was going to be political here too. He was military already so who knew.
"She was. For a long time. " He has watched her suffer for a while and hadn’t been able to do much. "After my dad left. "
“That must have been very hard for you and your brother” Sarah said, “A lot to rest on your shoulders looking after your mother and being strong for her”
Ed looked away awkwardly, he wasn’t overly keen on discussing his feelings or anything like that. He’d worked so hard at pushing them down, dredging them up just worried him more. He shrugged. “More so on Al. Just had me around.” Focus on Al, not the world starting to spin around him instead.
"I imagine having you around would make it easier for your brother, being able to rely on you and knowing you were there for him" Sarah said probing carefully but subtly.
"I don't know, maybe." Ed shrugged. He didn't entirely like the idea of talking about Al. He was naturally protective of him. Of course he was going to find it hard. Al meant the world to Ed. It was one of the things that had kept him sane during their mothers passing, that Al was always around. He wouldn't have been able to do it alone. "Think it was harder for Al." So Ed had chosen to be the stronger one. Never break in his brothers presence, never waver.
“Who did you have to talk to Edward? Who looked after you? Al had you but who did you have?” Sarah asked him, “You’re only a little older than your brother, it makes sense that you would need help just as much as he did”
“I looked after myself.” And turned out like a mighty fine train wreck thank you. He looked away awkwardly at that comment and chewed at his lip distractedly. “Yeah well, that doesn’t always make it happen. “ Needing or wanting things didn’t work unless one put effort into getting them. Ed had fought for just about everything most of his life.
“It could. If you need or want help I can try to do what I can” Sarah offered, “It’s what I’m here for after all. Couldn’t hurt to try right?” she suggested lightly.
He gave her a critical look, he couldn’t tell what he could say to her and what he couldn’t just yet. Was she one of the network people or a real person who lived in town? Or both. Either way he nodded feebly.”They want me to.” Lina, Neal, Riza, they all wanted him to try this thing so maybe for them at least he could, even if to him it seemed stupid.
“You don’t want to? Not even a little part of you thinks it might be a relief to talk to someone? Someone who isn’t going to think you’re crazy or whatever else it is you're worried about” Sarah said, because it was obvious this kid had some major issues going on and one of them was talking. She couldn’t yet tell what his biggest worry was there.
“I..don’t know.” He looked anywhere but directly at her now. A small frown crept over his features as he sat uncomfortably in the chair. “I guess.” He sighed some, it was tiring being on all the time. Tiring worrying about everything. “Do I have to do it now?” He really didn’t feel like pouring out his feelings and then returning to school. “I hate it here.” He admitted with a small shrug.
“Nope not at all” Sarah told him, “I can come and see you whenever you like, wherever you like. You have a place that makes you feel comfortable and I can meet you there” she handed him her card, it was plain and simple with her name and mobile number. “Call me anytime you want to okay? Or maybe when you don’t” she smiled softly, “I’d like to help you Ed, if I can”
He looked at the card and then back at her with a faint sigh. The weight of the world was getting heavy, but Ed wasn’t sure he was ready just yet to let it go. “Yeah..okay.” Letting it go was just as scary as maintaining the weight. He didn’t like the idea of being weak, though others had tried to convince him it was the opposite. “Anywhere but here I guess. “ Ed felt the opposite of comfortable at that school. He pocketed the card and stood, looking a bit awkward about going back.
Sarah felt sorry for this kid, he obviously didn’t know how to rely or talk to anybody. She hoped he would call her, she truly did want to help him though she knew from experience trust took time. “You got it. And you can take the rest of the day as long as you go home and let your Aunt know” she told him, “I’ll sign the permission slip and hand it in for you”
Both eye brows raised in curiosity. “..Really?” That had earned her a few bonus points with him. He really didn’t care much for the teacher he was supposed to return to. He was unconventional in all the worst ways. Sure he was scientific, but he ignored it’s basic laws and Ed mentally raged more than half the time at it. He looked over at her a almost shyly. “Thanks.” And headed toward the door, he looked back a couple of times to see if she was about to change her mind or something, but she hadn’t. He left uncertain what to think of the whole thing but with a lot on his mind.