River Tam is disturbing people's calm (fixingyourbible) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-07-21 15:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, alma wade, river tam |
You've been with Caroline
Who: River and Alma
What: Making friends, nervous breakdowns and understandings
When: Thursday (BEFORE THE METEOR AND EARTHQUAKE!)
Where: Mall and then Urdnot Ranch without Simon's permission
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 for psychic episodes
Snipe: It was the first time Alma had gone to an actual mall since she'd been hit by Azula. There was still an irrational anger there - it had swept through her when she'd seen the woman on coverage of the Olympics. Careful observation of body language had raised more questions than answers but at least helped her get through the anger. Mostly..
Steph: River loved going to the mall. It was less about shopping for her, though, and more about the experience of people watching. Studying the behaviour of humans in large groups. The ones spending money that wasn't theirs, the ones enjoying a shopping trip to get away from it all. Teenagers in their various packs, adults escorting children around with various looks of fascination or annoyance. There was so much science in a shopping mall. She liked to get a drink and simply walk around.
Snipe: It hadn't been hard for Alma to 'shake' her handlers. She knew it was for her safety - and the safety of others - but right now she wanted some semblence of freedom. She moved awkwardly through the crowd, sticking out like a seagull among penguins. She had two bags, and was checking something off on a list.
She had her emotions tightly under wrap, but she was getting a headache from the constant pressure fighting the thoughts coming in from all around her. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but she'd been hoping it would help train her.
Besides, she was pretty sure the mall was involved in teenage mating rituals, so maybe she'd meet a boy.
Steph: The first thing that River spotted about Alma was that she was walking against the normal flow of traffic one might expect at a mall, if they had been there often enough. There was a way people moved together at the same pace, generally walking the same direction together. Alma wasn't doing that. She sipped her coffee and tilted her head a bit, fascinated.
Snipe: She wasn't trying to be in the way, really. It was simply the quickest path to her destination, and she had moved off to the side to not impede traffic, and now found herself walking along, unable to join the normal flow of foot traffic. Not that she wanted to participate in the pack mentality.
Alma stopped, glanced around as though she was looking for something, and folded her arms.
Steph: There were people like that. Ones that didn't want to be one with the pack. More often it was people who thought they didn't belong. River wondered which one this girl was, and decided to start casually making her way over to her. There was a feeling of kinship for some reason. She couldn't quite place it.
Snipe: Alma didn't belong. She felt out of her element and it was frustrating. She couldn't relate to these people. Conversations she tried to start ended awkwardly, especially with boys, but also girls. She found talking with adults to be the most stimulating, but even those were few and far between. Most people just wanted to get their shopping over with. She found it shallow, and wished someone like Kitty was around.
She was relieved when her powers stopped again, and she was alone in her mind.
Steph: River made her way over to Alma, moving along with her dancer's step to the flow of traffic until it became prudent to cross over to her side. If she hadn't been raised to be so down to earth, she'd probably feel like she was above all of this. The truth was, that other people didn't like feeling stupid, and they especially didn't like it when you showed off how smart you were. She'd learned to try and blend in, when she could. It was more like she was a fairy, flitting between the crowds and packs, not quite a part of them, but not being seen, either.
She walked up to Alma, "You seem lost, little bird."
Snipe: What did that make Alma? An Ogre? She wasn't trying to make people feel stupid - she just had no idea how to relate.
The girl seemed to sneek up on her, materializing on silent feet and startling her. She blinked, taking a moment to gather her breat, "I am not lost, I know where I am."
Steph: Not an ogre, no. River would never compare her to an ogre! It was more of a random observation on her part - mainly that she acted like she belonged, because society liked that better. Only it didn't really work.
"You know you're at the mall, but that doesn't mean that you know where you are," River smiled, "You look mentally lost. In thought, or your bags, or maybe just lost in the flow of traffic."
Snipe: At least Alma wasn't an orc.
She eyed her, "There is a lot on my mind." She gestured around her, "And I am not usually ...used to being in places like this." Clearly.
Steph: "I kind of noticed," River grinned, "But it's okay. Not everyone gets to go to the mall all the time. Especially if they're stuck inside a fancy school all day or something."
She definitely wasn't an orc! River was thinking though that she had a very strict family or was raised in some sort of environment that prized grammatical correctness and syntax... a clinical environment, or a very upscale boarding school or something along those lines.
Snipe: "This is my second time. I wanted to pick up a few things, and interact with people in a normal setting. I do not really get out much." Alma held out her hand stiffly, and offered her cover-name, "I am Michelle."
She was just so uncomfortable here that she'd reverted to her more formal speaking pattern. And she'd been doing so good, too.
Steph: River took her hand and shook it, lightly, "I'm River. It's nice to meet you! You could socially interact with me if you want... There's this place with really good iced coffee."
She held up her empty iced coffee treat and shook it meaningfully, because it was almost empty, "I need a refill, and speaking to new people over beverages falls in lines with most societal norms, even for teenagers. Though I guess we should be getting sodas or slushees in that case. I just like coffee more."
Snipe: Alma developed an immediate and surprising crush on River's brain. She wanted to pick it apart. Not literally, but via conversation and shared love of learning. Feeling suddenly shy, she nodded her head, "This could be acceptable. I have some time before the social workers start to worry."
Steph: She held up her iced coffee treat ^
Steph: "Did you shake them off?" River grinned, like that's exactly what she would have done if it was her. Being followed around and hovered over wasn't always fun. She let Simon do it, though, because he took care of her so well.
She cut her way back through the flow of traffic, taking Alma's hand to guide her through the crowds and around things, until they got to an escalator that lead downwards. Then she let her go, and looked around as they rode it. How awesome would it be if portals were created so that you could just walk through one to get to the bottom floor? You'd never need to ride an escalator again.
Snipe: "Yes, though I will probably hear about it incessently from my fa--Wrex."
She puzzled over River's actions, opening up her emotions to try to get an idea what the other girl was feeling. She wasn't sure what she herself was feeling.
Is this what a normal person felt like when they made a friend? She leaned on the escalator hand belt and watched the floor leave them.
Steph: What was River feeling? Fondness, fascination with the world in general, a certain kindred feeling with the girl she'd just met, and a genuine interest in her well being.
"Wrex?" The cutting off of the word father was interesting. Obviously the man was some kind of parental figure, and River wondered why Michelle had bothered to correct herself.
She gracefully jumped the last two steps of the escalator and pointed to the coffee shop in question, "This is the best coffee in the mall. I know, I tested it all!"
Snipe: "My..guardian, I suppose." It made Alma want to cry. The more she encountered such things the more alive she'd been feeling. The more hope she had.
"You seem to have the aftereffects of the caffiene," Alma observed. "Is it fair trade? What about additives?"
She seemed on the verge of another rant about the crap they put in food stuffs.
Steph: "I always like leaping the last few steps," River shrugged. But she did love caffiene, when she was allowed to drink it. It was a bad idea to have too much coffee and then run off to do pirouttes and jettes and things.
She smiled widely as she lead 'Michelle' over to the coffee stand, then pulled out a bunch of pamphlets and let her look over them, "They use sustainable coffee farming methods in partnerships with local coffee growers and are very responsible about things."
Snipe: "Good." Alma nodded her head, "My degrees are in biology and I have a good understanding of chemistry so.." She trailed off, realizing she was bragging, and not sure why she even felt the need, "...I am trying to improve the organic food we eat at the ranch..."
Steph: "Biology was fascinating in college, but I ended up pursuing physics instead," River grinned. She thought the idea of improving the ranch's food was a rewarding prospect though, "That's a good thing that you're doing. It must be so rewarding, getting to grow your own food like that. You literally make yourself part of the cycle of life."
She ordered herself another iced coffee, then glanced at Alma, "Order anything like. I have some spending money left, I'll buy."
Snipe: Alma had this overwhelming urge to hug River. The girl was refreshing, intelligent, and had an undercurrent of joy that Alma was unable to keep at bay. It infected her a little bit, through her empathy, and she found herself grinning a little embarrasingly.
"I have some understanding of physics but the life studies seemed to call to me more." She wondered how much of that was the engineering. She decided she didn't want to know, "When I used to live at the laboratory I worked in everything was grown on site, as well."
She peeled her eyes from River and looked at the menu, "Are you sure?"
Steph: Lived in a Laboratory? Well that explained the very clinical way of speaking. The grin that Alma had on her face was very infectious, though. If River wasn't already grinning, she would have found herself following along and unable to stop.
"I'd probably go back and get another degree in Biology, Botany, and Chemistry if I could afford it. I'm not sure what I'd do with all of those degrees... maybe start up my own self-sustaining organic farm, just for fun."
The idea was fascinating. River got lost in it for a second, then turned back to Alma and nodded, "I'm sure. Anything you like."
Snipe: "I've found the psychology degree to not be as usful as I thought it would." Her speech was beginning to normalize. She ordered what she wanted, which was entirely too much caffiene and would probably annoy Wrex, but she didn't really think he'd mind. She turned to look at River. Just for fun?
River's brain was wonderful.
"I could tutor you if you wished."
Steph: "It can be really useful, actually. I think the thing is that you have to be more subtle about it. People are fascinating, and there's patterns to all of them. We speak to eachother without speaking, and understand that language almost on instinct. There's so much about us that comes from long ago when we didn't all speak. And we just keep carrying it around..." River trailed off and grinned again, while collecting her coffee treat and paying the barista.
"... You could tutor me? What would you want in return?"
Learning was learning, even outside of a school environment. Sometimes that kind of learning was preferable!
Snipe: "Be my friend," Alma replied, almost plaintively. Her eyes were wide, and she looked so..earnest and lonely.
Steph: "... Well I would have been your friend anyway, silly duck." River smiled, and handed her the coffee she'd ordered.
Snipe: Alma took the cup and sipped at it, "We need to talk somewhere private..."
Steph: River blinked her eyes a few times, and then nodded her head. She was curious about what was going on, but Alma's body language said that there was something serious going on that she probably needed to tell someone about.
She looked around. Simon would probably kill her if she brought back random friends to their apartment, "You said you had a Ranch you go to?"
Snipe: "It's where I live. It's usually for troubled children, or children in trouble." Which she probably fell into both catagories if she stopped to think about it. Even revealing that much probably gave River some insight into why she wanted to keep things quiet.
Steph: "We could talk there, if you want?" River sipped her coffee casually, like this conversation wasn't even odd in the slightest.
Snipe: "It's really far away," Alma replied, feeling an insane urge to take her hand. So she gave into it and squeezed, "I don't know how you'd get back. Well I know Wrex would find a ride for you."
Steph: "I'm sure it'll be okay. Your Wrex sounds like a very decent man. You need to talk to someone, and my brother would probably not like it if I just randomly took you to my house yet, so I'll come to yours!"
She squeezed Alma's hand, and grinned reassuringly. If all else failed she could freak her brother out by calling him for a ride later on. Sometimes it was fun to watch Simon flail.
Snipe: "You will be well protected there. Anyone who tried to hurt you would get headbutted in the face." Alma still had River's hand. Objectively, she realized she liked touching people. She'd done it with Roy, and Wrex. They evoked different emotions and different feelings of touch.
Steph: "Let's go find your social worker friends, then, before they start issuing an amber alert or something," River joked, and got up out of her chair.
She wasn't uncomfortable with touching, and let Alma have her hand for as long as she wanted.
Snipe: That translated to most of the trip, which for most people might make them uncomfortable. Alma still had trouble with that concept.
Occasionally she'd pick up a stray thought from her new friend. It was fascinating. Patterns and flows, an awe of a flying bird. It was like the whole world was some magical thing that River found interesting, in every crack.
She spent more of the ride watching River than the scenery.
Steph: When they pulled up to the ranch, River took in the grounds with that same sense of wonder. The buildings, the fields, the farm that was in sight before the pulled up closer to the house. She wanted to explore the entire place!
Snipe: They were going to be there all day. Just from exploring around the place, which Alma promptly led River around on a tour, fueled by copious amounts of coffee.
Finally though, she led her to a spot in the woods nearby. Her safe spot, really. Something told her she could trust river with it.
"My name isn't Michele."
Steph: Wrex kept an eye on them here and there, but was honestly just glad that Alma brought home a friend that looked stable, and was working off the caffiene by walking around instead of spazzing out around the common areas.
The spot in the woods even FELT safe. River looked around it a bit, noticing a bird's nest in one of the trees. Then she looked at Alma, and her brows puckered together a bit, "You're in trouble, aren't you? Is that why you couldn't give me your real name?"
Snipe: She nodded her head, sitting on a fallen log and pulling her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees. She wasn't even wearing anything practical. An actual skirt, "Some very evil people are after me. Because of my mind. Because they..made me."
It sounded like something out of science fiction.
Steph: River parked down on the log next to her, somehow balancing on it indian style, "Wrex protects you from the evil people, doesn't he?"
Because they made her. That ... well it just didn't seem to be all that confusing to River or outside the realm of possibilities. It was science fiction, but a lot of science fiction had become reality these days. She found herself more curious than anything, but this was a serious discussion, "Your mind is pretty wonderful, even if evil people made it. I like you."
Snipe: "Yes." Alma was blushing, at River's compliment, and she rested her chin on her knees, "I'm dangerous, River. I shouldn't tell you my real name just to protect you."
Steph: "There's lots of things in this world that are dangerous... and everyone thinks I need protecting from them. But that's just silly. I could fall while doing any number of things in Ballet and get hurt. I could get in a bus accident, or a car accident. I could be accidently clipped by a bullet during a bank robbery or get food poisoning and die or ... I mean, everyone worries about that. They worry. But I think sometimes we worry so much that we don't live."
River glanced at her, "You can be Michelle to me if you want. I don't mind. It's a pretty name."
Snipe: "I could kill you with my brain." If only they knew...
Steph: "Will you?" River arched a brow at her, "But how?"
Snipe: Alma glanced at her, letting her anxiety flow through her, as though she'd opened the tap. Then her eyes widened, and the anxiety was replaced with fear.
River had been in contact with Caroline. She scrambled to her feet. Was this a trap?
Steph: River watched her scramble to her feet, a little confused as to why. She could feel the fear wash over her, which didn't really help things. Was there something to be afraid of? Had Alma seen something dangerous?
"What? What is it?" she looked around, "Are the evil people here? Do we need to run away back to the ... why are you staring at me?"
Snipe: "You've been with Caroline," Alma said, breathing rapidly. The air seemed to grow heavy, "She's with them!"
Steph: "... I didn't KNOW! She was looking for an intern! She has portals! I wanted to play with the portals and I just wanted to do science! The science was so amazing, we talked for hours about it..."
It took River a bit after that to register the part where she should have wondered how Alma knew about that, "Wait... How did you...? Are you a mind reader?"
Because if she was, that was so very fascinating.
Snipe: "She has portals?" Alma started to calm down, and she stared at River, "I am, yes. The worse will come with the telekinesis. I don't have..control. The reading is random."
She dreaded that day, having had a taste of it with the windows. She hugged herself, "I believe you." She wanted to believe her and nothing in River's emotions or thoughts told her otherwise.
"She isn't evil. Misguided. A scientific zealot. But where she goes Jack Harper and my father follow, and they're behind a lot of bad things."
Steph: There were residual feelings of fear, caution, and hurt running through River, ones that she was observing with fascination, since they didn't belong to her at all. Alma had admitted to being some kind of psychic, and now River was more curious than anything else. It was hard to push that aside to deal with the fact that her new friend was in some obvious distress here. She did it, anyway.
And Simon was right about the Portals. It wasn't safe, not if someone like that was involved with them. That made her sad. She didn't like it when Simon was right. But he'd managed to look after her and keep her safe again.
She pulled her legs up to her chest and looked Alma over, "My Brother wouldn't let me work with her. I only had the one interview, he said it wasn't safe. That's all that happened, and she never mentioned anything about ... anyone, just the science. You can read my mind if you want."
Snipe: Still panting, and trying to pull herself together, Alma looked down at River, and shook her head, "It doesn't work that way. Not yet. I dream about the control but it's not so easy when I'm awake. The emotions are easier to control, now. They didn't use to be. It made for awkward nights, at times."
She smiled a bit, like she'd made an almost dirty joke and was trying to lighten the mood. But the smile was thin.
"I believe you," She repeated, and began to reign in her emotions. Especially the ones that might give River a clue about her conflicted feelings around her.
Steph: River looked a little disappointed that it didn't work that way, "That's kind of a shame, it would have been interesting to see what it was like to have my mind read..." she trailed off and then smiled and tilted her head to the side, "You're one of those people having the dreams? I havn't had any of those yet. You're psychic in both places?"
She wondered if asking a lot of questions would help calm Alma down.
Snipe: "I'll have more control eventually," Alma assured her, before adding almost deadpanned. "That's when you need to worry."
She nodded her head, taking a deep breath. It didn't help her calm down, so much as help her focus. Really, there was nothing calm about her dreams. She fought so hard to hide how they affected her lately. She didn't want to worry Wrex, or Roy or Moira any more, so she'd stopped talking about them. She abused sleeping pills so she'd make it through the night and be refreshed. She concentrated on the garden and archery and pottery.
She was still utterly terrified of the person she'd been.
Steph: "... but if you have control of it, why should I worry?"
This was the most odd conversation River had had this week. There was a note of dread in the other girl's voice that hit some kind of chord in her, one she didn't like.
"This is bad, isn't it?"
Snipe: Alma nodded her head again, her throat closing up. She found she couldn't speak. Couldn't utter a word. Instead, unbidden, images flashed from her to river's mind. Beckett, and her babies taken from her. The city in ruin, and all her crazed anger.
Steph: The images flew through River's mind, along with all of the emotions that Alma attached to them. For a moment, it was too overwhelming for River to even process. Her eyes widened and tears rolled out of them, and she cried out a bit as the anger hit her. She'd never felt emotions so violently before.
Snipe: Oh god. Alma's eyes widened and she suddenly bolted, running deeper in the woods, anything to get away and spare River.
And spare herself, from seeing how she'd probably shattered a friendship before it could really begin.
Steph: There was at least another minute where River sat on the log, hugging her legs and taking deep breaths. The images had faded away, joining all of the other things in her head that she kept filed away somehow. It was the emotions that lingered, and she wasn't sure what to do with them.
When she turned her focus back on reality, her friend was gone. River didn't like that - the woods were dangerous, and her friend was obviously upset. She looked around, deciding to run after her and unsure where Alma had run off to. She could almost feel the other girl's emotions, though, and that left a kind of trail for her to follow.
She ran through the trees as dusk settled over the forest, "Michelle!? Wait," she recalled from the dreams what the girl's real name was, and started shouting that instead, "... Alma! ALMA?"
Snipe: Alma tripped, stumbling over a root and rolling down a short hill. She lay at the bottom and stared up at the sky as it darkened. She didn't know why River was following her. Why any of them chased after her. Why they cared. It made her start to cry.
Steph: River stopped as she heard something snap and then the rolling, and turned her head around in the direction of it. The emotions that followed were even easier to pick up on, and it made her start to cry again as she carefully picked her way down the hill.
"Please... please..." Please what? Please stop crying? "Please stop running away from me, I'm only trying to help...We're all only trying to help..."
Snipe: Alma had tried to hard to deal with it. But rejection from Roy, and not having anyone she could talk to who really understood had taken it's toll on her. Even Wrex, as wonderful as he was, simply didn't understand, not completely.
"I don't want to be a monster."
Steph: The hill wasn't that tall, and River soon sank down next to Alma at the bottom of it. At that point, she wasn't sure what she really should be doing, but she felt like Alma needed a hug. There'd been so many times when she'd gone to Simon for comfort like that, but Alma was alone. Not anymore, as far as River was concerned. She pulled Alma into a hug.
"You aren't a monster, you're my friend with the amazing brain, who's going to tutor me in Chemistry and Biology."
Snipe: "You smell like caramel," Alma whispered, clinging tightly to River. The sun finally disappeared behind the trees and the mountains and they were cast into darkness. She clung harder, grateful River couldn't see the tears that were streaking down her cheeks.
Steph: She could feel them, though. Like they were a part of her. It only added to her own tears, which ran down her cheeks unchecked. She squeezed Alma and rocked her a bit, laughing about the comment about how she smelled, "That's the coffee, silly duck."
Snipe: "Quack," Alma replied, a smile breaking through the clouds. She let go, though, pulling away slightly, if only to avoid letting herself form another attachment as strong as Roy. River's kindness deserved better than that.
Steph: "Quack Quack," River grinned. The grin could barely be seen in the darkened woods, but it could be felt, and heard in her voice.
She added with a bit of a conspirator's whisper, "I speak Duck, you know. We've just said some horribly embarrassing things to eachother on accident. Don't worry, I won't tell."
Snipe: "I don't know about ducks," Alma said. "But some swans form homosexual pairings, so I doubt it was all that embarrassing." Her grin was wider now, her fingers clenching at River's arms needfully, "I am so sorry..about how I acted."
Steph: River laughed at that. She really did feel that Alma was some kind of kindred spirit, "You don't need to apologize... You've got a lot to deal with, I can tell. But you shouldn't have to deal with that alone."
Snipe: Part of Alma was closing herself off, but she didn't pull back any further. She wanted River's warmth. Needed it.
"All I really wanted was to tell you my real name.."
Steph: "... well I know your real name now. I think it's very pretty. Michelle is a pretty name, too, but it's not right for you." River nodded, like it just wasn't, and that was the end of it.
Snipe: There was a story behind it, but Alma wasn't inclined to share. Her smile widened, and she lifted a hand up to River's cheek, stroking lightly, "River is prettier."
Steph: "River is the right name for me," River grinned, and nodded her head. She looked around the forest. It was getting darker, and traveling back was going to be dangerous. It was possible that they were both going to be in trouble for how long they'd been missing, at this point.
"Your father is probably going to kill us."
Snipe: "You very much look like a River. You..flow." For all her intellect Alma couldn't find the right words. River at once made her want to be normal and...intimidated her.
She didn't even dispute that Wrex wasn't her father, "He might. But I think we have a reasonable explaination. We decided to do an impromptu camping expedition."
Steph: River laughed, "We don't have the things for camping, and Simon won't like it if I don't come home tonight. We should probably start trying to head back."
She didn't want to, yet, but sometimes you just had to let parental figures think they were in charge. It was just easier that way.
Snipe: "Yes, they need to think they're in charge," Alma agreed, holding out her hand. "You'll have to come out again, and see this place in the daylight."
Steph: "I'd like that," River smiled, and took her hand. She trusted Alma to lead her back to the ranch. These were her woods.