Helen Magnus (britishcharm) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-05-19 16:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, h g wells, helen magnus |
Who: Helen Magnus & Helena Wells
When: May 19
Where: Helen's.
What: Dragging her to the hospital.
Rating/Warnings: Lots of talk about dying, mentioned briefly that it's due to a type of radiation poisoning. Minor cursing. Mentions of coughing up blood and organ failure.
Status: Complete!
Helen knew this couldn’t go on much longer. She could barely stay awake and she didn’t even remember the last time she’d eaten. Standing was almost entirely out of the question, dizziness sending her back down if the exhaustion didn’t. Helena had been urging her to see a doctor for days, but she didn’t know how to explain she was dying from a form of radiation that most likely didn’t even exist in this world.
There hadn’t been any further dreams. She didn’t know if they ever made it to the city, if there really was a cure. And she was beginning to think it wasn’t going to matter because she was going to die before she had a chance to dream about it.
She needed a glass of water. That was what you were meant to do in these situations, right? Stay hydrated? It was getting harder to think clearly these days.
Through sheer force of will, she made it into the kitchen. She even managed to get so far as to fill the glass with water, but her hands were shaking so badly she dropped it shortly thereafter. In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have chosen something so likely to shatter.
Drawing a careful breath (why did that seem so difficult lately?) she slowly knelt to pick up the pieces. If not for Kyler, she probably would have left it.
Not wanting to have to move up and down anymore than necessary (she was dizzy enough, thank you) she made certain every bit was off the floor and in her open hand before standing again. Something else that probably should have been better thought through because she ended up cutting herself in the process. And it just wouldn’t stop bleeding.
So ever since that first visit a couple days earlier, Helena was extremely worried about Helen. The coughing up blood was generally a very bad sign. But for all of her efforts of trying to talk Helen into going to a doctor, Helen refused. While it was frustrating, Helena by no means stopped trying. If Helen wasn’t going to take care of herself, Helena sure as hell was going to try to.
To be honest, Helena also thought about contacting Ashley and telling her, but given the current strain on Helen and Ashley’s relationship, she decided against calling. Unless it turned into an emergency, then Helena would call and not apologize to Helen for it. If anything, she’d apologize to Ashley for not calling earlier.
After dropping Christina off at school, Helena drove straight to Helen’s house, again unannounced. After all, she was worried, so incredibly worried, about her friend. So she got there and knocked, and waited a minute but when there was no answer, that sent up a red flag immediately. So without knocking again, Helena tried the door, finding it unlocked. Okay. That was...not really a good sign. Helen may live in a nice neighborhood, but that didn’t mean Helena liked the fact the door was unlocked.
So stepping inside, she glanced around. “Helen?” She called as she closed the door. “Helen, it’s me, Helena. Are you here?” She’d almost asked if Helen was alright, but she managed to stop herself from saying that.
The knocking had only vaguely registered as Helen continued staring at her still bleeding finger with something like disbelief, or perhaps it was confusion. She thought maybe if she ignored the sound long enough whoever it was would go away and leave her in peace.
No such luck.
She'd make a note for next time: lock the front door. Of course, knowing Helena, that probably wouldn't have deterred her for very long.
"In here," she answered finally, not bothering to move away from the sink, where she wasn't even really trying very hard to stop the bleeding.
No, she most definitely wasn't all right.
Hearing Helen, she headed for the kitchen. She was relieved that Helen was conscious. That was a good sign. Or at least it should’ve been. When she got to the kitchen and saw how Helen was bleeding and not really doing anything about it, she frowned.
“What happened?” She asked as she came up beside Helen, and her caretaking instincts took her. She’d grabbed a kitchen towel on her way, took the wrist of Helen’s injured hand and wrapped the finger in the towel and applied pressure, hoping to stop the blood.
Just one look at Helen and her body language told her all she really needed to know. Helen was worse than she had been just a few days ago. The exhaustion was written all over her.
She didn’t fight her. In fact, she didn’t make any protest at all when Helena took her hand and wrapped her finger in the towel. That was probably a sign in and of itself something was very, very wrong.
“Broken glass.” She glanced up to meet Helena’s eyes, some part of her wanting to reassure her, but she was so tired. “It’s fine.”
It’s fine, not I’m fine. It was. She wasn’t.
Her mind latched onto a single thread and she frowned. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t recall inviting her. Not that she was likely to ever object to Helena’s company. She wasn’t. But she wasn’t certain she wanted her to be here for this, to watch her die.
There was definitely something wrong, the alarms were going off in Helena’s head at the simple fact Helen hadn’t done anything for her finger. So as it was, Helena applied pressure to the cut, then looked at Helen, clearly hearing the hidden meaning behind her words.
Well that just made her worry all the more.
“I’m here because I’m worried about you, Helen. I wanted to check on you after what happened the other day. I’m not about to leave a friend of mine alone when they’re ill and not taking care of themselves.” Because it was obvious Helen wasn’t taking very good care of herself. Helena wasn’t going to accept that by any stretch of the imagination.
After a minute, she pulled the towel away from Helen’s finger to check the blood, but it was still bleeding. Possibly not as bad as it had been, but it was definitely not stopping the way it should when pressure was applied. Helena frowned at seeing that, more warning bells going off in her head. She wrapped the towel around Helen’s finger again and applied pressure again, hoping to get it to stop.
“You shouldn’t be. Worried.” It seemed to take far too much effort to even get that out, and she closed her eyes with a ragged breath, bracing herself against the countertop with her free hand as Helena reapplied pressure to the cut on her finger. “It will be alright.”
That was a lie, and she knew it. Not even a particularly convincing one either, though she was genuinely trying.
“Helena.” It was said so softly it could have easily been missed were they standing any further apart, and she waited patiently until she was certain she had the other woman’s attention. “You should go.”
There was something behind the words, almost a plea, but there was something else there too, a genuine fear. As much as she would never admit it, she was terrified.
“Helen, you are anything but okay, and I will worry because you are my friend and I care about you. Worry goes hand-in-hand with caring about someone.” Just the fact that Helen was trying to get her to leave made her all the more concerned. She noted how Helen braced herself with her free hand and how her voice seemed to be getting weaker.
At hearing her name, she looked up at Helen, searching her face for anything as she spoke. And the words Helen spoke next only made Helena all the more determined to not leave. Not that she was going to go anywhere without Helen at this point, but nevertheless.
“I am not going to leave you alone. That’s not who I am. If I leave, it is going to be to take you to the hospital because you obviously need a doctor.” Helena said in a firm tone. It was a very close relative of the so-called “mom tone.” Helena was determined to get Helen to a doctor because she certainly wasn’t going to leave her alone.
In that moment, she wished Helena cared just a little less. It might make this easier for both of them. Helen understood what it was to watch someone you cared about suffer, knew that it was worse than any pain you might suffer yourself. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone, certainly not someone she would consider a friend. And she hated to think she might be the reason for it.
She might have attempted further protest. But then Helena used that tone she knew very well, one she’d used herself on many occasions, though she’d certainly never been on this end of it.
“There’s nothing they can do,” she said softly.
Unfortunately, pain was a part of life. Yes, Helena wanted to run from the possibility of pain, but neither did she want to lose a friend. And she certainly wasn’t going to leave Helen alone when she believed there was something that could be done.
Though at hearing that admission, it sent a cold wave of fear through her, but she pushed it aside.
“I don’t accept that. And do you really just want to sit here and do nothing? How do you think Ashley would feel to know you’re doing this to yourself?” Oh yes, she totally just played the trump card. “Because despite the fact she may be angry with you currently, I’m fairly certain she doesn’t hate you nor does she want to lose you. Would you really do this to her?”
Because suddenly Helena was turning it so that she could hide her own fears on the matter. Besides, if Helen wasn’t going to listen to her using herself as justification for at least trying, she certainly would have some sort of reaction to the Ashley card being played.
“There has to be something they can do. I am going to take you to the hospital, and you are going to get better.” Some how, some way, Helen would get better.
She was prepared to argue. There was nothing to be done. It wasn't as though she had much choice in the matter.
But she couldn't argue when Helena used her daughter like that. Ashley was her weak point, and she'd hurt her so much already.
"Of course not." She didn't know which question she was answering, maybe all of them. She wasn't sure that it really mattered.
She couldn't quite allow herself to give in so easily though. "Helena, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I know what this is. I know it's killing me, and I know they'll have no idea what they're dealing with."
It was a weak protest. She didn't really have the fight left for more than that.
“Then you will tell the doctors what it is and maybe there’s something they can do. Because bloody hell, I’m not leaving you to die alone when that would just hurt the people who care about you even more.” How Helena was keeping her cool was a bit beyond her. Most people would probably be crying by this point, trying to get Helen to go to the hospital. But Helena wasn’t crying. She was emotional, yes, but the personal emotions would probably come later.
“I am not giving you a choice in this. We are going to the hospital and I am going to call Ashley because I’m pretty certain she would hate it if you went and died and she didn’t at least get to say goodbye first. Because right now, you are taking that away from her and from the rest of us who care about you. And I’m not going to bloody let you do that because it’s wrong.”
Once again, Helena pulled the towel away from Helen’s finger to check the cut. It was still bleeding, though it seemed to have somewhat slowed. But she had a destination in mind and she looked at Helen.
“Now come on, I’ll help you out to my car. Or I’ll just carry you myself if you can’t walk or won’t go.” She didn’t care that Helen was two inches taller than her and had the clear weight advantage, Helena would still carry her if she had to.
Helen, herself, was close to tears, something in Helena's argument starting to get through to her. She didn't want to die, didn't want to leave her daughter alone yet. One day, she would be ready, but not today. She just couldn’t see a way out of it right now.
“I didn’t want her to see me like this.” She might have been talking about Ashley, specifically, but the way she met Helena’s eyes clearly said she hadn’t wanted anyone to see her this way. But she was tired of fighting it.
Still, at the comment about carrying her, she gave Helena an uncertain look, possibly considering challenging her. The way she was currently feeling that probably wouldn’t turn out very well for her, and somehow, she thought if the other woman really put her mind to it, she’d make good on that threat.
“I can walk.” She made no move to try, however. Truthfully, she didn’t think she’d make it far without help, help she didn’t want to ask for even if it had already been offered.
“You didn’t want her to see you like this, so you’d rather the next thing she heard about you was that you were dead? That is definitely not right. She deserves to know and deserves the chance to be with you again. And you certainly as hell don’t deserve to be alone.” Helena was adamant in this belief. And if Helen wasn’t going to fight for herself, then Helena damn well would.
She understood Helen not wanting anyone to see her in this state, but Helena wasn’t going to just let her fade away without trying. Because what Helen was doing was giving up and giving in.
“Very well,” Helena said. Though even with that, Helena shifted closer to Helen, taking one arm and sliding it around her shoulders, while she slid her other arm around Helen’s back, careful to hold her below her ribs so there was less of a chance of causing more pain there. “Alright, I’ve got you.”
“I thought it would be simpler that way.” Simpler for who, she wondered, now that Helena had pointed out to her all the ways she was making it harder for those around her. “Is this how you’d want your daughter to remember you?”
In a way, it hurt to see Helena trying so hard to save her when she’d given up hope of ever being saved.
She accepted the support without comment, doing her best not to lean on her any more than was absolutely necessary. She hated feeling so weak.
“Kyler. Someone will have to look after him.” She would prefer not to consider where he might end up if she did die.
“If I had a choice in how I would die, no it isn’t. But if this was how I was going to die, I’d rather my daughter be able to say goodbye instead of spending the rest of her life with the guilt of not having been there. And she would probably spend the rest of her life asking why I didn’t love her enough to let her be there at the end of my life.” And to Helena, that was the most important thing. She felt a lifetime of asking why was worse than anything else.
Once Helena felt Helen was ready, she slowly began to head out to her car. She moved slowly at first in part so they could sync their steps and in part so she could tell how fast Helen could actually move.
“I can look after him, at least while you’re in the hospital.” She was certain that Ashley would be spending all of her time at the hospital so she wouldn’t be able to take care of Kyler either. “Beyond that, I’m certain Ashley can.” But she wasn’t going to focus on the possibility that Helen wasn’t going to come back. Helena couldn’t dwell on that, not yet. She still had to get Helen to the hospital, to ensure she actually spoke up about what was wrong, and then she needed to call Ashley.
She had things to do. Things to focus on. Any other emotional reaction would come later once she wasn’t distracted by trying to get Helen to the hospital.
“It’s because I love her that I didn’t want her to know.” And even now, she wasn’t certain she could be the one to tell her. She was almost glad that particular task would fall to Helena.
Helen managed their slow pace without too much difficulty, though she was more winded than she should have been by the time they reached the door. It was ridiculous how exhausting even something as simple as walking to the front door had become in just two short weeks.
How was she even meant to explain this? She could hardly tell them the truth. That she’d been exposed to a form of radiation no one has ever heard of before, one that facilitated travel through rifts in time and space. Any reasonable person would call her mad.
She didn’t manage further conversation until they reached Helena’s car and she was finally able to catch her breath again. Closing her eyes, she breathed a quiet, “Thank you.”
“And if you didn’t tell her, and you died here, she’d probably be the one to find your body. How is that better?” That was, of course, Helena removing herself from the picture. But she was certain Ashley would’ve made an appearance at some point along the way.
As it was, Helena didn’t even really know what was wrong with Helen, but she’d seen enough symptoms to at least give the doctors something to go off of. Because coughing up blood, blood not clotting properly, those sorts of things could be treated. At the least, they could hopefully slow any further decline long enough to find something that could work.
Though Helena was now simply kicking herself she didn’t force Helen to go to the hospital earlier. She should have taken her when she’d seen her cough up the blood. Maybe then this current scenario would have been avoided. But as it was, she was at least doing what she could now. That had to count for something somewhere, didn’t it?
Reaching the car, she opened the passenger door for Helen, pausing there a moment as she could hear that Helen was out of breath. Which also wasn’t a good sign.
“You’re welcome,” she responded before helping Helen into the car.
Helen had half a mind to argue that. As insistent as Helena had been about checking up on her, she most likely would have gotten to her first. Especially considering Ashley hadn't so much as called in weeks.
"It isn't," she finally agreed instead, some part of her knowing Helena was right.
To be fair to her friend, Helen had hidden her symptoms as well as she could for as long as she could. And she would have stubbornly refused any attempt to drag her to a doctor before now.
She allowed herself to be helped into the car, leaning back against the seat with a weary sigh.
"What do you expect me to tell them? That a dream is killing me?"
Despite the frequency of Helena’s visits and Ashley not talking to Helen, that wasn’t saying that Ashley wouldn’t just show up if she felt up to it. The chance of Ashley having shown up were probably greater than Helen thought they were.
And with Helen in the car, Helena quickly went back into the house and grabbed Helen’s cell phone and purse, then came back out, got in the driver’s side, started the engine and headed off towards the hospital. She glanced over at Helen.
“Tell them your symptoms so they can start treating those.” Helena miraculously wasn’t speeding. She was obeying the speed limit, though that didn’t mean she was patient. She was bound and determined to get Helen to the hospital and at least give her a fighting chance, enough so that Ashley could be there with her if she was indeed going to die.
Helena was simply going to ignore the whole dying thing. She didn’t handle death well at all.
Helen liked to believe she knew her daughter; and a part of her still wasn’t certain Ashley could forgive her for keeping John’s letters from her, for allowing her to convince herself he was dead. And now she might never get the opportunity to make up for it.
She reached across to lay a hand on Helena’s leg, not wanting to interfere with her driving but needing the contact to lend weight to her words. “Helena, my organs are failing.” She waited just a moment, letting that sink in before continuing, “Kidneys. Heart. Lungs, if I had to guess. Likely my liver as well.”
There were downsides to being a doctor, it seemed. It was odd, knowing with such certainty what each of her symptoms might indicate, and what it meant when they were combined.
“I was exposed to something the human body was never meant to tolerate. If there is a cure, we won’t find it here.”
At the contact and the words Helen spoke, Helena pressed her lips together tightly and glanced out the driver’s side window for some moments, trying to keep her composure. Losing it while she was driving was a sure way to cause an accident.
“Who’s to say your dreams won’t give you a cure? Or won’t cure you naturally?” Helena asked, a slight tremor of emotion in her voice. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, trying to keep herself as collected as she possibly could.
“You aren’t dead yet, there’s still time. If you fell asleep, you could dream of the cure.” And hopefully be cured as Helena wasn’t going to hope the dreams would gift the cure itself.
“Or I could die,” said softly, almost whispered. It was very clear in that moment that she might have accepted her fate, but she was still very much afraid. “It’s already progressed further here than it has in the dreams.”
There was a small chance. They were meant to be going to the city, where Adam claimed they would find the cure for the radiation poisoning her body. If he could even be trusted. But what if it was already too late?
“Perhaps this is how my story ends.”
“The fact it’s progressed more than in the dreams doesn’t say anything. It hasn’t claimed you yet.” She could hear the fear behind the words and she looked over at Helen, setting one hand on the hand Helen had set on her thigh.
“Regardless of what happens, you will not be alone. At least I am able to give you that much.” And hopefully Ashley would be able to arrive before things really took a turn for the worse. But Helena was trying to keep hold of some hope.
If Helen died, that was one less person in her life to help her fight the insanity that was slowly clawing its way into her mind, dream by dream. She hadn’t had a dream in a while, but she knew they weren’t done yet.
After a moment, Helen nodded. She didn’t quite know what to say, how to tell her how much it meant that she was here and willing to see this through to the end, that whatever the outcome she would be there for her. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, she truly didn’t want to be alone.
“I’m sorry to have put you in this position.” Yes, she absolutely was apologizing for the fact that she was dying. If she’d only given it a few more days, this would all have been over, and no one would have had to watch her slowly slipping away.
Whether Helen and Ashley liked it or not, she was going to make damn sure that Ashley knew what was happening and had the chance to be there for her mother as well. Helena was trying not to focus on her own feelings on the matter. She wasn’t going to accept that absolutely nothing could be done. She believed the symptoms could be treated and buy Helen enough time that she could dream again and, maybe, find out what the cure was so they could get it to her.
“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. Though you should’ve said something when your symptoms became worse.” Yes, Helen, she noticed the lie you’d told her a few days prior.
Helen expected Ashley would be glad someone was telling her, but perhaps further upset that someone hadn't been Helen. And as much as she didn't want Ashley to see her like this, she needed her daughter right now.
She might be upset with Helena right now, for forcing all of this when she had just wanted to be left alone; but it wouldn't last long. Because deep down, she knew Helena was right.
Despite Helena's faith, Helen still believed she was going to die. And she was going to need the support.
"I had hoped it would progress more quickly than this." Which is code for she'd hoped it would kill her before anyone had noticed it was getting worse. "I didn't see any point in worrying you."
Whatever may occur between Helen and Ashley was their business, Helena would just ensure that they at least got to see each other again. They both deserved that chance.
Though Helena pressed her lips together tightly, setting her jaw a bit at Helen’s statement, hearing the meaning behind her words clearly. It pushed her closer to the edge, but she was doing an excellent job of keeping her emotions locked inside for the time being.
“I would really like to know if and when my friends are dying. It’s better to prepare for the blow than to simply find out after the fact and not have had the chance to say goodbye.” Which was to say that Helen was counted as one of her friends. And Helena really hated being blindsided by heavily emotional topics such as death. She didn’t handle them well at all.
She wouldn’t apologize for not saying something sooner, for not allowing them the time they deserved to say goodbye. As unfair as it had been of her to keep this from them, she still felt she’d done the best thing she could do.
“You’re a good friend, Helena.” She was only sorry they hadn’t met sooner, that the friendship they’d been building wouldn’t have more time to develop. “I hope you realize it was never my intention to hurt you.”
Keeping one’s death to one’s self, while obviously their choice, was not exactly the best decision. Far from it, especially when several people would be even more upset over not having known than they would be over knowing ahead of time.
“Some days I very much question that,” she responded to the part about being a good friend. Helena didn’t exactly have many close friends. Until she’d met Harley, John had been about the last person she’d really let in. Then again, he’d been there before her ex had left her, so it was difficult to not have let him in. “I know. I just think dying alone is a really stupid idea when you have people that care about you.”
Helen's biggest problem was that she hadn't thought she deserved their concern. She'd thought it would be better if they didn't have to deal with her dying. Perhaps a part of her had even been convinced her death would have relatively little impact. She had, of course, known it would affect Ashley deeply, but she'd somehow imagined it would be easier dealt with once it was all over.
"It's difficult, Helena, watching someone you love slip away. I wanted to spare you that pain." She'd wanted to spare all of them that pain.
But to address a matter that was troubling her even more than the constant reminders she'd made the wrong choice, "You should give yourself more credit. You've been a better friend than I deserve."
Letting loved ones know one had died after the fact was not easier by any stretch of the imagination. It was one thing if the death was sudden. But Helen’s situation was not that. Her refusal to even tell her own daughter beforehand was not how one handled the situation.
“I would much rather watch someone I care about slip away than to find out later that they’d suffered and died alone. I can handle the pain of watching someone slip away. I cannot handle the pain of not having known they were suffering alone.” Helena didn’t handle either situation very well, but that was neither here nor there.
“On the contrary, you do deserve it.” And there Helena went with ignoring the comment in regards to herself. No, she wasn’t going to address herself at this point in time.
That might take a little further convincing, but she was almost willing to acknowledge she had handled things poorly. In trying to spare them pain, she'd only made it worse. That sounded rather familiar. Wasn't that where the trouble with Ashley had all started a few short weeks ago?
"I never seem to get things quite right, do I?" There might have been the slightest hint of regret, the closest she was likely to get to an apology any time in the near future. "I didn't realize," she didn't finish the sentence, wasn't sure how. There was so much she'd overlooked in regards to those around her, how this would make them feel.
She managed a tired smile. "You shouldn't lie to a dying woman." Perhaps not the time for dark humor, but her defenses were quickly failing. It was all she had left.
“Then consider this being given the chance to make it right.” Because she was going to ensure Helen and Ashley at least got a chance to make peace, even amends, before Helen died. It was the least she could. “Besides, we’re all human, we make mistakes. It’s how we learn from them that matters the most.”
Not that Helen was going to have very long to learn from her mistakes, but hopefully she could learn enough to make amends with her daughter. Parting on bad terms would no doubt only add to the weight on Ashley’s shoulders.
“Ah yes, I probably shouldn’t, should I?” She returned the attempt at humor. But shortly thereafter she finally got to the hospital. After finding a place to park, she grabbed Helen’s purse and phone, along with her own, then got out of the car, then went around to help Helen out of it, offering her hand to the other woman.
“I’ve made a lot of them.” And the shame of it was, she’d likely do it all over again. She could only hope Ashley would understand she’d done what she thought was best, that she’d been trying to protect her. “I’d do it again, Helena, even knowing how much I hurt her. What does that say about me?”
Dying, Helen had decided, was hell. Not only was she at her weakest, a feeling she detested, but she’d started to question every significant decision she’d ever made. She hated feeling like this.
It made her especially grateful for Helena’s willingness to indulge her in her rather weak attempt at lightening the moment. A soft chuckle promptly led to a short coughing fit, but thankfully no blood this time.
She hesitated only briefly before taking the offered hand and allowing her friend to help her out of the car, again thinking how ridiculous it was that she couldn’t even do something so simple on her own. “I am sorry you have to be here. I’m certain there a better things you could be doing with your time.”
“Doing it all again despite knowing what you do now says that you’re a mother that would do whatever it took to protect your child. I haven’t been fully honest with Christina about her own father, and I never will because I know the fact he didn’t want anything to do with her would hurt her more than saying he’d left before she’d been born.” And that was something Helena could more than understand about Helen. As a mother, she’d done some similar omission to her daughter. Though she’d been honest to the point that her father had left them both.
Helena frowned slightly at the coughing fit, but was relieved that there wasn’t any blood that came with it this time. She helped Helen to her feet, slipping Helen’s arm over her shoulders again, then slipped her own arm around Helen’s back for added balance after she’d closed the car door and locked it.
She began to head for the entrance where the emergency room was. And as before, she took a pace that Helen could handle without much difficulty. At Helen’s apology, Helena may have rolled her eyes slightly. “Helen, there is nothing more important than being here when a friend needs me. You have nothing to apologize for.”
There was another chuckle, this time far more bitter. “Yes, well, I let my daughter believe her father no longer loved her because I didn’t know how to tell her I was afraid of him. He was a good father, and I took him away from her. I’m not certain she’ll forgive me for that. I’m not certain she should.”
She could have at least come up with a better explanation, some lie that would soften the truth. Her intention had been to protect her daughter. And she didn’t doubt she’d accomplished that much, but the hurt she’d seen when Ashley confronted her… Right now, she was very much regretting having caused that.
A part of her would be so glad when this was over. For someone so independent, being forced to rely so heavily on someone else was…more than difficult. It was why she kept apologizing even with Helena’s continued reassurances it wasn’t necessary. She hated feeling like a burden.
“Nevertheless. Bloody inconvenient, isn’t it?” Dying, she meant, generally. Her own imminent death, she meant, specifically.
Another thought struck her about the time they reached the entrance. “I don’t suppose you have a reasonable explanation for the bruises and cracked ribs?”
“Then I am going to ensure that the two of you have the chance to at least make as much peace with each other as possible before it’s too late. Would you really just let yourself die without hearing what Ashley has to say to you after calming down a bit?” Helena didn’t presume to know Ashley, but since a little time had passed, she thought that by now, Ashley had worked out the hottest part of her anger, at least. Hopefully she should be capable of calm conversation at this point on that topic.
“Well it would be when one wishes to continue living instead.” That Helena could agree on in the scheme of wanting to live instead of dying.
At the question, Helena glanced at Helen. “Perhaps you fell down the stairs? It would be most plausible I would think, considering all of your symptoms.” Yes, Helena knew that was pretty much the oldest story in the book, but it was one that came quickest to her mind. It was also less question-raising than saying it was a car accident or something.
That earned something of a look. If not for Helena’s interference, that was precisely what she would have done. She was beginning to realize it wasn’t the best way to have handled things, but it didn’t change the fact that it had been her intention from the moment she knew she was dying.
“I hope we can, but I hurt her deeply. I can’t change that.” And now, she couldn’t even make up for it. She was out of time.
Helen did very much want to live. She had convinced herself she was ready to die because she hadn’t believed she had a choice in the matter. She’d accepted her fate. But then Helena had shown up, with her hope and her need to save her from the inevitable, fighting for her when she no longer had the will to do it herself. Suddenly dying seemed even less appealing than it had before.
Still, she had to hold back another laugh at Helena’s answer, settling for a tired smile. “Twice?” Because she did indeed have two distinct sets of injuries in different stages of healing, which she knew they would notice if they looked very closely. But then again, maybe Helena had a point. “Perhaps they’ll be too distracted by everything else to question it.”
Yes well, Helena did like to point those things out. It had been a very terrible idea for her to have simply up and died without telling anyone anything. At least now they could get some amount of closure.
“No you can’t, but you can give the both of you some actual closure instead of leaving Ashley without the chance to tell you what she wanted and needed to tell you.” Out of time or not, mother and daughter would at least have the chance to forge an accord of a sort at any rate.
And, of course, Helena wasn’t about to just let Helen accept death without putting up some sort of fight. Too late or not, she damn well needed to show some spirit because she had spirit. Going out quietly was an injustice to herself.
“Considering your symptoms altogether and your physical weakness? I’m rather certain they could believe you fell down the stairs twice. But also with all of your symptoms put together, they may overlook the bruises and cracked ribs in favor of finding the source of your illness.” Getting through the door, Helena led them into the emergency room and up to the desk there.
“My friend needs a doctor. Now.” Helena said, not bothering with pleasantries when time was of the essence and she needed to ensure Ashley got down here as quickly as possible.
Perhaps it would give them some closure. She still regretted that she was putting them through this.
"I do hope that you're right." She did want to make peace with Ashley, and more than anything, she did want to be forgiven. Even if she might not deserve it. It was important to her that Ashley understood she'd only been trying to protect her in the best way she knew how. "She isn't going to handle this well."
It was just as well Helena seemed to have enough fight for the both of them, because Helen wasn't sure she had the energy.
"I'm certain I can give them plenty of other things to worry about." She had been keeping careful track of her symptoms, the doctor she was slowly becoming noting what each of them likely represented. There should be more than enough to keep them busy, and far more important things to worry about than a few cracked ribs. Her rapidly failing organs, for one.
Helen managed a faintly apologetic smile for the woman behind the desk. She thought she likely looked terrible enough demands were unnecessary. Helena was currently about the only thing keeping her upright, and it was getting increasingly difficult to take a proper breath. And yet she still somehow managed to sound warm and reassuring, "It's alright. There's still time."
“I assure you that she will handle it better than if she’d found out after the fact.” Helena may have a somewhat strained relationship with her own mother at times, but she wouldn’t take it well if her mother was dying and didn’t tell her.
And perhaps Helena’s demands were unnecessary, but it was how things were coming out due to her inner emotions over this whole thing. She was more short-tempered than was typical for her, anyway. However, the woman behind the desk didn’t waste time in calling for help on the matter. It was more than obvious Helen needed medical attention immediately. So it wasn’t long before a few nurses came out with a gurney and Helena moved Helen closer to it.
“You’ve convinced me of that.” Which, yes, was her admitting she had been wrong, something that didn’t come easily for her. Perhaps that said more than she would have liked about her state of mind currently, how certain she was in her fate.
Words couldn’t quite express just how much Helen hated being the cause of so much fuss. But she wasn’t really in a position to protest. For her efforts, Helena got a soft, “Thank you.” She did put up mild protest when more than one other set of hands tried to help her onto the gurney, waving them away with an oddly firm, “I’m fine, thank you.”
Eventually, though, all parties were satisfied and they’d started with the questions, trying to iron out some sort of medical history and a list of symptoms all at the same time. Not very efficient, which she nearly pointed out, but in the end it hardly seemed worth it.
Well then. Helena would certainly take that acknowledgement. And she certainly read between the lines about it. She still appreciated that Helen had realized that her choice in the matter was rather ill-advised.
“You’re welcome,” she responded softly and with a little smile. Helena then stepped back to allow the medical people to do their jobs. And it was at that juncture that Helena pulled out her phone, then Helen’s, and found Ashley’s number.
Knowing this wasn’t going to be easy, Helena tried to steel herself as best as she could for the call. Though she did move out of the emergency room waiting area out of respect to the other people waiting there, and then she called Ashley, explaining that she was a friend of her mother’s, and then explaining the current situation. Not in detail, but enough to let Ashley know that it was bad. Not that Ashley needed much convincing. The mere fact her mom was at a hospital at all was enough to tell her things were bad. The call itself was short with Ashley saying she’d be there soon after getting the details needed from Helena. Helena then went back into the emergency room waiting area.
And then she went about waiting. Waiting for Ashley. Waiting for anyone to come and tell her updates or that Helen refused to cooperate without her or something.
And while she waited, she sent texts to John and Svetlana, asking if one of them could get Christina from school that afternoon, and explained why. And then she sent more frantic texts to Harley needing to know that she was okay. She needed reassurance that others in her life were fine. She didn’t want this scenario to repeat again anytime soon.