Helen Magnus (britishcharm) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-05-15 12:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, h g wells, helen magnus |
Who: Helen Magnus & Helena Wells
When: May 15
Where: Her house.
What: Helen gets caught coughing up blood. Helena expresses concern.
Rating/Warnings: Still talking about coughing up blood. Still talking about dying.
Status: Complete!
As the days passed, Helen’s symptoms only got worse. The dull throbbing in her head refused to let up, and she was even weaker than she had been the week before. She’d attempted to go to work only once in the days since she woke coughing up blood. It had been a terrible idea, by all accounts. The dizzy spells were getting worse, and the coughing fits more frequent. It had been a wonder she’d made it through the entire day without collapsing.
After that, she’d decided it was for the best if she stayed home. At least that way there was no risk of embarrassing herself, and with Ashley still not speaking to her, no one to notice just how bad things were getting.
This morning, she’d woken from another dream, the ache in her chest somehow seeming worse than it had been yesterday. She wondered if it was a result of the minor fall she had taken in the dreams aggravating the injuries that still hadn’t healed in the waking world, or if it was something else to add to her growing list of symptoms.
To say that Helena was concerned about Helen was the truth. She’d visited the week before to see how she was doing with her ribs and had noticed she’d been ill. She hadn’t put much stock into it other than it being the flu. However, she still felt like coming to check on Helen again. She could’ve simply texted or called, but Helena tended to prefer face-to-face communication. Not to mention if Helen was still ill, she would want to see it for herself and, if needed, try to get her to see a doctor about it.
She knew that Ashley and Helen weren’t speaking after what had happened a couple weeks earlier. So it stood to reason the stress of that had come out as making Helen sick. But it never hurt to check again in case it became something worse.
So arriving at Helen’s, she went up to the door and knocked, waiting to see if Helen was actually home. Why she didn’t think to call first in the event Helen was at work or something was beyond her. Nevertheless, she’d at least try this first.
In that, they were of the same mind. Face-to-face interaction was nearly always preferable to a text or phone call. And it's just as well she hadn't tried those options first, because in her current mood, Helen might have simply ignored it.
To be fair, Helen had also assumed it was the flu, at first. She never would have suspected that it would turn out to be this. She certainly hadn't seen this one coming.
Carefully easing herself to her feet so as not to further aggravate any bruises, she braced herself against the brief wave of dizziness before slowly making her way to the door. Finding it was Helena on the other side, she smiled faintly. "Here to check up on me again?"
Helena was hoping that she’d find Helen in better health than when she’d last seen her. Or at the very least be on the upswing of having the flu. So once Helen opened the door, it was a relief that she wouldn’t have to call her to see how she was doing. Though the fact that she was home on a typical work day was a bit troubling.
“What can I say, I was concerned and wished to see how you were doing.” Helena said with a gentle smile. And she was concerned. It was perhaps her strongest trait, having the capability of caring for people. Helena tended to take that above and beyond the typical call of duty because she tended to care too much for others.
Helen was by no means an exception to that. In fact, Helena found herself caring a very great deal about her friend. Which was why she was here now checking on her.
“I’m fine.” A bit too hasty, too defensive. Likely not very reassuring. She seemed to realize it, though, softening slightly, gentle fingers circling Helena’s arm to usher her inside. “Come in.”
She moved back into the living room, her steps still careful, partially habit after so many weeks of having sore ribs, partially because she wasn’t entirely confident in her ability to stay upright. With a little encouragement, she coaxed Ky off the sofa and sent an apologetic smile Helena’s direction. “Can I get you anything?”
Yes, still playing the polite hostess, no matter how terribly she was feeling.
That initial response was rather quick, but Helena didn’t comment on it. She simply filed that away in her mind. Stepping inside, she followed Helen to the living room, also noting how carefully she was moving. Though for the moment, she was solely attributing that to the rib injury she’d sustained. Ribs certainly were tricky to handle.
“No, thank you, I’m fine,” she responded with a smile. She then turned the smile to Ky once he got off the sofa.
“How are your ribs doing?” Helena felt that was a safe topic given she had been the one to initially help wrap Helen’s ribs. That wasn’t something that Helen needed to hide from her given she already knew about it.
Helen started to nod, thought better of it, instead gesturing to the sofa with a sweep of her hand. “Please, sit.”
Ordinarily, she would have waited for her guest, but she’d done quite enough standing for the time being. She wrapped a bracing arm around her right side, settling into the cushions as she answered, “Better. I’m not certain I ever properly thanked you for helping me with that.”
Helena took the offered seat, and turned her attention to Helen. At least for now, her worry wasn’t piqued any higher than it had been before. The stiffness could certainly be the ribs. Though time would tell if Helen was still sick or not.
“You are most welcome. I am happy that I could be of assistance. Taking care of injured ribs is rather a difficult feat to manage on your own.” It probably could be done, but it certainly wasn’t an easy task in that matter.
"These dreams, they're getting worse." There was a certain bitterness in her tone, anger.
It hadn't been enough to put her through hell, making her watch Ashley die, reminding her of it at every chance. Now they were going to kill her as well.
She meant to say something else, more pleasantries most likely; she was trying to avoid anything too revealing about her current state of mind. But without warning, she was taken by another coughing fit, her hand coming away bloody.
Her first instinct was to make an exit, try to hide it, avoid unwanted questions. She stood too quickly, stumbling slightly before the world righted itself, and leaving Helena behind as she headed toward the bathroom.
In her distraction, she failed to get the door entirely shut.
Hearing the statement about the dreams getting worse, Helena of course became more concerned. She well knew what it was to have dreams that only got worse. Though so far the only effects hers had were on her mental state, not her physical health.
She was going to make a comment when Helen had a coughing fit. And Helena caught the glimpse of blood on Helen’s hand, and it only made her all the more worried for Helen. It meant something more was going on with her illness than there seemed to be.
Helena got up and followed after Helen, out of concern and wanting to help if she could. She paused at the bathroom door for a few moments before she opened it.
“Helen?” She asked, poking her head around the door.
Helen stood with her back to her, knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the sink. "I'm fine."
She wasn't, but she also wasn't willing to admit that yet. If she had to say it aloud, she might break. And she couldn't afford that right now.
Unfortunately, after this little incident, it would be much harder to keep the truth from Helena, to convince her everything was all right. She couldn't even think of a reasonable lie at the moment.
Nothing about this situation was fine, so Helena of course didn’t buy into the assertion Helen made. Coughing up blood was a sign that everything was wrong. Surely Helen could see that?
“Helen, coughing up blood is a sign that something is very wrong, so I don’t believe you’re fine for a single second.” Helena said as she fully stepped into the bathroom. “You probably should see a doctor before it becomes any worse.”
Though given what Helen had just said, Helena doubted she’d take up the offer to go see a doctor despite the fact she clearly needed one. And Helena was now just going to worry about Helen even more.
She was right to worry, just as she was right about Helen’s refusal to see a doctor. “It just needs to run its course.”
Lies.
“Really, Helena, I’m fine.” As though repeating it might make it true. But she still hadn’t turned around to face her.
“Letting the symptom of coughing up blood run it’s course typically ends really badly.” Such as the death kind of bad. Helena knew she needed to do something, but Helen taking that stance, it was going to be pretty much impossible for her to convince her of anything.
“I really don’t think you’re fine. Healthy people do not cough up blood, Helen.” Blunt, yes, but she doubted that Helen would mind bluntness. Helena was trying to get Helen to realize the gravity of the situation and actually do something about it before it got any worse.
She finally turned around, having had sufficient time to compose herself and still the shaking in her hands. “It’s just a virus, an unusual one I admit, but that’s all. I promise.”
That would be far more convincing if she didn’t look utterly exhausted, but she tried for a smile anyway. “I didn’t seem overly concerned about it in the last dream I had. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
The lie came easily. Apparently, the dreams were beginning to wear off on her.
“I’m fairly certain that’s what people said about tuberculosis at first.” And how many peoples’ last words tended to be some form of ‘I’m fine’ anyway? Not to mention that Helena spoke British and stubborn fluently. She knew the difference between the so-called ‘I’m fine’ and the actual ‘I’m fine.’
In fact, Helena tended to use the ‘I’m fine’ excuse quite often herself.
“Somehow that isn’t completely reassuring. One can be unconcerned and still be gravely ill.” Meaning Helena certainly had her doubts on the matter.
She should have known Helena wouldn’t be so easily deterred. They were a little too similar in some ways. They understood far too well what the other wasn’t saying.
“If it gets worse, you’ll be the first to know.” It was a blatant lie, but one she hoped she would accept, at least for the moment. And just in case she needed further encouragement to move on, she neatly changed the subject, “Seeing as how Ashley still isn’t speaking to me.”
Helena was skeptical about Helen actually letting her know if it got worse. Especially considering the fact that coughing up blood hadn’t been considered bad enough to tell her about in the first place.
“Will you really tell me if it gets worse?” Because she totally wasn’t buying it. And she saw that topic change for what it is, to get the focus off of her being sick. Helena, however, wasn’t yet ready to let it go so easily.
"I'll have to tell someone, won't I?" Of course, Helen had absolutely no intention of doing anything of the sort, and the edge in her voice likely said as much. The anger was just another defense mechanism. It was easier to be angry than scared.
"You should trust that I know what I'm doing." And that much, at least, was the truth. She knew exactly what she was doing. Even if what she was doing was letting herself die.
Helena heard that edge, that anger clearly. She wasn’t convinced that Helen was going to be fine nor was she convinced that she’d even tell anyone. However, it wasn’t her place to push the subject, even if she wanted to. Sometimes Helena cared too much for her own good, and she was trying to stop crossing that line. After all, it got dangerous when she crossed the line into caring too much.
“Very well, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you.” Because she was going to worry, even if she wasn’t going to push the subject. And, well, she’d just need to come and check on Helen now and again to see if she was actually taking care of herself or not.
It was more her place than she believed. Helen had few enough friends, and Helena had worked her way well past her defenses. But she was angry and hurting, and it was easier to lash out than let herself fall apart. And unfortunately, Helena was currently her most convenient target. If she were feeling more herself, she’d have seen that. The way she was behaving, she hardly deserved Helena’s concern.
“You’ll be wasting your time, I assure you.” This was precisely what she’d been trying to avoid. She hadn’t wanted anyone worrying over her, wishing there was something they could do, some way to make everything better. “This will pass. Soon enough.”
Helena would take the anger for now. Against her better judgement, she’d not pressure Helen about seeing a doctor. Though it would still worry her, and she’d wish Helen would take some medicine for it, at the very least. Not that coughing up blood really had medicine to stop it without treating the root of the problem, but nevertheless.
“Worrying about someone you care about is never time wasted, nor is trying to make certain that they are alright.” Helena responded. “I hope that you are correct.”
They would simply have to agree to disagree on this matter for the time being.
"I am. I'll be fine." It was a very fine line she was treading between lying outright and misrepresenting the truth, though it might have been a stretch to say she was actually fine with dying.
"Now, how about that tea?" Trying so hard to pretend this is all perfectly normal.
Helena would just let the topic go for now. She didn’t quite have it in her to argue more at the moment, even if everything was telling her push harder. So she’d simply agree to disagree and move on.
“Tea would be wonderful,” she confirmed. Especially since she was suddenly feeling a bit of a headache coming on.
And for that, Helen was grateful. She didn’t especially want to have to explain. She wasn’t even sure she knew how. How did you tell someone, a friend, that this was just the start of a slow and painful death? And if she told Helena now, she’d have to Ashley as well. How could she do that to her daughter?
She rested a hand lightly on Helena’s arm as she slipped past her and out of the bathroom with a gentle, “Come on.”
It was barely reassurance, but it was the best she could offer right now. Heading back toward the kitchen, she was particularly careful not to let it show just how terrible she still felt; but her steps were still slow, an attempt to avoid both further jostling her still tender ribs and any further dizzy spells.