Who: Ashley Magnus What: After Helen's lies had been exposed, Ashley is finally daring to open the letters her father sent her over a decade ago. When: Monday night Where: Her apartment Warnings: Brief mentions of leukemia and divorce, otherwise pretty tame Status: Narrative; complete upon posting!
After the revelations she'd had about how her mother had kept letters and gifts from her father from her for the past fourteen years or so, Ashley had been both utterly angry and intensely hurt by that. Part of that had to do with the fact that the lie she'd told herself of her father having died finally had been shattered. And it wasn't so much the shattered lie that hurt, but the fact it had only existed because her mother had kept things from her.
A lie of omission is still a lie, after all. Regardless of what Helen Magnus may think about that.
Ashley had finished her classes for the evening and even done a couple workouts already that day, but when she'd gotten home, she'd taken to doing another work out in her living room. She'd set up her punching bag a little while after she'd first moved in. And now, she was throwing punches and kicks with intensifying ferocity. After all, the box containing the letters and gifts her father had sent her was sitting on the coffee table in her line of sight. She hadn't yet had the guts to open it and start looking through the things there. She had still been too raw, too angry at her mother to even try that.
But tonight as she pummeled her punching bag, she felt she could finally face what was in the box. Face the reality that her father had still loved her. Of course, that also meant potentially facing the fact that he didn't love her now. What must he think after not having gotten any responses to the letters, no thank you notes for the gifts? Well, perhaps he had figured out that Helen wasn't giving them to her, but perhaps not. She didn't know. All she did know was that she finally wanted to see what the box held because it was a connection to her father, one that she secretly longed for.
So after she finished her workout, Ashley went to shower. Pulling on a black tank top and grey pajama pants and grabbing a drink, Ashley planted herself on the couch in front of the box. She drew in a deep breath and pulled it closer to her before she took the lid off. And the sight of the letters and gifts alone brought tears to her eyes. There were quite a few in there, evidence that he'd tried to keep in contact those first few years after the divorce. Ashley slowly started to pull the things out of the box. The first thing she'd pulled out was a smaller box that Ashley opened. Inside she found an action figure, one that had been part of a collection she'd liked. She pressed her lips together tightly as she set that on the table, pulled out a couple other boxes that clearly had been birthday and Christmas presents, then she started to take the letters out.
Ashley turned her attention to sorting the letters, finding the one with the oldest postmark on it, then organizing them going from oldest on top to the newest on the bottom. She drew in a deep breath as she took the oldest, and clearly the first letter John had sent, in hand and opened it. She pulled out the letter and started reading it. Though it didn't take long for the tears to start falling down her cheeks. John had explained why he couldn't be there, due to the divorce, but still expressed his love for her. Also how proud he was for her to make it through the leukemia like the little warrior she was.
One by one, she went through the letters and cards and opened the gifts. All of the letters and cards continued in the same vein as the first, expressing his love for her and how he missed her. Though the last one he sent was different. She would've been thirteen at the time he sent it. While it wasn't different in tone to the others, it did acknowledge that he clearly knew the letters and gifts must not be getting to Ashley. Or if they were that Helen must somehow be interfering in them communicating with each other. As such, he left an address that Ashley could contact him at if she ever got the letter.
And she just stared at that. While the thought of trying to contact him again had crossed her mind, she hadn't really given it serious thought. After all, it had been fourteen years, he certainly couldn't be living in the same place he had been, right? But the address was to a P.O. box, which clearly must have been something he'd set up in the event he did move. Or at least that's what Ashley wanted to believe.
Now several choices stood before her. One was if she sent a letter to her father at the address he'd provided or not. Another would be how the hell would she approach her mother again. Among some others. But as it was, she wasn't yet ready to face Helen. Not this soon. Besides, she didn't have anything new to say to her yet.
One thing she had come to grips with, though, were the lies in the dreams. She understood Helen's reasoning for the lies in the dreams. She was simply upset that the truth hadn't come from Helen herself. But coming to grips with the lies of omission Helen had done in this life was a different animal altogether. Yes, she could understand why Helen did it, that she had her reasons. Ashley didn't know the exact circumstances of why her parents had divorced, and she wasn't entirely certain she wanted to know. However, it would take her longer to get over the fact her mother had kept these letters and gifts from her.
So with the last letter read and the last gift opened, Ashley leaned back on the couch and just let herself cry it out. She grabbed a teddy bear that her father had given her soon after the divorce. It was a bit ratty now, obviously having been clung to and cried into many times over the years, but she needed it now as she once more found herself crying over her father. But this time, it was for very different reasons than it had been in the past.