Who: Annie Cresta and Peeta Mellark What: Movie night to Peeta learning about Annie's past When: 23 April 2015 Where: Annie's apartment Warnings: High, talk of abuse, torture, war, Panem Status: Log | Complete
A movie night sounded absolutely perfect because honestly, his Dreams had been stressing him out. The knowledge that the same was probably happening to Annie was enough for him to initiate this time to destress and hang out. He hadn’t seen her much since he started dating Alyssa and he didn’t want to become that guy that forgot about his friends once he had a girlfriend. Besides, this was a good way for him to tell Annie a little more about Alyssa before the two of them got the chance to meet, which was something he was still trying to set up. Alyssa knew a lot about his Dreams from what he had been telling her, so it only made sense for her to meet some of the people that were also players in the same Dreams.
After popping two bags of popcorn, placing them in a large bowl, grabbing the leftover pastries he brought home from the bakery , and a couple movies from his collection he decided to go over to Annie’s apartment. He had picked up a few movies from the local thrift store and even bought Big Hero 6 because that movie was all kinds of adorable. Annie’s apartment was just up a floor and he made it there quickly and knocked on her door, “Annie? It’s Peeta.” He knew that he should announce himself to Annie and waited for her to answer the door.
Annie was afraid of what she’d dream next. Mags dying had been painful and she was afraid that Finnick would die as well. It was so horrible knowing people she cared for would die. She had no idea how it would end, and in the dreams, she’d only been concerned about Mags and Finnick. She’d known of Johanna in them, but it wasn’t the same. Now she had to risk seeing Peeta or Johanna or Finnick die and she really didn’t want to go through that. It made her afraid to sleep again. Still, she knew that something was happening. Before he had left for the Games, Finnick had told her to keep her faith, that things were happening.
She wanted to believe him. She had to believe him.
Not that it mattered here. Thankfully she hadn’t closed today, and so once she’d returned home, Annie made sure that her apartment wasn’t a mess. Which mostly meant that her jewellery supplies weren’t all over the place. The cooler weather that had been going on as of late was nice. It meant that she could wear oversized sweaters and disappear into them. It was a comfort thing. Just like watching movies. Nothing to think about what would happen when she closed her eyes.
Hearing Peeta at the door, the brunette went and opened it with a slight smile, letting him inside before closing the door.
“Heyya,” he answered easily once the door opened and he stepped into her apartment. Things were just simple with Annie and he appreciated that. It was like being around a sister that he didn’t have to put a mask on with. A lot of people expected him to be a wholly different person sometimes, but there was that thread that united everyone from Panem and they knew each other for who they truly were. Besides, they’ve all seen each other at their worst and their darkest.
“I come bearing some popcorn, candy, and a couple movies. Wasn’t sure what kind of mood you’d be in, so we’ve got a few comedies, a cute Disney movie, and an action movie,” Peeta liked to make sure that he covered all his bases. He went over to her coffee table to set the things down as he watched her. Because, like an actual sister, he was constantly worried about her and wanted to make sure she was doing well. He hadn’t seen Finnick in a while, so it was up to him now to keep an eye on her.
“Hi.” Well, it got a smile out of her, which was something she was doing less and less these days. She didn’t meant to be so upset, but between the Dreams and the constant worrying that the men from New York would end up in Orange County? Well. It was hard. Not that she really told anyone about that. Dick knew from being involved with the case, but otherwise…
Tugging on the sleeves of the cardigan she was wearing, Annie went to get tea as Peeta listed the types of movies he had brought.
“Disney sounds good.”
It was hard to go wrong with Disney, especially when going for the complete opposite of Panem. So between popcorn, candy and pastries…. well, this was probably one of those times having soda in the apartment might be good, but Annie stuck with her teas, coffee and juices.
“I have… juices, and tea.” Technically it was too late for coffee. Technically.
“It’s Big Hero 6. I saw it when it was out in theaters and it’s really cute,” Peeta grabbed that one out of the stack of movies and he set it over by her dvd player. When she asked what drink he wanted he paused for a moment, “Um, juice would be fine. Surprise me with what kind, it doesn’t matter too much to me.” He was pretty easy to please when it came to things like that.
But he kept a careful eye on her. He wanted to bring up the scars he had seen on her earlier in the month, but was trying to find a proper time to bring it up. she wasn’t going to enjoy the conversation, but it would be good to get it out in the open and she could share her feelings with someone else.
“I’ve heard good things about it.” Given Annie didn’t really go to the movies, she had yet to see it. But everything she had heard was good, and that was the important thing. That, and she doubted Peeta would bring over a movie that would be upsetting, so there was that as well. “Got it.”
Which meant blueberry acai pomegranate juice. Mostly because it was really good. And it seemed like it would go well with movie watching foods. Two glasses poured, Annie made her way to the living room. Of course, she had no idea that Peeta was going to question her about the scars or her past. She presently was unaware he was even aware of said scars.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you,” he took the glass from her and took a quick drink. It tasted really good and he raised an eyebrow, “What kind of juice is this?” He wasn’t a huge juice drinker, but this was delicious and he could potentially use the flavors to do something in the bakery. He set the glass down and watched her with a smile.
“And it was really cute. I think you’ll like Baymax a lot. I know that if I had one of him running around then I would probably be a lot happier dealing with these dreams,” he certainly had to admit that. Baymax was the type of robot that you could tell all your worries too and he’s just so cute that you feel instantly better. Maybe the US Government should think about making this a reality for people with PTSD and other mental disorders.
“Blueberry acai pomegranate.” It was always nice to be able to expand someone’s options for things to drink. If she were the type to actually drink alcohol, it would be something that would work for mixers. As it was, she wasn’t, but she still enjoyed her juices. Especially this one.
Because she had no idea what a Baymax was, Annie could only nod. She figured it would make more sense once she actually saw the movie and could make sense of it in her own way. But if it was something that would help deal with the dreams, Annie would definitely hope for one. Not that it existed because movie. But still.
“I look forward to it.” Smiling some, Annie curled up in the corner of the couch so that they could start the movie.
He filed that information about the juice in the back of his mind. The flavors were certainly something he was going to want to work with in the future. As they settled down he grabbed a bowl of popcorn and hit play on the movie. It was nice to watch a movie with someone who didn’t talk very much and he appreciated it. He knew a few people that incessantly asked questions about what was going on, especially if he had seen it before them, and he didn’t want to give them any kind of spoilers.
As they watched his mind wandered slightly and he wondered if he should bring up what he had seen. But he certainly wasn’t going to do it until the movie was over because when he glanced over to her and she seemed quite concentrated on the movie. This was not something he wanted to ruin for her.
It was easier for Annie to get into a movie without asking questions. She would sooner be engrossed in what she was watching as opposed to losing her train of thought to ask questions or make comment. Though Annie did tend to be the type who wouldn’t say anything without cause regardless. While some might find silence awkward, Annie thrived in silence. Usually. It had been harder as of late, but she still did prefer silence until the crashing water and canons and screams to silence became too loud.
Absently, the brunette ate some of the snacks, though she mostly had forgotten about them while she watched the movie. Soon enough, the credits rolled and Annie finished her juice for the time.
“That was really cute. Good choice.”
“Good, I’m glad you liked it. Do you see what I mean by wanting a Baymax of your own?” Peeta couldn’t help but grin at the idea of everyone having their own Baymax. It would make things a lot easier to just have a big fluffy white robot to hug if you needed it. Peeta wasn’t the type to use the robot to go out and fight crime, so it would almost be like having a therapy dog but without the extra work to take care of it.
“How has everything been going lately? I haven’t checked in with you for a few days. I really need to get our get-together up and running. I really want you all to meet Alyssa.”
“I do. I can see why having one would be beneficial for PTSD.”
Goodness knew Annie probably could have used one herself after everything that had happened. Though given the nature of Orange County, it wasn’t too far a stretch to think that one might show up. Or as Peeta had mentioned before, one of the science types figured out how to make one.
“They’re going. Trying to stay busy.” Dreams cycled, panic attacks happened, but Annie could generally handle it. For the most part. So long as she stayed focused on other things. She was still trying her quick naps, making sure not to sleep any longer than necessary to avoid any and all types of dreams. But that didn’t work out as often as she wanted. “But yes. We need to get the get-together going. I want to meet her.”
Safe conversations were safe. Because Annie was good with vague answers that were the truth but didn’t delve into things. She had mastered those types of answers.
“You should still think about talking to Anatoly. I think I’m going to have to set up an appointment pretty soon now that the Games are starting up once again in my Dreams. Probably better to get ahead of it than to let it take over,” Peeta rambled just slightly as he tried to explain that to himself and to her. He really wished she would take up the idea of talking to a therapist because it would probably be more beneficial to her. He could tell that she was giving him simple answers and trying to please him, “And good. I think you’ll really like her.”
He toyed with the glass in his hand and stared down at it for a moment before looking back up and over at her, “Can I ask you something personal? You probably won’t want to talk about it, so you can yell at me if you want to. But...I saw something that night on the beach. On your wrist. I probably don’t deserve an explanation, but I want to make sure you’re truly okay, Annie. You’re like the sister I’ve never had and I want to make sure you’re good.”
And a segue into how she should think about talking to Anatoly. Maybe she should, Annie didn’t know. She knew that being forced to watch the Games again, to see people she cared about in the arena… Actually knowing them here and having that fear wash over her when she did sleep. And yet…
“Maybe.”
She was thinking about it. She just...didn’t know. She didn’t know if she was comfortable or ready…. but maybe it would help. Especially since it seemed Peeta was thinking about setting up another appointment. He had a point, at least for him. He knew what was coming, or at least an idea, so having someone to help would be beneficial. Though if she had hoped they would move on to discuss the night of hanging out so people could meet Alyssa, Annie was apparently wrong.
The second Peeta mentioned wanting to ask her a personal question, she tensed, eying him warily. Then he mentioned he had seen her wrists and she instinctively gripped the ends of the cardigan she was wearing, tugging the sleeves down to ensure her wrists were covered. Her jaw was tense and Annie just.. tried to curl up into herself. It was instinctive, knees pulled in tight, curled up around herself, eyes on the wall.
She could of course kick him out. She could scream. She could do so many things. But the fact was, he had seen the scars. He knew something had happened. She could cover her arms with ribbons or bracelets, but he would now know it was more than just her own sense of style.
“....I….”
How to even start to explain it… How to describe those weeks of hell. Hands still gripping the ends of the arms of her cardigan, Annie wiped at her eyes.
“I moved out here to get away from people who knew…” Biting her lower lip, Annie kept her gaze on the wall, unable to look at Peeta. Stare at the wall, memories flashing before her eyes, “Um. I tried to kill myself….. it’s not just the dreams I’m mad in.. but here as well… um…”
It was hard to breathe.
“I was chained up in a basement for two weeks… shackles… they….” Shaking her head, Annie blinked back tears, “When the trial happened, I couldn’t really… I had to testify but… Anyway, I ended up put into a hospital because of it.”
Shrugging, Annie kept herself pulled completely in, trembling as she took a breath.
“I just… no one was supposed to know.”
That was exactly the kind of reaction he expected from her and he was fully prepared for it. But it was still kind of hard to watch her go through that kind of reaction and he felt awful for putting her through that. He steeled himself for her to go off on him and to get kicked out of the room and he almost wished that she had done that because he felt completely useless.
As she curled up into the couch he got up to kneel down beside the couch. He knew better than to touch her, so he stayed far enough away, but near enough that she understood he was there for her. “Hey, don’t worry. I will not say anything to anyone. I’m so deeply sorry that you had to go through something like that. It makes me want to find those guys and hurt them, severely.” And he would do it in a heartbeat if he knew where they were.
“Oh Annie,” his voice was deep with emotion and he found himself almost beginning to tear up, “I’m so sorry. I’m glad you told me this though because I want to be there for you. I want you to know that you are one of my favorite people in this place. I think you may even outrank Alyssa right now. And I completely understand what you’ve been going through. I was a complete wreck after the explosion.”
Even though she was focused on the wall, on anywhere but Peeta because talking to someone, looking at them while trying to explain it… well, that would have been too hard, but she was still acutely aware of where he was in relation to her. That he had gotten to a lower level, unthreatening. She knew the tricks people used when dealing with someone like her. But she appreciated it, because at least with Peeta she knew he wasn’t trying patronise her or anything.
Hearing that Peeta wanted to hurt them though? She didn’t know why that was so shocking. Dick was ready to fight them if they showed up, but he’d been the one to find her. And she knew if she got word of them showing up in Orange County, he would know as well. So she just let out a shaky breath.
“I don’t know where they are.”
Because they’d been released. Let out on appeal because her testimony had ‘biased the jury’ and they had used her mental break to say that she wasn’t sane and thus her testimony didn’t count. The comment on her maybe being his favourite person, even above Alyssa earned a flicker of a faint smile though it quickly fell as she wiped at her eyes again.
“It’s hard. I can’t… I mean…” It was more than the Dreams that kept her awake. More than the Dreams she tried to hide from. “So yeah. That happened.”
He wanted to tell her that it was good that she didn’t know where they were because that meant that they weren’t anywhere near her, but then maybe she was freaked out that she didn’t know. Ugh, that was one of the worst things he had ever heard about and that was a lot coming from a soldier. He wanted to reach out, taking her hand, and let her know that he was there, but she was still too raw. It hadn’t been his intention to break her down like this, so he was thankful when he got a small smile out of her.
“You don’t have to explain anything, Annie. That is a lot for anyone to go through, especially someone as good as you. You would never hurt a fly. But I do think that maybe you should set something up with Anatoly. It isn’t good to keep this kind of stuff inside and not openly discuss it. They still seem to have a hold on you and you need to not allow that,” Peeta knew that not allowing anyone to lord something over you was a good idea. She couldn’t continue to live in fear because of a couple of douchebags. She needed to be stronger and take back control of her life.
It had been so much easier when they’d been in jail. She’d been able to make some sort of life for herself. And she still had that life here. She tried to live it. But between Dreams and then the fact that they were now out and it had been over a month and she still didn’t know? It was getting harder to keep her head above water.
“I know.”
And she did. But she had been so determined to make it through all of this without seeking help again. As if seeking help meant that she was still broken. Or maybe she had just been lying to herself all this time. She never had gotten better, she’d just gotten better at pretending she was okay. Dealing with all of this was hard enough. Add on Panem, the Games and being helpless while she watched those she cared about have to go through them. When she had complicated bleed over that she couldn’t quite place.
It was dizzying.
“It’s scary, I know how that feels. But it’s a good step. Trust me, I didn’t want to admit to anyone that I needed help, but that feeling of helpless is worse than my pride,” Peeta admitted to her. It had taken him a few months in the hospital before he even agreed to see a therapist. But now he was smart enough to admit when he needed the help. The Dreams were weighing down on him and he knew better than to try and do what Annie had been doing.
Keeping his life in order was higher priority. It only took once instance of drowning inside his memories to know to reach out for help rather than risk it again. Things were starting to look up for him and he wanted to keep it that way. He also really wanted to see that happen for Annie because she deserved a happy life, “You deserve to be happy.”
“Yeah…” Spiraling out of control and ending up in the hospital had been a low point. Then it had been required and then everything and one had changed. Like they did in District 4. Only Finnick and Mags had known it was from the trauma. The Capitol had tried to capitalise on it but by being told to exaggerate the madness, she’d been kept away. It all seemed to fall into place.
“I am! Mostly. Just not for the past month. Or well…” Since the Dreams had started. That had been the start of the spiral. That had been when she started to stay up all hours of the night, when she sought out anything to keep from closing her eyes. And then the fear of swimming had taken hold, only for her to need it when she’d gotten the phone call.
“... Maybe I do need to see someone again.”
“I can come with you, I don’t have to go in, but I can at least sit in the lobby with you. And yeah, we can’t let President Snow win in this world either. He’s causing so many issues and we’ve never actually seen the man,” Peeta hated how that man was already messing with their lives from another life. He would kill the man with his bare hands if he ever encountered him in this world. Hopefully that would never happen and then Peeta could live a happier life if he survived his Dreams.
“Maybe… I don’t know.” Because part of Annie wondered if it would help to have Peeta there with her, but the other part was so desperate to try and hold onto some idea of independence. “I’ll let you know.”
It was a step in the right direction, though. She was actively thinking about seeking help, well more so than she already had been. She’d kept the information, and the fact that this psychiatrist knew about Panem would certainly help. Because having to explain that, on top of what she had gone through here?
“No.. we can’t.”
“Sounds good,” he reached up to take her hand and squeezed it gently. It was quick enough that hopefully she wouldn’t completely freak out at the contact, but he just wanted to give her that reassurance that he would be with her no matter what. She was one of his best friends and he would do anything to help her feel more safe and happier in this world.
“Nope, we’re better than him. Okay, let’s put on another movie and try to regain the happy movie night we had going,” he gave her a playful smile as he grabbed the comedy from the stack of the movies he had brought and went over to put it in. This was hopefully the start of something important for her and it would be a changing point.