Who: Pete Wisdom, Leliana What: Two classy people tying up loose ends of the recent crime wave. When: Tonight! Where: Law firm, then piano bar. Rating/Warnings: Murder, blood, mentions of furry midget porn. Status: Complete!
Cleaning up the last bit of scum off the streets. That’s exactly how you show someone you care.
Not that Leliana had any qualms about it; it was relevant to her line of work, anyway, and with all the ruckus and obnoxious loudness of events that came with the recent events, finishing things up in silence was the best way to go. Spare the little county from explosions and an outright gunfight in the streets. Innocent blood had been spilled plenty. Let residents sleep comfortably, while they finished off the lingering misfits with a lovely trick of lies and a slice to the throat.
Tonight’s target was a bit more complicated. He wasn’t some drug lord or gang member that stained an alleyway, but instead a person of some influence. A rotten attorney with an equally rotten reputation, making sure authorities kept their eyes away from certain activity and certain people. He played a part in helping the core players of this mess get away with quite a bit and, well.
A crime punishable by death.
Wisdom’s expertise was a pleasant addition. Both knew exactly what they were doing - it wasn’t their first tango in situations like this. Knew exactly how to get into the building, in which the attorney in question was working rather late at. Knew exactly how to blend in without suspicion rising. Knew exactly how to disable the cameras for evidence, clear out the area from innocent employees, so Leliana could go in behind closed doors, lull him into a sense of comfort (the man couldn’t deny a pretty client in distress, after all), and then surprise. A blade to the neck artery. It was a job done in silence, albeit messy.
Then her head peeked out of the office, cheeks stained in little blood splatters. “Mister Wisdom. I believe you can enter now. Time for a computer sweep, no?”
Pete waited patiently for business to get done - smart, clean, pressed black suit and tie, black leather gloves. He was out of sight, but not out of mind - no cameras picked up his presence (and that hadn’t been difficult either, since this was a law firm not CIA headquarters), but he was cloaked in shadows and ready for the signal.
Mister Wisdom
His teeth flashed in a wolfish smile, as he removed the small thumb drive from the depths of his jacket pocket. “Wonderful job, love,” he complimented, and he had actually enjoyed his work with Leliana during the high-tension moments of the criminal mess. She was the very personification of a knife blade wrapped wrapped in warm, soft velvet and he liked her style. “I didn’t even hear a peep. But yes, alright, computer sweep. Just give me a moment.”
The USB device was plugged into the computer, after he silently entered the office. Once he turned on the PC, the contents of the flash drive would act as a virus - it would boot up the harddrive’s Linux system, wherein he’d be able to do some damage since all of that meant the pleasant favour of spreading the virus could be attributed to simply loading that system. This computer would suffer a meltdown. Attorneys really were the worst kind of scum, weren’t they?
“Anything in particular you’d like me to save, or just trash the whole lot?” he asked. “I’m sure he’s got loads of questionable shit on here.”
Personal matters involved personal involvement. Sure, there was an array of skilled agents at her disposal to handle this kind of thing that she did trust, but if this was going to involve someone she held close and dear, she was going to see it that she did this her way.
Or their way, as she had a competent partner in all this. Making friends was fun!
“Ooo, good question.” Plucked from her purse were disinfectant wipes, and she dabbed the spots on her face to clean up a bit. “If it’s filthy, leave it. Let the world know just what kind of man Mr. Periwinkle was.” Perwinkle, what a name! He was a stuffy old loon, a little round and gifted handsomely with a receding hairline. On the desk were pictures of his family, golf with his clients, something about a teacup chihuahua (it was so ugly it was almost cute), but he had eyes of a lecherous fiend and a snake’s smile.
Then she pulled out a tiny vial of perfume and spritzed herself. Get that stench of murder off her some, just a bit.
“Well, let’s see what we’ve got here then.” Pete easily got through the computer’s password protection screen - he wasn’t as into the hacker’s life as Kitty had been (to be fair, she could phase through machines and fuck everything up) but he knew a few things. All came with the espionage package. “...the fuck is this?” he grumbled.
The computer’s desktop wallpaper was a huge picture of that ugly-as-sin rat dog. Getting a wee tad creepy, Mr. Periwinkle, but alright. Pete had a feeling it was just the tip of the iceberg, and he spent a few moments expertly clicking and browsing - people were so stupid, really. They deleted something and thought it was gone forever, but in this age of information technology anything could be pulled back up again. Nearly anything, that is. But ignorance paved the way for far too much cockiness when it came to what was safe to store on a work computer.
Which was why he about had a stroke when he stumbled upon the folder of midget furry porn photos. “God!”
“Shh!” A finger went to her lips, passing Wisdom a daggered squint of eyes. No need to make such a boisterous exclamation and draw attention behind closed doors, but there must have been something to yield a reaction such as that. So she listened for a second, made sure the shuffling of footsteps down the hall remained non-existent, and then stepped carefully behind Pete to look at his discovery.
Quickly, she realized his reaction was the correct reaction.
“Maker,” Leliana echoed, her own version of the ‘god’ expression, and cocked her head curiously. “I do not--I mean--I suppose you need to be a certain challenged height for a position such as that. Their costumes are surprisingly well done. Very professional looking.”
Oh, darling Periwinkle, your taste was clearly impeccable. Perhaps if they dug through his closet they’d find his own little animal costume? Holes in all the right places, of course - otherwise it wouldn’t work!
A challenged height. Pete snorted a soft laugh, mostly a guffaw of disbelief. That was one way to put it, he guessed. “Most of the time I think I’ve seen everything but then something else completely bizarre just does away with that notion,” he shook his head. “I’ll set it up so that when you close this folder, the computer will basically self-destruct.” And he’d conveniently leave the photos plastered up on the screen too, for all to see - along with Mr. Periwinkle dead self, shiny receding hairline and all.
“But first, let me erase anything relevant to our interests. Just in case.” Didn’t hurt to clean very, very thoroughly - Cindy and Garrus were both worth the extra effort.
“Sometimes people like their costumes,” she suggested, shoulders flaring up into a little shrug. Certainly strange, but the Leliana in Thedas had witnessed dwarves and elves in brothels. Either way, not much judgment on her behalf - clearly, they were enjoying themselves! Orgasm buckets, little people, the Maker still loves you.
But yes! A little tidying up was necessary, and Leliana was quite prepared. Mirroring Pete, gloves had enveloped her hands to make sure no prints were left. A lint roller was pulled out to grab any loose hairs, and a few more disinfectant wipes were used to remove any suspicious smudges. Blood-stained carpet, however, would remain, and so would the dead corpse of Mr. Periwinkle, Attorney at Law.
“There, all done.” Then everything was tucked back into her purse, even the dirty wipes - she’d get rid of them later - and spared a glance at her watch. “Turn off the lights. The janitor is due to make his rounds within the next ten minutes, and we can have him think Mr. Periwinkle went home for the night.”
Day workers will eventually get a whiff of the stench, unfortunately. But sometimes a spectacle needed to be made. Those stragglers out there would see this as a public warning and hopefully remove themselves from the vicinity, otherwise Leliana would personally hunt them.
“I wouldn’t mind costumes - “ Say, now there was a pleasant thought. Maybe Pete would bring that up later. “But ones with fur and strategically placed holes don’t strike me as very sexual. To each their own, I suppose. And good on him, the poor bastard, for soiling his professional computer with such fuckery.” That made for a very interesting interjection into the day, no?
He was quick about his work as well. While Leliana cleaned up ‘round the corpse, Pete tidied up the PC. Rapidfire clicks here and there, erasing files or corrupting them, and he was all set to let the virus fly, pulling the Linux system up and typing in a few commands. Then that was it for Mr. Periwinkle’s computer, the rather unorthodox photos frozen in place on the screen and not going anywhere.
As the lady instructed, the lights were flipped off and he pocketed the flash drive once more. “All set?”
Perfect timing for an exit. The corridors were clear of other souls, dimly lit, and Leliana offered him a nod and stepped out. Now time to act like they truly belonged here, which was easy enough - both were well dressed for business anyway, they could blend in with any other lawyer or secretary that roamed these parts. And as predicted, the janitor rolled by with his cart of cleaning supplies. She bid him a good night and winked.
“Let us pray that tonight is the last of them,” Leliana sighed, pressing the elevator button that would take them to the ground floor. “Activity around these parts have certainly been much more tame. Not sure what to do with myself anymore now that there are less things caught on fire, less people getting shot.” There were still sharks infesting the waters, and maybe she could finally go back to her more regular assignments. The quieter ones that involved more politics than anything else.
Wisdom wasn’t really one for sending up a prayer or two, but he had to admit, that was as good enough of a reason as any to rekindle the long lost connection with the big person upstairs. “It should be,” he sighed, leaning back against the wall of the elevator casually. The camera there too had already been taken care of. “Never thought I’d say I miss bounty hunting, but with the scum involved in all that, it’s business - far less personal.”
And he really hated when shit got personal.
“Though I wouldn’t mind teaming up again in the future, love, should you require my assistance with anything.”
“It has been awhile since I have handled things myself,” Leliana confessed, burying her fists into her fashionable little dress coat. Classy, yet conservative. “My connections are plentiful, as are my agents. But not often do things become close to the heart. Cindy’s my little southern baby.” Her smile was absolutely adoring at the mention of the woman, eyes twinkling in pride. “She may have chosen a different path away from me - and I will never hold that against her - but she’ll always be dear to me, no matter the time and distance.”
It was possible to have friends in this line of work. A little difficult to maintain with all the moving around, but Leliana was lucky to have those she could reconnect with instantly.
Ding went the elevator, the metallic door sliding to allow them an exit to the lobby, and out the glass doors as if nothing ever happened. “But I certainly do not mind the company of someone who knows what they are doing. Perhaps next time we’ll find an even more embarrassing batch of porn, hn?”
Oh, it took two smooth and slick individuals to roll out of a corporate law firm after a murder and technological sabotaging like nothing had happened. All in a day’s work, really. “You really do care for her quite a bit, don’t you?” he remarked with fond amusement, regarding Cindy. It was sweet to see. Most in Leliana’s line of work (and Pete’s too) were too steely, too hardened and encased in titanium to even consider forming attachments - but let that happen, and you’d risk losing all sense of what made you human in the first place. It was dangerous to let those attachments form, but worth it - even his cynical, jaded heart thought so.
He lit up a cigarette once they were outside, finding relief in the first puff. He’d cut back a bit recently but still kept up the habit - it was just something that would always be very Wisdom. “If there’s anything more embarrassing than midgets and fur, I’m not sure I want to see it,” he quipped, with a rough laugh. “But dream big, as they say. For now though, how about a celebratory drink? Ladies choice.”
“I do,” she replied, still with that sweet smile. She’d do the same for any of her friends - Zee, and Logan, and Bela and Neal - but Cindy was almost like a little bird she had protectively tucked under her bird of prey wings. Not that she needed the protection and coddling, but some Mother Hen feelings were definitely quite there. “And believe me, Mr. Wisdom, there certainly are worse things. You’ve never seen deaf clown porn, have you?”
But lady’s choice it was, and Leliana led the way. The glassy, towering law firm was established in a good, ritzy neighborhood - many things in walking distance, many places that had a little more ambiance and cleanliness than typical dive bars. And of course, she selected a lovely little place with a piano player and chandeliers - it was a lounge connected to a ritzy hotel, but open to the general public. Clean and pretty.
Deaf clown porn. The look on Pete’s face must have been priceless, as in, his eyebrows just about shot up to the sky. “Actually, I’ve not seen much porn at all,” he admitted, exhaling a stream of smoke before indulging in another puff - quickly, sucking it back, just a little something to give him some extra pep. “The standard, of course, but it doesn’t really hold my interest for long. Perhaps I’m more of a real-life situation sort of fellow.” And most of it was just absurd and comical rather than arousing, but again, to each their own.
The remains of the cigarette, smoldering ashes, were flicked off before he and Leliana entered the lounge. Good choice. Dive bars were usually where he went for work-related purposes, or if Lina wanted chips with grease and cheese, so something ritzier was a pleasant change of pace. He found a secluded table for them and passed on the cocktail menu with fancy descriptions, settling for the old reliable of a gin and tonic.
“Though I feel as if I must ask about your exploits now, if they involved this sort of...entertainment.”
Leliana opted for a sweet sangria accented with an assortment of fruit. Sometimes she’d surprise herself by abandoning anything wine-related with a glass of whiskey, but it was usually for certain occasions. Not a celebration. “I do not bed deaf clowns or furred midgets, if that’s what you’re inquiring,” she clarified, lips forming a smirk. “I just enjoy curious videos on the internet. Most of the time, I end up YouTubing kittens.”
She was adventurous, but not explicit. Marjolaine was her first only and serious relationship - that ended in murder, of course, how romantic. There was Logan, and theirs was passionate but fleeting. Both were going in different directions and the break was made peacefully. So bedfellows it was for the companionship, and not that she minded. She was always good friends with them and she never slept with anyone she didn’t know, either. Strangers weren’t an option. Maker knows where their genitalia have been! “Now that everything has calmed, what do you think you’ll be up to now?”
Leliana would YouTube kittens, wouldn’t she? That made Pete laugh. Well, fair enough. “Let’s see, now that everything has calmed? I’ll probably be going back to work like usual,” he shrugged, and when the drink arrived he squeezed the lime into the glass, wanting more sour than sweet. “Like I said, I sort of miss that kind of pace. There are loads of untouched contracts, marks I can cash in on, so I’ll have my pick of the litter.” And he was quite looking forward to saving up so he could take Red for a castle holiday in Scotland around her birthday. It really wasn’t that far off.
The ice clinked in the glass when he took a sip - good, refreshing. Perfect after a rather messy murder. “I’ll help my sister in her book shoppe as well, when I get a chance. She’s been pouting because I haven’t been by as often lately. So it’ll be back to the grind. But things are always interesting here, aren’t they? I’m sure something odd will crop up sooner or later.”
First order of business when obtaining her sangria was picking off the fruit, nibbling on on them little treasures first. “Things going back to how they should be almost seems a bit surreal, no? I do agree that something else may pop up. One way or another. This particular area is a magnet of odd trouble, it’s quite curious!” Which meant Leliana would never be bored, but she still wanted some downtime so she could whisk Cindy off to a spa so they could take care of those atrocious little piggies she called toes.
“Seems like you’ve settled down quite nicely, though. A place to call home, I assume?” Leliana would always be on the move - it was the nature of things. She was accustomed to it, had no real reason to complain anyway.
“Surprisingly, yes,” he admitted. Months ago, home in Orange County wasn’t really on the radar for Wisdom but it was funny how things changed. He’d found a (somewhat stable) job, had a condo with a lease that wasn’t expiring anytime soon, and found friends and an actual relationship that was grown up and not just ‘let’s fuck occasionally because reasons.’ None of that he would trade, or wanted to give up easily. “I sort of miss London, but I traveled a lot for my job in the UK as well, tracking stolen goods, so to have something where I’m not on a plane every other week is rather nice.”
He took a sip of the drink, eyebrows lifted curiously. “Have you assimilated to calling this place home yet too?”
“Not really.” Cherry eaten, orange pulled from the skin and devoured, pineapple gone - now to the drink, iced and chill. “I haven’t called a place home since France. It has been quite awhile. But I am used to the traveling. I enjoy it. And I have made connections in every place that I’ve remained in touch with.” It wasn’t a terrible thing and she wasn’t always lonely. It had taken Leliana awhile, but she had managed to find the perfect balance between it all.
Her fingers danced along the rim of the wine glass, the gesture reminding her of Zee and their little talk underground. “I am a woman married to my work. Maybe one day I will retire, let someone else take the reigns, but for now, my hands will remain dirty unless I draw my last breath tomorrow.”
Pete could sort of understand the train of thought. ‘Home’ meant many different things to different people, and just because someone chose to not settle in one spot didn’t mean they couldn’t be happy. “As long as you’re content, you know, fulfilled and all that? Then that’s the important thing,” he said, taking another pull from his drink.
“But even if you go, your legacy will still remain,” he smirked. “I’ll fondly remember all the good times we had, love.” Leliana with her sweet silver bell of a voice and her pretty little face. The last thing you’d see before she cut your throat.
Content, maybe. Fulfilled? Leliana wasn’t entirely sure. She was comfortable. Tricks and secrets and the edge of a blade was all she knew now, she wasn’t sure if that would ever change. “I’m quite flattered, Mr. Wisdom,” she giggled; it was like a wind chime blowing in the air.
Arm reaching across the table, she held her glass raised. “A toast, then? Should death spare us tonight and tomorrow, I’m sure we will have opportunities for plenty of other good memories. With or without curious furry midget porn!”
“Without, preferably,” the grumpy Brit rolled his eyes, clinking his glass against hers. “Otherwise I’ll be sending you my bill for therapy.” He was already scarred enough from Mr. Periwinkle’s secret stash. Cheque, please.