ŗęd-ђąŋdęd ʝįɭɭ (wmadarling) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-03-12 14:19:00 |
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Katou had spent far more time in the library that afternoon than he was sure he had ever done before. He sat reading up on sodium thiopental for a while, but he didn’t think that was it. For one, he wasn’t feeling any higher than he usually was. For two, he had taken whatever mystery drug he had taken hours before, and he was pretty sure the effects should have worn off by now. For three, apparently habitual liars weren’t affected nearly as much as other people. Katou had never realized how much he lied until he was forced to tell the truth. Eventually deciding that he probably wasn’t going to find any answers, he walked out of the library and hoped no one would talk to him as he walked his way to Wendy’s. He stuck his earbuds in his ears, and turned up his angry punk music as loud as it could go so that even if someone wanted to talk to him (why, he had no idea, he was scowling as hard as he could), he wouldn’t be able to hear them, and walked to Wendy’s without much incident. He had the decency to turn off his music before he rang her bell. Wendy loved her little house. It was more like a cottage, really, and had that gingerbread sort of vibe. She wanted people who came by, guests, to feel just as cosy as she did. That was why she selected mostly a neutral colour palette and natural materials for the main rooms; it was meant to instantly rejuvenate the senses, look and feel comfortable, and be easily livable. Fresh flowers in most every room, slipcovers on the sofa, plenty of throw pillows, warm lighting - her favourite materials were linen and wool, and she’d even become somewhat of a DIY expert thanks to all her Pinterest browsing. The wall-mounted end tables were made after cutting an antique bench in half, and she’d painted all her lampshades - the most she could paint, actually, and the rest of the truly artistic endeavours she left to Jack. She even had, in her kitchen, turned a vintage three-tiered wire cupcake stand into a cute little knick-knack that held fruit, tea, and other kitchen supplies. The kitchen was where she was now, putting the finishing touches on what she was cooking up. Recipes she had browsed told her that Gyudon was a good comfort food and, since Katou mentioned he liked Japanese food and had seemed to enjoy what she made when he came over for dinner the other night, she thought she’d give it a try. It didn’t take long anyway. She had everything sizzling in the pan to go over rice and had just poured the egg on top when she heard the bell, so, turning off the heat she went to go answer the door. “Katou!” she greeted him when she saw him on the front stoop, waving him in. Her house likely smelled of a combo of what she was cooking, those flowers, and the latest fragrant candle she had burned. Odd, but it worked. “Come inside. How are you feeling?” Katou wasn’t entirely sure what the smells all were. There was something that smelled vaguely familiar, amongst a bunch of weird girly scents. He could admit to himself that it smelled pretty good, not that he’d ever say it out loud. He didn’t do the whole complimenting people thing. His posture was relaxed when he walked in, and when she asked how he was, he gave her a cocky grin. “I’m fucking freaking out, man,” he said, his voice full of confidence. It took him a moment for the words to register in his head, and then he almost snarled, “Oh, come on.” No one answered that question honestly. Literally no one. He ran his hand through his hair, looking decidedly less confident than he had a couple of seconds ago. “How are you? Smells good in here.” Really? Yes, the 'freaking out' seemed to be quite common lately. Because it was happening to Wendy too, and she hadn't even taken any drugs. Honestly, the wildest thing that her liver had seen was probably Nyquil, or the occasional social drink. But since Katou basically admitted he took drugs, well...her mother henning would become a force of nature. "I made some food, it's in the kitchen," she said, beaming at the compliment, because she was going to take it - and she'd worked hard to ensure her house didn't give off an eau du stinky socks, thank you. "But first you ought to borrow the shower, because I was right, you don't smell good at all." Oops! Pink roses bloomed in her cheeks, as she covered her mouth with her hand. Sapphire eyes widening. "I don't mean it as an insult, I just mean...the guest bathroom's down the hall, come eat when you're all finished? There are towels in the linen closet." There was a pause, partially because it was so unexpected coming from Wendy, before Katou burst out laughing. "I didn't know you could be so blunt," Katou said, not insulted at all. In fact, he liked Wendy a little bit more. "I normally shower at school, but I haven't been since Monday. But man, am I looking forward to a real, non-locker room shower." "I'm usually not," she said sheepishly, rather relieved that he hadn't taken offence to her bluntness...rudeness? It was rude. But it came from a good place, concern about where Katou was staying, if he showered exclusively at school? Did he not have an actual home? This was going to end with her inviting him to stay with her and Jack. With Katou on the comfy sofa and Jack in the spare room. She just knew it. No sense in delaying the inevitable, then. "There are also some spare things of Jack's you can wear, I'm sure he won't mind," Wendy plowed on. "Anyway, just come back to the kitchen when you're all set and you can tell me more about your life and give me more reasons to fret, because lord knows I already was after I saw your friends." Ugh, that was a bit of a babble. Katou laughed at the friend comment. He was far from one what might call a ‘loyal friend.’ “Yeah, my friends are kind of of fuck-ups,” Katou said amicably. “I mean, compared to me they’re pretty well put together, since I’m a bigger fuck-up than both of them combined, but they’re still kind of a laugh.” Well then. Somewhat flustered, he said, “I’m going to go use the shower now,” and attempted to leave the room before she could get another word in. He didn’t bother looking for Jack’s clothes because after that he was too embarrassed to ask where they were, but did grab a towel from the linen closet and locked himself in the bathroom. When he took off his shirt, he sniffed and made a face. It was probably time for laundry pretty soon too. Then he hopped in the shower, which was approximately one million times better than the locker room showers. "You are not a fuck up," Wendy scolded the boy before he left, and it was true, wasn't it? She couldn't say it if it wasn't, thanks to the odd juju in the air. But she would defend that notion anyway - maybe Katou just needed someone, or someone's, to believe that he could be more than he was and that he could make better decisions. He'd never know for sure if no one gave him a chance, if he didn't give himself a chance. While he was enjoying the luxury of a genuine shower not in a locker room (and her guest bathroom was quite adorable too, white with hints of sea green, very soothing and nautical-inspired), she plated the food - two plates, because she wasn't going to just watch him eat. Piping hot and still sizzling over rice, the gyudon was set on the table and she would wait to see what he would want to drink when he returned to the tempting aroma of a nice meal (and she'd give him the leftovers too, of course). When she thought she heard him, she called, "Now come on in here and tell me why you think you're a fuck up." He didn't bother responding before he got into the tub. There was really no point. Katou dressed in his own clothes, and came out of the bathroom still toweling his hair off. "Well, I'm a junkie for one, and everyone knows junkies are useless." Well, there was no stopping it now. May as well treat it as some big joke. Katou tried to keep his voice nonchalant, and counted each point on his fingers. "Ain't got no legal skills. I flunked all my classes last year so I've gotta retake them this year, but I'm flunking them all again anyway. Pretty sure my family don't want nothing to do with me." He attempted to say 'none of it bothers me though,' but the words wouldn't come. "I mean, I could go on if you want, but none of it's that interesting." He shot her a grin and a shrug. Wendy clucked her tongue, pulling out one of the chairs for him to take a seat. She was just like her dream self, looking after lost souls and filling some kind of caregiving role - maybe she should be more concerned, if she was truly turning into that person, but she couldn’t really spend too much time dwelling on it. Her dreams were something she didn’t really like to think about, especially if they bled over - if it was seeping in. Like something she couldn’t stop, or change, and oh, how Wendy hated not having control. “Family’s not always just about blood, for one thing,” she said, setting up the silverware in a perfect arrangement. “And you’re too young to be a fuck up, Katou. It’s not too late. You could still turn all that around, if you really wanted to. I could help.” The offer was out before she could stop herself, but it was the truth, all of it, because she did wish to help. Genuinely. There were loads of places to start. She wanted to see him improve, not get worse. But first she started with, “What would you like to drink? I could make tea. Or...well, I’ve got sodas, I think.” "Well, I ain't got anyone who ain't my blood who's family," he said, giving her an incredulous look. "And if you're gonna go all friendship is magic on me, I don't buy it. I ain't ever gonna help someone out if it's not gonna help me out, and I don't expect anyone to do the same for me." "I'd like a beer," Katou said, though his tone implied that he didn't expect Wendy to give him one, if she even had one. "Soda'd be okay." Katou considered her offer. He tried to say that he didn't need help, but he found he couldn't. Which was stupid because it was the truth. Well, he tried to convince himself it was the truth, though he had to admit that sometimes he thought he might need just a little help. "I don't know how you're gonna do that," he said. “I’m certainly not some magical unicorn,” the prim and proper lass sniffed, as she went to the fridge to retrieve two sodas. Jones sodas, the natural ones - Jack seemed to like peach ginseng, and Wendy did too. Then she sat down at the table, after using a bottle opener on the drinks. No, rainbows and sparkled poop she was not, she was a realist and perhaps far too British to be overly cheerful, but she still maintained a healthy optimism when it came to giving people a chance. “But we could try things out. See how they go? You could stay here for a bit, while you work on improving your grades and such. As long as you help contribute, I don’t see a problem.” Jack helped out too, when he could; he was very good about that. Wendy appreciated it all. They were a cosy little family in her cottage and she was grateful for the dynamic. “I’m certain you could find something more legal that would pay. Nothing will be fixed overnight but Jack and I are here to help.” Katou took the soda, and had a sip. It wasn't one he had ever tried before, but it wasn't terrible. "You probably don't want me to stay here," he said slowly. "When I was a kid I stayed at some friends' places and their folks always kicked me out after a while. I keep late hours, don't do good with rules, and have no intention to quit using drugs. They're the only thing that makes shit bearable." While he didn't have a problem with anything else he said, which was all more or less true, his eyes widened a little at the last sentence. It wasn't something he barely admitted to himself, let alone someone else. “I won’t kick you out,” Wendy promised, and what kind of friend would she be if she did? “I don’t even have many rules. I don’t want drugs here, is the main thing...but you’re an addict and addicts can’t quit just like that.” She was well aware that he would be doing drugs elsewhere, that he was in too deep - and while she wished she had a magic wand to wave and make things instantly better for him, it just wasn’t that simple. She took a few bites of food, chewing thoughtfully. It tasted good, even though she never made this particular dish before. He was broadening her horizons, wasn’t he? “Do you...want to quit? Find something else to make everything just a bit more bearable? I mean, you say they’re the only thing that does, but you have to know that it’s dangerous and you could kill yourself, don’t you?” It just took one bad batch, or one bad reaction. Then he’d be gone and there wouldn’t be any do-overs. Katou rubbed the back of his head. She was offering him a place to stay, and while for the most part he liked his old warehouse, the mattress he had found in the dump five years ago was far from comfortable, it was too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter, he had no running water, and occasionally he saw rats which kind of creeped him out. He was also fairly sure that eventually someone of authority would find him there and would at best be booted out and at worst be arrested for breaking and entering. The food was pretty good too, once he took a bite of that. But, he could come and go as he pleased, could play his guitar as loud as he want, and had a jam space for his band. That, and he'd lived on his own long enough that he was fairly sure he didn't want to live under some adult's roof where he had to follow their rules. Which was why he was surprised when he said "I guess I wouldn't mind giving it a shot until we get sick of each other," instead of refusing her. "I don't wanna quit," Katou said shrugging. "Well, most of the time. Sometimes I think about it, but it seems like a hassle. And, you know, I wouldn't be able to do it anyway, so why bother trying. And if someone like me bites it, there ain't no one out there who'd miss me. My old man wants me dead anyway, he'd probably throw a party or some shit." He spluttered a little. Talking about his old man was something he didn't do. He had to quickly say something else to steer away from the topic. "Not that he'd get the chance because I think he's dying." Nope, that wasn't it. He opened his mouth again, but then snapped it shut when he realized he'd probably just dig himself in further. He focused intently on his gyudon. There was a lot of complication there, but at least Katou agreed to stay at the house for the time being. It made Wendy feel better, because she wanted him to be in a safe place. There would be a few rules - no drugs, no late nights breaking sound barriers, but overall she was pretty easy to live with. And maybe she and Jack would be better influences for him, and he could start to edge into drug-free territory. “You could quit if you really wanted to,” she stated firmly, and she believed that with her whole heart. Maybe Wendy was all Victorian tea cakes and dignified Earl Grey, a spot of creme and sugar, but she was steely too - and very determined. “It would be a hassle. It would be difficult. You’d probably go through a lot, just to get there, but you’d find your way. You’d learn to live one day at a time without drugs.” Because she knew enough about addiction to understand that it wasn’t ever a matter of being cured from it. As for his father, her heart went out to him. She frowned a bit, sipping on her soda. It sounded like a terrible situation, and what kind of father would want their child dead? “He seems like an asshole.” Oops, bad language. Well, but it was true! “And very toxic. So you’re better off without him. If he’s dying he should find the strength to reach out to you and make amends - be the parent, instead of the other way around.” It didn’t seem like his responsibility; he was so young, and already dealt with enough. It took Katou a couple seconds longer than normal to flick the switch in his head that let him stop stirring his food, look up, and set his body language to give off an air of complete carelessness. "Yeah, I don't really do that whole hard work and perseverance thing," he said. "I ain't worth it." Pause. "It. It ain't worth it." Both of them were true in Katou's mind. His lips curled up at the asshole comment. "Anyhow, no chance of Pop's coming around and spilling his heart. I ain't even his kid." Wait. "My mom had an affair. So it ain't any wonder that he hates me. Why am I telling you this?!" This spilling his heart out thing had to stop. “You’re absolutely worth it. But I can’t force you to see it. You’ll see it for yourself, one day,” she said, reaching over to pat his hand before returning to her food. If someone had such a low self-worth, they probably wouldn’t think that anything obtained with hard work and perseverance was worth it but that could change. Maybe not right away, but it very well could. The odd compulsion to tell the truth certainly was strange - but she was trying to go with the flow as much as possible. Her hope was that she didn’t say something she shouldn’t, on Monday, when she was back at work. Guh, that would be terrible. Calling in sick obviously wouldn’t do her any good either. “Well, then screw that old man with a rusty fork,” Wendy dismissed, though had the decency to turn a little pink again because of her vulgarity. “You have to take care of yourself. And...things are going to be alright, Katou. I know it doesn’t seem that way but most anything’s possible.” Then she looked quite stern, but in a playful sort of way - her eyes were warm, and she sat up straight, insisting, “Now finish up here because you need the protein.” See? Truth! Katou choked on the sip of pop he was taking when Wendy made the rusty fork comment. Once he finished coughing, he laughed. Wendy really was surprising him tonight. "That would be a sight to see," Katou said, grinning. He wasn't sure what to say to her other points. He was pretty sure she'd see his worthlessness long before he ever saw the opposite, and was pretty sure there wasn't much in the way of things getting better in store for him. He quite happily dug into his food though. He generally didn't eat a whole lot, because he was very rarely hungry, but he was hungry today. It was good. Not as good as his mother's, but then, Wendy probably made chicken pot pies or some other English food better than his mom ever would. "Well, I guess if I'm gonna be staying here for a while I'll be eating good at least," he said, caring less about being forced to compliment her after everything else he had already said. “You will be,” she laughed, and if there was one thing Wendy loved, it was cooking for the lost souls she took into her home. Or...feeding everyone, really. She didn’t think she had many other valuable skills (besides extreme anal retentiveness and organisation?), so whatever she could do, she would. Next time she’d have to make something comforting like her mother used to - toad in the hole was one of her favourites, and she’d be glad to share with her houseguests. And they’d take it all one day at a time, too. |