Mai is bored out of her mind (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} justtakethebear) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valarlogs,@ 2012-07-14 17:29:00 |
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Who: Zuko, Mai and Iroh
What: Mai and Zuko discuss their relationship, their screwed up families, and issues with the crime syndicate.
When: Right after this and this.
Where: Iroh and Zuko's condo
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
While Azula was being held together by fragile words and loving caresses, Zuko was standing at his window, recieving none of those things. Actions had consequences and his actions of a year and a half ago were kicking him in the balls.
He was irritated - angry even - that Mai had reacted that way. The four of them were intertwined in such a way that he doubted they could ever be fully extracted from one another. The dream had only rammed that home. Giving Mai space also let his anger ebb away. Of course she'd be angry. Ty Lee was her best friend, more than Azula even. He finally walked out of the bedroom, and peered in on his sleeping mother. Maybe some good could come out of this, he thought. Maybe Ursa would react to Azula's presence. Maybe Azula's heart would melt further. Then he went looking for Mai.
When Mai hadn't said anything about what was bothering her, Iroh had simply poured himself a cup of tea, and sat nearby. Mai being disquieted wasn't actually that new of a sight to him, and the two of them - Zuko and Mai - having an argument wasn't really that new. But there was something about that evening, something in the air, or a feeling he had, that made him think he aught to be around the girl, just in case.
Mai didn't really mind his company. She was angry, and upset, in a way that was fierce and overwhelming, and she didn't know how to deal with it. She wasn't used to having emotions so large that they threatened to burst out of you. She had never really understood why it was that Zuko sometimes needed to punch a wall.
There had only been a few times close to this in her life, and one of them was the time Ty Lee had literally snatched a knife out of her hand while she'd been in the process of cutting herself with it. Ty Lee was more than a best friend to her. She was like a protective younger sister, even though they were the same age. She'd made her go to the nurse, sat with her the whole time, and even invented a story about some kind of accident to save Mai's parents the scandal. Mai had wanted to be left alone after that, but Ty Lee had sat in bed with her the whole night, just to be sure.
After that, she'd started throwing knives at the wall. When she was bored, or when she felt even slightly emotional about anything. Anger, disappointment, love. It was better than trying to take the emotions out on herself, but that evening, sitting next to Iroh, she realised it was tempting. That thought was scary, and she didn't want to be alone.
It didn't at all help that if she was placing things correctly in her head, Ty Lee had slept with Zuko sometime either right before or right after that event. Traitorous bitch. No, that was too harsh. Still, it hurt. She didn't know what her emotions were doing.
Zuko stood on the staircase, watching her as she brooded over her tea. She'd always been a mystery to him. Her smile was a rare thing he'd treasured. He'd first met her and Ty Lee around the same time, when Azula had brought them home from private school. They'd all been thirteen or fourteen.
Azula had locked him and Mai in a room together. Her idea of a joke. Or a manipulation. They'd sat in silence for twenty minutes before he'd tried to talk. Then there'd been another twenty minutes of small talk, mostly one-worded answers.
She'd said something profound, though he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was now. It had made him want to know her better. Outside of Azula. On her own merits.
He was vaguely aware in the dream world they'd known each other longer. Grown up together, from some of what was said. He didn't have many of those childhood memories, and the ones he did didn't have Mai in them yet. But he knew she'd been there.
The four of them were inseparable. They would always be so, he thought, no matter what might come between them. He just hoped the storm would be a short one this time.
He didn't think he could stand another two years of not seeing her.
The brooding continued for a long while, as Mai processed through some very similar thoughts. Especially the one they all seemed to share, about how intertwined their lives all were. She thought back to the dream. Ty Lee had a certain tone to her voice when she'd said that she knew him. Had they been intimate there, too? If so, for how long?
She couldn't be angry at a dream. They were just dreams. She didn't care if Zuko and Azula were manifesting fire-making talents because of them. To her, they were still just dreams. That other life meant very little to her, beyond the fact that she shared it with them in a similar way.
She pulled up the sleeve on her robe and looked at her arm. The mark was still there, though it had faded enough that most people would probably never see it, or ask. Zuko had never brought it up, and she was certain he'd never even seen it. But it reminded her how close Ty Lee was to her. It reminded her, often, about how stupid she could be if she wanted to. She let out a long sigh and glanced at Iroh.
Iroh simply patted her hand, and poured her more tea.
Coming down the stairs, Zuko stood awkwardly on the bottom step, watching her for several more minutes. Finally he stepped off the stairs and approached. He'd caught her looking at her arm, but would ask about that later. It didn't seem the right time to possibly dredge something up.
He was coming from behind Iroh, and half expected the man to be pouring tea for him too.
He knew his uncle well, for that was exactly what Iroh was doing, right at that moment. He glanced behind him and caught Zuko's eyes, before getting up out of his chair. He took his own teacup with him as he quietly left the porch, whispering, "Take care," as he passed Zuko and headed inside.
Mai was too far gone into brooding to even notice.
Zuko replaced his Uncle, sitting in the same spot and watching Mai contemplatively. He took a sip of the tea and made a face - it tasted a little bitter, but something told him that might have been the point. He had to swallow the bitter to get through all this.
At least that's something he thought his Uncle would say.
"Hey."
That had not actually been Iroh's point, though he'd be proud of his nephew for thinking something like that. The flavor of tea was one of Mai's favorites, actually, and it tended to be somewhat calming.
It was hard to gauge Mai's reaction to Zuko at first. She took her teacup in her hand and swished it around a bit. The movement was deliberate and precise, while also a bit delicate. It caused the sleeve of her robe to drift slowly down her arm, casually, without her having to tug on it.
The mask was back on her face, too, even though she was only looking at her tea, "Hey."
He half feared getting a splash of tea to his face. As it was hot, that would have hurt. Zuko sighed and looked down at his own cup. Now that he'd gotten out here he wasn't sure what to say, or how to approach it. He'd figured out Mai wasn't mad at Ty Lee so much as she was mad at him.
"I.."
"When did this happen? I want to know... exactly when," Mai's tone was even. She was still looking at her teacup. She really had no intention of splashing it at him, and instead took a sip.
Zuko tried to think of exactly when it had been swirling his tea and not wanting to really drink any, "A month or two after we broke up that first time. I was..well..ranting about you, mostly. She tried so hard to help me understand you, but I wouldn't have any of it."
Mai let out a bit of a snort, and shook her head, "That's so like her. Trying to get you to understand me. She knows me so well. How well does she know YOU?"
"I don't know. She says she knows me. I'm not sure she does." Zuko took another sip and scrunched up his nose. Blech. "I was so angry."
"Stop swishing it. You're getting the bitterness of the leaves in your mouth. It has a light sweetness to it if you just sip at it," Mai advised, casually. She glanced at him, "I didn't know how to handle the emotions. You didn't ask."
"You're always so hard to read. When you're happy it's like you don't care, when you're angry it's like you don't care. When you care it's like you don't care, and.." He waved a hand while taking just a sip, and to his chagrin discovered it was sweet.
"I was too impatient then to wait and try to..get past the mask."
"So you went and found Ty Lee, who never wears one, and always cares," she said, softly. But her tone was bitter, more bitter than the tea had been before he'd just sipped at it.
"That wasn't the intent! It's not like I set out to seduce her." Zuko put the cup down, before his hands shook so much he spilled tea. Because a part of him was worried that she was right. He'd never thought of it in those terms before.
"It just sort of happened. After a couple times we realized it was all...wrong." He flicked a finger at the cup, "I guess it was like I was Azula with a dick." He snorted, "..well okay there's not much difference there."
"A COUPLE TIMES!?" Mai got up and tossed her teacup at the wall. A couple times? A couple times!? Not just one time, oh it was a mistake, but a COUPLE TIMES!?
She started pacing, before she punched a wall.
Zuko stared at her, like he wasn't sure what had just happened but it was probably a good thing her throwing the teacup had stopped him from saying ,'But she was bendy!' That wouldn't go over well, and his brain mouth filter slammed shut before it came out anyway, followed by a 'well you're bendy too' since that would only help a little bit.
He exhaled, watching her wear a trail in the carpet, "She deserved it without the pain, just like you did. It wasn't a big deal, we weren't together, Mai! I didn't think we'd ever get back together!"
"And you tell me you weren't even thinking of her while you did it!" Mai was going to punch a wall. She was so angry, sher was seriously considering it. Instead, she reached into her sleeve to take out knives to throw ... only there were none there. She looked momentarily lost.
"I'm an idiot," Zuko muttered. He walked over, gently grabbing her wrists, "Mai, listen to me. I was hurting. But I think she was too. So we comforted each other. But..she wasn't you, and I wasn't Azula."
It was surprising how ...CLEAR that was now. How had he never noticed?
"Yes. You're an idiot," Mai agreed, in a low grumble. She didn't push him away, either, though. Instead she just stood there a bit, trying to process everything. She obviously cared, or she wouldn't be this mad about it.
At least some of that anger was because Ty Lee had never mentioned anything. That wasn't his fault.
"I thought she told you, at least. Maybe not Azula." Because his sister wouldn't take him deflowering BOTH her friends all that well. Obviously, she hadn't. He lowered his hands, taking hers down with his, before letting go. He hadn't grabbed her roughly, and she could have gotten free without much effort.
"It's in the past, we can't change it." And then there was Sofia which his Uncle didn't even know about, but he was beginning to think Mai needed to know about. If only to prevent future stabbing. But how do you go 'oh btw there was one more girl I was with who wasn't you" at a time like this?
"She never told me. You never told me. If it wasn't that serious then there wasn't really anything to hide. But you did. You both did." Mai realised at this point that she was being unreasonable. Especially after what Ty Lee had caught her doing, it was likely that she just hadn't wanted to cause her extra unhappiness.
She couldn't help feeling betrayed and lied to somehow. She sighed, and shook her head, "You said there were a couple, you should have told me then, that one of them was more extremely cheerful friend who runs around wearing her heart on her sleeve. I kind of GET it, you know. She's my exact opposite. It was probably what you needed at the time. But I... I feel like you both were sneaking behind my back."
"Maybe we were. Maybe we didn't want to hurt you, or have you pissed at us, especially since nothing came of it." Zuko folded his arms and took a breath. He supposed if they had gotten farther they would have told her.
"She was too cheerful, most of the time. But she wasn't you..Sofia wasn't you... It didn't really take Azula much to convince me to come with her to Japan. I thought you hated my guts. I still came."
At that point Mai put up a hand, and closed her eyes, "I don't want to hear about a Sofia, either. I never knew her. Ty Lee, I know. That's just... too close to home."
His words started to process, though,and she shook her head, "Wait, she was too cheerful?"
"Well, she went back to Brazil anyway, so you'll probably never meet her." Zuko nodded his head, "Yeah. She still is. It's as much a mask as your indifference, only it's worse because it puts a false face up."
He took Mai's hand, pulling her closer, "She's a lot less dumb than she lets on."
"Back to Brazil!?" Mai frowned, and beat her fist against his shoulder, "Never speak of her again."
As for how generally underestimated Ty Lee was, she nodded her head in agreement, "She observes more than she lets on."
"I think it's a survival mechanism. From the septuplet thing."
Obviously, Mai got jealous. The fact that she felt those emotions was actually a wonderful thing for Zuko, and he wondered if he should have told her a long time ago.
"I still worry about her being with my sister."
"You should," Mai replied, without bothering to even temper it with anything nice whatsoever. Azula was dangerous. She wasn't stupid. They were alike enough for her to respect and appreciate it, but Ty Lee needed to be nowhere near her.
"I texted her. She said she had it handled." Zuko jerked his thumb at..some direction he hoped was England.
"But I really don't know about this."
"Ty Lee is an investment. She won't hurt her until after the Olympics." Mai's tone was hard to read as she made the comment. She might have been upset, or sarcastic, but what was terrifying is that she might also have been telling the straight truth.
"That's really cruel, Mai. Can we really believe Azula would actually physically hurt Ty Lee?"
What was scaring him was that as soon as he said those words, he realized that part of him believed it. Still, "She called to ask after our mother. That's..not something she ever would have done before."
Even after everything. She was his sister and Zuko always, always wanted to find some silver lining in her behavior or personality.
"Zuko, she melted her phone with fire. She burned her room up with fire. I'm saying that someday she's going to get angry and make fire, and Ty Lee might be in the way. It might even be an accident. But Azula has moments where instead of being perfect she is the exact opposite. We all have times where our masks crack. I throw knives. She does other things." Mai sighed.
She pulled away from Zuko and went to start cleaning up the shards of teacup from where she'd thrown it at the wall, "Maybe the dream shook her up. She mentioned your mother there."
"Yeah. About her being a monster." Zuko knelt to help her up. It was his fault the teacup was broken, after all, "With her fire, the way she...manipulates people. I get the impression she was father's favorite there, too. She was clearly the leader. Ms. Perfect. I don't think mother was entirely wrong."
"It still hurts to hear something like that," Mai pointed out. She let him help her up, though the look on her face told him that she thought he was being a little silly. She could have handled the teacup on her own.
"If my mother said that to me I would have been hurt, too."
He wanted to be close to her. It was rather silly. But it was a sort of symbolic gesture to make up for the whole 'I fucked your friend' thing.
"Would you have been? Or would you have been happy to actually be told something different than 'behave, sit still and shut up'?"
"You think my mother's approval means nothing to me?" Mai arched a brow, "You only behave and sit still so long because they shower you with frivolous things and baubles."
"I don't know," Zuko replied, quietly. "You're always so disdainful and ...rebellious with her. It's hard to tell where you stand."
"Your father does things you don't approve of. He shot you. You let him. You still want him to approve."
"..Point."
"It's a complicated relationship, with our parents," Mai sighed softly, "I hate them both. I hate that they never asked me what I wanted. I hate that it feels like they never cared. I could have died and the most, I feel, that would have come of that is that they would have cursed me for making such a scandal. But a part of me still loves them. A part of me still knows the thing I just said about them is harsh, and cruel."
"Yeah..definitely point." Zuko shifted, sitting down and leaning back on his hands, cross-legged. He felt a bit of dust in his eyes, "He burned me. He burned me because I objected to sending our troops to die in a pointless manuever. Because I impunged upon his honor. I even fought Azula at some point, while going after this kid called the Avatar. Because I thought that would get me back into Father's good graces. I guess it did, but I don't know how. And I wasn't happy."
And he'd saved Aang's life. He remembered that dream. The Blue Spirit.
"Look at us, Mai. What kind of fucked up lives do we have? Ty Lee's parents pretend she doesn't exist, yours turned you into a perfect porcelin doll, my father has his children running crime rings, and our mother barely knows who I am any more."
He laughed, and the sound is bitter, "The only one who really gives a damn is the crazy old man!"
"He's not crazy," Mai whispered. She leaned against the porch railing and watched the sky a bit. She seemed to enjoy watching the sky in that other place. Iroh had her respect, though. she'd never seen him in that light. He'd just sat next to her and served her favorite tea, without saying a word. It was like he always knew what everyone actually needed. And he'd been taking care of her while Zuko was out, "He takes care of me, of my arm. And tells me stories. He never expects me to be perfect. Sometimes he doesn't expect me to say anything at all."
"I told you, he's a crazy old man." But Zuko was smiling and his tone wasn't malicious. He walked up besides Mai, "I appreciate him taking care of you. I need to show that more often. He can just be frustrating. And you know I'm not the most observant person in the world."
But he was a little idealistic, even if that might get him burned in the end. Literally and figuratively, "Mai, there's something I need to tell you. Azula can't find out."
"Keep a secret from Azula? Why, I never." Mai glanced over at him and smirked just slightly.
Zuko gave her a wan smile, "It's the muscle I hired, the woman. I've had her scaring off some of the competition. But.."
He lowered his voice, "I believe my father has us involved in moving people. I found someone lower down on the pole who was using one of our warehouses in this county. I had her take him out."
Take him out. Killed. Zuko was twenty-three, and he'd given an order to kill. Azula and He had been fifteen, as Princess and Prince, giving the same orders. What kind of people were they, really? What kind of person was he and who did he want to be?
"These are just girls Mai. What if I can't shut it down from within? What can I do about other places out of my reach?" He hand rose to where his scar should have been. Would the consequences be worth trying?
"You can report them to the police," Mai said, matter-of-factly. She knew that he really couldn't, though, and frowned. This news was disturbing. She'd joined this crime syndicate of her own free will, but that was before she knew about all of this.
Was it possible to run a crime syndicate with honor? She wasn't entirely sure. The language wasn't lost on her, either. Take him out. They'd both already killed people. She'd never even stopped to process that.
"We do whatever we can. I'll help." In for a penny, in for a pound. Zuko was already in charge of it. Where he went, so would she.
There had been the gun deal, but that felt different. Face to face, self-defense, the adrenaline of the moment. Zuko hadn't fully processed that he'd killed people with his own two hands, either.
"In my dreams, there's a figure. A Blue Spirit. He saved someone's life. I think I can go with that. There's such a thing as too far."
"So... you're going to become a vigilante now on top of everything else?" Mai arched a brow at him.
Zuko snorted, "No, but I know a few places I can leave anonymous tips." He gave Mai a smile. "..are we okay?"
"... I guess... but you better not do anything like that again, you jerk." Mai grumbled a bit, though she was smiling.
Zuko put a hand on his chest and held the other up like 'scout's honor.'
"I promise I won't screw your extremely bendy best friend ever again, for fear of being castrated by you and your knives, and because you're a lot better in the sack."
It was dangerous and he just prayed she accepted the joking.
Mai squinted at him for a second, because he'd just called Ty Lee 'extremely bendy'. She had nothing to say about the idea she'd threaten his manhood, because she would. All was excused, however, since she was apparently better in the sack. Such scandelous language!
Zuko nuzzled the side of Mai's neck tenderly, "I'm really, really sorry Mai. You're the one I love."
She pulled him against her, "I love you too."
"You can stop watching, old man." Zuko leaned in and kissed Mai.
Iroh turned away with a smile.
Zuko brought both his hands to cup Mai's face, so that he could try to kiss away the hurt.
In return, Mai wrapped herself around him and let most of the hurt fall away. At least the hurt that he had caused. It was the most she could give him, and she hoped that was enough.