InsaneJournal

Who: Teddy and Billy
What: Distractions
Where: Teddy’s trailer
When: Mid-January (After speaking to Clary)
Warnings: None/Low
Status: Complete



Billy knew he was distracted. The moment he’d started dreaming again he’d wanted to rush and tell Teddy, but he hadn’t because in all honesty they’d just confused him even more. He’d woken up expecting Teddy to be next to him for a moment before remembering where he was. And since then he’d been lost inside his own head for a while. Realising Teddy had asked him a question as they sat in his trailer eating lunch he looked apologetic, “Sorry what was that?” he asked.

“A distracted PA says what?” Theodore quipped, and threw a potato chip at Billy’s head, playfully. He’d noticed that Billy had been uncharacteristically quiet, and wanted to get to the bottom of it. “Everything okay? You and Justin didn’t have a fight, did you?”

“Sorry,” Billy said trying to dodge the chip and sticking his tongue out briefly. “No nothing like that.” In fact that would be easier to deal with, he thought, and then felt bad for it. “I’m fine, I promise. Just have my mind on other things.”

Theodore stuck out his tongue in return, smiling, and then sipped at his water. “Other things?” he prompted.

“You aren’t going to give up are you?” he sighed, though the smile remained. It was becoming harder not to smile around Teddy, “I had more dreams,” he admitted.

“More as in...again, or more as in new?” Teddy asked, cautiously. “You hadn’t dreamed past our um. Engagement, right?”

“More as in new,” Billy said, “Past the engagement now. Though it’s kind of fragmented, like now there’s no order to them.”

Teddy hesitated before speaking again. He’d dreamed past the engagement too, recently. “Do you remember Loki? And my mother?” Except she wasn’t his mother. He wasn’t sure what hurt more--seeing her again, or knowing that it wasn’t really her, but some creature wearing his mother’s face.

Billy nodded, “Yeah, I remember that,” he said, “I’m sorry Teddy, looks like I always manage to mess up somehow. Maybe the world will get lucky and I won’t get those powers here.” Even if his intentions had been good ones.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Teddy replied, firmly. “You tried to give me my mother back. I can’t tell you how much I love that you even wanted to try.” He hesitated again before continuing. “And I hope you do get those powers. If you do...you can make the world right again. You can make our world right again.”

Billy sighed, “What makes you so sure the world isn’t right? That this isn’t how it’s supposed to be and the dreams are just an anomaly?” he asked quietly.

Because we’re not together.

It was on the tip of Theodore’s tongue to say it, but he bit it back, swallowed hard, and ducked his head.

“Just a feeling,” he said instead. “And you know it’s not...it’s not just dreams. I’m not human, if they’re real. I’m a hybrid alien prince messiah.” Which made him laugh, at least. “What if that’s true. What if there really are two alien species who need their Prince Dorrek? How irresponsible would it be for me to blow all that off--again--to be a Hollywood actor?”

Billy sighed heavily and dropped his head into his hands, “This is all so confusing,” he moaned, “I used to think it was all simple. I just told myself the dreams were dreams, dreams with cool side effects but dreams.”

Teddy chewed on his lip, but he couldn’t help how those words gave him hope. He fidgeted with his water bottle, screwing and unscrewing the cap without drinking. “And now?” he asked, trying to keep that hope out of his voice, striving for casually neutral, instead.

“Now I’m just confused,” he admitted, “But I can’t deny the possibility anymore. Not after these latest lot of dreams.”

"...must have been some dreams," Theodore commented, softly, wanting to know but also not wanting to push if Billy didn't feel like sharing.

Lunch forgotten, Teddy cleans up, then stands to wash his hands in the crappy trailer sink, his back to Billy.

“I’m sorry,” Billy said, “I didn’t mean to get so distracted. I know this is hard for you too,” he sighed.

Theodore shook his head and turned around, still standing a little away from Billy, but regarding him. “I don’t like not knowing. I don’t know who warped reality the way it is, to be like this, or how long we’ve been this way, or if it’s possible to correct it, to send everyone back to their realities. But if you think that it’s been warped...if you think that we are who we are in the dreams, and they’re not just dreams...then I couldn’t be happier,” he confessed.

“I’m not saying I think that Teddy, I...I’m saying I don’t know what I think anymore,” he clarified, “But I don’t think I can rule it out completely,” he admitted. Which was the hardest thing, because if there was even the smallest possibility that the dreams were the true world then shouldn’t he react as such.

Even that small admission made Teddy smile brilliantly. “I’ll take it,” he said, softly, his eyes soft with affection. It was one step closer than they’d been before, but Billy obviously wasn’t taking it well. “So...is that what’s got you distracted? You don’t know what it means, if there’s another life we’re supposed to be living?”

Billy couldn’t help but laugh lightly at that, just a small huff of it but it relaxed him a little bit. “Yeah, pretty much. Trying to make it all make sense and working out if there are any clues as to which one is the truth, I just...it all gets a bit much.”

Teddy nodded, and rubbed the back of his neck a little. “I’m not the brains, of the two of us. The truth I know is what I feel, and this….” he gestured around them. “Feels wrong. At least compared to what I dream. I know that probably makes no sense, and I can’t explain how it’s wrong, other than to say that I would take being an alien hybrid prince/messiah figure over being a Hollywood actor any day. And maybe that sounds like complaining...poor little B-list actor...but at least there my life had some kind of purpose.”

“I like my life here. I have a great fun job, I have friends and I’m happy. This never felt wrong before, not like it’s starting to now. I know you want me to agree with you but I can’t say that I could chose one over the other. I like both lives, and they both feel like mine.” Which was why it was so hard.

“You don’t have to agree with me,” Teddy replied. “I mean...it doesn’t change how I feel if you don’t want that life. I don’t know if me not being human changes the way the spell works on me, or how this reality feels. I’d be surprised if it didn’t, though.” He sighed a little and shrugged, hands resting lightly on the counter behind him. “I guess it’s like that episode of Buffy? You know, when she’s in the asylum, and she has to make a choice if her life as the Slayer is reality or life in the asylum is reality.”

“Yeah I know the one, we’re kind of led to believe she is the slayer though. You know what with the whole series being based on it. But I see what you mean,” Billy said, because of course it was exactly the kind of example they would use.

Teddy’s answering grin was crooked. “Yeah, but Joss said he left it deliberately ambiguous.” He shrugged again, fingers tapping lightly on the countertop. “It could go either way. It’s what she chose to believe, so.” He paused, to give the moment weight. “Are you gonna save the world, Billy? Or do you want to be my PA for the rest of your life? I won’t stop being your friend either way. But I’d be lying if I pretended to not be disappointed if it’s the latter. I think you could do more.”

Billy nodded, “Yeah,” he said sighing, “I don’t know. I just...I need time to think. There’s a break in filming soon, I think I might go away. See if I can make sense of these dreams and everything away from outside influence,” he admitted. It was what he needed, or what he felt he needed.

“By yourself?” Theodore straightened a little, a line appearing on his forehead. He bit his lip lightly and studied Billy. “Do you have a place to go? Do you need one? If I can help in any way...I mean, financially, or... “ he shrugged. Sometimes being who he was opened doors that were closed to other people. “This is my fault, anyway.”

Billy nodded, he needed to be alone. “I might go visit mom and dad. They’ll be out at work so I’ll have the place to myself. But thanks Teddy, I appreciate the offer,” he smiled a little but shook his head, “It’s not your fault. At all. Please don’t think that.”

"...of course it's my fault," Teddy said quietly, then smiled, apologetic. "If we'd never met...you wouldn't be questioning. So...even though I don't wish we'd never met, I'm still sorry that the situation has made things...like this."

“Well, I’m not. I’m glad I met you and no matter how this goes I always want you in my life, Teddy. Above anything else we’re good friends right? In the dreams and here,” Billy said, “So please don’t be sorry about anything.”

Theodore smiled a little. “Maybe it’s just guilt,” he amended. “We’re friends, no matter what else we might be to each other. That much I can promise.”

“Then whatever happens we’ll be okay,” Billy said with a smile. “Now come on eat up, they’ll be calling us back on to set soon.”