Aramis is an alcoholic. Sorry. (amongthebravest) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2015-01-07 15:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, aramis, porthos |
Who: Aramis and Porthos.
When: January 4.
Where: Their house.
What: A short talk about things.
Rating/Warnings: Low/none.
Status: Complete!
New Years had been fantastic and the cruise had been incredible, but now that they're settled back at home it feels like somethings... off, somehow. Aramis has seemed a bit on edge lately, and Porthos isn't sure quite what it is.
So he tucks up into bed with Aramis, nuzzling at his shoulder and trying to insinuate himself between his fiancé and the book he's reading.
Aramis is glad that they've been keeping so busy the past week. It's kept his mind off his anxiety, but now they're home and there's nothing distracting him. He thinks he's putting up a good front, but he knows there are times when Porthos sees right through him. Aramis just tries not to think about it.
When Porthos tucks in against him, Aramis reaches up to tease at Porthos's curls while he reads. "Mm, hello there."
"Hello," he smiles, leaning happily into the petting and trying to wedge himself even closer. "Good book?"
"Mm, it's all right." He turns his head to press a kiss to Porthos's nose, giving his hair a soft tug. "Feeling snuggly, I see?"
"I might be." Porthos makes a small noise at the tug and ducks under Aramis's arm to rest his chin against his chest. "Is it more interesting than me?"
"Very little is more interesting than you." Aramis takes the hint and marks his page, then sets the book on the nightstand. He wraps his arm around Porthos and nuzzles into his hair.
There we are. He sprawls half on top of Aramis and kisses him lightly, reaching up to toy with a particularly curly curl, bumping their noses together. "Hello, you."
"Didn't we say that already?" he asks, smiling against Porthos's lips. He presses his hand to the back of Porthos's neck, pushing his fingers a bit up into his fiancé's hair.
"Yes, but I wanted to say it again." He hums and almost entirely forgets his purpose for making Aramis put his book down under the touches. "How're you doing?"
"Good." Aramis gives Porthos another kiss. "Is there a reason you should be concerned about my state of being?"
Porthos raises his eyebrows and gives Aramis the slightest bit of a Look. "You've been distracted lately, that's all. I wanted to see how you're doing, if there's anything I can help you with. If I can do something to ease your mind."
"Oh? Is that so?" He nibbles at Porthos's lip, looking amused. "I haven't noticed I'm doing it."
"Mm -- and now you're trying to distract me." Another small kiss, nipping back with a smile. "You just seem a bit out of sorts lately. Since we got home. Is everything all right with you?"
"I'm hurt you'd even think I'd do that." Aramis nuzzles the corner of Porthos's mouth. "I guess I'm just worrying about baby things. When we'll start turning the bedroom into a nursery and all the baby proofing we'll need to do and setting up savings accounts."
"Just baby things? We can get those ready, no problem. We've got what, seven months to go, thereabouts? And you've got your handyman here, awaiting instructions. Saving accounts are more involved because we have to deal with bullshit at the bank, but it's solvable. All easy things to do."
"I guess." All right, so now the anxiety is starting to seep back in, the more Aramis thinks about the whole ... Engaged thing. He shifts a little underneath Porthos. "We'd need a joint account."
"We can do all that. We'll get the paperwork started as soon as possible, if you want. Unless you want to wait until after the weddng?"
"Are we - ... Is that going to happen before the baby?" They haven't really talked about it. There hasn't been much time to talk about it really.
"That depends on what you want to do. How soon you want the wedding to be." Porthos is fine to wait until after the baby is born, but he's not sure how much of a rush Aramis is in.
"I ... Don't know. I don't know." Aramis hates sometimes how Porthos can get right at the root of the problem without even saying anything. He drops his head back against the pillows propped up at the headboard. "There's a lot happening suddenly."
"Ah." Porthos nods understandingly and kisses Aramis's chin, rubbing a hand over his chest in an attempt to reassure. "So talk to me. Which part is bothering you the most."
"I'm not bothered," Aramis says, too defensively. His brow furrows, which means his agitation is turning into displeasure. "I only mean that in less than a month we're becoming fathers and husbands, and it's not as if I'm notorious for settling down."
It's a hard question to ask, but Porthos feels, given Aramis's nervousness about the upcoming marriage, he should. "Do you want to marry me?" he says slowly, trying to keep his voice and expression neutral as possible.
"Don't be an idiot." He squeezes his eyes shut and runs a thumb across his forehead, just under the scar there. "Of course I want to marry you. If I didn't, I think you'd know. I may not be good, but I'm not cruel." Aramis lets out an exhale of breath, looking up at the ceiling. "Why on earth would you want to marry me, that's a better question."
"Hey -- " Porthos touches Aramis's chin to get the other man to look at him again, his face completely open and sincere. "I want to marry you because I love you. Because all the moments I spend with you are good ones. Happy ones. And even when we fight, I know that once we cool off a bit, we'll come back and apologize, and things will be okay again. Because you're the surest thing I've ever had in my life, and I don't want to let that go. Not for anything."
"There's a lot you don't know about me. There's a lot I don't think I'll ever let you know about me and I think - If you ever find out that stuff, I don't think I'll be the sort of person you want. I want to marry you. I want very little else in the world, but if you ... If I mess this up, I'm so attached, what am I going to do when you leave?"
He looks honestly hurt at the use of when, and strokes his fingertips over Aramis's cheek, resting their foreheads together. "I'm not leaving. I can't promise I'll never get angry, or I'll never need a bit of room to wind down again. But I swear to you, I will always, always come back. No matter what. That's what that ring on your finger means."
"I know you think you're being reassuring. And everything you say is sweet and kind, but I wish you wouldn't." He turns his gaze down, to look at his ring. "You know me. I'm too much in the moment to think of always and forever. I like that you're here now . That, right now, we are in love and we want to married and you want to take all my worries away. It's thinking about always that panics me. We'll set a date. I'll look forward to it, I will, I want to plan it out. I can plan to that. Small steps, right? Moments to look forward to and reach before moving on."
"Small steps," Porthos nods, accepting the compromise. He wants to say that he's not just going to love Aramis for today, or tomorrow, but he also has to remind himself that Aramis is a bit skittish about such things. He remembers Elizabeth, and how Aramis had skirted around calling her his girlfriend so often. So he'll take this, and keep reminding Aramis that he loves him.
"I won't make you talk colours right now, then," he teases, kissing Aramis lightly. "And I'll just have to keep telling you I love you, until you get the idea stuck in that pretty head of yours."
Aramis snorts. "I already have the colours picked out. Ivory and purple." He tugs on Porthos's beard and gives him a small kiss in return. "I love you, too."
"Ivory and purple is incredibly classy, I like it." He smiles warmly and teases his fingers through Aramis's curls. "I love hearing you say it."