Hulkling (skreeprinceling) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-12-26 15:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, billy kaplan (wiccan), teddy altman (hulkling) |
Who: Teddy Altman and Billy Kaplan
What: First day of Wishplot
When: December 15th, early morning.
Where: Teddy’s hotel room.
Rating: Gen
Status: Complete
Monday morning was supposed to be another day on set. They’d been supposed to break for Holiday Break (Christmas and Chanukah) last week, but the snow had fucked with their shooting schedule and everything had had to be pushed back. When Theodore had pulled back the curtains of his hotel room, he’d realized that there was no way shooting was happening today.
His brain was fuzzy with fresh dreams. Painful ones. Losing Cassie. Losing Iron Lad for the second time. Nearly losing Billy. He’d thought that Billy’s determination to ignore their connection in the dreams was due to their connection not being very strong, since who had a strong connection to their high school boyfriend anyway? But that wasn’t what it felt like to him. Not when he dreamed about proposing marriage as an 18 year-old. Though their relationship here had settled into something friendly, even easy, their dream relationship was an elephant in the room that Theodore ignored for Billy’s sake, and it frustrated him to no end.
It was only when the light hit him that he realized he’d woken up in his Young Avengers form--the green skin, the fingers like claws, the shoulders with plated scales. Now that he was aware, he could feel his previously loose-fitting t-shirt now stretched tight around his new, much larger body, and his sweatpants were in danger of bursting at the seams.
Shit.
He moved to stand in front of the large mirror in the living room and stared at himself. It was surreal, seeing his reflection in real life and not in a dream. He swallowed, and watched his reflection swallow, then closed his eyes, willing himself to change back to his normal self. He was a shapeshifter, right? He’d dreamed of changing into so many bodies--including Billy’s--that changing back into his own should be no problem.
When he opened his eyes again, a wide-eyed, green-faced reflection stared back at him.
Shit. Shit.
He reached for his phone and, awkwardly thanks to his new “fingers,” managed to dial Billy. Billy had magic. Billy had been through learning to control his magic here. Ergo, Billy could help him. Somehow.
Billy had really liked the snow when it started but then it had messed up the shooting schedule and he got a little annoyed with it. He absolutely couldn’t change his time off since he and Justin were going to Justin’s parents for the holiday but thankfully the studio, and more importantly, Teddy understood that. It was just a shame the weather didn’t seem to.
He’d let Justin get on with his work since the weather didn’t affect that and was wondering whether he should bother trying to get to the studio when his phone rang, called ID telling him it was Teddy.
“Hey Ted,” he answered, “Everything okay?” he asked cheerfully. They’d recently been able to come to a good working relationship which was occasionally strained but overall worked well for them.
"...I woke up green," Theodore replied, in a rush, "and I can't change back. I'm kind of stuck. And freaking out."
“Okay, first don’t freak out. You’re going to be fine, alright. Just hang on and I’ll be over in a second.” Billy told him, keeping his mobile in his hand as he prepared to teleport himself. It would be the furthest distance he’d ever done it but Teddy sounded worried and needed him.
Theodore did try to calm himself, but he paused at the second half of Billy’s words. “You’ll be--Billy, there was a blizzard last night. You can’t get anywhere.”
“Just trust me,” Billy said before he appeared in front of Teddy, in a little bit of a dramatic flare but it wasn’t often he got to have fun with his powers. “See I told you. I can get anywhere, blizzard or not.”
Theodore dropped his phone--which was okay, since he didn’t need it anymore, since Billy was standing in front of him--and stared openly. Then, his eyes narrowed, and he glared before letting out an exasperated huff. “You’re a jerk,” he declared, though it was obvious he was impressed.
“Why thank you, I think I’m rather awesome too,” Billy told him with a grin, before looking him up and down. “Well now, you do seem to be rather off color today,” he said with a smile. “First time it’s happened here right?” he asked.
Billy wasn’t cute when he was smug. He wasn’t. Really. “Yeah,” he admitted, and held up his hands, gestured at himself. “I was dreaming, and I just...woke up like this. I think Beyonce did it better,” he added, dryly.
Billy didn’t think so, Billy thought Teddy looked great as himself and in this form. Though he didn’t voice it of course. “Don’t worry we’ll get you back to yourself soon enough,” he promised smiling.
Theodore laughed a little and ducked his head. “You can’t really think that I look great like this,” he protested. “I mean...I know that it’s ‘me’ no matter what I look like, and maybe in a world that has people like the Hulk and mutants it’s not a big deal, but seriously, Billy.”
Eyes widening Billy looked at Teddy in confusion, he hadn’t said that out loud had he? He must have, he guessed, “Of course you do. It’s you, just a different kind of you,” Billy told him, “Seriously,” he added with a smile.
That earned a raised eyebrow in return, and a faint blush to green cheeks. “Just because it’s me doesn’t mean it’s...attractive, though. I mean, I’m not...human.” He swallowed, and looked down at himself. “I hadn’t realized what that meant, before.”
Because it’s you that’s what makes it attractive, Billy thought, both of them still unaware of their telepathic connection. “You know it doesn’t matter right? You are an amazing person, Ted, human or not.” he said honestly.
Teddy raised his eyes and met Billy’s, his expression curious, open, because he couldn’t remember Billy calling him attractive before, or amazing. It made him feel emboldened, like he could admit things to Billy he’d been biting his tongue to keep from saying. “I don’t think you know how amazing you are to think that. I think most people would be...well, turned off, by the whole...not human thing.”
Billy tried not to say anything that might give Teddy the wrong impression, of course what he thought was very different. “Most people are idiots.” Because Billy knew how incredible Teddy was and anybody Teddy cared for was amazingly lucky. He was a catch.
“A catch?” That earned another laugh. “I’m a washed up C-list actor of A-list parents and you are the only person in two universes that has ever made me feel that maybe I don’t have to try to please everyone, that maybe being myself is enough. It never seems to be for anyone else.”
Okay now that Billy knew he hadn’t said out loud, “Teddy, I didn’t say that. I thought it. How did you know that?” he asked carefully trying to calm his mind down just in case he was accidentally projecting or something. But telepathy wasn’t something either of them possessed as far as he was aware.
Theodore shot Billy a confused look. “What? Of course you said it. How else could I hear it? You can’t just hear what another person is thinking. I mean, that’d be a wish come...true...” he trailed off, and then glanced out the window, then nervously back at Billy. “...Wishes don’t come true here, do they?”
"Well, actually sometimes they do, it's one of those strange unexplainable things that happen here," Billy said, looking at Teddy, "Ted, did you wish you could hear what I was thinking?" he asked incredulously.
“...maybe,” Teddy hedged. “I mean...I was out on the balcony, and the Leonids were falling, and I remembered that people used to wish on falling meteors, thinking they were falling stars, and I started thinking that if I could wish for one thing...it would be to know what you were thinking when we’re together, because I feel like...I feel like you hide what you’re feeling, because you don’t want to...encourage me. And I would never--I know you care about Justin, and I can accept--I mean if you don’t feel the same way as I do in the dreams.”
He bit his lip, resisting the urge to apologize. “...you really think it came true?”
“Maybe,” Billy said slowly, kind of taken aback by Teddy’s words but not knowing how to react to them. He did hide how he felt, mostly because he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He did care, a lot but what difference did it make? He loved Justin, how he felt about Teddy didn’t change that; it just made everything more complicated.
Theodore winced and looked out the window, towards the balcony, having gotten the gist of Billy’s thoughts. “Yeah, this...pretty much confirms what I already knew,” he said, sadly. Justin was perfect and blond. It hadn’t escaped his notice that he and Justin resembled each other, even if Justin was a bit more cherubic-looking. Here, Theodore had lost his baby fat a few years ago, had instead grown more angular. And now he wasn’t even that.
He straightened as his resolve strengthened. “It doesn’t matter. I still need your help, if you can help me. I don’t want to be stuck like this for any longer than I have to.”
“I’m sorry Teddy, really I am. If things were different...” he trailed off because what was the point. Things weren’t different, no matter how attractive and how much he felt a connection to Teddy he was in a relationship with someone else.
“But of course I’ll help you. We just need you to relax and control the change.”
“Would it be different if you weren’t?” Theodore blurted out. He tried to bite back the words but he couldn’t, not when faced with Billy’s thoughts. He searched Billy’s face, his expression slightly desperate, hopeful. “With Justin, I mean. Do you ever wonder...what if we’d met before you’d met Justin? Would you....would you want me then?”
“Of course I wonder,” Billy said, “But what good does it do? Things are as they are.” He tried to guard his thoughts but couldn’t stop his want leaking through, he did want Teddy but knew it was wrong to.
The want came through despite Billy’s best intentions. Theodore swallowed, unsure if that made it better or worse to know that for certain, but he’d always believed it was better to know than not know, even when knowing meant pain.
“Things change,” he replied softly. “Relationships change. Ours did. I mean...who proposes marriage when they’re eighteen? Billy...you are the most important relationship in my life. In both lives.” The corner of his mouth twitched. “In any life. I’d want you and want to be with you, no matter the circumstances.”
“I can’t let myself think like that, I can’t hurt Justin like that. I do love him” even if Billy did love Teddy too. Sighing he looked away for a moment and saw something on the table. Frowning he walked towards it and picked it up slowly, “Is this...?” he trailed off as he opened the box.
Theodore had no idea what Billy was looking at--whatever it was hadn’t been there when he’d gone to sleep, but as he stepped closer, standing just behind Billy and peering down over his shoulder (there were some perks to this green monstrous form, he guessed), he recognized it immediately.
It was a large ring, obviously made for a man, with square-cut rainbow colored gemstones sandwiched between two rows of diamonds. It was what they called an eternity band, with the stones all the way around the ring. He has vivid memories of picking it out, had just dreamed them, but how it was here, in this reality, he had no idea.
“...your engagement ring,” he answered softly. “I never gave it to you. Or at least I haven’t yet.”
“Oh my god, Teddy” Billy breathed out slowly, he’d never expected to come face to face with an engagement ring from his dreams. And it was amazing. It went to show just how well Teddy knew Billy because it was truly perfect.
This was one of the few moments so far when Theodore was glad for the telepathic connection. He couldn’t see Billy’s face, since he was looking at the ring, but he could hear his reaction anyway.
He smiled a little, though his heart clenched painfully too. He remembered picking it out, worrying what Billy would think, but had no memory of actually giving Billy the ring, for some reason. Still, to know that Billy liked it--thought it was perfect, actually--was gratifying.
“So...you like it,” he said out loud.
Billy nodded, “I love it,” he said looking around at Teddy, “Really. It’s perfect. You have great taste, Ted,” he smiled.
Even if it wasn’t for him here he couldn’t help but be affected by all the emotions around everything and the memories of the dreams where the two of them meant so much to each other.
Teddy returned the smile, similarly affected by their shared dreams. “You should keep it,” he said, impulsively. “It belongs to you.”
“I can’t do that,” Billy said, closing the box and placing it back on the table, “It wouldn’t be right. But thank you.”
Theodore covered the box with his hand, still standing close to Billy, and swallowed. “I’ll keep it for you,” he amended. “But it’s yours. Do you remember....” he trailed off and kept his eyes downcast. “Have you dreamed...when I asked you?”
Billy nodded, “I have,” he said with a nod. More than once if he was honest, it seemed to be a dream his mind took him back to when he was stressed or worried. “It’s a happy dream,” he said lifting Teddy’s head up to give him a smile.
That caused a laugh, slightly disbelieving, as Teddy met Billy’s eyes, and raised his hand to cover Billy’s with his own. “I was so afraid I was going to lose you,” he confessed. “Like we’d lost them.” Cassie and Iron Lad. Like his mom.
“It wasn’t going to happen you know? I was going nowhere, not without you right there with me,” Billy told him, “You have no idea how happy you made me with that question.” Because in the dream Billy had felt overwhelming joy.
Maybe it was wishful thinking, wanting to relive that moment. Maybe Teddy had just finally relaxed enough that his body remembered its new default, but as he stood there, gazing at Billy, he could feel himself shrinking, and when he looked at his hands, they were human once more, and pink.
He laughed again, this time delighted. “...you’re a wizard, Billy,” he quipped, wiggling his fingers excitedly.
Billy laughed and although the thought at the back of his head told him he shouldn’t he couldn’t help giving Teddy a hug, “You are silly. But I’m glad you managed to turn back,” he said honestly, mostly because he knew it would make Teddy happy and in truth he was glad his friend had managed to change back.
Theodore slipped his arms around Billy to return the hug. They’d only done this a few times, and it was always awkward, considering. Now was no exception, and he wouldn’t feel holding old to Billy for as long as he did, except it seemed like Billy did, and it was that which made him pull back to look at him and smile softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confessed. “I can’t imagine going through this alone...dreaming, and changing on top of that? I don’t know how you did it.”
“Well I’m here so there’s no need to worry about that. I can be here in a moment whenever I’m needed,” Billy told him, “I was lucky I suppose, I had friends and Justin, though I have to admit it wasn’t quite the same.” Billy had been scared when his powers had first come through but luckily he knew Merlin and Magnus and being around other magic users had helped a lot.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you,” Teddy replied earnestly. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember. But I remember now. How we read my mom’s self-help books on self-actualization because we didn’t have access to anyone who’d ever used magic, or even magic books?” He laughed again, and smiled. “Do you still use that here?”
“It’s okay. I don’t hold it against you silly,” Billy told him with a smile, “Oh god I remember that,” he laughed, “Here I am lucky enough to have other magic users who helped me.”
Theodore nodded, and then stepped back as an idea began to form. He needed Billy, but Billy didn’t need him. He really didn’t have any purpose in Billy’s life here, and that was...unsettling. He wasn’t his boyfriend, here, and Billy had other people to help him with his powers. Billy was happy with his life. Settled. What was he other than an inconvenience?
“Well...I’m glad you weren’t alone,” he replied, quietly. “And thanks for coming over in the middle of a blizzard. I don’t know how to repay you.”
Billy watched him closely, “You know it’s really not fair that this mind reading thing doesn’t go both ways,” he commented, “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He didn’t like the way Teddy seemed to be trying to pull back from him. They were friends, or he thought they were at least. It made him sad to think that Teddy didn’t want that here. Billy knew it was hard not to want more but they couldn’t. Circumstances weren’t the same.
“Should’ve wished for it,” Theodore joked, thought it was said softly, seriously. He met Billy’s eyes, and took a breath before speaking. “But I’ll never be your wish. I thought that if I knew what you were thinking I would understand better, and I have. You have a life already, and I don’t know if there’s a place in it for me.” He smiled, sadly, and then looked away, picked up the small velvet box, cradling it in his hands. “You were right to not accept this. You’re not the Billy I remember, as much as I want you to be. As much as maybe I need you to be. And it’s not fair of me to expect you to l-love me...” His voice broke over the word, and he could feel tears threatening.
“Teddy,” Billy whispered, “There is always a place in my life for you. I can’t imagine my life without you now you’re here. I do care about you.” Love you, he thought, “But I love Justin, I can’t just turn that off. I can’t hurt him like that. But please don’t think there’s no place for you because there is. And there always will be. Read my thoughts, you can see that it’s true.”
Theodore blinked back the tears, and shook his head. “The place you imagine for me--the place you want for me--it doesn’t exist. I was your friend--we were best friends, before we were boyfriends, and I’m not that here. I don’t know if we’ll ever be, really. We’ve been cheated of that, just like we’ve been cheated of so many other things.” He held Billy’s gaze, regretful, and resentful. “I remember loving you, and that hasn’t changed, even if everything else about our lives has. And I know--thanks to this--just how scared you are to even think that you might love me too. Because of Justin.”
He studied Billy, this person he loved without question, prepared to fight for it--prepared to fight for them, but then deflated. Billy had known what they were to each other before he’d ever met Teddy, and him showing up now hadn’t changed anything. There was no point in pushing something Billy was actively rejecting. “I guess that will have to be good enough,” he concluded, quietly. “Knowing that you love me, in some way, even if you won’t let yourself admit out loud how you feel. That’s your choice, and I’ll respect it. But there’s no point in denying that you know what we have is special, Billy Kaplan, in any universe.”
“Can’t we try? We were best friends in the dreams, can’t we try for that here?” Billy asked him, hating to see Teddy so upset. He wanted to comfort him, to make everything better but knew he couldn’t do it in the way that Teddy wanted. Not right now.
“Of course it’s special. Which is why I can’t give up on it completely, I’d rather try for best friends than nothing at all,” Billy said, because Teddy coming here had changed everything. Billy wasn’t as sure about his feelings for Justin, he knew he loved him but was it the all encompassing love he felt for Teddy? He needed to think, alone without any other influence. But Teddy was in his head and in a few days he’d be with Justin and Justin’s family for Christmas. Billy had a feeling it wouldn’t be until the New Year that he got to properly think about everything.
“If we try,” Theodore replied, slowly, absorbing Billy’s thoughts as well as his words. He doubted Billy knew how much his confusion gave Teddy hope, and he tried to tamp that euphoria down. As much as he loved Billy, he did have something more urgent to deal with that he was going to need Billy’s help with.
“If we’re going to be friends--really friends, and not what we’ve done so far--you can’t hold back anymore. You can’t be afraid of what will happen. I’m going to need someone to help me deal with what’s happening to me. When I went on Valarnet I was hoping to find other shapeshifters, like you found magicians, but I guess I’m alone in that.” He combed his fingers through his hair and winced. “I need you, Billy. I need my friend. And I can put aside...this...if that means I get your friendship.”
If anything Billy assumed his confusion would simply confuse Teddy, for the other man it was so simple. But would it be if Teddy had been involved with someone else? Would he have just dropped them immediately because of what he felt for Billy in the dreams?
“Okay. I’m sorry, I thought it was helping,” Billy said honestly, he hadn’t thought knowing Billy’s feelings would be helpful for Teddy at all. Not when it wasn’t what Teddy wanted to hear. “I can be your friend, your best friend. I promise. I can help you Teddy.”
It was a fair question. If Teddy had been in Billy’s shoes, and given a significant other as well as in this other life, he’s not sure what he would do. If the magic that bound them here in these lives could replicate what he felt for Billy. It would be a challenge. He had a feeling it would feel as false as the rest of this life did, in comparison.
“It’s okay. I mean...I’m not going to accuse you of friendzoning me,” Theodore joked. “I would actually love to be in the friendzone, if it meant you weren’t afraid I was going to push for more. I won’t. And I’m sorry it took something this...invasive...before I could respect your decision.” And he would. Knowing that what he felt in the dreams wasn’t one-sided was something tangible he could hold on to, now, and it would be enough that he could focus on everything else.
Billy smiled a little at that, “It’s not just you, you know. Honestly, I think part of me is worried that if you did push that I’d give in,” he said looking at Teddy openly. Taking a chance and being honest with his friend and dream boyfriend. “But thank you Ted, it means a lot to hear that.”
Theodore returned the smile, and then ducked his head, managing to look at Billy from beneath his lashes. Knowing that made it all the more clear to him that this was the right call--they could never be anything to each other until they trusted each other. Teddy needed Billy to be honest, and Billy needed Teddy to be respectful. For the first time in awhile, he felt hopeful. “You’ve made it clear what you want, and I appreciate you trusting me to respect that. Justin seems like a good guy. You love him, so...I know he must be.”
Billy fought hard right then not to think about how cute Teddy looked, because he really did looking at him from under his eyelashes like that. “He is. He’s sweet and kind and talented. Thank you,” he smiled, “Now let’s do something fun for a while yeah? Since we don’t have to worry about getting to work in this weather.”
Teddy brightened, since he’d thought Billy would have to get back right away. Also, Billy was trying not to think about finding him cute, which was--well, pretty adorable, honestly. “Movie marathon? I’ll order room service, if you want to put something on?”
Billy had left a note for Justin and he wanted to spend some time with Teddy, as friends getting to know each other better. “Sounds great,” Billy nodded, “Now the question is, how good is your DVD collection?” he grinned.
“It’s pretty good, but it’s also packed up from the move,” Theodore replied, frowning a little as he moved to the hotel phone to call down to room service. “But I’ve got Netflix--if you think you’ve got the stamina,” he added, challenging.
“Netflix I can handle like a pro,” Billy assured him, grinning as he picked up the remote and searched for Teddy’s old CW show. He figured that would be rather fun for them both.
“What do you want for breakfast?” Theodore asked, turning back around to face Billy. His eyes narrowed as he recognized the show from its horribly over stylized promo artwork. “...or maybe I’ll just order for myself,” he groused, though a smile threatened at the corners of his scowl.
Billy laughed, “You know you want to show me your acting prowess,” he teased before adding, “Order whatever you like I’m not picky. Though some fruit would be nice.”
That earned an eye roll, but Teddy called down to the kitchens, ordering what probably amounted to a breakfast buffet, including eggs and bacon, as well as bagels and cream cheese, and fruit and yogurt. Once done, he flopped down onto the couch next to Billy and stretched out his legs, putting his feet up on the table. “It was my first paid acting gig,” he warned. “I hadn’t really learned how to act yet.”
When Teddy joined Billy on the sofa he looked over at him and grinned, patting his hand, “Don’t worry, no excuses needed. You were young, I understand,” he teased.
Theodore groaned and covered his face with both hands before settling in, shoulder to shoulder with Billy. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he replied, not pouting.
“I promise,” Billy said solemnly before settling in to watch with a grin on his face.
Teddy’s not-pout still threatened, but it melted away in the face of Billy’s grin, and the growing hope that now, after several false-starts, they could have a genuine friendship.
So long as the Dreams didn’t have anything else in store for them.