Raven is right in front of you (illbeanyone) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-11-03 18:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, irene adler (destiny), raven darkholme (mystique) |
I got really extreme
Who: Raven and Irene
What: Comfort and talking about the past
When: After their most recent txts
Where: Irene's
Status: complete
“Irene?” Raven asked, as she let herself into the woman’s apartment. Her tone over text messages had sounded a little concerning, to the shapeshifter. She was worried.
“Here,” Irene called for the living room. She was lying on the couch and waved a hand at Raven.
“Hey.” Raven shifted her shoes off and padded into the living room. The rest of her clothing disappeared until it was replaced with the simple dress she usually wore in their dreams, and her skin was it’s natural blue. Minus the skull belt, which was just kind of weird. She sat on the edge of the couch and touched Irene’s knee.
Irene sighed, then smiled slightly. “The dream-nostalgia kicked in surprisingly hard.”
Raven’s hand moved up the blind woman’s leg, until it rested on her hip. “Good or bad kind?”
“Bittersweet, mainly. Over things that did happen, over thing that perhaps could have happened, had different paths been taken…” Irene sighed again. “Dwelling on past I’ve been experiencing in dreams. It sounds so strange when you say it outloud.”
“I’m sorry. I screwed everything up. I failed.” She’d failed horribly, she knew. Mutants were doomed and it was only a matter of time until they became extinct.
“Not everything was on you. I did make some of my own decisions which I wonder...and wondered about.” Irene sat up slowly, then shifted around to lay her head in Raven’s lap. “But I never regretted any of the time I spent with you.”
“I think we took things too far,” she admitted, stroking her fingers through Irene’s hair. “That’s hard to admit but it’s the truth.”
“We thought it was for the best, but…” Irene sighed. “You’re right. We did go too far.”
"We became terrorists. And while violence is sometimes necessary when protecting your right to exist, we...I...mostly. Targeted the wrong people. I got really extreme." She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "And I can't even condemn myself for it."
Irene reached up and stroked Raven’s cheek with the backs of her fingers. “I can’t condemn you, either, though I know there are things I’ve not dreamed of yet.”
“I think you might,” she said. “I’m not looking forward to it. But then I never knew how much you really saw.” And she’d grown so old, but that hadn’t stopped Raven from loving her.
“That was my burden. You had enough to deal with without adding other things on top of it all.” Irene took one of Raven’s hands and kissed it.
"I wish you'd shared. Just a little more. Maybe how things got so bad." Her eyes followed the movements of Irene's lips and she held her breath. "If it weren't for you I'd never believe in destiny."
Irene smiled softly. “You made me believe more.”
“I wasn’t ready for... “ She trailed off. She didn’t know how much Irene had dreamed of. But she’d dreamed of Rogue, so she knew they’d grown old. Well. That she had and Raven hadn’t. “Any of it. For you to get older. And I fucked it all up with Rogue, in the end.”
“That was a bit of a downside, yes,” Irene admitted. “It would have been nice if my visions of the future had come along with a lack of aging.”
“You wouldn’t have left the bedroom near as often,” Raven promised.
That got a grin and a chuckle out of Irene. She sat up slowly and shifted to sit in Raven’s lap. She leaned her forehead against Raven’s and ran a hand through her hair. “We might have gotten into less trouble that way, I’ll admit.”
Raven's yellow eyes ran over Irene's face. The blindness had never really bothered her. It meant that Irene didn't judge her on how she looked. Just who she was. And that seemed to be the same here and that meant the world to her. "Probably. Maybe we could have done better by Rogue." Or by Kurt. Really, Mystique was an evil, evil bitch. And part of her liked that.
“Mmm. Perhaps,” Irene said. They might have done better by their children, yes. And perhaps, had things been different, they might have had one together.
“Maybe someday we’ll get a second chance,” she said, a little wistfully. Maybe even a family. She was too young to really think about that. Hell, she danced for Ganon. That wasn’t very motherly.
“I’d like to see if we do, yes.” Irene smiled and gave Raven a gentle kiss on the lips. “I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
“Is it too soon to say I love you? I know that’s the dreams talking.”
“Considering I was sitting here thinking of saying it to you, I don’t think it’s too early. Or only just the dreams.”
“You barely know me,” Raven retorts, even as she feels like she knows Irene so well. Too well. And yet not well enough, because she had so many questions about things that had happened. She doubted Irene had the answers.
“Perhaps. People have known each other for shorter spans of time and married each other. Which might not always actually have been best for them, but the fact that they do it still stands.” Irene chuckled. “And no, I’m not proposing that we elope. It’s only an illustration of how perhaps what ‘I love you’ means for us right now is ‘I love who you were, and I want to see about loving who you are, because I feel like I will.’ And i don’t think there’s any harm in us admitting to that.”
Loving for who one was, and loving for who one is are different things. Raven knew this, but it was still worth trying. She could have fallen for Emma Frost, if she’d let herself. It was probably for the best that she hadn’t. Raven kissed Irene languidly. “We can take it by ear…”
Irene smiled, threading her fingers through Raven’s hair. “I definitely want that.”