Literally Pirateninja (shadowcat) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-09-10 14:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, kitty pryde (shadowcat), rachel grey |
That doesn't mean that it won't work for anyone ever.
Who: Kitty and Rachel
What: They go on a little weekend getaway. There's swimming, and feels. Many feels. HANDLE IT
When: End of August
Where: Some place warm
status: complete
Warnings/Rating: Talk of previous character death, PG-13 for flirtings
Finally. Finally they were on their vacation. Fury had stabilized, and Kitty was a text message and a teleporter away in the event of an emergency, but she planned on three days of her, Rachel, copious amounts of love making, and learning surfing. In about that order.
She was just glad they hadn’t taken an airliner. Getting in the blackbird was nerve wracking enough these days, but she never, ever admitted that. Ever.
There were plenty of things going on in everyone's minds that no one ever talked about. Rachel was almost used to it, it wasn't really that different from her dream world. The X-men went through too many things too often to really get the chance to process or vocalize when things upset them. Most of the time she played the good telepath and tried to block all of that out.
Kitty's mind, though, was nearly impossible to do that with. Their link was too strong, and the Phoenix made her powers even that much stronger. So she'd paid Clarice for a teleport. It took a lot of time off of their travel time anyway. Now they could just enjoy the gigantic condo she'd convinced her dad to let her rent for a few days.
"We've got a private beach, and a pool... and the bed is a california king. I mean, we might get lost on it while we're sleeping."
"I'll have to start an expedition to find you at night," Kitty said, staring at the bed as she put her laptop bag on a table. Then she slipped past Rachel to look at the bathroom. "This tub is bigger than our bedroom!"
And outside...outside she couldn't believe it. "Do I want to know how much this cost?"
The only thing coming across their link was excitement. And some nerves.
"Dad let me put it on his credit card. It wasn't that bad, actually. We got a deal since it's heading into off-season." Which was the truth, and Rachel's end of the link didn't really feel like she was hiding anything. Or at least, the things she was hiding were her own demons. Not silly things like prices.
Rachel smirked at Kitty, "I don't want you to worry about that. If you're too nervous about the money spent you can always be the person who buys the food. We're probably going to need a ton of it to survive all the calories we're going to burn."
Kitty glanced at her, but decided that was something they could talk about later. Right now she wasn’t sure if she wanted to rush out to the water or do something else. “That’s good, because I want to treat you to something special later.” She slid up to Rachel and ran her fingers up the woman’s arm. “Beach?”
"Beach." Rachel nodded her head, then turned a bit and pulled Kitty close to her. They had this in the waking world, it was the only world they had each other like this, and she wanted to make sure she never took that for granted. She wrapped her arms around Kitty and squeezed her, "I got a new bikini, you're gonna love it. Spend more time staring at me than the ocean view."
“You’ll have to prove that,” Kitty said. She slid her arms around Rachel’s waist, and smiled into her eyes. She was so lonely in her dreams. Maybe that’s why she flirted with Peter Quill. She doubted it could go anywhere, but her dreams hadn’t gotten past the point where they’d returned to earth yet. She knew there would be more. Eventually. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to face it. Rachel wasn’t there with her, she’d left her.
And if there was one thing she could do in this world, it was make up for that mistake. “You’re the better half of me, you know.”
"Oh please. You know that's not true. You're the sweetheart of the X-men, everyone loves you and your snarky genius powers, and your actual walk through walls powers, and all the rest of you. When _I_ show up it's like 'oh great, Rachel's back'." Rachel snorted, and gave Kitty a smooch on the cheek before pulling away.
She had a bathing suit to get into, after all. With a wave of her hand, she started telekinetically unpacking all of their bags into the two different dressers that had been provided - one for her and one for Kitty. The bathing suits she let hang in the air, then carefully drift down to the bed.
The black strappy one was hers, and she pointed at it.
Kitty sighed. “You know people love you.” She rolled her eyes though, and phased out of her clothing, bending over to pick up her swimsuit. It was the skimpiest one she’d ever owned, but it was still relatively simple. And it was just her and Ray. So that would work just fine!
"You love me. Dad does... sometimes. That's about it." Rachel didn't really want to extrapolate on it, but her dreams generally made her feel unwanted and like maybe Wolverine's stabbing should have just finished her off. Then she remembered her time with Excalibur, and smiled, "Okay, Brian and everyone, they loved me, too. And Kurt. Those were better times, I think. For all of us."
She pulled her own clothing off the hard way - since she couldn't phase her clothing off, and started pulling her own suit on. Kitty was faster, and when her eyes caught sight of her girlfriend she paused in the middle of grabbing her top. To stare, of course. Wow.
“I miss them. Having Kurt and Brian and Meggan around...sometimes I think we should just go back to England. The X-men might be a family, but they’re a pretty dysfunctional one. Excalibur was slightly less dysfunctional.” Kitty gave Rachel a silly pose. “You like? You like.”
"Oh I definitely like. You don't show yourself off often enough." Rachel licked her lips a bit, trying to moisten them. Because looking at Kitty had made her entire mouth run dry, and she suddenly felt like a woman who'd spent weeks in the desert, desperate for one cool drink.
Of Kitty. Wow. She didn't even know if they were going to get to the beach at this rate. She was still staring, in fact, and her hands absently went through the motions of getting her own top on.
“So you want me to dress sexy more often?” Kitty usually dressed nicely, but fairly modestly. But if it made Rachel look at her like that, maybe she could convince herself to dress up a little more often. She wondered how simply putting on a swimsuit could look so hot. She sauntered past Rachel, sliding the door to the beach open. “That can be arranged. Now hurry up before we lose our sun.”
"I think you hide yourself because you aren't confident in your own looks, but your body is gorgeous and I just wish you loved yourself enough to show it off more, that's all. Not necessarily 'dress sexy' more often, but you know. You don't have to run around in jeans and baggy sweaters or whatever all the time." Rachel replied, shrugging her shoulder.
She pulled out a can of sunscreen and jiggled it in the air, "First, we protect ourselves from that bastard, the sun. Because my skin is a delicate flower that needs to be protected from the menace known as freckles. And neither of us wants skin cancer."
“But I like jeans. And I thought you liked looking at my butt in them.” She gestured for Rachel to follow her. “Hurry on then so I can slather that lotion all over you and perv about it.” She had a look on her face that was a little embarrassed, as though this kind of flirting still made her blush. Because it did. But she liked making Rachel more than she hated blushing, herself. So it balanced out.
If she wasn’t certain that marrying her was a death sentence…
It was adorable. Rachel wasn’t sure how someone with such a dirty mind could still blush over the idea of rubbing her girlfriend down with sunblock, but she appreciated it anyway. It was almost like there was a part deep inside Kitty that refused to be touched by everything else. Rachel wanted that part to stay that way.
She bounced over and held the can out to her, “You just have to spray and smooth. Unfortunately for you that means there’s a lot less rubbing involved. But don’t worry, I brought the massage oil for later. You can do all the rubbing you want then.”
“I uhm...uh...ah…” Kitty stammered, then took the can to spray her girlfriend down. Yeah, she could be dirty, but it was a lot easier to be dirty when she was the one starting the dirty. Getting it turned back around made her nervous, but in a good way. Especially from a crush. “Is it the warming kind?” She liked the warming kind.
It was the warming kind, and Rachel smirked a bit. "It's also got a delicious smell to it that isn't toxic, so by the time we're done I figure we'll be eying each other like fresh baked goods."
That was assuming, of course, that either of them managed to wait that long. Rachel had a mischievous glint in her eye that implied she had a long day of plans for them. Possibly as long a day as Kitty had in mind.
“You mean we don’t already eye each other like that?” Kitty smiled brilliantly. There was something so refreshingly normal about all this that it made her want to cry. Being a normal girl in love, with the woman she hoped to spend the rest of her life with… “Hey Ray? How about while we’re here...no powers. You know, for kinky things.”
"You mean I don't get to try that telekinetic tentacle swirly I've been practicing?" Rachel pouted and folded her arms for a minute, teasing Kitty with how put out she sounded. And hopefully teasing Kitty with the entire mention of the tentacle swirly.
But I guess that's only fair. We can save the kinky TK stuff for some other special time.
“Oh you better try that sometime!” She swatted at Rachel. “Lotion me up, then you’re going to regret making that joke. Probably.”
By some miracle Kitty kept herself turned down enough to enjoy the afternoon with Rachel, playing in the surf. She’d produced some snorkels and flippers from somewhere and had amassed a small collection of shells and pretty rocks from the ocean by the time the sun was setting. Her muscles were that pleasant sore that one got from a long day of having fun, but she wasn’t so exhausted that she had no intention of taking Rachel’s swimsuit off with her teeth.
And she did.
The moon was high overhead by the time she and Rachel finally came up for air.
“We should get matching tattoos.” She trailed her finger over Ray’s ribcage, and nuzzled at her breast.
The trailing finger made Rachel shiver a bit, and she let out a long, happy sigh before answering her girlfriend. Tattoos were a huge commitment, and she wasn't sure she wanted to ruin the mood with serious conversation.
"Between your marks and mine, I'm not sure where we'd put them that wouldn't clash," She finally said, with a bit of a chuckle.
“Something on our fronts,” Kitty decided. She knew wings for herself were a no go, and she was content with that idea. Hers were fairly small, one she’d gotten after she’d fled her fiance in London years ago, and the other she’d gotten in secret after Xi’an had died. She was considering and X somewhere, too, but wasn’t as sure about that as she was sure about something with Rachel. “What about a sword on our hips.” She stroked Rachel’s right hipbone. “Here.”
"MMm..." Rachel mumbled, "That's a nice spot. But I'm not sure a sword suits me as much as it suits you. You're the blade, I'm more of a blunt instrument."
She cuddled in against Kitty and nuzzled at her shoulder, "It should mean something to us both, but it has to be something that looks good, and still has a good meaning later on, too, you know? Tattoos are for life."
Kind of like marriage. It was ironic that they both could consider one but not the other.
“I meant more for the...forging thing. Like Excalibur. But maybe you’re right.” She shifted against Rachel, closing her eyes and humming to herself. “I just want...well...We can’t get married, because that’s just inviting trouble, and we get enough trouble coming at us without giving it more incentive.”
It was the first time she’d said the ‘m’ word in Rachel’s hearing, without referring to Xi’an or someone else’s relationship.
Rachel never expected the word to even come out of Kitty's mouth, even jokingly in passing. But there it was, and she arched a brow as she considered what her woman was saying. Which sounded like an excuse, even if it was a good one.
"Are you sure that's why you can't get married?"
It was a question Rachel asked gently, because the subject was still very sensitive. But if Kitty couldn't pull the trigger because of Xi'an, she needed to know that.
Kitty blinked her eyes, then turned to burrow her face into Rachel’s chest. “I don’t know. But...name one couple, one couple that survived marriage. Mutants in particular. Richards and Sue Storm don’t count.”
There weren't any that Rachel knew, but that wasn't a surprise. She wrinkled her nose a bit and pulled Kitty closer to her, "It doesn't, but we do it to ourselves as often as someone else does it us. I mean, look at Emma and Dad. They did that to each other, it wasn't like someone attacked them or the danger got to be too much. And... Logan is cursed, sure, but..."
"That doesn't mean that it won't work for anyone ever. And regular people screw over their own chances at happiness all the time."
“I know... Just don’t want to make it easier to… lose you.” She lifted her head to look into Rachel’s eyes. “It’s stupid, I know. You can get taken away any time and anywhere. But if I put a ring on your finger it’s like putting a target on your back.” It was stupid, and it was irrational and she knew it. She hated this conversation already. “I’m stupid. I know.”
"Kate, you've already put it there. Just by being together, just by admitting we're soft on each other. You can't take that target away from the people you love unless you stop loving people, and that would be stupid. You'd just be hollow inside."
Rachel lifted Kitty's chin up with her finger, gently, so that she could look her woman in the eyes, "I'm not demanding anything here. Ring or not, this is who we are, and with you is where I am. If you want to do a tattoo instead, we'll do that. I don't think you're stupid. I just wanted to make sure your reasons weren't... related to Xi'an. It actually hasn't been that long."
“Already tried that. Clearly it didn’t work.” Kitty smiled tiredly at Rachel, but didn’t look away. “No….it hasn’t been that long. It feels like it’s been longer, and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. I just...you know how…I don’t believe in soul mates...because that would mean I didn’t love her enough, or that I don’t love you enough. When that’s not true. But there are people who you always..click with.. I don’t think we’d be together in the same way if she was alive, but we’d still be close. I’d still love you.” She’s not happy that Xi’an is gone, but she’s happy she at least found Rachel, because she’d realized that otherwise, she’d probably just have ended up alone in the end. Alicia and Rikku hadn’t been it. Alicia had been a big mistake, and in a way so had Rikku. The thought of being alone had terrified her. She’d been angry and sad and needing comfort in the worse ways possible.
But without them she’d… she’d been damaged and they’d helped her get past that enough to be what Rachel needed, too. She curled in against Ray. “Would you want to? Get married?”
"I think it's a road we're heading down. I wouldn't mind marrying you. But I'm in no rush, either," Rachel said, after taking a few seconds to process everything Kitty had just said.
There was a lot there, and some points she didn't agree on, "Mainly because I DO believe in soulmates. I don't believe that you have to be romantically involved with yours, or spend happily ever after with them, and I don't believe that a person can have only one. You and I are definitely soulmates and it doesn't hurt me to know that Xi'an was one, too. If you were still married to her, Kate, we'd still love eachother. Just in a different way. She wouldn't be a threat to me and I'd never try to be a threat to her. But you can believe in soulmates, you don't have to say you don't just to please her ghost and me at the same time."
In all of that she'd lost track of her point, so she brought the discussion back around to the marriage thing, "... so we'd be together in this life for as long as you'll let me, or we're both alive. In any way you'll let me be, and if you want to get married we'll do that. If you just want to live in sin forever I'm okay with that, too. It's not like Lesbian couples haven't been doing that for centuries already."
All of that made the strangest sense to Kitty. She did love Xi’an. She always would, and she did love Rachel, and she always would have. She was very glad she’d given them both time, though, even after she’d broken up with Rikku. They’d both needed that space. It had just been obvious that they needed to fill each others’ vacancies.
She threaded her fingers into the hair on the back of Ray’s neck, pulling her down to kiss her as warm, wet tears spilled down her cheeks. Her voice was choked, and quiet against Rachel’s lips. “Yeah...I really do… maybe not now, maybe not next year, but eventually.” God, she’d carry Ray’s child if they could find a way. Later. When she was like 30.
We have all the time in the world. We're young, and we don't have to get married today, or even this year. I want us to enjoy each other and I want you to make that kind of decision when you're ready. When we're -both- ready, Rachel replied, telepathically. Even if they waited until they were in their thirties, that was okay with her. There was noone in her life that was more important than Kitty and nowhere else she wanted to be.