Azula burns bright (bornoffire) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-07-02 20:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, azula, mai |
I don't know what I would do without you two.
Who: Azula and Mai
What: Decisions, peptalks of sorts, brief blips of dreams
When: before these text messages
Where: Azula's Condo
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Azula was sitting on her couch. She had a chinchilla in her lap and the tv was on some show about ....well she really wasn't paying attention. Flights were displayed on her laptop but she wasn't paying attention to that either.
Really, she seemed distracted. Maybe a little lost.
She certainly looked a little lost, what with the fact that she was openly petting a small, helpless creature on her couch, in plain sight.
Mai thought it was especially suspicious that Azula hadn't noticed her walk through the living room a few times. Under normal circumstances she would have glared at Mai, or pretended that the cute fuzzy animal had somehow escaped its cage and managed to make its own way onto her lap. Maybe there'd even be an excuse about how normally Ty Lee took care of it.
Instead, there was silence. And Spongebob Squarepants was on the tv. Mai was honestly a little concerned, "Are you seriously watching that?"
"What?" Azula blinked, seeing again. Her eyes had been elsewhere. The perfect daughter. The perfect child. A miniature Ozai in every way, down to the cruel smile that crossed a 4 year old's tiny lips. She blinked again, as her eyes started to water, and shook the vision away.
She picked up the remote and turned the tv off, "I hadn't noticed."
"Maybe you didn't notice how you were cuddling up to the furry rat thing, too." Mai arched a brow at Azula, and pointed at the chinchilla. It had probably peed on her by now or something.
Azula glared down at the Chinchilla, picking it up and setting it down next to her. Miraculously, there was no pee, "I was checking him for cuts."
"Why would there be cuts? Is it a secret emo furry rat?" Mai gave Azula a look, then walked over and picked it up. It really was furry and soft, and she couldn't believe they'd named it Zuko of all things.
Zuko wasn't furry and soft, he was very hard in all the right places and... okay maybe his hair was soft. His skin really was kind of soft, actually, especialy in certain places that she'd grown fond of kissing during that one night...
She blinked down at the chinchilla and started carrying it to its cage before it made her think of Zuko more, "Anyway, don't you have a flight to pack for?"
She shot Mai a look. Frankly the fact that she had never caught Mai cutting had been a surprise to her. And she'd tried, maybe in part out of genuine concern. Maybe. The knife throwing had to be the alternate. That was neither here nor there.
The hurt in her voice couldn't quite be disguised, "I don't know if I should go. She can twist in the wind for all I care."
"You care, or you wouldn't sound like a kicked puppy," Mai observed, while tucking the chinchilla back into his cage. While she was there she gave it a little pat and made sure it still had food and water.
She actually had a long scar on her lower arm, though it had faded a bit over the past 3 years. It was why she preferred long sleeves, and she never talked about it. It was fair though, to assume that knife throwing had become the alternative. It literally had.
"I take it the phone call didn't go well."
"Personal relationships aren't my forte," Azula replied quietly. It was as close to an admission as Mai would probably get, "I said all the wrong things. Or in the wrong order."
She rubbed at her temple, "Manipulation is so ingrained that even when I'm trying not to I somehow manage to."
"I'm not much help," Mai admitted, while plopping down onto the couch next to her. She pulled out one of her knives, and started flipping it around her finger, "Zuko tries. He's more patient than you are. I'm awful to deal with. He doesn't deserve that."
She snorted at the mention of her brother, "My family likes to torment ourselves."
It really was true. If she stopped to think about it, why else had her mother left except that she couldn't deal with Ozai any longer. And by extension Azula.
It was inevitable. Ty Lee would leave. Mai would. Mirroring her question in a dream she had more often than she cared to admit, she asked, "Is it worth it?"
Mai frowned, "I don't know. It depends on how you approach everything."
Was Zuko worth it? If he was, wouldn't she have gotten over all of her hurdles by now to be with him? She should have. Was SHE worth it? He certainly went out of his way to make the effort. He must think so. She didn't know how she felt about that. She hardly ever knew how she felt about anything.
"Tell her you said the wrong things. Maybe it'll help her see."
"You mean apologize." Azula glanced over at Mai. This idea was abhorrent to her. So why was she actually thinking about it?
Mai didn't meet her eyes, instead focusing at some point on the wall nearby. Or maybe she just wasn't looking at anything in particular.
"Japanese culture is all about honor and saving face. Even speaking to eachother over there has a code of rules. Conversations between formal parties are like a carefully constructed dance. Admitting fault is a big deal. But sometimes in political manuevering, you have to be the person who lets the other guy save face."
"Ty Lee doesn't need to save face." Azula started packing up her laptop. To give her hands something to do before she somehow started a fire. Her eyes were blazing.
"I do. With her. Before it ruins her dreams."
"It has a different meaning over here. You're going to have to admit fault and let her be the one in the right. That would be letting her save face, honor intact." Mai pointed out, casually.
Will her face be saved when she found out Azula was her sponsor? Azula wasn't sure. But it had to come out. A lot of things had to come out. She needed to fake a break up with Dick, among other things. Sweeping into her room, she started throwing things into a suitcase.
"I don't know what I would do without you two."
Mai stowed her knife and followed Azula, helping her to pack by carefully picking up and folding the things that the other woman was casually tossing into the suitcase.
"You'd become me. You don't want that."
"I know what I'd become," Azula replied quietly. She wondered if Mai would have that dream. Standing impassively while Azula sat chained to the floor all dignity gone.
Delicate hands packed everything back into Azula's suitcase for her, and then Mai went through everything and added things from Azula's wardrobe that she hadn't thought about packing. She'd done this so often that packing was pretty much rote by now.
"She'd never hate you, you know. She isn't capable of it. It will work out," Mai tried to reassure her while picking out some jewelry to pack into the suitcase for her.
"I have to pick up her dress," Azula murmured. She thought that one should be done by now, though she wasn't sure about Mai's or her own. Ty Lee's is what mattered right now. She took Mai's hands, "I don't always ..show it the way I should. But you're my friend. Thank you."
Unaccustomed to that kind of physical contact, especially from Azula, Mai eyed her with a curious look, and then patted her shoulder awkwardly.
"You're welcome. It's a long flight to London, pack some books."
"I will." It was better than thinking. Or napping, which could lead to dreams. She didn't want to think about her dreams right now. Not even the good ones.
"You better call me when you land," Mai added, like she was some worried mother hen.
"Yes, mother." Azula rolled her eyes, then picked up her laptop bag and her suitcase.
"Someone has to keep you two in line," Mai's tone was back to its usual apathetic monotone, but she smirked a bit to show she really did mean it.
Nodding, Azula headed out the door. She had a stop to make, and txts to send, and a boyfriend to schedule a breakup with.