Neena Thurman is getting too old for this shit (godplaysdice) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-07-29 10:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, clarice ferguson (blink), neena thurman (domino) |
"We were never meant to be…”
Who: Neena and Clarice
What: A romantic evening and rings that Don't Mean Anything.
When: Uh... like weeks ago. Before Logan was returned to the fold.
Where: Out in wilds somewhere.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13. There's nakedness but this log is mostly talking.
Status: Complete!
Neena had been right. That album had been like a religious experience when it was just the two of them in the car, with only the night and the freeway around them. And Clarice had been right - that song had been perfect to make love to, and one of the most emotional experiences of her life. It was also the first time since Neena came out of her coma that they'd been intimate.
Clarice had Neena's face buried in the crook of her neck. She was heated, but the air was taking the sweat on her skin and chilling her. She trailed fingers along the ghostly-skinned woman and sighed happily. Maybe now was the best moment. Maybe now was the only moment.
It was a level of intimacy that was desperately needed, especially to Neena. She'd been more than a little afraid that Clarice wouldn't be attracted to the new her, or that all the crazy things she'd dreamed would change her reaction to being touched all over again. That hadn't been the case - if anything, the dreams had given her a frenzied need to affirm she was still alive, and the coma had only reinforced that.
Everything about that evening had been perfect and romantic, which was a side of herself she rarely indulged. She nuzzled in against Clarice's neck a bit, and purred. One of her fingers began to trace against Clarice's skin, writing out chinese characters that were probably impossible to interpret just by feel. But they stood for 'wo ai ni', or 'I love you'. She didn't want to spoil the moment with words.
Clarice had spent some time relearning Neena’s body. There were some new scars, and it was taughter and more firm in a lot of places, with a few extra curves. She both minded and didn’t - Neena was always hot and now was more hot, but she’d loved Neena as she was. It was something she quickly got over.
Neena’s fingers brought fresh tears to Clarice’s eyes, and she snuggled in more. She knew what she wanted (she’d known for a month for sure now), but she didn’t want to make Neena bolt. It was difficult, sometimes, to know when Neena would bolt or not. Right now, for instance, she thought that Neena wouldn’t.
She just had to find the courage.
The old body with its old scars and its old movements had faded away into the the old body she was familiar with in the dreams. Only it was the one from years ago, and Neena wasn’t used to it at all. There was still a low hum in the back of her neck from the chip, but she'd pushed that out of her mind all night. She wasn't about to let it interfere now.
But what was this, tears? She could feel the moisture against her neck. Neena pulled Clarice closer, and squeezed her.
“I love you,” Clarice whispered. Words that were still (and maybe always would be) something that they said sparingly. Words carried weight. She sat up, Neena’s arms still around her, and looked down at the other woman. Her hair spilled off her shoulder messily, and cascaded down , her arms and chest. “I got something for you. If you want it, and it doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to.”
At first, Neena was so dumbstruck by the view she was being provided with that she didn't even hear Clarice's words. The younger woman was always gorgeous, like some kind of pink angel, but with her hair cascading down around her like that she was breathtaking. Her hands dropped down from around Clarice and pushed up into that hair, tangling in it and reveling in how soft it was.
Then it sunk in, the words. Not the 'I love you', which she was getting used to hearing and saying, but the other ones. This wasn't a casual discussion, not by a long shot. Gifts that came with speeches like that had meaning, no matter what was said about it.
Ice started to form in the pit of her stomach, but she was too good at keeping a poker face to show any fear. Maybe this was okay. Their relationship had steamrolled past casual a long time ago. She grinned, "I hope it's not something pink. You're the only pink thing I want in my life."
"You're lucky my real favorite color is green," She replied, stroking a finger down Neena's cheek. It was now or never. Her other hand took Neena's and placed a ring in it. It was a simple, platinum band, with a glittering onyx gem inset in it. Black on white, just like Domino. "While you were in your coma, I blinked around places, just to try to destress sometimes. I did a lot of thinking. And when I saw that I knew I had to get it for you."
A ring. Of course it was a ring. Those were the most meaningful 'not meaningful' presents in the world, and Neena knew that Clarice wanted this one to mean something. She let go of Clarice's hair to take the ring in her hands, holding it up in whatever moonlight was available so she could see it better.
Her mouth was dry. The ring shone in the light like a star, and she turned it this way and that to let the stone glitter, "This is... this is a pretty big deal."
She looked as touched as she sounded, and at least for now there was no indication that she was going to run away.
The pink woman’s mouth went dry. Clarice rested a hand on Neena’s shoulders, an instinct to ensure that the woman didn’t take off without thinking about things. That fear didn’t override whatever emotions Neena felt for her. “I guess. Maybe it is. But you know I never want you to feel trapped. We were never meant to be…” She waved her hand around them.
"No, we weren't, but..." Neena's voice sounded hoarse, her mouth was still dry. She worked her jaw a bit and continued to twist the ring around in the light, "... This is where we are, and I'm not sorry. I don't know where we'll be in a few years, but I know if we're not together it won't be because I didn't love you. Or because I didn't want you."
With those words, she slipped the ring on her finger and smiled up at Clarice, "So whatever you want it to mean, I'm okay with that."
Clarice stared at the ring, unsure on what she actually wanted it to mean. Did she want to claim Neena? Part of her did. But she was also terrified of the whole idea. It hadn’t gone so well for her last time, and Neena lived a dangerous lifestyle. But she wasn’t a stranger to danger. And so she played with danger, her tone even a little bit serious. “Even if it means eloping somewhere?”
Both of Neena's eyebrows shot up into her hairline, but she didn't back down. Even though this suddenly felt just a little bit like a cage and there were fears she couldn't even begin to put a voice to.
This was what Clarice wanted and Neena had known that for a while. She couldn't even say that she didn't, even in the face of all of her fears. So she smirked a bit, and replied, "Well, it's not the first time I've been dragged down to City Hall. The last time was fun, too. We brought along a makeshift canopy and a glass to break and the person looked at us like we were crazy. Very romantic."
Blink, well, blinked, then smiled nervously. She cupped Neena’s cheek with her left hand. “Don’t do something because you think it’s what I want. Do it because it’s what you want. I’m perfectly happy living in sin. And scared that if we do that it’ll ruin things some how. But I just…” She shrugged, helplessly. “Needed to feel a little claimy. I think.”
“I don’t want to ruin this, either. What we have is good, and it works. Neither of us is running away from it at least,” Neena answered, honestly. She couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. Relieved, and blessed that this woman completely understood her.
“So why don’t we just let it mean that I’m yours, and take it from there. For as long as you want me to be yours, or I want it. I’ll wear it and it’ll mean that we’re together and we’re at least not afraid of that.”
Clarice let out a soft, happy cry, and pounced on Neena, sending them both crashing into the blanket on the grass. She kissed her, long and deeply. That was so much better than words.
(fin?)