Alma Wade will not give up (its_my_nature) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-06-29 16:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, alma wade, wrex |
"Have you? Healed up? Should I mark no on my finger too?"
Who: Alma and Wrex
What: Wrex and Alma have a talk. There are feels.
When: After This
Where: Urdnot Ranch
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Alma got up early, as she had to see Wrex. She felt a little knot in her stomach and forced it down. This was necessary, she'd realized. Even if she didn't look forward to it. She held Michael's hand to her swollen belly. Her child. Their child. They could hear it already. Mama.' Paling, Alma shook off the memory of the dream.
The kid wasn't looking forward to it and neither was Wrex. He was, in fact, pacing in his office and trying very hard not to think about things getting tossed around by blue wizardry of some form or other. What the hell was that even.
Alma knocked on the door, and then entered. She took a seat silently.
"You look like I'm about to kill you or something," Wrex frowned, and stopped pacing to take a seat, too, "I told you you weren't in trouble, and I meant it."
"He never touched me," Alma assured him. "I think I embarrassed him enough.."
"It's not about embarrassing him. Well... it IS, actually, but it's more than that. Look... You understand the concept of the internet, right? You know the science about it." Wrex looked at her, like he really hoped she did.
"Of course," Alma rolled her eyes. "I understand it's an open system."
"Young Lady, don't you roll your eyes at me." Wrex grumbled, "It IS an open system. Anyone can see it. That kid can see it. I can see it. The people making sure I'm taking CARE of you can see it."
"They do not have to know it's me," She pointed out, stubbornly. The agitation in the room rose a little.
"They know it's you. Just like they know it's Roy Harper when he talks about illegal drinking and doing drugs on the ranch I run, which has policies against that shit." He felt the agitation, and frowned at her, "You're 16 years old. I give you a lot of free run, here, because you act like a grown up most of the time. But what do you think a bunch of idiots over at City Hall are going to think when my ward talks about boys' penises on the internet?"
Alma grimaced. She really hadn't thought about that. She'd wanted to ask a basic question, because it had puzzled her, "I'm sorry.."
"I know you have lots of questions, you were practically brought up on Science and Science is all about that. Next time you have a question like that, though, I wish you'd come to me."
Wrex took on an expression that was not unlike a somewhat kicked puppy, "I'm the guy who you're supposed to trust with that."
Alma folded her arms and looked at him quizzicaly, "You'd show me your genitals?"
Wrex's lips thinned into a line. This girl was far too briliant sometimes, "... No, I would not. That's not appropriate. But I could have fielded the other one. I could have found you medical journals or ... something."
"I doubt a journal would explain why a boy would run away crying," Alma replied, petulantly. She really was a teenager, at times. She'd even folded her arms in a very pouty manner.
"No, but a journal would have showed you the information you were looking for, instead of making you ask him to show you his genitals."
Alma stared at him. She wasn't sure she could believe her ears, or maybe he just didn't understand her motivation, "Some things require a more hands on inspection. A journal is no substitute for a first person witness. I was just not expecting it to be so...... funny."
He stared back at her, like he couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth, either. He thought he had understood her motivation - curiousity - but now he just didn't even, "Alma, you can't just do that. You're only supposed to witness first hand the ... Look, that's a thing shared between people who love eachother. Not something between you and a boy you barely know."
"I had no intention of copulating with him," She insisted. It was mostly true, even. She had briefly considered it but he wasn't Roy and he wasn't even her..type. Her expression changed a little as she realized she had a type!
"That makes me feel so much better," Wrex answered, dryly.
He shook his head, "Even if you didn't, there's ... I know you don't understand. You weren't brought up in society. But bodies are sacred things. Nakedness is for people you care about. Especially those parts."
"This society yes. But not all societies. The Japanese routinely take baths together as family units. Other cultures do not place so much emphasis on breasts as sexual organs, either." She leaned forward, meaning to continue.
"This society is the society you're living in. When you're 18 you can go to Japan and ask people to look at all the genitals you want, and I can't say a thing about it." Wrex frowned.
"That would be just rude," Alma muttered. She looked away and out the window at the darkness. She felt suddenly sad, scared and lonely. The rest of her life stretched out before her like an endless desert road. She didn't know where she was going to go on that road. Would it end in the hell she'd dreamed of? The death, the creep, the torment she put all those people through? Her three children? Her hand fell to her belly and she sighed. If nothing else, she could never let herself become pregnant. That would prevent at least one possible future.
"... It would be, and so was what you did. Your actions made another person sad. They made me sad. Kid... You have a lot to learn and you won't learn it all today, this month, or even this year. One of those things is when to only think about yourself, and when you need to think about how other people feel."
He watched her looking out the window, and literally started to feel like the darkness from the outside world was starting to creep into the room and close in around them. He didn't know how to handle that. Her mind was obviously off somewhere else. He settled on the idea that she needed reassurance, and got up to hug her.
It should be easier to think about how other people felt, but all she'd gotten was lust and need. She'd taken advantage of that. The sudden realization sat horribly with her and made her feel sick to her stomach. Alma jumped when he hugged her, and then hugged him back. Gradually the pressure and darkness in the room started to fade away, as more positive emotions replaced it.
Finally, she admitted, "I wish this had helped me get over him."
He kept right on hugging her, "It wasn't a bad idea. Sometimes we do that. Date other people to get over the people we want. And sometimes it really does work."
"It's not..fair..that we have to get over them in the first place." She squeezed her her eyes shut. Even if Roy wouldn't get arrested he wasn't interested in her that way and that hurt the most. She already knew she was defective, she didn't need it rubbed in.
Wrex could feel tears pricking at his own eyes, and he knew it wasn't just that Alma was sad, either. He rocked her in place a bit, and his tone took on a bit more of a gruffness than usual, "No, it's not fair. It really isn't. And you're not the first person to deal with it. Even old Wrex has had to. But you heal up and you move on and you learn things. Eventually you find someone you love even more. Sometimes the person you loved before grows up a bit and realises they loved you the way you loved them."
His voice softened a bit, "We aren't computers, kid. We're complicated people with emotions and chemicals and stuff that interacts and changes over time. Nothing is set in stone. You don't just do or feel or think like some scientific program."
"..you are really wise..." Alma peered into his eyes, water in her own, "I'm learning that, it's not coming easily." At least she talked in contractions more often now. She snuggled in against him and sighed, "Have you? Healed up? Should I mark no on my finger too?"
There were tears in Wrex's eyes, too, ones that he probably wouldn't admit to having if it was anyone else in the world he was hugging. But he was hugging Alma, and he knew she already knew. It was kind of a relief.
Her words hit some extremely inner squishy part of him, and he hugged her even more tightly, "You shouldn't mark a no on your finger. When I did that, I was hurt. I hurt for a long time. It was a mistake, and marks like that are forever. That's why you have to think, but ..."
He trailed off, realising he was lecturing her again and not really answering the question, "...I still get sad sometimes, when I think about her. We shared a lot of life together. I get sad over the mistakes I made. But I don't hurt anymore. She's happy, and I'm happy for her."
"But you're not happy for yourself," Alma noted quietly, her voice tiny agaist Wrex's chest. "You're lonely. You don't deserve to be lonely."
An idea formed in her head. It was the beginnings of an idea, but she'd have to work with Roy on this. It was an idea that involved setting Wrex up with that nice Scottish doctor.
Because Wrex deserved to be happy too.
"I'm happy that that park ranger brought you here. I'm happy that I get to protect you," Wrex's tone was even more soft, and he smoothed a hand over her head, "I'm not lonely. I have all of you kids here."
She kissed his cheek, "We should do something for her. In thanks."
Wrex smiled, "We should. What do you think we should do?"
"Dinner is usually appropriate, is it not?"
"Well, that kind of depends on ... Maybe," Wrex sounded thoughtful over it, though he eyed her like he was suspicious of her motives.
"I will contact her." Alma got to her feet and smiled.
Then she ran out the door to....arrange things!
Wrex was a little worried. But at least she looked happy.
He should be worried....