InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "............................"

Dr. Benjamin Linus (drlinus) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2012-06-29 09:50:00

Entry tags:

ben linus, ninth doctor

Who: Ben Linus and Nine
What: Ben has made a much-needed appointment
When: Back on Thursday Afternoon
Where: Nine's Office
Status: In Progress
Rating: TBD? PG-13?

His last appointment had ended at 2:30 and his next was at 4:30, giving Ben just enough time to drive back and forth to Dr. Smith's office and be seen himself. But it wasn't desperation he felt, though anyone could have interpreted Ben's impulsive behavior as mania if they didn't know all the circumstances. The face of the man who exited his car was drawn and ashen. There was nothing but emptiness in his eyes, not even anxiety. He felt... numb.

Ben entered the office and took a seat in the waiting room. Much faded were his concerns of being found out by some kind of media. He wasn't getting medication from Dr. Smith--or at least hadn't yet. Everything about his visit was explainable. And even if it wasn't, part of Ben had stopped caring. Perhaps he wanted to be found out.

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	daftoldface 2012-06-29 02:28 pm UTC (link)
	Liam was particularly concerned since things seemed to have been going so well before now. He was guessing that there had been a setback with his wife, but at the moment he was flying blind. "Hullo, Ben. Good to see you again go ahead and sit, let's get to it." (Reply to this) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-06-29 04:40 pm UTC (link)

Ben walked into the office and reached to close the door behind himself. It was still strange, being the one in the other chair. But with a short sigh, he fell into the seat.

Because their time was limited, and Ben needed to get back to his own office before very long, he did 'get to it'. "I said this really wasn't about the dreams, but of course it is. Everything is. I've been dreaming every night about this island. So has Juliet." There was gravity to his final words.

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	daftoldface 2012-06-29 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	Liam knew he started. It was too similar to he and Rose. Who had a boyfriend. He had to stop dwelling on that. It was for the best, naturally. "The exact same dreams? Or from a different perspective?" Ben had said he was 'in charge' in his dreams. He wondered if Juliet had been doing the same things that Ben had as the main actor in hers. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-06-30 10:44 am UTC (link)

"She refuses to talk about it," he said. "Which, I think, is making things worse. So, I don't know what her dreams are like. She won't tell me. But I know she sees the things I've done in my dreams..."

Ben's voice quietly trailed off. He removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. "I do horrible things... I murder people."

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	daftoldface 2012-06-30 05:40 pm UTC (link)
	The weight of the Time War rested fully on Liam's shoulders. He understood. "And naturally, this has put a strain on the reconciliation?" How could it not? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	drlinus 2012-06-30 07:59 pm UTC (link)
	Ben nodded. He slipped his glasses back on his face. "I don't know how she's supposed to forgive me for buying the gun, now. She says she has, but I know she hasn't. She keeps herself at a distance, in every possible way." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	daftoldface 2012-07-01 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	Liam rubbed a hand over his face, exhaling slowly. Needless to say, he hadn't been trained for this in his studies. "What have you done in the dreams while she has been there? I mean, present in the dream?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-07-02 12:22 pm UTC (link)

Sometimes Ben felt like the universe was doing experiments on him, testing what would make him crack. It had already brought him to the brink.

"We're not married in the dreams, but I'm still in love with her." He paused for a few seconds. There was still some missing information on this, like pages ripped from a book. "I think I'm keeping her there, against her will. She wants to go back home, but I never let her."

He lifted his eyebrows.

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	daftoldface 2012-07-03 12:38 am UTC (link)
	"And you don't wish to go home? Or is something keeping you there as well?" He needed context. It was like a man groping for a light switch in the dark. The dreams themselves didn't matter as much as what they were doing to him while awake. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	drlinus 2012-07-03 12:51 am UTC (link)
	Ben almost shrugged. "It is my home. Sometimes I tell people I was born there." Not sure I'm telling the truth... "I think I brought Juliet there, to be some kind of doctor--which she is, in real life, by the way. And I tell her it will only be six months. And then a year passes. And then three years pass. And I keep telling her she can't go back home." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	daftoldface 2012-07-03 12:56 am UTC (link)
	Liam frowned, steepling his fingers with his elbows on his knees. "And you believe she's having the same dreams? Of holding her against her will?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-07-03 01:01 am UTC (link)

Ben's frustration began to really show as he folded his arms tightly across his chest. He shook his head. "I don't know, because she won't talk about any of it. But I believe I can safely assume that's the case."

He looked away for a moment or two. "I'm not locking her in a cage. She's not in prison. In fact, I'm not entirely sure why she'd want to--" He stopped again. "No. Wait. There is the matter of her sister. She wants to go back and see her sister, I think."

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	daftoldface 2012-07-03 01:09 am UTC (link)
	Liam arched an eyebrow. "It does seem like the line has gotten quite blurred, doesn't it? Between dream and reality, for the both of you." It was a starting point, at least. "Tell me about her sister; here, not in the dreamworld." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-07-03 12:53 pm UTC (link)

Ben nodded in agreement. Blurred was a good word for it. Ben imagined it like a trip to the optometrist, and looking at the box of text on the wall through one lens too may.

"She died when the two of them were teenagers," he said, lifting an already clammy palm to wipe across his face. "There must have been a shooting. There was a stray bullet. So you can imagine when I bought the gun..."

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	daftoldface 2012-07-03 01:41 pm UTC (link)
	"I can imagine," Liam said, without judgement. "What else might have caused these problems with the dreams? Any other details? Is your wife seeing someone for them as well?" Sounded like most everyone was, of late. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

drlinus
2012-07-03 02:00 pm UTC (link)

Ben braced himself against the renewal of his shame. Liam had handled it expertly, but Ben still couldn't quite forgive himself for how selfish he had been. And he especially couldn't forgive himself for the anger he still felt toward Juliet for not understanding his need to be so selfish. It was a sword two two sharp edges.

"I don't think she's seeing anyone, no," he replied. He looked up at Liam and felt that it was unfortunate they had met under these circumstances. He needed a friend right now, more than a doctor. And he couldn't deny that both their hands were tied. Liam couldn't easily share his dreams and Ben couldn't really inquire about them.

"She says she's glad I'm 'getting help.'" And yes, he made quotation marks in the air.

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	daftoldface 2012-07-03 02:13 pm UTC (link)
	Liam nodded, unsurprised at the vague answer. Couldn't say he blamed her; they were all men and women of science, and this strained the imagination. "I'm going to recommend some grounding exercises in the mean time. The most important thing is to stay here, in the now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	drlinus 2012-07-03 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	Ben chuckled grimly. "I couldn't agree with you more," he said. (Reply to this) (Parent)