InsaneJournal

Wanting to hit Pete Wisdom was a perfectly normal response to dealing with Pete Wisdom

Who: Kitty, Pete Wisdom, and Nick Fury
What: Are you really Pete Wisdom? ARE YOU REALLY?!
When: set after Pete meets Nick bamf Fury.
Where: Agency HQ
Rating: PG-13
Status:Complete!

Kitty was waiting in the room when Pete was brought in. She was thumbing through her phone (a device that was impossible to tell the maker of, because it was custom, but it vaguely resembled any large Android phone) while she waited, legs crossed. She was wearing a brown business skirt with a white dress shirt. She had her keycard clipped to a pocket; a small rebellion about the whole lanyard thing.

She had her hair down in waves, because she wanted Pete, if he was Pete, and if he started dreaming, to immediately be able to associate her, and that was how her hair had been when they’d first met. She’d even worn make-up, but that was more for Rachel than Pete. It made her look really professional (which she liked) and Rachel had stared. Which she’d also liked.

Her eyes flicked up to the door when it opened, then she went back to looking down at her phone.

Every electronic file she could find about him was on her screen.

Oh that was fantastic, Pete thought to himself, as he entered the room. The girl didn't look at all familiar to him. She was cute, professional looking, and obviously thumbing her nose about the lanyard thing that Fury had mentioned. Which was fine, because Pete was going to probably wear his looped on his belt as Fury had suggested. He already had the neck tie on, so he could strangle himself with the damn thing in situations like these. But other than that, she didn't register even a blip on his radar, not even the slightest nip of deja vu.

And, really, once she got a cursory glancing at, Pete sat down in a chair and looked ready to get this over with. To him, it was an inconvenience. Not only because he had to get questioned in order to get to work, but that there were some wankers out there pretending to be him.

He was all business, snarky business, especially when he opened his mouth and said, "So. Logistics bird. Are you going to continue staring at your bloody phone, contemplating flappy bastard or wotever the fuck game they have now. Or are you going to question me, so I can get me arse to work. We've all got things t'do, don't we? Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeers."

He makes friends wherever he goes, especially at the workplace. Only really not, and he was one of those people that human resources got complaints about. A lot.

"The director has filled you in on your doubles I'm sure." She swiped her finger on her screen and it was suddenly projected on the table between them. "But you'll have to forgive me for being a little paranoid, as the last one was really, really good." She looked at him, brown eyes flickering in recognition. That was a lot more like the last time she'd dreamed of Pete, when Brian had become an Avenger.

He walked like him, and sounded like him, and smelled a bit like him, minus the cigarette smoke that was missing.

She spoke with an ease of knowledge that meant she'd either had previous experience, or she'd spent a week memorizing it, because she certainly wasn't reading it off of any screen. "Harold Wisdom, father, formerly with Scotland Yard as a profiler. Deceased. Older sister named Romany Wisdom. Runs an occult shop in Whitechapel, once slept with the entirety of KISS. Also started the fuckyeahwitchycats tumblr in 2011. Margaret Wisdom, deceased, killed in a shooting by a spree killer." A pause, then a genuine, "I'm sorry."

Shifting, she crossed her legs the other way. "Operative, MI:6, and now Weird Happenings. And really I could list off some of the things you've encountered, including a dozen that your government probably don't expect us to know about, but I'll spare you. What I need to know is if you're really who you say you are, or if the people behind your dupes have managed to weasel their way so deep that they planted level 6 mission reports." Mission reports she was able to reconstruct and verify by comparing news reports and eyewitness accounts from unrelated events in the same area as the missions, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

Pete made the prerequisite horrible faces at mention of his father, who had been a monumental pain in the arse, and at Romany, whom he hadn't even bothered to run a check on...and obviously with good reason. But when his mother came up, his face was like carved stone and his eyes were half-opened in a unenthused expression. He raised one hand, folded it so his thumb and middle finger were touching, and then moved it like he meant to play sockpuppet, complete with a lackluster sounding, "Blah blah blahblahblahblahblaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Now that he had stopped that little Pete Wisdom, This Is Your Life moment, he folded his arms over himself and announced, "Too right you're going to bloody well spare me, nosy arse. And it's not designated as Weird Happenings, you prat. Since Fury's assured me you're trustworthy an' the likes, it's M.I.-thirteen which studies weird happenings. And I'm obviously in the middle of weird shite central."

"I know your name, since you were on that bloody network asking me strange questions." And he looked and sounded irritable when he told Kitty, "I want to know wot you know about anyone who's posing as me. You've apparently had contact with them. Or do you want to play fifty fucking questions with me until you're satisfied that me, Pete Wisdom? You, nosy logistics bird?” How caveman. “Get on with it, then."

He pursed his lips in such a way, that it was like there was an invisible cigarette clamped between them.

She swiped her finger again, to show the picture of the first Pete Wisdom. "He posed as a cop in London. I got cold feet when we got engaged and came back to the States. He eventually followed me, hooked up with a friend of mine, then mysteriously turned on her. She was hurt pretty bad and he rabbited. We still don't know where he went. The second man showed up not long after that. Came in as a liaison with the previous version of this Agency, eventually moved off with another friend. She's okay, mind, she was able to handle herself against him. This Pete Wisdom seemed to be more of a sleeper agent, so don't think your bulletproof credentials are going to lessen suspicion."

Kitty smirked lightly, then walked through the table like it wasn't even there and leaned over him. "Nothing you've ever done, Pete Wisdom, has prepared you for what you're going to find in Orange County."

Pete stared, but in that way like it wasn't his first rodeo he'd ever been to. He had been a seasoned agent for what he considered to be too long, and had been working as a Really Weird Shit field commander for half of that too long time. That was why his entire demeanor was matter-of-fact, tinged with snark.

"Cheers for the intel, luv. I'll be on the lookout for those arses who don't even look like I do, so I can shoot them in the extremities until they answer questions. Good on you too for announcing my credentials are bulletproof, so Fury there could hear it. I'm sure he's been waiting for that."

He didn't lean away or lean in. Instead, he was standing - or sitting - his ground, not budging. He looked to be the least intimidated person on the planet, which was probably the reason he had gotten so far in his line of work. And while he was more of a team player, older and wiser, his people skills were still falling somewhere in the range of Zero to Suck.

"All I've found out this far," he announced, "is that there's been orcs, godzilla, vampires chatting online...and you're part ghost and feel the need to be a bloody show off."

He smirked, tightly, and then added, "Not the first ghost I've had to deal with? Although that last one was a really annoying poltergeist and I fixed his living accommodations with petrol and a lit match. I hate repeat performances. So be a nice little coworker and don't tempt me, by even getting up anywhere near my face. Ta."

A voice came over the intercom then, which sounded frustrated and a little amused all at the same time, "Pryde, stop trying to seduce the man and ask him your questions or let the man get on with his damn life."

There was a muttered, 'wasting my damn time and thinkin' she's intimidating...' that trailed in before the connection was completely cut off.

Kitty tilted her head, seemingly unphased hah by his attitude or his words. "You missed the aliens, Wisdom. And it wasn't Godzilla, it was a giant robot. Actually both of them were giant robots...Well one was a giant robot space-ship. Anyway, since I'm telling you all this that means you passed the sniff test." She waggled her finger at him. "But I've got my eye on you. Not the nose though, the sniff test is disgusting."

She steadfastly ignored Fury's comments, leaning back against the table instead. She vaguely resembled Scully from X-Files, and that was actually a carefully selected look. She knew it was one of Pete's fantasies (that she'd indulged in in the dreams, even) and even the slightest reaction was just another piece of evidence that he really was him.

Only one problem with Kitty's theory was that his last bad break up was with a real redhead, and it was a sour spot. One that he will kick himself for, later on. He rolled his eyes up so that the whites showed for a few seconds and then stood up, giving one glance at her legs, which was approximately all that was ever going to register on his interest scale. This one was know-it-all trouble, like most of those computer geeks were. This was all compounded by the fact that he remembered their little exchange on the valar net (it's not hard to look up an online profile, even he could manage it). He didn't want to engage or encourage any tart for foreigners programming she might be hardwired with.

"It was a zillow beast, wot the fuck ever, Ikea pillow sounding giant wanker," Pete clarified, as he stood up. "If it's bigger than a house, then I'm going to call it names like Godzilla and Homewrecker, and bother it until it tries to stomp me splat. I also took a shower this morning, so all you're smelling is some sort of bubble wash for men that's supposed to attract women. Apparently, I need to put on sommat more repellent."

He laughed a little and shook his head at her.

"Nice try though. You're no Scully. Me last girlfriend would've passed more for her, if we were still on speaking terms." He kind of wished they were, but that might lead to more trouble, and Pete was bad with kids and a bit of a commitment phobe, given his line of work. "Are we done or do you want to keep eyeing me? Pervert."

It was enough of a reaction to pass her final test, anyway. Fuck if this was a fake Pete she was just going to give up. Shoot him herself, but then give up.

"Oh yeah. I forget that one sometimes, it was kind of a Jedi-problem and I was flying the jet at the time while everyone else got to have shooty-fun time." She turned off the projector for the table and waved a hand. Like giant monsters were boring, every day occurrences. "It all runs together."

She ignored the pervert comment and waved through the mirror. "I want to hit him. He's Pete Wisdom. Welcome to Orange County, I can guarantee your dreams will be halfway between terrible and horrible. I look forward to kicking ass with you. And for the record, you’re hot, but I’ll so pass." Kitty pushed off the table, and then leaned in, saying low enough that she hoped Fury wouldn't be able to hear. "When you dream about Thailand, or Dream Nails or Scratch... and if you want someone to talk about it, look me up. And I'm sorry ahead of time." She'd had a lot of time to think about things, much more than Pete would, and she wanted to at least be on good terms after he dreamed about their relationship.

Straightening, Kitty signaled to Fury. "Either Cerberus is embedded deep in spy agencies or he's legit."

"You can't pass on what's not even remotely available," Pete pointed out, loudly, even though he heard what she said. Then under his breath, he told her, "Noted on who to go to, to talk about any of that rubbish you're prattling on about, you prat. As long as you realize I'm not some ignorant arse who's stumbling through things with blinders on, then we'll get on well enough."

That said, he went right back to obnoxious and snarky so Fury could hear them clearly again, "I'm legit. Where's my office so I can fill it with scotch, plan hits on anyone who's stolen my identity, and get a secretary. Oh, I'll need a hot blond secretary. Preferably one that chainsmokes, so I can breathe in deeply when I'm around her."

Kitty made a face at the memory of blonde chainsmokers.

A door opened in what looked like it was supposed to be the wall, and Nick Fury stepped through it. He had a coffee in one hand and a flash drive in the other, and looked like he was about to take every single one of Kitty's cookies away.

"That was enlightening, Ms. Pryde. Remind me never to let you interrogate anyone ever again. Now don't you have some encrypted code to de encrypt still?" He gave her a pointed look and made a shooing motion, "Go on. Don't think we ain't gonna have a talk about what you all were whisperin' about in the corner over here. Like I don't have a way to find out what the hell that was. I been a spy longer than both of you combined, just puttin' that out there."

He took a long sip of coffee and then turned his attention back to Pete, "Thank you for your cooperation, Sir. Your request for nicotine fumes to inhale off women who might potentially sue us for harassment later is noted. I got an office ready for you three floors down. It ain't even a cubicle, so you better damn well be who you say you are. I pulled all kinds of strings for you, 'cause I'm nice like that. Here's a flash drive with all of your homework on it."

Fury set the flash drive down on the table in front of Pete.

"Aw. And I didn't even get to remove a rib." Kitty snapped her fingers. "Aw, shucks." She stepped past Fury and headed out of the room, only then pinching the bridge of her nose when she was out of sight. She muttered to herself. "I didn't hit him, so I'm going to get myself Starbucks in celebration for not hitting him."

Wanting to hit Pete Wisdom was a perfectly normal response to dealing with Pete Wisdom.

Everyone wanted to hit Pete. It was a very normal reaction. Sometimes, even Pete wanted to hit Pete. But then that would start the whole downward slide of don't hit yourself, don't hit yourself and he would feel like a huge idiot.

That said, Pete had only the most glowing of reviews to give Nick Fury, who really was nice like that. It is going to be the beginning of a big, beautiful work related bromance.

"Cheers, mate. You find me a chainsmoking blonde, and I'll bloody well move mountains. After I do my homework." He pocketed the thumb drive and suddenly smirked. "You know, girls whisper sweet everythings to me all of the time. Right before they remove my ribs. I'll go to my office now and ask myself why that is, and then try not t'get us sued." A pause. "Emphasis on the word try."

He nodded toward the door before heading toward it, so he could leave.