lawful_lizzie (lawful_lizzie) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-04-12 00:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, elizabeth weir, leonard mccoy, samantha carter |
Who: Leonard, Sam and Elizabeth
What: Delivering bad news
Where: Hospital room
When: Late feb
Rating/warning: High, trigger warning (pregnancy related)
Status: Complete
Elizabeth lay on her side in the hospital bed, gazing out of the window, over the beautiful hospital gardens without really taking any of it in. She couldn't really move from the bed after they hooked her up to a painkilling drip, nor did she really want to move. The pains were still there but dulled by the drip and after today's rollercoaster she felt exhausted. Sam was with her, always beside her as a steadfast companion and well of strength for her to draw on. But in this she felt they were both lost.
A miscarriage. She wasn't expecting it, didn't even know and now there wasn't anything. How was she supposed to tell Leonard? Would he already know when he got here?
Sam hadn’t known what was going on after Nina had taken her off but she had realised it was serious when she’d been asked to join Elizabeth in a private room. Her best friend had given them permission to tell Sam what was going on and Sam had felt numb. A baby. There had been a baby. She’d held Elizabeth’s hand and told her Leonard was on his way, though she wasn’t sure what had gotten through. Elizabeth looked like she was in shock and Sam couldn’t really say she would have been any different, so she simply sat with her. Holding her hand and offering silent strength and reassurance.
Elizabeth's eyes caught on Sam and she looked her friend over. She knew this must be hard on her too, but she had stayed when Elizabeth wasn't sure what to do with herself. She squeezed Sam's hand gently, trying not to jostle the IV sitting in the back of it too much as she did. "Thank you," she told her quietly, her voice raspy from not being used for a few hours. After she had been taken away, there had been scans and examinations followed by news that had blindsided her.
“You don’t need to thank me” Sam said softly, using her other hand to brush Elizabeth’s hair back, “I’ll always be here for you. That’s what best friends are for” She gave her a small sad smile and stroked her thumb over Elizabeth’s hand - away from the IV. Before she could say anything else her phone buzzed in her pocket indicating a message, most likely Leonard telling her he was here.
"I know but...still, thank you," Elizabeth smiled at her sadly. "You should get that," she nodded to her friends pocket where she heard the buzzing in the quiet room. "I'll be ok," she told her quietly.
“I won’t be long. I promise” she lent over kissed Elizabeth’s head and squeezed her hand gently before leaving the room. Checking her phone she moved down the hall to locate Leonard.
It was one of those rare days that Leonard McCoy actually had off of work. He was at home, enjoying some free time by doing chores and keeping house (domestic, right?) when he got the message that Elizabeth was in the hospital. First a note from Nina, then a message from Sam, and he knew something was serious. He dropped everything he was doing, and rushed to those familiar corridors in search of Nina or Sam or someone who could tell him more about where Elizabeth was and what had happened to her.
Sam spotted Leonard and gave him a tight smile, “Leonard, I’m glad you’re here” she said, “Elizabeth is this way” she added gesturing towards her friend’s room, “Nina sorted her a room on her own”
“Oh, good.” McCoy said, sounding distracted and worried. “What’s happened? Is she all right?” He meant more her emotional state than anything. He wasn’t expecting Sam to be able to give him all of the medical details, though he wouldn’t have minded if she did.
“She’s a little shaken up and upset” Sam told him, she didn’t know whether or not she should tell Leonard or not. She thought it should really be Elizabeth’s news to say but she wasn’t sure if her friend was going to be able to say the words. Maybe Nina would be around to help.
“Thank you for being here,” McCoy said, nodding and following Sam back over toward Elizabeth’s room. He didn’t have all the details, but he knew one thing--it was good that Lizzie had Sam there to help keep her calm and take care of her when things went weird. He stopped in the doorway, took a deep breath, and stepped inside to where he could see Elizabeth on the bed.
Elizabeth heard the door open behind her, but didn’t move. She knew it wasn’t Sam. Closing her eyes and sighing, she prepared herself for his inevitable questions.
McCoy rushed to the bed to trail his hand along her arm. He was looking for obvious marks, bruises, wounds, but saw nothing. She looked like herself, only sad, pale, and in a hospital bed. “I’m here,” he said, softly. “I’m right here.”
Elizabeth pressed her face into the pillow as she felt her expression crumble. His voice. His touch. His concern. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she murmured to him quietly, closing her eyes and trying to hide her face behind her hands. "I didn't know," she felt the tears she hadn't shed yet starting to run down her face.
“Hey. Hey, it’s all right.” McCoy said, lifting his free hand to run over her hair. “What happened?” He asked, gently. “Tell me.”
“I…” Elizabeth pressed her eyes tightly together and swallowed thickly, trying to find her voice and think of what to say. “I was pregnant,” she whispered. She hadn’t said it before. And now she was telling him it was over before they’d even known about it. Her eyes filled with tears again and she covered her face with her hand to hide herself from whatever look he was bound to be giving her.
McCoy let out a sigh he didn’t realize he’d been holding in. He turned his hand around in hers and held it tightly, with both of his hands. “Oh, Lizzie.” He said, softly. He lifted up and leaned over so he could press a kiss to her forehead. “I’m so sorry.” He was more concerned with her well being than the lost potential child. After all, McCoy was a doctor. He knew that 1 in 4 pregnancies ended in the first trimester. It was natural, and it wasn’t her fault.
"I'm okay, I just...hurt," Elizabeth told him quietly, mentally picking up on his concern for her. "I'm sorry, I...I didn't know, I didn't know," she repeated. She was trying to stop crying, but it just made her cry even more. "I should have known." she shook her head on the pillow.
“I know.” McCoy said, lifting his hand to run it over her hair again. He gave a gentle shushing noise and let his fingers comb gently through her locks. “It’s not your fault,” he added, gently. “I know it’s painful now, but… this wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing that you did or could have done differently to change this outcome.”
“I don’t understand,” Elizabeth shook her head. “Why did this happen to me? To us? I just...why?” she asked him sadly, looking for some kind of answer from him.
“There’s no reason to it. No sense in trying to find one.” McCoy said, running his hand over her hair again. “I’m so sorry, Lizzie,” he repeated. “I know it’s hard to see past tonight, past the sorrow. But it doesn’t mean never. It just means not now.”
Elizabeth shook her head and struggled to sit up. She reached for him and wrapped her arms around him despite the pain still in her abdomen. Clinging to him she pressed her eyes tightly together and buried her face in his warm shoulder.
McCoy leaned over, practically sitting on the edge of her bed now, and wrapped his strong arms around her, holding her tightly. He let her cry. He would let her do anything she needed or wanted to do. He was there for her, completely.
“Will you stay?” Elizabeth whispered against his neck after a while. “They want to do more exams. Maybe...treatment,” she swallowed thickly.
McCoy nodded, still holding her fast against him. He understood what she meant by treatment. It wasn’t something that he’d want any woman to go through, but plenty did. He sighed gently, his arms tightening around her. “I’ll stay. Hopefully you won’t need the DnC.”
Feeling his strong arms around her, she nodded against him. She speared the fingers of her right hand in his hair, trying to lose herself in him for at least a little while. “I love you.”