Rachel Anne Summers is lost again (the_phoenix) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-04-08 09:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, kitty pryde (shadowcat), rachel grey |
Who: Rachel Grey, Kitty Pryde
What: Serious talking about their attraction problem.
When: 4/1, first day of Age Plot
Where: Baxter's.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13? There's talk about sex towards the end. Nothing graphic.
Status: Complete!
Because this was bound to be the hardest conversation Rachel had ever had with Kitty, she’d decided to have it in public. Out in the open, there was absolutely no way that she was going to be able put her mitts anywhere on the (now) much younger woman. And it had to happen now. It couldn’t wait, because lord only knew how long this level of control over her telepathy would last.
Plus, it was driving them both crazy, all those words that went unsaid.
She dragged Kitty out to Baxter’s, since it had a variety of things to tempt people of every age, and because several people they knew from the internet frequented the place. That way, there was some amount of accountability. Or at least that’s what she was telling herself. Her real reason had to do with the coffee. It was good, she desperately needed some, and she could sneak some booze into it.
Kitty knew this was going to be a big conversation and had tried to put it off longer, hoping that they'd return to their normal ages. It wasn't just that she looked fourteen but sometimes it felt like she really was. All she needed was Piotr showing up and her regression would be complete!
Rachel was beautiful, and Kitty sat with a smooth, looking over it at the other woman and trying to decide what kind of god saw fit to curse her like this. She thought about her little chat with Alyssa, and fiddled with her straw. She remembered the first time she'd seen the redhead. She'd wanted to be friends with her so badly that she hadn't really had a choice in the matter.
The attraction had been there from the beginning, right when she'd first landed. Right in that first post she'd made. Rachel sighed and took a long sip off of her iced coffee. The coffee-to-liquor ratio was a little too low, but it'd have to do.
"I feel like we're a pair of magnets and stuff keeps getting thrown between us to stop us from clicking. First it was Rikku - and that was a legitimate road block. She's a really nice person, and I thought you two were going to be together forever. I really hope that I had nothing to do with the breakup."
Might as well get down to brass tacks.
“What? No. God, I’m so scared that’s what people are gonna think. It’s not!” Kitty slurped at her drink and gave Rachel a stink eye. “Rikku is wonderful but it’s...hard to explain? I was using her to soak up happy and it was starting to feel like that’s all I was with her for. She needs someone a little less broken, and I need someone who’s better at calling me on my crap. And I don’t think I loved her the way that...I’m supposed to love a girlfriend.”
"I feel like you're going to have to make some kind of PSA about this. Because I was really worried about that when it happened, even though Rikku took it really well and was still willing to be friends with me. Like... you figure if she thought that's what was going on she'd have just let me keep nearly stabbing myself with TK in my sleep. But she's really nice, too, so you never know if she's just being really nice or what." Rachel replied, while returning Kitty's stink eye with a light kick under the booth.
“Yeah. It’s really hard with Rikku that way. She’s… a lot of the time I think she’s so nice she’s just hurting herself in the process because she’s too nice.” Even Kitty’s hair seemed to droop with her expression. “I really don’t think I should have ta do like a PSA or anything….it’s my personal life. Our personal lives. And just cuz we’re attracted to each other doesn’t mean anything has to happen.” But she wanted it to. God she wanted it to and yet she felt guilty about that.
“...didja remember the conversations we had? When you telepathically visited me across time?”
"Seems like a lot of people like making our private business theirs anyway," Rachel commented, while raising both of her eyebrows. She let out a deep breath, and nodded her head at Kitty. Not in response to her last comment, but in response to the idea that they didn't have to make anything out of their attraction.
She tried to ignore the fact that she knew damn well both of them wanted to anyway, while trying to formulate a response to Kitty's question. Finally, after another sip of coffee, "Uhm... Yes and no? It's all a blur. I'm still not sure if it's my fault or Jubilee's that I'm here at all. I know I wanted to. I know things were... different. The future was kind of screwed, and Mom wasn't my Mom. And then Neena ended up raising me... I can't even see this Neena doing that. She's got to be radically changed because of the timeline."
“I think because they care or something, and while I like getting advice I’m not sure of the advice I’m getting and I’m torn on it, but I have to make up my own mind on everything…”
Kitty lowered her head until her chin was on the table. “It’s kinda a blur for me too. I think it messed up my own view of it and the only reason I remember is because you talking to me made me partially immune to changes. Like I don't remember Neena going forward with Scott and I don't know if Scott even remembers."
"I remember Nate, another one, he isn't here. He wasn't the dream Nate. And he and Neena were a thing, and then I ended up raising their son? But she came back for him and she wasn't with Nate then... or I thought she did, and I swear you asked me if I was coming back too." Rachel suddenly felt mopey. Mopey feelings made her want comfort food, and she grabbed a nearby menu to see what they had to offer that went with the coffee she was drinking.
"I think I was in your headspace during that. I must have been pretty powerful."
"You are. You're insanely powerful but you've never really scared me with it." It made sense to her that she'd ask Rachel to come back. She was a piece of her, in a way. Not having Rachel in her life was a lot like missing an arm. You could get along fine without it but you're whole with it.
"I guess some others have been kind of scary. I know that things got dicey with mom in my dreams. I have no idea if my real mom... the Jean that really gave birth to me... I don't know anything about her." Rachel raised a finger to her head and tapped her forehead, "There's a blank space there. It's like dream me knew my parents a little bit, but she can't tell me about them, and I haven't had that dream yet."
"Do you want something? I'm starving and I need comfort food. Ice cream sundaes maybe."
“You had a lot of missing memories when you came back to the past,” Kitty said, chewing on her lip cutely. “We fill in a lot, and then...well I meet the other me, the one who sent you back, eventually.” Sooner than anyone realized for a long time. She still had Widget’s powerless shell in her workshop. “Haven’t dreamed about being her yet though.”
"She doesn't remember anything at all right now, but I remember most of it, still. Just... not about my parents. Not about my time with them before the school."
There was a gigantic piece of cake on the menu, and Rachel decided to order that. She waved the waitress over and placed her order, "Put extra whipped cream on it, please. I'm having one of those years."
“Oh.” She nudged Rachel’s foot under the table. “So uhm.” You’ve been enjoying a lot of guys lately. She didn’t say that out loud, instead resuming devouring her sundae.
It keeps my mind off the girl I want, Rachel replied, telepathically. She gently nudged Kitty's foot with her own, then smirked a bit and sipped at her coffee. It was the truth without really stating the truth, and about as far as she was willing to admit.
The brunette blushed a little bit. and nearly choked on some ice cream. She shot Rachel a look and thought that it wasn’t going to be easy to resist her. “Maybe I should ...do that. Get my mind off of… that… person.”
“Especially since right now that person is in an older woman’s body and you’re in a younger girl’s body, and then there’s still Rikku and everyone else, and I don’t need Logan to cut me, too. I mean… we have a lot of meddling elective family members.”
Rachel wrinkled her nose a bit and waved her coffee in the air so that she could get a refill, “We have to wait. You should prove to yourself that you can. I have to figure life out. YOU have to figure life out. If we’re stuck like this.There’s a lot to figure out. SO much figure out. Of things.”
Meddling elective family members. It made Kitty giggle. “Well at least Piotr is safely in Russia right now.” She sighed dramatically. “I really care about you, Rachel. I don’t want to mess us up, I don’t want to lose you somehow either.” They’d sort of acknowledged their feelings for each other and Kitty would beat herself up forever if Rachel fell for someone while she worked out her shit. But she’d want Rach to be happy, too, so….
It was doubtful that Rachel was ever going to feel about anyone, ever again, the way she felt about Kitty. Even if there hadn't been that immediate spark of interest between them when her plane had landed... the dreams seemed to be steering them in that direction, anyway.
Not that she liked believing in fate or destiny, but sometimes, fate and destiny chose you. And Kitty had always been there for her, in both universes and now here.
Rachel shook her head, "You're not going to lose me. Ever. Not on purpose, anyway. I mean... I can't promise I'll live forever or that some crazy shit might not come that takes me away for a while or something. But you can't screw this up. It's not an option that's even on the table."
“Well, I can deal with that. Life takes people away, it sucks and it hurts and it’s happened too much to me, but at least then I’d know it’s not my fault. You’re one of my best friends.” And she’d spent how long without Rachel around? Months and years at times and it had always left her feeling like something was missing.
"I doubt that it's been your fault even half of the other times, either. We always blame ourselves because we need someone to blame that's tangible." Rachel pointed out.
“And it’s easier, yeah…” Rachel’s cake arrived and Kitty reached over to swipe some whipped cream. She sucked it off of her finger while staring at Rachel.
Rachel rolled her eyes, "Do you even realise that you're inappropriately flirting with me right now? I swear you could flirt with everything under the sun, and probably have. Even your toaster."
“I have never flirted with my toaster,” Kitty protested. “And I wasn’t flirting then! Was I? Oh god I was!” She planted her face into her hands. She was hopeless and she knew it.
"You were flirting. And I've seen you flirt with your toaster. Hell, one time I swore you were flirting with my own Dad. It's like you don't even have a filter for that stuff."
Not that Rachel minded too much, except for the dad thing. And right now, because she didn't want to get arrested. Which she might, if Kitty kept looking at her like that, with her gigantic doe eyes, and then kicking at her foot, and... honestly, they were seriously doomed.
"We need to get a grip on this," She said aloud. Then, before she could say anything else, she shoved a gigantic bite of cake into her mouth.
“THAT was an accident.” Kitty jutted out her jaw. Rachel was right. They needed to get a grip on it. Or maybe Kitty needed to get a grip but Rachel had this way of looking at her and touching her that made that so hard. But she didn’t want to just stop hanging out around her. “When I’m legal again, I’ll...dunno. Do the bar thing for awhile.” It didn’t sound like that appealing of an idea to her.
It didn't really sound that appealing to Rachel, either. She scrunched her nose up a bit as she chewed on her cake, and shook her head. Booker head been great for hookups after Peter had disappeared. She doubted she'd ever be able to just go out to a bar or club and hook up with someone random at this point.
“Think I could hit up Booker?” Kitty asked, waaaay too casually.
"Probably. He's had you on his mind every now and then, so I know he's interested. Probably because he knows _I_ am." Rachel shrugged a shoulder. If Kitty was fishing, she didn't really care. Booker was free to fuck whoever he wanted, she didn't have a claim on him.
"Lay down your boundaries before you start, though. Or you'll get more than you bargained for."
Kitty felt that surge of jealousy again. “I’m not sure I want to know.” But maybe she could outkink Rachel and win. … something.
No one won at kinky sex with Booker. Except maybe Neena. There were only varying degrees of shame.
Rachel shrugged again, trying not to get jealous about this either, "He just has a thing about the other hole. That's all."
And there was that time with the handcuffs. And he was still covered in cuts and healing bite marks from some kinky night he'd had with someone else, but Rachel hadn't asked and didn't want to know. At all.
“Thanks for the warning,” Kitty said. It didn’t seem to bother her all that much. She gave Rachel a little smile. “But I’ve done kinkier.”
"O-KAY," Rachel replied, while raising a finger in the air, "I think it's time to get the check and move on, because we are so not having the rest of this conversation in public."